Cherry Forever (emote_this) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2011-01-19 23:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | cherry, loghan, malakai |
Thursday: October/2/08
Who: Cherry (Molly) and Loghan and later Malakai
When: Thursday October 2, 2008 - Evening
Where: Cherry’s Apartment
What: Checking up on her
Loghan had spent last weekend in a blur of booze and naked bodies. Despite how much he hated the cliche, there was no better way to move emotionally beyond one woman than to physically move to the next. It hadn’t been the smartest choice, but Carmen had been a friend since he’d started at TJS, a townie who knew the deal with the school and with him and although the two had never really had romantic interest in each other, they somehow managed to fall into bed together from time to time. Though it was usually after Molly had served him a steaming pile of hurt and disappointment.
Even though that hadn’t necessarily been the case this time, Loghan still felt horrible for sending her into tears and watching her leave his place after she tried to tell him she wanted him back and he refused her. Alcohol and a beautiful woman became his method for dealing with the guilt and hurt of hurting someone he’d really loved once. Recovering in time to talk to Charlie on Sunday and later watch Maggie that evening, the regret of his weekend escapade had begun to set in. Especially after his talk with Charlie tonight when he found out that her website was down and that she was apparently still a mess. Loghan had really expected her to be over it by now, atleast to some degree considering he still didn’t believe that her emotions had grown or changed in anyway, she simply wanted him more now that he didn’t want her.
It didn’t change the fact that he cared for her, even if it were in the platonic sense. After signing off, he left his place and made his way up to hers. Curling his fingers on both hands and then extending them out, exhaling a heavy breath. He was entirely nervous. It was too much to expect this to go well, but he needed to check on her. Unable to bring himself to any of the other men that’d fucked her in their building, he, himself had been the only answer. Even now, he still struggled to deal with not being the only person that’d fucked her within a ten foot radius at all times it seemed.
---
Cherry hadn’t been herself since the last time she saw Loghan. While she’d not outright told him that she loved him, it was implied. She’d given him exactly what he’d wanted for so long, but he apparently didn’t want it anymore, and now she was the one in pain, suffering from a broken heart.
She’d left campus for a few days to try and get her emotions under control. The sadness she was feeling was simply too strong to contain, and it was impacting those around her. Cherry had a tighter grip on it now, but people still noticed that she’d lost her spark. Her clothes were boring, the makeup was understated (if present at all), and every smile was forced. Tonight, the strange transformation got even worse. When Loghan knocked on the door, she was wrapping her wet hair up in a towel, having just dyed it back to its original (and boring) brunette tone, and starting tomorrow, she’d ask everyone to start calling her Molly.
Hearing Rocco meowing and scratching at the door, Cherry flipped off the bathroom light and strolled out to see who was visiting her. She figured maybe Ana was stopping by for some girl talk or the marathon of old Bad Girls Club episodes, but it wasn’t Ana on the other side of the door. Cherry’s color paled slightly at the sight of Loghan. “Hey,” she said softly, since there was nothing else to say.
---
Loghan looked up, almost surprised that she’d answered the door. “Hey.” His stomach hurt with the horrible feeling of how he’d made her feel and self loathing for letting it bother him so much. Leaning his shoulder up against the molding of her door frame, he wouldn’t dare ask to come in or for anything more than a little of her time. “How are you doing?” He tried not to be overly concerned or seemed like he was pitying her. He wasn’t. He needed to know that she was alright, that he hadn’t sent her to some horrible dark place and that hopefully she’d go back to normal and move on.
He deeply regretted letting things get physical and had convinced himself that that was the only reason she’d suddenly changed how she felt. It was the sex. A physical creature by nature, he knew it was how she’d connected best, and how she’d ever really understood how he’d felt about her, because of the way he touched her. Knowing this, he felt inclined to reach out and make contact now, hug her, hold her hand, but Lo stayed put. It was better that he didn’t make things worse than they already were.
---
Maybe he didn’t want to sound like he was showing pity, but that was still how it came across. Cherry gave a dismissive shrug. “Fine,” was her terse reply. Unless he was here to tell her he’d changed her mind and still wanted her afterall, she didn’t much care to talk to him. It just made everything hurt worse.
But at the same time, Cherry couldn’t bring herself to tell him to leave her alone. She walked away from the door, leaving it open so Rocco could attack Loghan with attention in the form of rubbing against the man’s legs. “I was gonna make some tea. You want some?” she asked as she walked first to the bathroom to deposit her towel on the rack there. Returning, her hair was wet and dark, making her loose fitting t-shirt damp around the collar.
---
As she left him there at the door he released a quiet sigh, frustrated with her, himself, and the entire situation. They’d never get on the same damn page. They were just destined for constant tragedy and he hated it. Following after her, he pushed the door hard enough to close itself without slamming. Though the second she walked out of the bathroom and headed fro the kitchen, he stopped, dead in his tracks. Her hair was different.
Brows wrinkled as he pursued her, heading in after her and simply stared in confusion. “What are you doing?” The soft nature of his tone made the gravity of his question evident. He hadn’t meant just in that moment, but in general. She’d begun to change herself. Had this been for him? To prove something or to lure him back? Although in some regard it did please him, it was entirely overshadowed by his disappointment that she would do it only now. She’d spent so long fighting to defend who she was and now she was trying to change for someone else - which wasn’t like her at all.
---
“I’m making tea... like I said,” Cherry responded in a snippy tone. What business was it of his how she was acting? He didn’t love her anymore, so he had no reason to be overly concerned. It was a dye job. Not like it was the first time Cherry had gotten bored with her hair color.
She filled the kettle and set it on the stove, turning the burner on high. Cherry continued about her work, grabbing two mugs (in case he did want some), and a basket filled with a variety of tea bags.
The hair wasn’t for him. It wasn’t even really for her. Cherry just needed a change. She felt different now that all these feelings were rumbling around inside her, finally identified for what they were, and it made it hard for Cherry to understand herself. So Loghan didn’t want her, it sucked, but she still wanted him. Hopefully she’d get over it, and maybe she’d even fall for someone else. One thing was clear, if she was going to make it work with anyone in the future, she couldn’t stay the way she’d been for years now. No man would approve of her website, and they’d probably prefer a girl who could blend in when necessary.
---
“You know what I mean. It’s not about the tea. Your hair, your website... why?” He had to know why, the answer made all the difference. Loghan had no problem getting close, challenging her. Now that his heart wasn’t on the line and the fear of losing her didn’t hang in the air, he was free, and more able to react the way he would naturally. As she set the kettle to the stove, he stepped up next to her, close enough that the slightest sway would forced them to touch, even if only for a second before the both jerked back. Neither would want to be the first to cave. Not now.
“Why the changes?” Head canted to the side, he’d try to find her gaze, wanted to see her face when she answered.
---
Cherry glanced up at him when he mentioned her website. Honestly, Cherry didn’t think Loghan would ever notice that. “Because I felt like it, Loghan. I thought I made it clear the other night that I’m subject to change.” Yes, she was bitter. Did he expect any less? She’d been rejected, so Cherry felt fully entitled to be jaded.
She backed up to lean against the cabinets, because Loghan was a little too close for comfort right now. Such close physical proximity was literally painful. Cherry felt it in her chest and her stomach, and both were uncomfortable from wanting him, needing him, but knowing she couldn’t have him.
---
He hated the way she back up. Being close was the best he could do without pulling her in for a hug, a moment’s embrace that he knew she’d only pull away from. How did this happen. Even when he’d hurt her he was still chasing after her. “That’s bullshit...” His tone calm as he called her out on her choice of excuse. “You’re doing things I’d asked you to do that you used to claim were part of who you were. Why? Why now?”
---
Why couldn’t Loghan grant her the space she’d tried to give him the last time she broke his heart? She’d done her very best to not ask much of him then, to keep her distance, but the bastard was all up in her face demanding answers, when he didn’t really deserve them.
“I don’t owe you an explanation, Loghan. I’ve been a brunette plenty of times before... and the website,” she shrugged, “I’m not really in the mood to perform, okay?”
---
Staring at her a moment, he couldn’t help but smile. It was weak and ill timed, but the sight of her natural hair color and the loose fitting shirt... she looked real for the first time and not some fantasy doll. She was beautiful. Even more so than before because she was more Molly in that moment that she was Cherry. Despite the urge to kiss her, Loghan knew it’d only send them on a downward spiral and he’d obviously done enough damage. Her snapping at him made it clear she didn’t appreciate the visit or concern however misguided it might have seemed. “Okay.” He said, defeated. Taking a few steps back, “Goodnight.” He’d turned and make his way for her door letting her be.
---
Rocco clearly didn’t want Loghan leaving, and the big cat followed the man he adored to the door, grabbing hold of Loghan’s pant leg with teeth. He could be such a dog sometimes. Right now, it was annoying Cherry.
But it did give her time to make a request. “I know it’s not fair of me to ask this, but I’d appreciate it if you were more discrete when bringing women home with you.” She didn’t sound angry as she asked this of Loghan.
---
He smiled down at the cat, slowing in his steps. Leaning over he’d scratch at Rocco’s ears to pacify him enough to set his jeans free so that he could leave. Straightening up as he looked back to Molly he was a little surprised by how calmy she’d brought it up. “She’s just a friend.” Very true, though it did elude to the notion that nothing of what Molly might have imagined happening, did. When it actually had. But it didn’t really matter now. It wasn’t important. Not now.
---
“I’m sure she is, but that doesn’t make it hurt less... or satisfy the gossips chatting about it in my class and in the halls.” She heard the tea begin to boil, so Cherry took the kettle from the stove and poured it into one of the cups, dropping a bag of chamomile in to seep. Mostly, she was just avoiding looking at Loghan.
---
“I apologize, I’ll make sure next time to sneak in with other women.” His tone was a little condescending, but he couldn’t help it. She was being impossible. Molly had only brought it up to throw in his face that she knew and it’d hurt her. There was nothing he could do to make anything better but to submit, to make himself vulnerable again. It was fair when he’d done it from the start and she’d continued to break his heart. He wouldn’t tolerate it anymore.
---
His tone cut deep. Cherry was quiet for a moment, not replying or even moving, then she suddenly grabbed the empty mug, the one Loghan wouldn’t be using, and chucked it against the wall, shattering it. “I never tried to hurt you, Loghan. I never gloated... never sought to make things harder for you... and I sure as fuck didn’t invade your space while you were still in love with me. I didn’t ask anything of you! And now you come in here, pretending to be concerned... and the minute you get your foot in the door, you make me feel worse. Fuck you! I didn’t change my hair for you. I’m not trying to win you over by being someone I’m not. I’m just looking for a way to fucking COPE! I’ve never loved anyone before, so you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t quite know how I’m supposed to behave after being rejected.” Cherry was visibly shaking from all the anger and pain coursing through her. As an empath, her emotions were stronger. She felt things deeper than others did.
---
Loghan stared at her as the mug hit the wall, unaffected by it physically, though it came as a shock regardless. Her words, those definitely got a reaction though. His mouth dropped as he leaned forward in obvious shock at her accusations and the audacity of the them. “Gloating? You think I’m here fucking gloating or trying to hurt you? If I’m invading your space you could’ve closed the god damn door. And give me a break because it didn’t take all that fucking long after you leaving before that website was up and running and you were back to fucking everything with a dick around here!” The irony of what she’d said about her hair was that it’d been more her than she’d realized. Frustrated beyond belief, his fingers pushed through his hair as he turned for a moment before turning back to her. His shook his head at her, hands dropping down to his sides, he was back to not feeling sorry anymore. Atleast he had that after this. “It’s always been about you... what you want, what you need, what you’re ready for.” Turning around he moved for the door.
---
The sound of breaking dishware had sent Rocco running for the bedroom to hide. The yelling forced him to stay there. He’d probably avoid Cherry the rest of the night, and really, it was for the best. She couldn’t be comforted right now.
“That’s bullshit, Loghan! It was all about you when we left campus. I did what you wanted.. I followed you. I tried to be what you wanted. But you never had faith in me. You were so fucking impatient.. unwilling to give me time. I left the first time out of compassion, to spare your feelings because I knew you couldn’t handle who I was. I left the second time because you drove me to it.”
---
“But the fact is that neither of those times did you love me.” That was the most important little factor she’d continue to leave out. She had never fully reciprocated his feelings. It was only now, now that she’d even begin to suggest that maybe, maybe she might feel that way about him. “Why now?” Sure, it was sort of a test mixed in with a genuine question. She’d never pursued him the way he had her until now. Whether or not she’d admit to loving him now would prove whether or not she did, though why he needed to know didn’t conclude anything, did it? He wasn’t sure.
---
“God!” she screamed, running her hands through her damp hair. “Do you even fucking listen? Ever? Did you not hear me say it less than a minute ago?” She thought the whole ‘I’ve never loved anyone before,’ line made it crystal clear. “I’m so fucking sorry that I didn’t say it the other night.. that I didn’t try and manipulate your feelings. I don’t want you to love me again out of pity. I want you to love me because you do. I want us to be on the same fucking page for ONCE!”
---
“You didn’t answer my question...” His tone had calmed as he watched scream at him. He ignored her words or pretended to anyway not liking the way they crawled up under his skin and spread throughout his body like a virus. He did love her. He just didn’t want to be with her again, not romantically. He’d finally adjusted to the idea of only having half of her. Having all of her was a promise she’d already shown him she was incapable of fulfilling. “Why now?”
---
“I don’t know!” she yelled. It was the truth. Cherry didn’t know why she loved him now. Maybe it really was because she couldn’t have him, or maybe it just took her this long to fully realize her feelings for him. “I don’t know why I love you, or why it took me for fucking ever, I just do. Asking me that is like asking why the sky is blue. There’s a reason, a good one, probably... some shit with the ocean or the atmosphere or what the fuck ever. But it doesn’t really matter why. All that matters is how you feel when you stare up at it on a clear spring day.”
---
“No... the ‘why’ matters to me.” He pointed at himself, his finger aimed at the center of his chest before it dropped down to his side. And that right there, that very difference between them was all the reason he could ever give anyone for why he would continue to turn his back on her now. It was apparent in his expression and with the sincerity of his tone just how much her reason for loving him meant to Lo. If she couldn’t give him one, he’d never know if it was real. And the hope of it wasn’t enough to make him torture himself again.
---
Cherry rubbed her face. She wasn’t crying, she’d cried too much in recent days, and the tears had simply dried up. Why was he still in her apartment, dragging out her agony? “Just go, Loghan,” she sighed exhaustively. “I don’t have the answers you want. I can tell you all about emotions, what they’re like.. the massive variety.. but I can’t tell you why we experience them. Just because I’m human, doesn’t mean I understand love. You seem to get it a hell of a lot better than I do, so maybe you can explain it to me sometime... and then explain how the fuck you turn it off, because I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
---
“I could go on for days about why I loved you. And if you really felt the same, it wouldn’t be as difficult as you’re trying to make it. You’re too much of a coward to give into it.” The disappointment was obvious. He really hadn’t come here to kick her around but Molly had dared to challenge him and here it was. He’d be labeled the dick again. “I can make it stop if you want... I can do all the shit you put me through.” With that he walked out, slamming the door shut behind him. Again caught between wanting to strangle her and hold her.
---
Cherry wanted him to go, because it hurt to have him close, but having him walk out like that, slamming the door behind him, really pissed her off. She chased after him, her bare feet silent, but the dragging hems of her loose jeans making a rustling sound on the floor. “Why does it matter? Why do you need to know? Why are you demanding all these answers from me when you don’t love me and don’t want me?”
---
Stopped in the hallway he turned to face her. “Why the fuck should I walk around feeling like a piece of shit for breaking your heart, nagged by the thought of you hurting and suffering, hearing about how miserable you are when it’s not even fucking sincere. When you potentially are just being a brat and crying over the actual rejection and nothing else. Find a new toy.” He commanded under his breath, his heart stuck in his throat and throbbing with a heartbeat all its own.
---
Cherry slapped him hard across the face when he said she wasn’t being sincere, that this was all just some fucking game. She wasn’t some spoiled child throwing a tantrum because she hadn’t gotten her way. It felt as though she had a gaping chest wound, her heart spilling blood all over the damn floor. She couldn’t even say anything. She was too angry. Loghan had never had faith in her, and he never would. She’d always be a liar and cheat in his eyes. He thought so little of her, it was amazing he ever had feelings for her.
---
Loghan snatched her wrist in his grip after she’d slapped him, holding on tight enough that she couldn’t pull away. His eyes stared into hers for a moment after, his cheek reddening from the impact. How had they come to this. He could still remember the first time they’d met, the laughter with her family, the secret conversations last in the cave of their bed sheets. And now here the were, spitefully spitting words at each other and the first ever act of physical violence. How far had he actually pushed her? She didn’t deserve this, no matter how much the past still stung and hurt him. Even if it made him a sucker, a complete door mat. He couldn’t do this to her. Gently bending her arm back at the elbow so that her forearm lined the small of her back, his hand still wrapped around it, his other hand would slip around her waist. Leaning close he’d press a kiss to her forehead. Holding her for a moment whether she liked it or not. “I’m sorry.” He whispered it against her wet hair, exhaling deeply.
---
Unlike the other night, Cherry did not sit still in his arms. She tried to wrestle free, her frame shaking badly from how upset he was making her. “Stop it. Stop. Stop hurting me,” she begged him. The apology only made things worse. Cherry continued to struggle in his grasp, needing him to stop touching her. It hurt too much.
---
Malakai had been reading a book, lounging in his apartment when he’d first heard the raised voices coming from the apartment next door. He could hear most of the conversation clearly enough, even through the walls, thanks to his hearing. Sometimes he wondered if it was more of a curse than a blessing. Figuring the two ex-lovers wanted their privacy, he worked to ignore them, focusing instead on his book.
He would have been successful, too, until the fight spilled out into the hallway. Right in front of his door. Sighing, Mal closed his book and stood, walking barefoot to his door. Opening it, he leaned against the frame just in time to see Loghan pull Cherry to him and her squirming away. “Am I interrupting something?” His voice was droll, not really all that interested in the argument, but obviously annoyed that he’d felt it necessary to become involved. Cherry was flushed which was a change from the pallor he’d seen in her before. Mal was mildly surprised by the mundane hair color, but it wasn’t that big a deal. Loghan looked almost angry which would make sense given the argument. And of course, the entire hallway just reeked of unhappy emotions; fury, sorrow, remorse, pain. It made the demon in him happy, but Mal tamped it down, knowing it wasn’t going to be helpful to thrill to their misery.
He glanced back and forth between the two, waiting for someone to say something.
---
Loghan hated hearing her beg for him to stop. The very thing he wanted she couldn’t handle. Setting her free, aware that at this point nothing he would do would suffice anymore, he started to take a step back when Malakai’s door open. Of-fucking-course! Just what this moment needed. Fists were already clenched at the sight of the hound. A low growl bubbling underneath his short and snappy response. “Yes.” Not that Malakai had been the only person to fuck Cherry senselessly, but he’d been the most readily available to her and had interjected in the past. Logically there was no reason for Loghan to hate him or want to deck him straight on, but Malakai represented all the hurt Molly had caused him in regard to intimacy and fidelity and loyalty. He was the face of all the men she’d fucked, made a whore and slut of herself with, men that’d used her and never loved her, not the way he had.
---
Cherry didn’t want Loghan touching her right now, but when he let her go and looked like he was about to start throwing punches, she grabbed hold of him again and pulled him away from Malakai. Loghan was strong, there was no doubt about that, but Malakai was a god damn hellhound. You didn’t pick a fight with someone like that and expect to survive.
“We’re fine, Mal. Sorry to bother you.” Her face was red, eyes too, with dark bags under them. Cherry looked like absolute shit right now, and it was clear she’d been miserable, but bringing someone else into this situation, especially if that someone was Mal, would be a very bad idea.
---
Mal could almost taste the animosity emanating from Loghan, but he dismissed it, instead turning his attention to Cherry. His expression softened to one of amusement as he listened to her. “Cherry love, you should know by now that it’s pointless to lie to me. Even if I couldn’t smell it, I can see it.” Of course, he also knew that she was lying as a polite way to tell him to butt out. Still, he didn’t move, keeping his arms crossed in a deceptively relaxed position in his door frame. It smelled like Loghan was itching for a fight and Malakai was getting to be of a mind to accommodate him.
---
“She said she’s fine. Beat it.” Loghan glared, ignoring Molly’s hands and her words. There’s nothing Lo would love more than to alert the smug bastard as to where his place was, but Malakai hadn’t exactly warranted as much. Right now he was just being a nosey fucker. Surely he’d hop right back to fucking Molly the second Lo left and she ran crying to Mal about what an asshole Loghan was. He was sure that’s how it’d happened in the past, as well.
---
Cherry had had days to run to Malakai for a quick fix fuck. Problem was, she didn’t want him. She wanted Loghan. She’d wanted him ever since he returned to campus, which was why she’d not slept with anyone else since that time. Why couldn’t he see that she really was ready now.. that she loved him and wanted to be with him?
“Loghan,” Cherry grumbled, pulling him further away from Malakai, closer to her apartment. “Don’t start anything,” she pleaded in a very soft voice. Then turning back to Malakai, she tried to reassure him that she didn’t need his help, if he was even offering it to begin with. He seemed more amused than concerned right now. “We’ll keep it down. I promise. You can go back to.. whatever it was you were doing.”
---
Malakai wasn’t so worried about Cherry right now, but that was because all the animosity Loghan had was directed at him. Not that he gave a flying fuck. Still, it was almost cute to watch the little brunette drag the beefy groundskeeper down the hall. “To keep it down for me, you’d have to be using sign language, and that’s just ridiculous, Cherry.” His words were for her, but his eyes were on the man. Mal wasn’t leaving this hallway and he’d bet money that Loghan knew it. He’d missed pushing buttons and Loghan’s were just so easy to find.
---
Barely budging it’d take some effort on poor Cherry (Molly)’s part to really get him to move. His pride eating away at him he it really burned him not being the only person in the hall that knew the intimate details of every curve and valley of her body. It burned him that there might not be a single person on campus that didn’t. Had Loghan not been caught up in the emotional hurt and frustration and anger of his long on and off again relationship with her, he would’ve apologized to Mal for the noise, assured him things were fine, maybe even chatted it up. But not now. Now he wanted everyone that’d ever filled in the spaces between his time with Molly to not exist. His head clouded, he let her guided him back with minor resistance, though his body never turned away nor did his eyes drop their focus from Malakai’s gaze.
---
“Please, Loghan,” she begged, finally getting his feet to move a bit, though he didn’t go easily, and she could tell he was still staring down Malakai. “We’ll go to Loghan’s,” she called back to Malakai. “Won’t bother you anymore. It’s fine, I promise.”
Cherry kept dragging Loghan toward her apartment, “Come on, I need my shoes.. and I left the stove on.” While just a few minutes ago, the last thing she would have wanted was to go back to Loghan’s place, because it was just too damn painful, she saw it as the best way to get him out of brawling mode. She had to separate him and Malakai immediately.
---
Mal watched as Lo kept his gazed locked. Challenging. How cute. Returning the stare, he even added a little smirk, just for the taunt. “You’re welcome to leave whenever, Cherry love. I’m not stopping you. I’m just here to make sure there’s minimal bodies to be found.” His statement could be taken however they wanted to. Shifting slightly, he moved more into the hall, keeping a steady watch on the two.
“You’re nervous, Cherry. I’m wondering if it’s because you think I’ll win or he will.” The hellhound already had a vague idea of who would win in a fist fight, but it looked as if Loghan was willing to it to the test.
---
“Go home.” He told her quietly under his breath. If there was any justification for his rage, there was some in the fact that Malakai refused to mind his own business and just go back inside of his apartment. Or that Loghan was sure he’d taken advantage of the situation the last time something like this had happened and fucked Cherry that very night. “How long’s it going to take you after I leave tonight to fuck her?”
---
“Shut up, Malakai,” she snapped, pissed that he was taunting Loghan and making this situation worse. Why couldn’t he just go back inside his own fucking apartment and let her work this shit out on her own? At this point, she’d rather he was checking on her.. making sure she was okay, but that clearly wasn’t Malakai’s goal. He wanted to stir up trouble.
Cherry looked absolutely disgusted with Loghan when he questioned Malakai. “Excuse me? Do I not have a say in who fucks me and when?” But Loghan was ignoring her, insistent on dueling or something with Malakai. She half expected him to take off a glove and slap Mal with it, challenging him to a proper ‘gentlemen’s fight’.
---
Malakai was keeping an eye on Cherry. It was one of the reasons he was taunting Loghan. With the anger directed towards the hellhound, he was no longer manhandling the empath. Besides, Mal didn’t mind a fight and it looked as though Loghan was needing one to clear his head. Plus it was just damned fun. To answer his question, Mal shrugged. “That’s entirely up to her. She knows my door’s open.” Lately it seemed as though his apartment had a revolving door, but that was neither here nor there.
He just grinned when Cherry snapped at him, watching the other man from his comfortable perch.
---
Her retort to the question aimed at Malakai only irritated Loghan. He wanted to ask her if she really did since it seemed she’d spread her legs open a whole lot despite Loghan all of this time. His hand to her chest, he’d push her up against the wall to the side, his body still facing Mal in the hall, Lo turned his head to face his ex-girlfriend, now pressed up against the wall. His hand on her chest, fingers dangerously close to her neck. It’d be so easy to just move up the few inches and squeeze. Was it insane to want to hurt the ones you love? Or loved? She made him insane. “Tell me, then. How long’s it going to take this time? How soon will I be down the hall that you’re back to climbing on him for a ride?” He was angry, but strangely calm. His gaze was glassy, as if he might cry, but there wasn’t the slightest quiver that gave way to tears. His other hand remained tightened, his own fist, a form of holding himself back, though from what he didn’t know.
---
“Shut up!” she yelled at Malakai just before she was shoved into a wall. Cherry hit it with a light thud. Granted, she’d slapped Loghan just a minute ago, but the only time he’d ever thrown her like that and pinned her was during sex. It had never been in anger.
“How should I know?” she snapped, her eyes staring into Loghan’s. “I don’t know how long it takes to recover from a broken heart. Maybe you should hit me. I might get over you a lot faster then.” Loghan was too strong for her to move, and she was honestly a bit scared he might hurt her.
---
Mal growled low and soft as Loghan reached out and thrust Cherry to the wall. It was enough to push him from his position into a standing one, watching the exchange with narrowed eyes. Rough in sex was one thing and rough between demons another, but rough between a man and a woman in an argument was just wrong. Mal wasn’t one to stand by and watch Cherry be beaten when he could pick up the pup by the scruff. Still, his help hadn’t been requested, so he waited.
“You don’t have much faith in Cherry to think she sleeps around quite as much as you imagine. She deserves better at the least.” Mal wasn’t in love with her by any means, but he did consider her a friend. Right now, he was concerned for his friend and willing to toss around an arrogant, disrespectful pup to make his point known.
---
What a horrible answer. Even now she couldn’t just lie to him. Not that he would’ve believed her anyway had she tried to claim that she had no intention of ever sleeping with Malakai again. His brows wrinkled at her when she encouraged him to hit her. Though his attention was immediately stolen by Malakai he’d pushed up of his propped position to prepare himself to come to Molly’s defense. It was only then that he realized how he must’ve appeared to them, though Lo couldn’t seem to stop himself. “Better? Like you?” He scoffed. The idea was ridiculous considering the kind of relationship the two shared. “What you coming to save her?” How did this fucking happen again? Malakai was the knight in shining armor and Loghan the fucking monster. He was always the damn monster.
---
Cherry didn’t want help, not yet. Even though Loghan was extremely emotional right now, some of those emotions were bleeding out to be perceived by Cherry on a magical level. The anger and hurt was intense. “Just let me go, Loghan,” she said softly, “You don’t even want me.. so none of this should matter to you. Let me go and walk away. None of this is worth getting into a fight.”
---
“If you’ll recall, I never mentioned my name.” Malakai knew better than to strap himself down to any one human. Hell, he was already in that situation with Garret and he wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. One was more than enough for him at the moment. “I’ll help her if she asks.” He made sure to use his nose to check out the situation, knowing it could tell him a lot more than what he saw. Fear that was Cherry’s, disgust from Loghan as well as a healthy amount of anger. Mal was close enough to help if need be, but Cherry seemed to be doing fine. If that hand near her throat shifted maliciously, Mal silently swore he would break it.
---
Loghan heard her and felt his heart sink. It felt as though she were telling him to really let her go, forever, not just physically or in that moment. But to completely let her go. His head lowering for a moment, he knew he couldn’t no matter how much he wanted to be rid of the mind-numbing insanity she conjured in him. “She asked you to go the fuck away. Care to respect that?” He said, looking back up to Malakai whom conveniently would only help her but not leave her be. It wasn’t that he wanted the privacy to hurt her, Lo could never. Though no one really knew if he was capable or not. He just wanted to be alone, no one wanted an audience during highly emotional and personal moments. Then again this had already been over moments ago, at this point it was merely his pride on the table now.
---
Cherry could feel a shift in Loghan’s emotions, and his expression had changed slightly. He felt cornered. “I don’t need your help, Malakai,” she said in a calm voice, keeping her eyes on Loghan the whole time.
Putting her hand over the top of the one he’d placed under her throat, she gave it a gentle squeeze and tried pulling it down. “Let’s go for a walk, okay?” The situation had escalated far too much, and Cherry didn’t want it crossing into violent territory.
---
Mal’s feet didn’t move, but he did lean back against the wall, watching what was going on. He was only a pace from the door, so once the air was clear he would walk back inside. For now, he wanted to wait. “If I recall, Loghan, she said she was fine and I could go back to what I was doing if I wanted. Not quite the same as telling me to fuck off.”
Hearing Cherry, Mal nodded, looking away from the situation to study the thread in the carpeting. He wasn’t focusing on their fight, but he was around. Of course, just because he wasn’t looking didn’t mean he wasn’t aware of what was happened. Feeling Loghan’s gaze on him, he glanced back up, holding and meeting the challenge. Mal wasn’t one to back down easily.
---
She didn’t want to go for a walk with him. She’d just finished slapping him across the face and accusing him of trying to torture her emotionally. Molly had no fucking idea what emotional torture was. He’d have to fuck every woman on campus and then some for her to feel an ounce of it. Just an ounce. Part of him wanted to follow her lead, like a puppy following a master, running when beckoned. But he wouldn’t. His broken heart still bitter, his mind still swirling with all of the filthy past that littered their disasterous path to this point. Finally dropping his hand from her, what happened next occurred too rapidly for Molly to react before it was finalized. Striding the short distance to close the gap between them, “Well I’m telling you to fuck off.” Loghan pulled his arm back and sent a fist flying into Malakai’s left jaw, forcing atleast a head turn.
---
Cherry had allowed herself to relax a little, or as much as one could when being held against a wall. Mal seemed to have backed down to give her and Loghan some room to breathe and talk. But Loghan didn’t put his signature on the peace treaty. He sprung into action as soon as he let Cherry go, throwing a punch at Malakai. “STOP IT, LOGHAN!” she yelled at him. It wasn’t that Cherry was worried about Malakai getting hurt, because she knew he could take a punch.. he could probably take a bullet. She was afraid of Loghan getting hit in return. She was also afraid of the emotions boiling over, forcing him to lash out like this. He wasn’t mad at Malakai, he was mad at her. Loghan couldn’t hit Cherry, but apparently he could take out his frustrations on some guy she fucked.
---
Mal was listening, so he could hear the acceleration in heartbeat, the quick steps as Loghan rushed forward and he was prepared for the first hit. So much so that it didn’t even daze him as he spun around to carry the momentum. Coming back with his own hand bunched, Mal’s fist darted into Loghan’s solar plexus to steal his breath. He didn’t hit him with full power, that would be enough to break bones. This was just enough to daze and hurt a little. Not that Mal had an issue fighting at full. He knew Cherry would.
---
Loghan’s body bent at the abdomen, taking in the force of the hit his breath leaving him for a second. He could’ve ended it there but nothing felt accomplished. This was entirely unlike him. Normally logical and level headed, he never fought physically unless absolutely necessary. Lo was peaceful and laid back. How had he gotten here? These thoughts weren’t occurring to him presently. All he wanted was to retaliate and return the favor. Part of the sting to his internal organs felt a little good. A little better and he was beginning to understand the destructive natural of mortal men. Bent over as he were, Loghan used it to his advantage pushed forward, he’d take Malakai by the waist and tackle him to the floor, sending another rock hard fist to his face.
---
As stupid as it was, Cherry couldn’t really be expected to think things through at the moment. She’d been an emotional wreck for days now, all of it coming to a head in this moment as she watched the man she loved fight with one of her best friends. It was insane, but she did what any stupid woman in her position would do, she tried to break it up.
Cherry attempted to put herself between them. “Stop it, stop.. both of you, fucking STOP!” A smart girl would have called for back up, because she was no match for either man.
---
Mal didn’t mind being tackled to the floor since he fought better on all fours anyways. His pride was bruised when he tried to pay more attention to where Cherry was than to Loghan. Damned lucky punch. Growling, eyes flashing red, Mal used his legs and flipped Loghan over him, following along in the roll so he could throw one arm against Loghan’s throat and press his knee dangerously close to the family jewels. Putting his mouth next to Loghan’s ear, he growled softly so only the other man could hear. “You want to take me on, fine. Elsewhere then where Cherry doesn’t have to watch.” Mal picked up his head and glared down at Loghan, wondering if he’d take the message.
---
Jumping to his feet, Loghan didn’t bother to straighten out the mess of his t-shirt or hair. Gaze shifting from Molly to Mal, he shook his head at him. “I want you to fucking disappear.” It was the sincere truth. Sure, he’d like to rip Malakai apart, but for no other reason than sheer jealousy over Molly. It was immature and the longer they stood there the more he lost his irrational momentum. Pointing at Mal’s door, he silently suggested Malakai find his hole. Even if he had nothing he could think of to say to Molly anymore. He wanted to leave this on his terms. He was fucking tired of being taken for a ride in this relationship with her, never in control.
---
Cherry sighed with relief when Loghan got up and the fighting stopped. She could see that Malakai had whispered something to Loghan, but she didn’t have supernatural hearing, and her emotion detector didn’t work all that well around these two. Whatever Mal said, it put an end to Loghan’s destructive urges.
She reached out to Loghan, attempting to take his hand. “Come on..” she whispered to him.
---
Mal wasn’t one to take orders from anyone that wasn’t a full blooded demon and Loghan was definitely not that. “I’m not going anywhere at the moment, so you may as well get used to it.” Truth be told, Malakai hated that he’d somehow gotten involved between these two again. Human compassion was starting to get to him. He needed to fix that. Still, he wasn’t about to leave when his pride was on the line. Loghan was welcome to leave, since his apartment wasn’t on this floor. Malakai had no reason to and they both knew it.
---
Loghan was still hurting, even when he’d led her to believe that he no longer loved her or gave a shit. The guilt of hurting her had been eating him for days. So much so that he’d gone to the extreme of spending the weekend trying to drown himself in alcohol and sex to rid himself of the ghost of her that still haunted his memories. He was no longer himself. Not even a shadow of who he really was. Holding her hand for a moment, he soaked in the sensation before gently letting go. This wasn’t going to go anywhere and he really needed to ask himself if he cared anymore. Looking down, he turned his head toward her to say something, his eyes unable to find hers. “Make sure you shower after being with the dog...” With that he left her side, allowing his shoulder to hit against Mal’s as he passed him and headed for the stairwell.
---
Cherry had hope for just a moment. Loghan let her take his hand, but then he released her. Why the fuck would he hold her against her will a minute ago, but now refuse her some physical contact? “Please go inside, Malakai,” she asked of him, her eyes pleading.
Instead, it was Loghan who turned to leave, insulting her as he did so. She cast another look at Malakai, “But.. turn off my stove first,” she said in a hurry before running after Loghan.
She didn’t try to grab him this time, just jogged up to his side. “I’m not going to fuck him... and it hurts that you’d think I would. It hurts that you completely disregard my feelings. Why can’t you see that they’re real? I wouldn’t put myself through all this if I didn’t truly love you. You don’t have to take me back, but you have to believe me.”
---
Now that the two were leaving, out of ear shot even, Malakai didn’t care. At least, that’s what he told himself. He’d still probably message Cherry later to see how she felt. And Loghan for that matter to offer him the chance for another fight if it’d make him feel better. Rolling his eyes, he moved to Cherry’s door, pausing just outside as a hissing furball caught his attention. Growling roughly, he walked through the apartment, turning off the stove, Rocco following him along the way. He couldn’t stand that cat. Barking as he made his way out, Mal shut the door behind him, feeling some satisfaction that he could roam free while the feline was confined.
Finally, he went back to his own apartment, shutting the door. Cherry’d had a good idea with the tea and he started his own pot, picking his book back up to read.
---
Pushing his hair back, Loghan had hurried down the stairs, embarrassed with himself and his behavior and how well she’d fucked him up in the grand scheme of things. “How am I supposed to know what you’re going to do and not going to do anymore?” He wouldn’t look at her, his gaze focused on the stairs as he traveled down them back to the first floor. Jerking to a stop when she told him he had to believe her, he still couldn’t believe the nerve of her and her expectations. “Like I believed you cared about me the first time, like I believed you really wanted to give us a second chance... There’s nothing that makes things different now.”
---
“I did care about you, I still do... and I really did want things to work out the second time around. How many times do I have to explain all this? We just keep going round and round, talking about the same shit.” She nearly fell as she chased after him, so it was a good thing he’d come to a stop. It was hard for her to have such an emotionally charged conversation and keep an eye on the stairs beneath her feet. “I love you. And if you really need me to keep saying it until I’m blue in the face for you to believe me, then I will. There’s no way for me to prove it.”
---
Loghan wanted to kiss her upon hearing the three words he’d already delivered to her once before. Finally. And yet he couldn’t just give in to her. She’d fucked up and giving in to her only meant risking his heart again. Despite the slap to the face maybe she really only wanted him because he was now refusing her. Maybe it was all a mind game for her whether she realized it or not. “I can’t.” He admitted, still too broken from the last time to jump into this all over again.
---
Cherry’s eyes closed as she let out a defeated sigh. “Okay,” she whispered, letting herself drop to sit on the steps. “I understand.” He couldn’t put himself out there again, and Cherry couldn’t blame him. Hell, if she someday felt herself falling for another man, she’d probably run from it too. This hurt far too much to want to endure such pain over and over again. “Please don’t visit me out of concern again. I need space... and time.”
---
Dropping down to his knees in front of her Lo couldn’t help himself. Pressing her forehead to hers for a moment, he dipped his head to press his lips to her, hands smoothing over her cheeks and into her hair a little. This was a terrible idea, but he couldn’t fight the fact that he still felt something for ever, even if he wasn’t so in love that he’d jump to be her doormat again. He was such a sucker.
---
Cherry had been looking down at her bare feet, which were really fucking cold right now, actually, she was cold all over and felt a bit numb. Point is, she was blindsided by Loghan suddenly kissing her. It caused a delayed response, but she did lean into him, keeping her lips pressed to his. The sensation of kissing him again was painful and wonderful at the same time. What if this was some sort of twisted goodbye kiss? Was he going to pull away and then leave? Afraid of that very thing happening, she grabbed hold of his shoulders, before sliding her arms around his neck to keep him there.
---
His heart still stuck in his throat, he couldn’t pull away. Especially not after she wrapped her arms around him. Losing himself in the kiss, his lips eventually parted and his tongue sought hers out. Leaning into her, he inhaled a breath and held it as they kissed. Unable to breathe anymore, he pulled away rather than exhaling. They needed to stop. This didn’t rectify anything. Nothing could undo the damage. Damnit why couldn’t she have just stayed quiet about how she felt? “I gotta go.”
---
Cherry tried to keep contact with him, leaning forward as he pulled away, but he wouldn’t have it. Kissing her had been a lapse in judgment apparently. Cherry closed her eyes when he said he had to go. She thought she’d run out of tears, but they returned to her then, filling her eyes as she put her hands over them. Cherry didn’t bother asking him to stay. He didn’t want to.
---
Watching her hands move to cover her eyes, Loghan knew she’d need time alone to get over it but it was so hard to leave her alone. All he wanted was to have her close. To invite her to his place and curl up in bed with her and sleep to the steady sound of her breathing. He’d have to finally let her go. They’d never get back what the once had and he knew it. He’d never be able to fully trust her again. And he’d forever ruined her, the first man she’d loved in a while.
---
Loghan was much more than the first man she’d love in a while. He was the first, period. This is exactly what she’d been avoiding all these years. How many times had some heartbroken man come to see her at the brothel, destroyed by a woman who didn’t return his feelings? They sought out Cherry for solace, pretending she was someone else. She could tell by the surge of emotions they experienced when climaxing. They wanted so desperately for her to be the woman they craved. It didn’t work though. Sex was only a bandage. It didn’t fix anything. And even through manipulating their emotions, she couldn’t make the pain stay at bay forever.
She knew the reality of recovering from lost love. It hurt and there was no quick fix. She’d have to suffer through this, and she’d have to do it alone. Cherry’s hands moved from her eyes to wrap around her knees as she leaned forward to cry into her lap.
---
Deep down Loghan knew that if she was sincere, he was the first, but that was a tidbit he’d rather ignore. It was killing him to watch her fall apart and he immediately regretted selfishly stealing a kiss. He knew the best thing for her would be to leave her alone, give her the time and space that she needed. But how could he? How could he not be there for her? It was a horrible catch-22. Loghan only knew how to be there for her. He’d been her shoulder when they’d been together. And now... now he was the one making her cry and he didn’t know how not to want to help her get through it. He wanted to stay angry at her, angry for all the hurt, but he couldn’t. He’d merely grown cold and hard in that respect. Or so he was acting. The internal debate going on in his mind would last eons, long after she’d turned to dust and he knew it. It was easier to believe, easier on the circumstances if he convinced himself she wasn’t for real. “Babe, c’mon...” He pleaded, his heart unable to handle anymore of the hurt, the feelings of betrayal and deceit and abandonment... “Molly.” He begged in a whisper, wanting her to get up, show him that she wasn’t crying and be the woman who’d walked out on him twice. Lo would rather the pain be his than hers. Even if logically he and everyone else reasoned that she deserved this.
---
Cherry sniffed, keeping her face buried against her knees, shaking her head a little in response. “No.. just go.” She didn’t want him standing over her, pitying her. It was degrading and only made the pain worse. Either he stayed and loved her, or he left. They couldn’t be friends right now. He couldn’t comfort her when he was the source of her misery.
---
He let out a sigh, unable to leave. He wanted to, he knew he should, but he couldn’t. Getting up, he’d pace around the landing a minute before finally settling his back against the wall and sliding down to sit. He’d stay. Atleast until she left. He would respect her enough not to follow her back to her apartment. But he’d stay so that she wasn’t alone now. And when she left, it’d be on her terms, but atleast he was there for the moment, and he could find a way to live with this while he sat there.
---
Cherry was as quiet as she could be, not speaking at least, though the sound of her crying sounded terribly loud in the mostly empty stairwell, her sobs echoing off the walls and floor. Having Loghan so close, but at the same time so far away, made her ache inside. She was mad at him for not leaving, mad at him for not loving her, mad at herself for letting herself fall for him.. when it was too late.
Since in seemed clear he wouldn’t leave her be, she eventually got up, trying not to trip over the hems of her jeans as she hurried up the stairs. Cherry had to get away from Loghan. She could smell him, hear his breathing, even hear his heartbeat. It was too much to handle. When she was at the top of the stairs, she ran back to her apartment.
---
Leg bent up at the knee, elbow set to it and his forehead in the palm of his hand, he listened to her. Silent, he tuned in to the breaking of his own heart at the sound that consumed them both in the stairwell. Hearing her get up and run up the stairs, he wouldn’t budge. His hand slid down to cover his face entirely. He didn’t feel like getting up or going anywhere. How was he supposed to be now?