Cherry Forever (emote_this) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2011-01-05 14:50:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | cherry, loghan |
Thursday: September/25/08
Who: Loghan and Cherry (aka Molly)
When: Thursday night
Where: Loghan’s apartment
What: post coital chit chat before round two and a fight
Cherry was spent! There was nothing ‘tender’ about tonight’s romp with Loghan. The second she’d walked through the door in nothing more than a skimpy silk robe, she’d been thrown back against a wall and thoroughly fucked. It was heaven. That wasn’t to say Cherry didn’t enjoy the times when Loghan was loving and gentle, because she did, but variety was nice.
After catching her breath, sprawled out on the carpet where she’d collapsed, Cherry looked over to Loghan. “That was unexpected. Either you’ve had a really shitty day or a really amazing one.” Because people tended to fuck like that when they were pissed off or ecstatic. Cherry wasn’t sure which one wast the case with Loghan.
---
Shamelessly laying back on the carpet just seconds after they’d both dropped to the floor after Lo pile drove into Molly for a good fifteen minutes against the wall, he took a moment to regather himself after the longer than usual orgasm. Hearing her voice consume the silence in his living room, Loghan smirked, turning himself onto his side, propping his head in his hand. “Is that a proven science?” It actually been neither. Sexual frustration made people behave a little crazily when denied for some time.
Although he’d been with her the other day, it had only made the hunger for her worst, especially since she was now no longer his or ‘with him’ in anyway. They were just friends. Despite her sudden talk the last few days about them and the potential of them being together, he’d refused to entertain the idea.
---
He could refuse the idea all he wanted, so long as he and Cherry could continue on with their sexual relationship. It kept her satisfied for the time being, though it wouldn’t keep her from talking about all the conflicting feelings Loghan managed to stir within her.
“No, not a proven science, just something I’ve come to learn over the years. It’s common, but I suppose nothing else about you is common, so that probably isn’t either.” Loghan was quite unusual, and most people probably couldn’t see it. They didn’t take time to get past the mild mannered exterior.
---
His smirk transformed into a bit of a grin as he leaned over to close the space between them and kiss the corner of her mouth. Looking her over as she lay on his floor naked, it was almost tempting to want to go again. It was safe to say that Loghan could be unpredictable, in subtle and intimate ways. A violent fuck didn’t mean he loved or cared any less, it was just sometimes necessary, especially when he was trying to contain himself for days or weeks at a time. The lack of affection before or afterward was always a clear sign that it had been completely meaningless.
The truth was on the tip of his tongue, bit Lo couldn’t bring himself to tell her he’d missed her. Not after she’d broken his heart and left him... twice. That tiny, pesky little fact always nagged at the back of his break whenever she made him feel mushy toward her. Letting her know that he’d actually missed holding her and the feeling she gave him would be an admission of vulnerability that he just wasn’t capable of anymore. Shrugging his shoulders, Lo continued to grin, rolling onto his back one more, giving a stretch and sigh as he relaxed where he lay.
---
Cherry smiled when Loghan kissed the corner of her mouth. It was a sweet little gesture, completely opposite of the hardcore fucking just moments before. They’d had a lot of down time together after running away to the desert. Too much, actually. Cherry started to go stir crazy. But in small doses, she really liked spending quiet time with him.
As he rolled onto his back, Cherry sat up, crawled over two him, and straddled his abdomen without warning. “You realize I expect more of you before this night is over. One and done will not do. I know you’re capable of multiples.”
---
Picking his head up a little to cross his arms underneath it and lay it back down on them, Lo couldn’t stop grinning at her when she sat herself on his abdomen, almost entirely consumed with the still wet spot between her legs now on his skin. Romantic and sweet, it didn’t mean he was any less hungry than any other mortal man for sex or women, especially beautiful, intelligent women. His gaze got stuck on her breasts a second as they trailed up to meet her eyes. Brows raised, “Oh yeah? You know that costs extra...” He teased, mindlessly.
He wasn’t trying to make a joke about her past profession or take jabs. In fact, Loghan liked to pretend that he’d just met Molly all over again, but had no intention of falling in love with her. It was working so far, this lying to himself and keeping her at arm’s length. It was easy when he kept the pain close at hand to remember when he needed to. In the meantime, he’d try to enjoy her just like this.
---
Cherry didn’t take offense to the joke, because she took it for what it was: a joke. He was keeping things flirty and fun between them. “How much extra? Are we looking at a price range.. like... blow job? Or are we talking anal with spanking and bondage?” Cherry was game for just about anything, and Loghan knew that about her.
She smoothed her palms over his chest, then teased at his abs with her short, perfectly groomed nails. “I know you think the whole living forever without aging thing is overrated, but you are soooo yummy. I don’t know any man who wouldn’t want to look like you for eternity. Now, if you were all ugly and stuff, okay, sure, immortality would suck... but, babe, you’ve got it going on.”
---
A single eyebrow arched up as she started listing possibilities, obviously intrigued, “Well...” His bottom lip was momentarily caught between his teeth as he recalled both scenarios which had been played out what now seemed like ages ago. It was kind of hard to choose, liking any and all physical sensation in which he felt like he had some kind of control over Molly. It might have seemed sick, but it was the back and forth power struggle that kept things interested for Loghan, though with her it’d always been much further than the bedroom. While Molly dominated his heart and their relationship, sex was the only time that she ever felt truly submissive to him.
Where Loghan could play both roles in and out of bed, Molly only seemed to play predominately one during sex and the other in the rest of their relationship. It was part of the reason that a good portion of their sex life together had been a little rough and aggressive though she’d never complained and had always been aware of how he felt about her. When she brought up the age thing, he lost his mental images and almost groaned in agony on the subject as he rolled his eyes at her. “Like this is news.” He smirked, abdomen muscles raising as he without much assistance from his arms sat up, pushing her down to straddle the once again semi stiff dick between his legs. Slipping his hands up her thighs, Lo teasingly licked her bottom lip.
---
Awe, look at him! Considering all the different ways Cherry might please him. It was cute. A bit like throwing a starving wolf into a meat locker. He didn’t know what choice piece of meat to attack first! Loghan could have it all, and Cherry gladly took on a submissive role with him when he took control. She was different with all men. Sometimes she was severely dominant, because that’s what a man craved. But Loghan wanted to wear the pants, so she let him. Knowing what role to play was part of what made her so damn successful as a whore. And with Loghan, she trusted him completely, so there was no fear in surrendering her power to him.
“Well, no.. it’s not news... a woman would have to be blind and stupid to not notice just how delicious you are.” She let out a little noise of surprise when he moved her over his dick and sat up. Cherry wrapped her arms around his neck and started kissing along his jaw line until he moved to lick her bottom lip. Grinning, she pulled back just a bit, making him work for it.
---
Maybe this could really work, this strange inbetween without rules or boundaries or knowing of anything outside of them. He wasn’t naive enough to believe that it would last long, but he’d take what he could get from her. Deep down he knew it was only a matter of time before he overheard some prick bragging about the disgusting things ‘Cherry’ had allowed him and Loghan would feel the urge to strangle him and her both. Him for using her and her for allowing it to happen. He still couldn’t comprehend why anyone would want the things she chose for herself when he’d offered her the very thing that people sought their entire lives.
Smiling a little as she pulled away, he’d retort with a single word, his voice low, almost growly from the back of his throat, yet hushed considering just how close their mouths actually were, “Tease.” His right hand rose up, pushing into those pink strands of hers before he pulled her close so that he could kiss her, just to prove that he could take it.
---
At least for now, Loghan didn’t need to worry about some other dude bragging about bagging Cherry. She wasn’t fucking anyone else, and at the moment, she didn’t have any interest in anyone else. Sure, Malakai was an INCREDIBLE fuck, but he’d been sucked into all that drama with Garret and Rorie and so on. It was messy, and while Cherry couldn’t sense Malakai’s emotions, she was aware of what the rest of those guys were feeling, and it made her uncomfortable at times. She needed some space from that situation. Loghan gave her peace, and she needed that right now. She needed him.
That’s all she’d wanted. Loghan taking a kiss, stealing it. Of course she was a tease, he could be too at times. It was fun. And everything was made even better when all that teasing ceased and gave way to passion. Cherry sucked on his mouth, her tongue attacking his, as she rolled her hips into him.
---
Dear god, she made it impossible for Lo to control himself. She was just so... sexy. The way she sucked on his mouth and rolled her hips, Loghan wanted to pin her to the wall all over again, or the floor this time. He was such a pathetic fool when it came to her naked, like a teenage boy seeing a naked girl for the first time, his stomach always tightened and felt a bit of nervous anxiety, even after they’d just fucked.
Giving her a little upward pump of his hips, Lo’s masculine hands smooth over every in of her that he could manage to grasp. Sucking on her tongue, playing with her bottom lip between his death and diving back into passionate tongue wrestling, he made sure to keep his mouth occupied. The last thing he needed now was to say something stupid.
---
Cherry wasn’t trying to make this easy for him. Now that they’d reentered a sexual relationship, she didn’t have a reason to hold back and avoid tempting him. Being with him felt so good, and not just physically. Loghan knew everything about her, even the bad stuff, and he still wanted to be with her.
Occupied was right! Cherry couldn’t breathe. She was far too wrapped up, literally and figuratively, to do much of anything other than kiss and rub up against him. But she had to come up for air at some point. The empath gasped, her head falling back for a moment, but she was still grinding her hips, and her chest heaved, pushing her nipples up for his viewing pleasure.
---
Letting her take a breath, Loghan kept on, his mouth leaving a trail of wet kisses along her neck. The rising of her breasts came at the perfect time as his head had lowered to her collar bone, his felt her tits against his chest and was incapable of resisting taking his tongue to her nipple. Catching the tender bud of flesh between his teeth, Lo flicked his tongue against is before setting it free and engulfing as much of that supple mound as possible into his mouth for sucking. His hands groped at her ass, pulling her close.
Leaving one hand to grope at her behind, he sent the other on a mission to that beloved slit, sliding the tips of his middle and index fingers against the opening of her pussy, teasing her with the possibility of slipping them in her, but he wouldn’t.
---
“Oh my god,” she whispered before whimpering slightly. With Loghan sucking on her tit and teasing her slit, she turned to mush. This was why he was able to dominate the sexual side of their relationship, because he knew what he was doing. He knew just how to tease and please her. Cherry would give him whatever he wanted, because at the moment, all she wanted was him.
Running her fingers through his hair, she pulled his head away from her chest and back to her lips. The kisses were shorter now, but no less passionate. She just couldn’t stop looking at him. He was gorgeous, especially when he was all riled up like this. “I need you inside me, baby. Please... fuck me.”
---
Loghan wanted to comply, but he couldn’t let her just have what she wanted when she wanted it. Grinning at the way she begged, the pleading tone of her voice, he was feeling a little arrogant as he trailed his tongue along her bottom lip, whispering against her mouth, “I want that blow job, first.” He pressed a kiss to her lips, trying to prolong this as much as possible. Lo had a terrible habit of wanting the teasing and sex to last as though going again was a risk he was afraid he’d miss out on later.
Slipping his middle finger into her, he tried to coax a favorable response from her, as he moved to suck on her ear lobe before tugging at it with his teeth. “I love the way your mouth feels...” He whispered into her ear.
---
Oh he was bad. Soooo bad. But as much as Cherry wanted to pout at his refusal to comply to her wishes, she wasn’t upset about the idea of wrapping her lips around him. As soon as they were free of his own, and he’d whispered in her ear, teasing the flesh as well, she pushed him rather roughly onto his back once more. “I did say I was willing to pay.” Cherry’s voice was coy and naughty.
She ran her hands down his chest and abs, scooting back as she did so, until she was straddling his lower legs. With only a moment’s hesitation so she could see the look on his face, Cherry dived right in. She took his entire length into her mouth on the first try. See? There were benefits to fucking a whore!
---
Grinning as he fell back, he liked that he didn’t really have to convince her, that atleast half the time Molly actually wanted to. Just wanted to be completely selfless as much as he did. Day dreaming about the way she’d tasted the last time she sat on his face, his lip was stuck, held between his teeth as he prepared for the anticipated pleasure. And within seconds, his eyes had rolled into the back of his head and a groan had escaped him as he felt the tip of his cock tickle the back of her throat.
“Fuck”, he whispered, every muscle in his body tensing up with excitement, anticipation, and apprehension to hold out on the orgasm he could already feel beginning to bubble at the base of his dick. Fingers pushed through her hair, clenching around pink strands, not pushing or pulling simply... encouraging.
---
Cherry didn’t want him to come while she sucked him off, but it wasn’t a big deal if he did. She knew he was good for more rounds, and she actually liked the way he tasted. Maybe it was the whole earth elemental thing, but something about the way he smelled, and the flavor of his body in general, really turned her on. It was so raw and basic. Being with him was like taming a wild creature, and she did have an African cat as a pet, so it made sense that she’d be attracted to that.
She licked and sucked him just the way he liked, since she’d had plenty of time to learn those things. The hands in her hair were definitely encouraging. Cherry liked a bit of hair pulling, and even if he did push her deeper onto his cock, she wouldn’t mind. Loghan was never too rough, and she was a tough girl.
---
Loghan could barely withstand her tongue teasing without letting go. “S-s-stop” He stuttered a little, obviously affected by her sucking. Slipping his hand from the back of her head, to chin, lifting her face away from his pelvis. As much as he loved the way she sucked his cock, during round two while he was still sensitive to her touch, it wasn’t too great of an idea.
Instead, Lo pulled her up to sit on his stomach, took hold of her by the hips, and with his strength, easily lifted her up and set her on knees above his head. Without waiting to hear her reaction, he helped himself to the tasty treat at his lips. Tongue snaked out to tease along her slit, before he slid his tongue into her pussy, flicking it wildly inside of her. His mouth wrapped her as he sucked simultaneously.
---
Cherry never stopped until she was asked to, so it was a good thing Loghan voiced his request, albeit with a stutter. That could hardly be helped though, because he was about to burst. Her mouth slid away from his cock slowly, rather than releasing it abruptly.
Loghan wasn’t quite so subtle. She was pulled up, past his lap, and suddenly sitting on his face. Well then, wasn’t that a nice surprise! Cherry lurched forward, her hands on the carpet for stability as Loghan went to town, rather expertly, on her cunt. The way his tongue swirled around inside her made Cherry moan plenty loud enough for anyone passing by outside to overhear. He wasn’t ‘blessed’ with Malakai’s unique tongue, but no other man was, so it was unfair to compare. Besides, Loghan was extremely good at eating her out. She found herself shaking a little, goosebumps rising all over, as her insides danced.
---
What Loghan didn’t have in comparable size or what-have-you to Malakai or any other supernatural she’d been he made up for in passion and a desire to satisfy that couldn’t be matched. His arms curled around her legs, hands holding her thighs open, Loghan wasn’t shy or hesitant in anything he was doing. Smothering himself in her snatch, he turned his head from side to side, probing her pussy only slipping away momentarily to taunt her clit before plunging back into the depths of her warm, wet insides. A groan of enjoyment rumbled from his throat and caused a slightly elongated vibration she’d obviously feel.
---
Cherry’s nails dug into the carpet. Sweet Jesus, he was making her melt. Thankfully, he was there to lap it all up. Each little tease of her clit elicited a high pitched squeak of pleasure. Cherry wanted more of it, but Loghan ran away soon after to bury his tongue inside her once more, which caused her to whine like a puppy desperate for attention. It was very hard to keep her hips and thighs steady, so it was a good thing he was holding on to her. Cherry couldn’t help it, she wanted to fuck his face! And the closer she got to coming, the stronger the urge became. It was the vibration caused by his lips and tongue that pushed her over the edge. Her breath shuddered as she sucked in, holding it, and then shouting as her hips rocked against his mouth. Her muscled quaked around his tongue, bathing it with a sweet reward.
---
Moaning as she rocked her hips, Loghan couldn’t help but give her a little slap on the ass. Her squeaking and whining just made his cock ache for her more, loving the sounds he was capable of conjuring up from her. Continuing to lick and suck, he wouldn’t stop until every sticky sweet drop had been consumed and her body’s quake lessened, though it’d be difficult with the way he kept going on. Although his pace and vigor had slowed, the attention to detail had only increased.
When she finished, he gently slid her back onto his lap. Taking a moment to breathe and let her rest. Smiling up at her as he suck and bit his bottom lip.
---
Cherry could hardly stand the way he continued to lick her when she came, because she was just so damn sensitive. It was a relief when he pushed her back to his lap, and she found herself unable to sit up. Resting her body on top of his, Cherry worked to get her breathing and pulse under control again. She knew he wanted to finish, but he could wait a minute. “I don’t know who taught you how to go down on a woman, but they did a damn fine job.”
---
Grinning, he wrapped his arms around her as she laid against his chest. His fingers gently trailed along her spine as he set a kiss to the top of her head. “Years of experience.” He said quietly with a shrug of his shoulders obviously unsure. His fingers pushed up into her hair, inhaling the way she smiled, remembering the familiar scents of her perfume, body wash, shampoo... and he couldn’t help but feel a little nostalgic. “Wanna go lay down?” He wouldn’t push to keep going, despite the erection between her warm thighs. He was sure it would soon fade the more he let his brain take over suddenly.
---
The shrug made Cherry look up at him, her chin resting on his chest, doe eyes gazing upon his face. “Do you remember your first?” There was so much he didn’t remember, but that was one of those things that really implanted itself in a person’s memory, and she hoped, if it was good, that he remembered it. “I’ll do whatever you want. I came here at your request, remember? So.. I’m yours. Tell me what you want.”
---
Brows wrinkled at he question as he tried to recall. A slight shake of his head came about with a slight fright, disappointed that he couldn’t remember. He would’ve asked if Loghan could manage to not feel a twinge of jealousy whenever she mentioned being with anyone else. Not that Loghan had fooled himself into thinking she was virginal, he just didn’t want to know about anyone else. He didn’t like the way she verbally surrendered so easily. Physically, without it being too obvious was one thing, but laying it out like that almost made him feel like he were more a client than, well, him. “Let’s go lay down.” His tone was softer, the smirks and grins faded now.
---
Cherry didn’t frown, but she did take on an expression of concern for her friend. It was sad that he was missing such huge chunks of memories. There was no way of knowing how old he was, or what he’d experienced, and he was without knowledge of his maker. It had to have left a hole inside.
Loghan was NOT a client. If she’d wanted him to be, she would have propositioned him as such when they first met. But Loghan charmed her, and she wanted to know him outside that world. It was why she’d avoided telling him about her job when they first began dating. She knew now that it was wrong to deceive him, but hindsight is twenty twenty.
Nodding at his request, Cherry climbed off Loghan and managed to get to her feet, though her legs felt a bit unsteady still. She reached out to help him up as well and kept his hand even once he was standing. Cherry used it to guide him off to his bedroom, pulling him onto the bed after her. “I still want you inside me,” she whispered, tugging Loghan to her body.
---
Getting up with her, he followed after her, waiting for the chance to just curl up underneath the sheets with a warm body. The lack of not knowing had left a gaping hole in him, one he constantly tried to fill with a new sense of purpose. Although he’d been eager to give himself something meaningful to exist for, like the love of a woman, it hadn’t been the only reason he’d pursued Molly. Or any woman, though it was a part of the source of desire to have what his best friend Charlie had. Despite however made up, he had the ideal that even typical everyday humans coveted. A beautiful wife, apparently with a sexual appetite to match his, a little girl, even a dog for god sakes.
Loghan had nothing to claim of his own. Not much more than a beat up old Toyota from 1988 and a gray kitten he’d named Rain, whom was currently curled up in a pair of his jeans that’d been tossed in the corner of his bedroom, sleeping. Crashing into the bed with her, he lost his face in the cloud of his pillow for a second. Atleast until he’d heard her, tugging him toward her. Turning his head to face her, he leaned in, pressing kisses to her lips, before smoothing his hands over bare hips.
---
Cherry had never been one to believe that people were created in halves and destined to spend their lives searching for the one that fit them. Aristophanes be damned, and Plato too. Soulmates existed in the mind and heart, not in reality. But she didn’t discount the need to have others to share laughter, love, and dreams with. They could be friends, family members or lovers. For Cherry, it took a lot more than one other person to feel fulfilled, and Loghan needed to realize that for himself, or he’d never feel satisfied.
Rolling onto her back, Cherry continued to kiss Loghan, her legs spreading for him. She wanted to feel him inside of her again, feel the weight of his body on top of hers, feel his long, messy hair tickling her face.
---
It wasn’t that Loghan believe in soulmates or that he was disillusioned into believing that only a significant other could make him feel whole. He knew that, well atleast for him, falling for a woman involved someone who could call a best friend first, and a complete fox, second. But aside from Charlie, Loghan had few confidantes, and aside from Molly, Rocky had been the only other person he’d begun to open up to. After being hurt so often, especially since Molly had been his first romantic encounter since his loss of memory, he was still mistrusting and too guarded to open up to many people. For someone with no family and no trace of himself, he wanted to feel like he belonged to something, and so far Molly had been the first and only to fully give him that, atleast for a little while.
It wasn’t going to be easy to find it again, now with the worry of being hurt and disappointed always looming overhead. Lo wasn’t a teenage boy, he knew it wouldn’t always happen. But his disappointment in people was constant, because he really did hold others to the same standards he held for himself. It wasn’t necessarily fair to anyone else, but some things, Loghan refused to accept or tolerate in people, and others, he couldn’t take watching someone he cared about ruin themselves or waste their potential. As had been obvious most recently in his arguments with Rocky.
Rolling with her as she moved onto her back, Loghan followed, his mouth engaged and dick hardening once more feeling her legs spread apart for him. Teasing a bit, he slid the head of cock along her opening, his mouth trailing kisses from his lips to her chin to her neck as he held himself up with his hands, the strength causing the muscles in his arms to flex naturally.
---
Cherry didn’t know how she felt about this whole ‘belonging’ business, sounded a bit too restricting to her. She didn’t want to think of people as property to be owned. Rented, maybe, but not owned. She reserved the right to pack up and bail whenever she damn well pleased. Unfortunately, she’d done that twice now, hurting Loghan deeply each time. But to be fair, he’d somewhat driven her to it the second time.
Right now though, she tried not to think about any of that, about how she’d pushed him away twice, only to want him back again. Cherry knew she was frustrating. She couldn’t make up her mind when it came to Loghan, and it wasn’t fair to keep him on a string like that, yo-yoing constantly. He deserved consistency, but it was hard to deliver. Cherry didn’t know what she wanted, and each time he pushed her to decide, she ran away. Maybe it was better like this. No expectations, just friendship and fucking.
If he would only get to the fucking! Cherry was getting impatient, as her rolling hips probably communicated. She ran her hands down the sides of his arms, loving their power and size. He was beautifully muscled, not too big, not too small, just right. Moving her palms back up, trailing over his triceps, she came to embrace the back of his neck and then his cheeks. “Softer this time,” she whispered in a tender, almost meek voice.
---
Smiling slightly at her words, he lower his face to gently nudge the tip of his nose to hers. At her request, Lo was gentle as he pushed himself into her, easing in to stop once fully there. Pausing to kiss her lips, he’d pull out a moment later and fall into a slow, and calm paced back and forth thrusting of his hips. Lowering himself onto his forearms, Lo pressed his forehead to Molly’s, bright blues, even in the dark them seemed lit up, trailed her facial features.
This, this was what was difficult for him. This was the kind of sex normally only reserved for highly intimate moments with someone he had feelings for. And although he knew he didn’t want to be with her again, he wasn’t in love with her like he’d thought himself to be once upon a time, it still weighed heavily on his figurative heart. Fucking was fun. But this wasn’t fucking and yet he couldn’t say ‘no’, not to her. Even if this left him a mess for a day or two afterward, he’d be with her this way again simply because she’d asked, without realizing just what she was asking for.
---
Cherry loved a good, hard fuck, especially with Loghan, but these moments were the ones that stuck out in her mind when she thought back to how great they’d been together. It was his tenderness that she’d missed the most while they were apart, and it was what she craved now that he was back in her life. Yes, it confused matters even more, but she ached for him to make love to her the way he used to. No one else had ever really done that. Being worshiped was so vastly different from being loved. Other men could fall at her feet, begging to please her, but it wasn’t the same as having someone to stand beside her.
She pressed sweet, soft kisses to his lips, none of them all too lasting, as her fingers curled in his hair. His breath met hers and mingled, creating a mist between them that felt warm and inviting. Cherry wrapped her legs around his hips as he continued to glide in and out of her wet folds. She might not be able to come like this, because it was so tender, but that didn’t much matter to Cherry right now. It was like being in a time machine. She’d returned to better days.
---
Oh no, he’d make her come, just like he always had in the past. Loghan was doing exactly what he’d done when they were together, the first night they slept together, the first night out in the middle of nowhere this past summer. The scenery didn’t matter, this felt exactly the same in the most perfect of ways. The thing that Molly had always failed to understand was that Loghan had never wanted to own her, like a play thing. His notion of belonging to someone had been entirely willing, wanting and loving someone so much that he’d been willing to drop his entire world at his feet and commit to her and only her.
It was a misunderstanding that had them odds too many times in the past. He knew he couldn’t own or contain a body and spirit that were not his own. He’d never wanted to cage her. But the fact that she wasn’t willing all on her own to devote herself to him in the same fashion that he had for her made it all too clear that she’d never felt nearly close to what he had. And yet, now, even though a twinge of it lingered, and the pain of possibilities hung heavy in the air, he knew he couldn’t go back. Mimicking her kisses, he smiled at her before trailing his lips down her chin, along her throat, side of her neck and back up to her ear where he’d whisper, “You’re so beautiful.”
---
He couldn’t really blame her for all the misunderstandings. Cherry’s views on sex were severely screwed up according to conventional practices. She accepted money in exchange for time spent with her body. It wasn’t normal. So when she received love as a payment instead, it was hard for her to figure out the level of services that needed to be rendered. Loving in return was definitely an option, but it wasn’t something Cherry had ever achieved in the past, and she wasn’t sure she could do so now. The little word was so fucking loaded. It came with all these expectations that were impossible to live up to. Cherry didn’t stand a chance. How could she ever hope to be someone’s one and only, even if she was able to commit her body? She’d already done that. It was actually much easier than she’d imagined it would be. Loghan was plenty satisfying, leaving no cravings for other men or women. No, it was more about feeling caged, and she had felt that way in the desert. Such a wide open space, and yet it was hard to breathe. He’d been testing her, and she knew it. You didn’t test someone you loved.
Hearing his words and feeling him moving above her and inside her caused all the emotions to stir again. Loghan was infuriatingly confusing! He complained about her impact on him, but it wasn’t any easier in reverse. She closed her eyes because they burned slightly. It wasn’t exactly common for Cherry to cry over much of anything, but when feelings built to a level where they needed release, tears were sometimes the best outlet.
---
Breathing against her ear, inhaling the intoxicating scents that followed her everywhere and seemed to consume whatever space she took presence of, Lo closed his eyes finally. His hips increasing pace and emphasis gradually, subtly. He wasn’t in a rush, though he knew this wouldn’t last much longer than the first round had either. Even gently, she still made him hot and aroused.
Forcing his mind to a blank, the words had been sincere, even if he had no real desire for her emotionally anymore, Loghan still thought she was beautiful inside and out. A rarity, truly. There were pretty girls everywhere, most with mediocre looks and personality. Lo never really bothered with them other than platonic relationships. Then again, his standards and ideals for beautiful were a little different than the norm. A low grunt, barely audible as it fled from the cavern of his stomach, found its way to her ear as he pushed up into her fully.
---
It was a welcome relief when Loghan began to thrust with more force and speed. It was still vastly different from earlier, but the increased vigor helped distract Cherry. She could focus more on the physical and get out of her head for a bit. Too much thinking was dangerous. Then again, not enough thinking was bad too. She needed to find a good medium place of thought so she didn’t do something stupid.
At the grunt, Cherry took hold of his face to press his lips to hers once more. She kissed him with the hunger of a starving woman. This needed to last. She needed to soak up every second of it and cling to it. Because one day Loghan would find someone else, someone worthy of all he had to give, and he’d get rid of her. She wouldn’t be beautiful forever. She wouldn’t hold sway over his emotions forever. Unless Cherry could give him more, she’d lose him. “I’m yours,” she whispered against his lips, meaning those words wholeheartedly.
---
He’d return the kiss, though ignored her words. He assumed they meant the same things as the same exact ones she’d given him earlier when they were in the living room. Lo no longer allowed himself to get tripped up in her words and what they possibly meant. Allowing his brain to cloud he was too lost in the sensations to think, about anything.
Though later, while looking back he might just decided that this sort of thing shouldn’t happen anymore. It was all too complicated and messy and the further the lines got blurred the more Molly seemed to want definition. How ironic. Kissing her again, his lips remained partially open, breathing as his thrusts had reached the point of creaking the bed, another groan escaping him.
---
No, the meaning of the words was completely different. She wasn’t playing the submissive, she was trying to tell him how she felt, though it was clear she’d failed. Funny how someone who was an expert in emotions sucked at expressing them when necessary.
The bed seemed close to reaching a breaking point, as did Loghan. Cherry wasn’t there physically, because she was getting caught up in her feelings again. They distracted her, making it too damn hard to climax. Dammit, why could she not express herself! “Just come in me,” she said impatiently.
---
Brows wrinkled at her tone. Something was wrong. Goddamnit. What had he done now? With a sigh, Loghan pulled out of her and rolled onto his back with a flop. “What is it?” He was convinced she just liked doing this, playing with him. Even when things were ideal, Molly couldn’t have anything be perfect. Anytime he gave her what she wanted, it wasn’t enough. Lo was pissed. Pissed and hurt and frustrated and surely convinced now that she was using him for some kind of power trip. That had to be it. He couldn’t imagine someone being so sadistic for absolutely no reason. Unable to just lay there, he sat up, back to her, legs bent over the edge. Fingers pushed through his hair, she was driving him mad. “What’s wrong?”
---
Dammit, dammit, dammit! Why did he have to do that? Why couldn’t he just come already and then curl up with her? It wasn’t his fault that she couldn’t come right now. She had too much on her mind, that didn’t mean he couldn’t finish. Now they were both frustrated and confused. Fuck!
She remained on her back, staring up at the ceiling for a moment. “I don’t know,” she said softly. “I can’t... I can’t think straight when I’m with you, and I think too much. I think about everything, and it fucks with my head.”
---
Here she went contradicting herself. Looking back at her over his shoulder, disbelieving, Lo challenged her excuse a little. “I thought I was break from all of it...?” First he was her salvation. Now he was the cause. Loghan wanted to just tell her to get the fuck out, to take her crazy elsewhere, but he couldn’t. He was too considerate and understanding, even if at this very moment he wanted to choke her, just a little. Getting up from the bed he’d pull on a pair of black boxer briefs from the laundry basket that rested atop his dresser. He didn’t like being naked when an argument was about to ensue and he could almost bet that one was about to.
---
Cherry shook her head. “No, I mean.. yes.. you’re a break from external emotions. Unlike almost everyone else, I don’t have to worry about all your thoughts invading my mind. But it just seems to give my feelings more space to roam. And I don’t know what direction they’re going.”
She sighed as he got up from the bed and put on boxers. Cherry put her hands to her face, rubbing her eyes with the palms. She was quiet for a few moments, wrestling with all that was going on inside her mind and heart. “I can’t be perfect for you. I can’t live up to your standards. I can’t pass all the fucking tests you throw my way. I’m sorry, but I’m human, and that makes me flawed.”
---
Letting out a sigh, he pushed a hand through his hair, getting it away from his face. Leaning his backside against the dresser, he crossed his arms over his bare chest, looking at her with a wrinkled forehead and eyebrows, obviously confused. “What are you talking about, Molly?” He had no idea where it was coming from right now. “I didn’t ask you to be perfect... I didn’t ask you for anything.” Not tonight anyway. Not lately. Well he’d never asked for perfection regardless, but whatever she was on about was not recent and it was obvious he was lost.
---
“You dragged me off into the fucking desert,” she said with a huff, sitting up finally and pulling the blankets to her as she did so. “I said I’d go with you, that I’d go anywhere.. with you.. and you took me somewhere to see how much shit I’d put up with. You fucking tested me. I know I failed, but you shouldn’t have done it to begin with. I’m not like you. I need time to adjust and understand how I feel, and you didn’t give me that time.” She could feel her eyes burning again.
---
His mouth dropped, the corners slightly curling as if about to smile, his widened a bit as he looked at her. She must’ve lost her mind in the midst of sex. Is that what his dick did lately, make women crazy? “What does that have to do with anything now? It’s over.” Hand rose up to rub at his forehead, this was definitely it. Celibacy would have to be his new thing or slumming with locals whenever he got painfully lonely or horny. Doing this with Cherry wasn’t going to work. “I’m sorry, did I make you feel guilty or something, because I didn’t mean to. Nothing I said was to make you feel bad.” Maybe it had been his fault. Maybe when he had joked earlier or told her she was beautiful. He really had no freaking idea, but he figured better safe than sorry with the apology. All he needed was another woman painting him out to be a complete asshole when he was just lost.
---
Cherry shook her head, putting her hand to her eye to wipe away a tear. “It’s not over,” she whispered. “It was never over. I worried about you getting over me, wanted you to, but I’m not over you.” She choked on her words slightly. Strong emotions were crippling to an empath at times, even when they came from within. “I haven’t been with anyone else since you came back, and I don’t want to be. I just want to be with you. It’s not the same with anyone else. They don’t make me feel the way you do.”
---
Watching her was too hard. Lo had to keep his gaze down on the floor of his bedroom. He wanted to hold her. He want to tell her not to cry and kiss the tears away. But he couldn’t. Not when it was about them. He felt the very heart he’d sunk into the fiery acid depths of his stomach to corrode and rot start to crawl up the back of his throat. “Don’t...” the request was quiet, his breathing difficult with the way his chest sunk in with every exhale. “I can’t do this.” He couldn’t go down this road with her, not a-fucking-gain. He’d never recover the next time she decided she was bored or smothered or just wanted the sensation of someone else’s dick in her. Loghan had finally come to accept it all and now she wanted to go back. Pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, he apologized, his voice low so she couldn’t hear the possible cracks or waves in his tone. “I’m sorry.” And with that he headed for the door, he needed out.
---
Was he unfamiliar with the phrase, ‘third time’s a charm’? Her second chance with him was rigged, BY him. She deserved another, a fair shot this time. No games or tests or bullshit in general. The truth was all out in the open now, well, nearly. Then the idiot had to up and leave. DAMMIT!
Cherry scrambled to tear the sheet she was holding off the bed and wrap it around her as she rushed out after him. “Loghan, please,’ she pleaded, her feet scurrying across the floor, trying not to trip over the edge of the sheet. “I’m trying... just like I tried the last time... but you didn’t give me an honest chance. You made it too hard... like.. like you wanted me to screw up. Well, I did. I need you to give me another chance. I’m begging you!”
---
Forehead against the door to his little campus assigned apartment, hand on the door knob, he heard her out, at the very least. Turning back to look at her, he hated her a little for looking so adorable and gorgeous wrapped up in nothing but his sheets. It made it hard to be cruel and cold toward her now. “That’s a cop out... I didn’t make it hard wanting you to screw up. Why the fuck would I ever want to put myself through that twice?” His voice was still soft, he wasn’t angry enough to scream. Not this time. It made what he said sound as true as it was for him now. “Yea, I tested you a little, the same way he did me when you told me the truth about you. But I accepted it. I tested you because I would’ve done anything for you and I needed to know you’d do the same for me. To see if you were for real. And you weren’t. You can say it took time to adjust... but the fact is, you don’t need any amount of adjustment time when you know how you sincerely feel about someone else. You didn’t feel it. Fine. We moved past it. And now, now you do this. I’m already past it, Molly. I’m not there anymore.” He gave her a slight shake of his head, his facial features clearly apologetic that it was going to possibly sting as he delievered the news to her. But she was too late. Maybe she’d finally learn that the world wouldn’t wait for her, that nothing revolved around her.
---
“You don’t understand emotions the way I do. You don’t know how different they are for each and every person. It takes longer sometimes... it took me longer to realize how I feel.” She was speaking in present tense, because it really had taken her this long to sort through her emotions and realize the depth of what she felt for him. But it didn’t matter. Loghan didn’t love her anymore.
Sniffling, her eyes glassy and dripping, Cherry clutched the sheet to her chest. She nodded and whispered, “Okay.” Wiping at her eyes briefly, one hand still clinging to the sheet to keep it wrapped around her, she then looked around the living room for her robe. Upon spotting it, Cherry walked over and picked it up. “I’m sorry. I’m just... sorry.” She looked to the door, since he was blocking it, wishing he’d move so she could leave.
---
Wasn’t this supposed to feel good? Wasn’t he supposed to feel some sense of retribution, of justice? He felt horrible. He wanted to give her everything he once had offered now, but he couldn’t. And although part of him might of felt that to some degree she deserved to hurt now the way he had, he couldn’t feel anything by horrible. Loghan wasn’t cruel or immature enough. As she got her robe, he closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her. A kiss to her forehead and all he could do was hold her. He was still pissed, and part of him really wanted to just walk out on her, let her suffer through the pain the way he had, he couldn’t. And that in and of itself was even a little loathsome.
---
If he’d wanted retribution, he’d gotten it, because Cherry felt like shit. She’d been rejected before, but not like this. She hadn’t cared deeply for anyone else, told them so, and then been shut out. It hurt like nothing else could. She didn’t know how Loghan had managed to survive it twice. No wonder he didn’t want her. Cherry had put him through too much pain.
Her own pain intensified when he held her, because it was out of pity. He wasn’t going to change his mind. Loghan was trying to soften the blow, and Cherry couldn’t stand it. After a few quiet moments in his arms, she pulled free. “Don’t pity me. I don’t want it.”
---
“I don’t...” He lied a little, unable to explain himself or the fact that he understood how much it hurt and still felt terrible for making her feel it. Letting go as she pulled free, Lo stepped back with a sigh, letting her go, letting her leave. He’d follow soon after through the door but in the opposite direction. There was only one way he could find the break he needed now and give her the space she’d require. The space she’d been so gracious to give him though he’d never wanted it. Lo would disappear into the trees and grass, staying far away for a little while.
--
Cherry was hesitant to leave. She stood there for a moment, hoping he would change his mind, tell her he still loved and wanted her, and then they could go back to bed and start over again. He didn’t, and they wouldn’t.
With no other choice, Cherry left. Her breath caught for a moment as she heard his footsteps behind her, still stupidly hopeful, but the footsteps grew faint because they were moving away from her. By the time she turned around, Loghan wasn’t even visible. It was just an empty hallway. Thankfully, her apartment wouldn’t be completely empty, though she doubted Rocco could offer the support she needed right now.