Friday: September/12/08
Who: Loghan and Cherry (aka Molly) When: Friday night Where: starting at the stables What: talking
Friday nights were usually spent out on the town or in Malakai’s bed. Not this Friday night. Instead, Cherry threw on some loose fitting jeans, sweatshirt and sneakers and headed outside for a walk. She contemplated taking Rocco with her, but he’d drag her around and dictate what they did, so Cherry resolved to walk him after she’d had a stroll of her own. She needed to clear her head and wander aimlessly.
This had been a rough week for the empath. Thursday was particularly hard. Not only did it mark the anniversary of a tragedy that made her think of her brother more than normal and worry about him terribly, but she’d gotten in an argument with Loghan, and he’d been unwilling to talk with her about the sadness she was experiencing. It hurt knowing that the one person at school who knew her best, the only one here who knew her family, was incapable of being there for her. Why couldn’t they have stayed friends?
Cherry’s mindless footsteps lead her to the stables, and she leaned against the fencing to watch the horses graze in contentment. Watching them was soothing, enough so that she fell into a trance like state that made her oblivious to the approach of another.
--- His first week back and Lo was already declining invitations out for the weekend. He needed some along time to clear his head after the week he’d had. He was still entirely confused and uncomfortable with Rocky and it’d really begun to take a toll messing with his head an all. The argument with Molly the day after only had him further on edge. She’d really gotten under his skin, as she was so good at doing, and had made him somewhat insecure about the time he spent with Raquel now. The lecture about sleeping with and abusing a student had eaten away at him all morning and it made him pissed enough to hunt Molly down and make her feel like a complete fool for being a hypocrite and assuming.
Those thought alone had become exhausting, especially when battling the guilt he felt for now being there for her when she really needed someone. He knew, without her even having to tell him, that he was the only person on campus that knew her family, had actually met them and known them. He knew what Ryan meant to her and the emotions she struggled with in regard to him and his deployment. Yet she was unfair and cruel to expect him to put everything aside, the way she’d treated him, to comfort her in her time of need.
Returning to the stables after a ride around the campus edge, Lo hopped down from the saddle, reigns still in hand, he’d made his way in. Spotting Molly on his way, he’d ignore her for now, opting to get the stallion settled. After a few minutes, stacking the gear up in the corner, he’d make his way out to her, unsure of whether or not she’d been waiting for him. Regardless, he knew he needed to talk to her. How she did this to him every time, he didn’t know, he hated being a sucker for her. “Hey...”
---
Cherry didn’t expect to bump into Loghan. And she assumed that if he did spot her, he’d go out of his way to avoid talking to her. It came as a great surprise when he walked up and greeted her.
Head snapping to the side at the sound of his voice, Cherry’s breath caught briefly. She’d been startled like one of the horses. “Hey,” she said, hand to her chest to calm it. “Sorry.. I was in a daze. You scared me.” She turned to lean her back against the fence so she could face Loghan. “What are you doing out here?”
---
“I’m always out here...” Something he would’ve expected her to be aware of. Aside from Loghan preferring to sleep under the stars and working around the grounds, he tended to prefer the company of animals rather than people. “I’m sorry I scared you.” He paused a moment, looking down at his black motorcycle boots, hair falling in his face before her looked back to her. “I’m sorry I was a dick last night. You’re really good at pushing my buttons.” He let out a low breath before continuing. “And I’m sorry about Ryan. I know...” His voice trailed, obviously understanding the situation.
It killed him that she hurt and yet he hated her for hurting him. It was difficult to move away from when she kept finding ways to squeeze back into his life. Though he knew, even if only a little, that he did it, too. Finding excuses to run into her or see her was only bad news for both of them. Although he knew he didn’t want to be with her anymore, he was having a hard time finding the foundation of just a friendship under the wreckage of their relationship. ---
Cherry sighed and ran her fingers back through her hair, looking up rather than down the way he was. “You weren’t a dick. I shouldn’t have accused you of sleeping with Rocky. It doesn’t even matter if you are. It’s none of my business.” She couldn’t help but feel a little jealous, even though Cherry clearly didn’t have the right. He needed to move on, but she hoped he’d do so in such a way that no one got hurt. Cherry would hate for another girl to suffer because of the damage she’d done to Loghan’s heart.
Loghan had placed himself back in Cherry’s life. That was his doing. He’d returned to the school. He’d come to see her at her apartment with that flimsy excuse of returning her hairbrush. Loghan couldn’t let go, though she supposed she didn’t make it easy. Needing him when she was feeling low like this just made it all the harder for him to get on with his life.
“He won’t even tell me exactly where he is or what he’s doing. They’re not allowed.” Cherry understood, but it didn’t make it any easier. Every single news report about the death of an American service member made her heart stop. It felt like it didn’t start beating again until she learned that her brother was alive and well.
--- She was right, it wasn’t any of her business and to some degree the fact that she’d acted as though it were last night had probably been more of the catalyst for his anger than anything else. He was trying to set it aside now, but it still nagged at him a little in the back of the brain. He’d have to shove his hands into the pockets of his jeans to keep himself from reaching out to hug her or pull her close. It wasn’t appropriate and she’d only get the wrong idea. As far as she was concerned he still wasn’t over her and was entirely capable of sexually using some poor student to get over her. Fuck, it really pissed him off.
Pushing his fingers through his hair, his mouth dropped open to say something but he found himself at a loss. What could he possibly say to comfort her right now? “Worrying yourself isn’t going to change anything... all you can do is hope for the best.” A truth for everything on this planet, it was the only honest words he could offer. ---
Cherry could have used a hug right now. She couldn’t count on anyone else to offer that sort of comfort. Malakai was physically warm due to being a hellhound, but he lacked the emotional warmth she sometimes needed. He cared for her, yes, but not the way Loghan did.
Wrapping her arms across her chest to cover the University of Nevada logo on her sweatshirt, Cherry looked around. She appeared lost. Ryan was the only person who caused her to get upset like this. He was a constant source of worry and sadness when he was overseas. “I suppose,” was all she said in response to Loghan’s attempt at comfort. It didn’t help. She didn’t feel even remotely better.
--- He internally despised her for making him feel inadequate on so many levels. Nothing he did ever felt right and she remained a complete enigma to him. Any other woman would’ve taken everything he tried to offer with joy and exubernece. Molly had declined... twice. He wanted her, it was too much. He stopped, it wasn’t enough. He touched her, he was needy. He didn’t, he was unaffectionate. She didn’t have to say it, he could see it and feel it. Clenching his teeth a bit in frustration, his cheek bones stiffened as he stared at her, wrapping her arms around herself.
The body language said enough for him to toss reservation out the window along with her obnoxious assumptions and presumptious accusations. Reaching out between the small space from his body to hers, Lo took a gentle hold of her arm moving it down from its crossed position over her chest and guided her to the free space on his chest and open arms. ---
Loghan hadn’t done anything wrong. Well, maybe taking her out to the middle of nowhere to live some sort of nomadic existence had been a bad move, but other than that he’d been wonderful. Cherry just wasn’t a good fit for him. Even when things felt right, they weren’t. He’d always have doubts about her. Even now he refused to believe that she really cared for him or that she’d wanted to be with him when they left school together. He was incapable of viewing sex as an action rather than a feeling when it came to the other people she slept with. He couldn’t understand that it meant something when she was with him.
Cherry readily accepted Loghan’s embrace. She fell against his chest and rested there for him to hold her. It was nice and familiar and really did make her feel a bit better. “I’m sorry...” for what? “For... everything.”
--- Loghan was aware of her reasoning, but it felt false. It didn’t seem like a legitimate enough reason to not be with someone. It made it even more difficult to believe that he’d ever meant more to her than anyone else had, but that was no longer important. Entirely irrelevant. Because it was over and he was never knocking on that door again. She’d walked out on his open heart twice now, he wasn’t stupid enough to make that mistake a third time.
Wrapping his arms around her, he held Molly close, better able to express himself physically in this case rather than verbally. Nuzzling the tip of his nose against the top of her head, he let out a low sigh at her apology, pressed a kiss to her head before returning the tip of his nose to rest in her pink hair. Eyes closed. It was better to just leave it alone. He was tired of going around in circles about it and genuinely wanted to let it go, even if he was having a hard time prying his fingers from the situation. ---
Cherry didn’t know why she kept running away from Loghan. It wasn’t like she was some poor, abused child who had never known love. She wasn’t a whore because of any sort of feeling of worthlessness. She wasn’t even afraid of falling for someone. Cherry simply believed she wasn’t cut out to be in a relationship, and she cared about Loghan enough to let him look for someone who was.
But he kept on clinging to her. Quite literally. Cherry could feel a few tears threatening to escape her eyelids, and she found that she enjoyed Loghan’s hold on her more than she should. Not wanting to make things harder on him, the empath pulled away and wiped at her eyes. “I should go. But, uh... thanks. I’ll tell Ryan you said hi the next time I talk to him.”
--- Lo wasn’t exactly prepared to let go but did as soon as he began to feel her stir in his arms, pulling away. Brows wrinkled as he watched her hands rise up to her eyes wiping them dry. The look of genuine concern was obvious and he suddenly felt like he might have worsened the situation and her fears about Ryan. Had he really failed her that horribly in comforting her? Fuck. “Molly...”
“You sure you’re okay?” He inquired, horrified that he might have just screwed up... again. He still couldn’t bring himself to call her Cherry, no matter how many times he heard others call her by the name. It’d always feel foreign on his tongue. ---
Cherry didn’t mind him calling her by her real name. It was actually nice. Loghan was a reminder of who she really was without all the makeup and crazy clothes and outlandish hair colors. She was just plain old Molly Evans with him.
She shook her head at his question, “No, not really, but I will be. It’ll fade until the next time it all flares up again.” Sometimes it was weeks. Sometimes it was months. The feeling of dread was impossible to predict. It snuck up on her each and every time, though it was expected this time of year. “Don’t worry, okay?” she requested, putting her hand on his chest briefly.
--- Brows and forehead wrinkled as he looked at her, gaze stuck on her face. How could he not worry? Aside from the tears and understanding her relationship with Ryan, Lo also had gotten a clear concept of what life was like for her as an empath during the short amount of time they had spent together. It was a small part of the reason he’d taken her away, to give her a break and make sure that the things she was feeling were sincere and her own. But it’d turned into a complete disaster.
Hand rose up to cover hers when she’d set her palm to his chest. Despite his better judgment, he found himself inviting her to hang out his place. “You don’t have to be alone... You can hang out at my place or we can go find a distraction.” ---
Being an empath was extremely hard sometimes. It seemed to be more difficult here at school. There were some seriously troubled people at TJS, and Cherry had trouble handling their emotions at times. It was probably why she liked Loghan and Malakai so much. They were mostly immune to her gift. Cherry wasn’t forced to feel everything they felt.
This was why Cherry had pulled away moments before. Because Loghan wasn’t able to help himself, and unfortunately, neither was Cherry. It was a bad idea, but she found herself nodding. “Either sounds good.”
--- Letting go of her hand, he’d drop his down to his side, “Feel like taking a ride?” Brow rose as he reached into his pocket to grab his car keys. He had a particular place in mind, though even the drive itself would be nice. Forcing any notion that this could potentially be a bad idea, Lo started walking with her regardless, his boots silent against the grass. Much like the heavy thoughts that fell from his mind into the depths of his stomach knotting it up.
He didn’t want to give a shit about her anymore. But Molly had made her impression and although there wasn’t any intention for romantic purpose, it was far too easy to fall into old habits to make up for the loneliness felt in the absent space since her. This was undoubtedly a challenge for him, but he’d take it on, knowing this would only help him get past the shitty in between phase and possibly bring them closer to a place where they might manage friendship. ---
An eyebrow raised as Loghan mentioned a ride. She initially thought he meant the horses, which would be fine, but then he pulled out his keys, and that seemed more her style. Cherry loved animals, but right now she needed to zone out a bit, and riding horses required thinking. “Yeah, a ride sounds good.”
Cherry shoved her hands into the pocket of her sweatshirt and walked alongside Loghan to the staff parking lot. It was better than taking hold of his arm like she normally would have. Cherry really didn’t want to confuse Loghan. Sure, she’d gladly have sex with him again, and it would be amazing as always, but then they’d end up back where they started, and everything would go to hell again. Cherry needed him as a friend without benefits, because anything else would lead to hurt feelings.
--- Walking in stride with her, Lo was beginning to feel a little more comfortable without needing her comfort. Loghan had no interest in sleeping with her and he’d be grateful for every second that passed that it didn’t have to come up, that he didn’t have to tell her, because he knew it’d only blow up in his face. She’d take it wrong, he wouldn’t be able to communicate properly... nothing ever went smoothly with them it seemed.
He wouldn’t be confused by anything she did, because he wouldn’t allow it. Lo wasn’t naive enough to fall for her again or to dive head first into any of it again. He’d offered what he had to give and she refused. There was nothing to muddy or confuse anymore. The fact was he didn’t view sex casually, although he’d done it in the past, he preferred to be with someone that meant something to him. He had his hand to occupy him until that happened again. As gorgeous as she was and as much as a sucker for her as he could be, even if Molly had made an advance now, Lo would easily turn her away. He was trying to give her the only thing she did want from him and that was difficult enough for him.
Reaching the car, an old beater of a car, he’d unlock the doors manually and open her door before making his way around to the driver’s side. ---
Cherry gave a small smile of appreciation when Loghan opened the door for her. “Thanks,” she whispered and slipped inside. She knew she was stupid for not wanting to spend the rest of her life with Loghan. He was pretty much perfect. Cherry had yet to find a flaw. He’d been created that way, right?
When they wee headed away from the school, she spoke up. “So.. where are we going... or are we just driving to drive?” It didn’t matter either way to her, but she was trying to make conversation. They needed to learn how to talk to each other again, rather than fuck or fight.
--- “You’ll see.” He smiled, a little proud of himself, even if it wasn’t that big of a deal. He knew she’d appreciate it. He knew about her enjoyment of flying and although he didn’t have the ability to take her up in the air right this second, he could do something that came in a close second. Fortunately for him and with the aid of a lead foot, it didn’t more than a few minutes for them to get to the Beverly Municipal Airport from campus.
Yea, he could’ve left things the way they had been Wednesday night. He could’ve seen her at the stables and ignored her. Part of him knew she didn’t deserve half of him if she didn’t want all of him. But it wasn’t in Lo’s nature to shut people out or purposely remove them from his life. It was near impossible for him to hate anyone and he was incapable of pushing her away despite the logical reasons he kept reminding himself of everytime she came up in thought.
The rode in a bit of silence, though he didn’t feel awkward about it, the radio on enough to fill in the empty spaces. When they got there, he’d make no effort to make it anymore of a surprise. Pulling up to the fence that blocked off the outside world from the end of a runway, Lo turned the headlights off and leaned back in his seat. ---
Cherry loved flying. She hadn’t taken a plane up in months, and she missed it. She often went to the airfield to watch the planes land and depart, so it wasn’t long before Cherry realized that’s where Loghan was headed. She smiled and glanced over at him. And he said he didn’t know her. What a load of crap. No one else would think of this.
“You remember when we used to do this back home?” she asked when the car was turned off. Those nights often ended up with the both of them in the backseat, but that wasn’t what Cherry was thinking about. She just remembered how nice it was to spend an evening at the airfield with Loghan.
--- A half smile appeared on the lower half of his face. Light eyes focused on the planes rather than looking at her. It wasn’t until she’d started talking that he began regretting doing this. Just a little bit. He didn’t want to remember. Lo didn’t want to look back on how enthralled he’d been with her then, how he’d met her family and loved them, and everything seemed perfect... except for the bit about him being an elemental. But he’d tricked himself into believing that even if only for her lifetime, they could have most so many mortals got to. He didn’t want to remember the nights in the backseat of his beat up car or the way she’d left her scent behind on his sheets even long after she’d left him. Instead, now it only reminded him of how eternally alone he was.
“Yea.” His voice was low, quiet, as he crossed his arms over his chest as if trying to keep warm. He was trying to keep guarded. This was about making her feel better and he needed to remind himself that the past was to be put aside, atleast for this. ---
Cherry recalled those nights fondly, but upon noticing the change in Loghan’s tone and posture, she frowned. Loghan didn’t feel the same. He didn’t enjoy those memories. For him, they were painful.
“I come here by myself a lot. Well, sometimes I bring Rocco, but he gets antsy and wants to leave before I’m ready. I’m not sure anyone other than you appreciates how peaceful it is to watch the planes come and go.” Or maybe he didn’t and was simply pretending to to make her happy. It was entirely possible. Loghan had always been the sort to put his needs aside in order to help others. That’s what he was doing tonight.
--- “I’ve been here a few times before, too...” He admitted, though he was mentally scolding himself for opening up when he was trying to, well not necessarily shut her out, but keep her at arm’s length. Molly was dangerous territory for him. He’d already fallen for her and stupidly, there was still the potential to do it again. Loghan was just a sucker for gorgeous women with intelligence and a sense of self sufficiency. They could all too easily turn him into a stupid school boy, despite the cool and seemingly apathetic facade he liked to keep up.
Yes, Lo was without a doubt giving and selfless with those he cared about. But he was trying to shove Molly out of the category. Instead he told himself he was being nice to a potential friend and giving himself a break. Though this could hardly be called a break when he was sitting in a time warp with the woman who’d broken his heart twice. It was still hard to let go, the scorned feeling, forgiving her and acting as though it had no longer happened. Even if his heart wasn’t hurt, his pride still was. The ego always took longer to recover. ---
Cherry could see everything Loghan was feeling, even though she couldn’t sense it through her powers. She’d only been able to get glimpses of his emotions in the past. For the most part, he was able to block her out. But knowing Loghan as well as she did, it was easy to see what he was going through right now.
“I’m kinda.. tired. We should go back.” As much as Cherry wanted his company right now, it wasn’t good for him. If she really wanted to be able to call herself his friend again, then she needed to start acting like it and look out for his best interest.
--- “You sure?” Brows furrowed as he finally turned his head to face her, the look of concern returning. It was unlike to miss out on something like this. He wasn’t stupid, though he didn’t want to press the issue either. Even if it was just about Ryan, Loghan wasn’t prepared to open another can of worms right now. He’d take each instance like a hurdle to be conquered. Sitting up a little in the seat, he waited to hear her out, not bothering to touch the steering wheel or stick shift.
He had wanted to sit here with her, he just hadn’t wanted to remember the way things had been. Images of the two of them half dressed unable to kiss each other hard enough or get to skin fast enough liked to creep into his mind and made it all too difficult to want to do these things for her. ---
Cherry sighed. “I don’t think you’re ready for this, Loghan, and I don’t wanna be a bitch. So, I think it’s best if you take me home.” Couldn’t he see that she was trying to be nice? Cherry was still very much attracted to Loghan, and she’d gladly get naked in the backseat with him right this moment. “I think it’s gonna take awhile for us to be friends again. You don’t trust me... and... maybe you shouldn’t.”
--- Forehead remained wrinkled at her words. Was she serious? First she needs him. And even when he tells her he’s not ready she waits until he’s already been there for her to tell him now she doesn’t think he’s ready. This was the sort of fickle nature that drove Loghan nuts and created problems in the relationship. She was never aware until after things had served their purpose for her. Let out a frustrated sigh, when he brought himself to a point where he could do something for her, she tried to give it back. He never knew where to stand with her.
“What?” It was that last part that left him most confused. Why shouldn’t he trust her? What the hell did that even mean? ---
“Because.. because I’m thinking about you naked, okay? And I’m always going to want you, but it doesn’t mean I should have you. I don’t deserve you. We both know that. I just fuck everything up on a regular basis. So I’m trying really hard to just be friends with you. And that would be a lot easier if you just drove me home right now so I wasn’t tempted to flirt with you and land us right back in the situation where we started.” All her words were blurted out, some of them not quite thought over before being voiced. She had a lot in her head right now.
--- Molly was without a doubt infuriating. She wanted to be friends, now she wasn’t ready, he wasn’t ready, yet she’d wanted friendship instantly. Loghan was getting tired of dancing this dance with her, yet he couldn’t entirely walk away. Shaking his head in disbelief, he turned his head look out of his side window as she went on after mentioning thinking of him naked. Lo could’ve used this to his advantage. He could’ve had her if he really wanted to. But he didn’t. He didn’t want to be her temporary solution to the shitty feeling she had.
Smirking he looked back to her, gaze slightly narrowed at her. “What makes you so sure we’d end up anywhere near where we started?” Was she really so vain to believe that she was so irresistible that he wouldn’t be able to control himself emotionally? He’d just turn into a love sick puppy all over again. For a third time. Hah. ---
Cherry wasn’t smiling. She just looked away from him, staring out the window. “You’re right. We wouldn’t.” Because he’d never see her the way he used to. If they did hook up, it’d probably be like that night she got so mad at him. He’d touched her in a way that seemed to indicate he thought of her as a whore. She was one, but she didn’t want Loghan thinking about her that way, because his viewpoint on what her career was really like was not quite accurate.
“Will you please take me home?” she asked as nicely as she could. Cherry didn’t want to fight, and it felt like that’s where this was all headed.
--- “Yea...” His voice was quiet, defeated although he hadn’t been fighting or looking for one. He hadn’t like the way she asked him to take her home, as if he’d forced her here or was now making her uncomfortable. She was no victim and he hated her ability to make him feel like the asshole. Putting his seat belt back on, Lo threw the car in reverse and back out of the spot they’d occupied for only a short time. The ride back was going to be unnervingly silent.
Loghan hadn’t and would never touch her like a whore. He didn’t have misconstrued perceptions of what it was she did. But it had indeed been incredibly different for her considering it’d been entirely without emotion, something she’d never experienced with him. He’d treated her the way he’d treat any girl quick to hop on his dick after only meeting him for a half hour at a bar. The sex would be good, but the affection wouldn’t really be there. And if it were it’d be false. Though these things would only be obvious or noticeable to someone who’d seen what Lo was like when he cared. ---
It wasn’t her intention to make him feel bad, quite the opposite. Cherry was trying to salvage their friendship, but it seemed everything she did just made things worse. She was at a loss for how to fix this.
Keeping silent for the trip home seemed like a good idea. If Cherry spoke up, she would no doubt say something to anger him. Maybe all they needed was a great deal of time and space. Space would be difficult since they were bound to run into each other on a regular basis, but they didn’t have to talk when they saw each other.
When they arrived back at the school, she removed her seatbelt but didn’t hop out of the car. “I don’t want to lose you as my friend. You’re the only person who has ever really known me.”
--- Pulling into the staff parking lot and parking, he turned the car off and took the keys out of the ignition. Staying put as she spoke he felt himself drowning int he overwhelming complications of their relationship. He nodded without a word, not knowing what to say to that. Anything he’d said would lead them into a disagreement, an argument that she’d walk away from in tears, even if she’d brough this all on herself. Unbuckling his seat belt, Lo got out of the car and left it at that.
---
Cherry stayed in the car a moment longer after Loghan got out. She wasn’t going to cry here and now, but she probably would be a sobbing mess later. It wasn’t all about Loghan though. She was feeling more emotional lately, because it seemed everyone in the school was upset over something. It was increasingly hard to block it out, even harder when she was thinking about her brother so much.
Finally, she climbed out of the car and gently shut the door. Cherry made no attempt to go back to her apartment though. She’d wanted to return ‘home,’ but wasn’t quite ready to go inside. Instead, she headed back toward to the stables where she started.