Jacob Hembry (prismane) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2010-05-04 12:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | jacob, lyle |
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Who: Jacob and Lyle
Where: Jacob's room
When: afternoonish
What: Lyle visits Jacob and Jacob chooses a temporary cowardly solution.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Jacob had no idea what it meant. He memorized the poem that had been on her and ran the lines over and over in his mind, not knowing if it was about him or not. There was no way of knowing now. He had gathered several items from her room to remind him of Dizzy Saturday night. Sleep was erratic, his breathing became laboured and cold sweat ran down his back. Watching DVDs didn't help, neither did reading, and so he switched between the two. He vomited half a dozen times in his grief, although he wasn't able to cry yet. No, he was still much too numb and sick.
His leather jacket, once hidden, was on his bed and in one of the pockets, contained a small amount of whiskey. He couldn't drink it. The thought of intoxicating himself was just too painful, knowing the harm it could do. People had wanted him to stop after all, and his throat clenched tightly. Fuck. Shit. Damn. Hell. It wasn't long before these inner thoughts were voiced aloud and Jacob picked up a vial of some chemical, throwing against the wall with a yell. "NO!" He rose from the chair and grabbed it to smash against the wall as well. His closest friend, gone - he never knew such pain. This wasn't supposed to happen. Yet she had said she wasn't reliable, that this was an option and he hadn't listened to her. He had thought they would go to Japan together. They should have.
Jacob lied on his bed and stared at the ceiling.
---
As soon as Lyle had heard about Dizzy, his heart had sank down into his feet. It wasn't as though he was surprised at all as to what had happened to her, but poor Jacob. The guy was weird when it came to emotions, didn't show them well. And he had really tried to do whatever it was he thought it was would impress Dizzy. The guy liked Dizzy, really liked her. And now she was gone.
Getting dressed but still barefoot, Lyle padded down the hallway to his old bedroom, where Jacob still lived. The room held so many memories, was where their friendship started. Was where Lyle had first met Pey, had first met Jacob. Where his roommate had crawled into his bed in the middle of the night, blind, looking for comfort. For a second Lyle considered knocking, since it wasn't his room anymore and Jacob usually locked the door. But he didn't think the witch would have remembered today, and he didn't think he'd be let in if he knocked. So grabbing the doorknob (and half expecting to be burned), Lyle let himself in.
It looked like Jacob himself were dead. He was just lying there, staring up, expressionless. If it weren't for the slow, subtle rise and fall of his chest, Lyle wouldn't have been sure the witch was alive. Without a word, the young vampire laid down on the bed beside his friend, looking up at the ceiling. His cool hand searched the bedspread until he found his friend's, then laced their fingers together. "I'm sorry, dude," he said softly.
---
On an ordinary day, Jacob would have locked the door and put a harsh spell on it, harming the person who attempted to open it in a severe manner. He was so emotionally distraught that he couldn't manage to maintain the spell, nor did he feel like anyone would come to see him. Guess as though he was wrong. Someone opened the door, walked into his room and he couldn't be bothered to see who it was. It did not matter. Sounds seemed dulled, nothing was right anymore. Why had this happened? It made no sense. Lyle's presence confused him as well, though he supposed he was doing the friend thing. This was wrong.
"You shouldn't be here," he whispered. "Go be with your brother and girlfriend." It made him nauseous to say that word and he let go of Lyle's hand, turning on his side to face the wall. Unfortunately, he felt restless and edged off the bed, returning to the desk. He didn't feel as though that Lyle was really here for him because he had more important things and people to which to attend. Better than he just bury himself in his reading, bending his head so hair covered his eyes. What was the point in having anything meaningful with anyone when they could dump you or die? There was no guarantee in anything or anyone.
He stared at the words on the pages in front of him and they started to blur. He blinked and they remained blurred, making him wonder what was the matter. Oh, his eyes appeared to be wet. Wiping at his eyes, Jacob shut the book and tossed it in front of him onto the desk. Damn it. This was going to be a problem if he broke down in front of his friend and in fact, he refused to do so.
---
Lyle had anticipated Jacob would pull away, both physically and emotionally. The witch wasn't easy to get to. He shut people out, hid himself away, buried himself in his magic and studies. Even now, Jacob got up from the bed and went directly to his books, trying to act like he was okay, like he didn't need someone. Lyle knew better. Sitting up, he watched the older man move around, attempt to read, start to cry and act llike he wasn't.
Finally getting up from the bed, Lyle stood next to Jacob at his desk, looking down at him. "They don't need me," he said quietly. "There's no place else I need to be." Except here. Lyle hoped that the unspoken end of the sentence was understood, that Jacob knew he meant it. He knew Jacob needed someone, and since Pearl wasn't here then Lyle needed to be. He wanted to be. Tentatively, he reached out to run his hand over Jacob's hair, pulling the boy's head toward him until it rested against his stomach. "You're allowed to be upset," he murmured softly, stroking Jacob's short blonde tresses. "You don't have to go through this by yourself."
---
More than anything, he wanted to yell at Lyle, to tell him to let him indulge in his self-pity, and the words just didn't come out of his mouth. He wanted to vomit but nothing happened. Everything remained numb and he leaned into Lyle, much too out of it to do much of anything. It took a few minutes of sitting there before he was able to manage to speak once more. Somewhat. "I saw her lying there," he whispered. "Looked asleep but she wasn't. Carried her to the infirmary." He pulled away from Lyle just then to lean his head forward, clenching his fists. He felt like he had to do something, although nothing would stop the awful feeling he felt.
Lyle had never lost his best friend before, as far as he knew, and he wished that he could manage to ask if he had any previous experience with this. Jacob was restless now and rose from his desk to stand, then he paced back and forth, though his anger remained at the same level. He needed to do something constructive before he did something destructive. Going to his closet, he opened it and pulled out the bag where he kept his extra magic supplies, withdrawing the lamp he had given Dizzy and taken from her room. He stuck it on the wall and turned it on, returning to get his large magical supply toolbox. His hands were shaking as he took out some white candles. He didn't know what he was doing, but he knew he just had to do something.
---
Lyle was like Jacob, in that when tragedy struck he got antsy, couldn't sit still. So he got out of the way as the witch paced around the room, just watching him carefully. He hadn't been so naive as to think that, when Jacob leaned into his comfort, the moment might last.
When the magical toolbox came out, Lyle's face tightened. This was probably not good. Without Pearl, without the ability to focus properly, Jacob would probably do something that would hurt himself. He was all Id right now, emotion and need and want. Jacob's hands were shaking and his eyes wild and cheeks still tear streaked. After a moment's hesitation, Lyle went over and stood beside Jacob, taking a few candles from his hands. "I'm helping," he informed his friend, before he could even ask. "You'll probably set fire to me or something but... I wanna help."
---
Jacob realized that he couldn't perform any spell he wanted that would help when he was like this and he was the only one who knew the spell. Pearl only knew the spells that were necessary every once in a while and what they learned in class, and he didn't give a shit about the other witches in the school. "I'm not going to set you on fire," he retorted. Was that what he was now, a magical joke? It made him angrier. If he was trying, he'd do a lot more than just blinding people for a few days. If magic wasn't the answer, then he had no idea what was. He stared at the candles in his hands, trying to think of what he needed.
"I need you to calm me down," Jacob stated, "and you can't stop me casting this spell." What spell was it? He grabbed one of the magical textbooks he had on his shelf and turned to the page that he remembered containing the spell. He was right. Retrieving a hair from the small vial labelled Dizzy, he also withdrew lavender and rosemary. The candles needed to be in a circle around him as usual and he placed a hair of his own upon a tiny pillow he used for dreams. He had to make this more powerful so he'd remain dreaming for a longer period of time. "Blow out the candles when I fall asleep. Then leave the room."
---
Jacob wasn't making much sense, but Lyle didn't really expect him to. Sometimes the witch might as well have been speaking in tongues when he went on about his spells and such. Lyle didn't understand what the other man ever did, and sometimes there were successes and sometimes there was cursing. With the look of determination on Jacob's face, the vampire didn't think that failure was an option this time. The best way to calm Jacob was to agree with him, so Lyle nodded at him. He was really nervous about whatever Jacob was planning, but he'd said he wanted to help. He knew this was not going to be easy. Nothing with Jacob ever was.
"Jacob," he said softly, watching his friend prepare whatever spell he was doing, "are you... what are you doing? I mean you're not gonna... try to..." He didn't want to ask if Jacob was going to kill himself, but a part of him was terrified that this might be just that.
---
Jacob wasn't much for talking or making sense right now because everything hurt. He needed to take deep breaths, deep breaths, and he exhaled in order to remove some of the tension that gripped his heart. He felt sick and started to calm down, unclenching his fists. He withdrew the lighter from his pocket, lighting the candles one by one, clockwise, starting from the candle in front of him and turned around as he did so. He missed the nervousness Lyle showed completely, nor could he pay much attention to him in this troubled state. He knew, more than anything else, that he needed to cast this and see her in his dream to find closure. This had happened before, but he never dared to cast the spell for longer than a couple of hours because his parents would notice that he was missing.
Now it didn't matter. "What?" Jacob said, irritated more than anything else. "Cast a spell? Yes, I am going to try to do that." He glared at his friend and then started to cast the spell. The actual spell casting would last two minutes and required precise speaking and hand movements.
---
In everyday circumstance, Lyle would probably deliver a hard smack to Jacob, try and knock some stupid out of him and some sense back in. But today he couldn't. Watching Jacob, seeing how shaken he was, how nervous and desperate and hurt was just too much for Lyle to take. He stood back to as to stay out of the way, watching the other man work. Was this it? Was he watching Jacob about to die? He couldn't even bring himself to ask. Right now, he didn't think he could find a valid argument to stop him. If something had happened to Peyton, Lyle would have been the same way.
---
Jacob didn't want death; he just needed an escape for a while. He had no intention of talking to people who either knew Dizzy or didn't and still wanted to talk. Talking wasn't the solution, at least not right now. It was weird having a person stare at him while he was trying to cast a spell, but he did anyway. This was what he needed to do. He finished casting the spell and blackness surrounded him, pushing him into a world of his subconscious. Maybe there he would find some peace of mind. Little did he know that he wouldn't.