nocturnalcoitus (nocturnalcoitus) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2010-03-22 18:11:00 |
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Entry tags: | adora, duncan |
Sunday, April 20th, 2008
Who: Duncan and Adora
When: Sunday Afternoon
Where: Duncan's Apartment
What: Adora finally comes clean about lying about dating Keagan and it doesn't go well
Adora had spent most of Saturday talking with Keagan, weighing and re-weighing her options. Did she want to be honest with Duncan? Of course she did! Well, sort of. She wanted to, but only if he reciprocated because the idea of making an ass out of herself YET AGAIN was pretty damned unappealing. But she couldn't stand all the awkward tension between them. They had been friends, she hadn't had a friend this close in a long, long time, and Nox couldn't really even compare because their type of trust had been very different from the trust she and Duncan had. For one thing, she had based her friendship with Duncan on being honest. She wasn't good at that. And part of her had thought she could just go back to being... well... Adora.
But, the end result had been pretty final. Keagan could tell just by looking at her that lying wasn't helping. And then he pointed out the very honest and blunt truth of it all, it was him lying to Astrid that got him in his mess. She didn't need to get any further into the one she was creating for herself.
Which led her here, to Duncan's apartment Sunday afternoon. Clearing her throat and taking a deep breath to steady herself, she reached up and knocked firmly, trying to ignore the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach.
---
Duncan had been positively gloomy since their outing. She was acting strange, and he knew it would happen. It had happened before. You could never really truly stay friends with a FWB person after they started dating someone else. It always became too awkward, or you'd pick it back up again, or .. something confusing.
He was surprised to see at his door on Sunday. "Adora.." he said, softly, opening the door a little wider to let her in. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
---
"Do you... have a minute?" Adora's expression was much less nervous than she felt, but it still betrayed that she definitely had something on her mind and it was just itching to come out. "I think we need to, um... to talk. About... well, about a lot of things." She glanced past him to the apartment. Wow, for some reason that place still seemed comfortable and safe.... "Do you think we can talk inside? Or... or not, if you don't want me to..."
---
"Of course, of course come in," he sputtered, barely leaving room between his words. He side stepped and ushered her in with a sweep of his arm, closing the door behind her and moving toward the kitchen. "You want a drink?" The wine bottle with the cork in it was rather telling, so he added:
"...I was just about to have .. some wine.."
---
"U-um..." Adora glanced around, stopping in the middle of his living room, her hands pressed together at her stomach as she debated what to say. With a deep breath, she turned to face him and cleared her throat. "You know what? Um, that's fine, no, I don't need anything to drink because I really really need to get this out in the open before I completely lose every little bit of nerve I have." It was coming out fast, but not nearly as fast as she could have been, which was good. So far, she sounded pretty put together. "I know that you know that I've been acting... weird over the last week and basically ever since you... you walked in on... me and Keagan it got... weird and that's when it started. And it's because I... I haven't... been... totally honest with you." Adora paused to take a breath, and also to gauge his reaction.
---
She's pregnant. She's engaged. She's in love. She's been seeing him the entire time and he had no idea, and now he does, and he's going to come kill me.
Duncan ignored the way his entire body seemed to tense up. "....Yes?" What on earth could it be? He wanted the answer but at the same time was afraid. She HAD been acting strangely, this was entirely true.
Over the course of a few centuries Duncan had learned a few things about the 'friends with benefits' situation. He had, a few times, fleetingly theorized that perhaps the occasional bicker fights he had with Adora were because she possibly had feelings for him. This idea had been kaboshed, however, when he caught her moon-faced with Keagan in bed. Now he was completely confused, and despite what Elle had said, he knew that if Adora had developed feelings she probably would have told him. They had always been honest with each other before.
Until now. She'd just said that. He licked his lips.
---
It took her a moment, because part of her was still thinking she was about to make a complete ass out of herself, but she really didn't have a choice, now did she? It was either tell him and take the consequences, or don't tell him and feel miserable and risk ruining their friendship because she wouldn't be able to be around him.
"Keagan and I aren't dating!" Adora blurted out with a breathless gasp, then winced, knowing that probably wasn't really helpful. At all. "We never... we never were. I... I was lying."
---
Confusion. That was the best word for his expression.
".....What?" He took a slow breath. "What do you mean?"
----
Adora took another deep breath, feeling the knot in her stomach grow tighter. She knew it was a risk but she had to come clean. He needed to know. "I lied and let you think we were because I was.... Testing. You."
-----
He leaned in a little, as of she weren't speaking loud enough. "You were....what?" No anger came across his features; just downright confusion.
----
"I was testing you..." She repeated, feeling her cheeks warm with... Well, shame. She was ashamed of her actions. "Because I was starting to get attached to you and I have feelings for you and I was trying to make you jealous!" Oh that sounded worse.
---
Hunh. Adora apparently did not sugarcoat her honesty. Instead of tapping him with it, she gave him a big ol' punch in the face. She punched him in the face with honesty. He blinked as the words sunk in slowly.
"...Oh." He straightened a little, the hair on the back of his neck beginning to stand. His eyebrows pushed together and he canted his head, like a dog that heard a strange noise. "So you...lied? And were.. trying to purposely hurt my feelings in order to gauge if I had specific feelings for...you..." He was working it out as he spoke.
---
"If you haven't been able to tell already, Duncan, I blow at this kind of thing." Adora said, her voice clearly apologetic. She felt horrid. No, worse than horrid. "I... I couldn't sleep with you after I lost the baby because... I was getting attached. I knew it was... different. I didn't think we were just friends anymore... and then when I was just going to put it all aside and call you so I didn't starve, Keagan showed up." Adora swallowed hard and took a step closer to him. "Duncan, I know it was stupid to do that to you, I should have just been honest, but I couldn't... I was afraid that... you wouldn't reciprocate. I thought maybe if I was with Keagan it wouldn't be so bad if you... didn't."
---
Duncan was obviously slow at the moment, because all he responded was: "Ah. Keagan was in the wrong -- or right, depending upon whose talking -- place at the wrong -- or right -- time."
---
"Wrong place, wrong time. For both of us. He didn't like it any more than I did." Adora sighed, but she was starting to get a little frustrated that Duncan seemed to be going at maybe a quarter of the speed she was. "I was starving, I wasn't thinking, and I know that doesn't excuse what happened afterward, but... you were hurt, Duncan. When you found us, you were hurt. That look on your face wasn't fucking embarrassment. You left handprints on my doorframe!"
---
His entire face began to redden by gradual degrees. For the first time he was speechless. His face told everything in a moment or three -- confusion, understanding, and an apology. His lips worked soundlessly before he breathed:
"I...I'm not sure what that was, Adora." There was no 'sorry,' or shrug of his shoulders, but there it was: an apology.
---
"You're... not sure." Adora replied, her voice measured and... a little confused. "Is that... that all you're not sure about?"
---
Backed into a corner now, Duncan felt his chest and throat begin to tighten. Again the silent apology crossed his features, making his mouth slack, his eyebrows turn up into a mournful glance. "Adora... I.. " he pulled back, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "So you and Keagan... " She had lied? Why? What on earth made her think she needed to lie to him? Had he ever been anything but honest and receptive to her?
His hand ran over his face, temporarily hiding it from her. He let out a frustrated spurt of air.
---
"Could you please stop mentioning Keagan!" Adora sighed, completely exasperated. Adora shook her head a little, reaching up and running her hand through her hair. "I just made a total ass out of myself and you don't... have a clue what to say. I mean... okay, I was wrong. Clearly. About us, about this whole thing, so just -" Adora looked up at him. "Tell me how you feel about me so I can just get the hurt out of the way."
--
He drew away completely now, at the first sign of her being annoyed at him -- hadn't she just admitted to lying and trying to manipulate him? -- and even took a step back, his hand dropping until it joined its partner deep inside his jeans pockets. "I don't know," he said, with a shrug that was a tad noncommittal.
"I had been trying to figure it out between you being with Keagan, you dating Keagan, and now...." one hand freed itself to gesture vaguely, loosely, pointlessly. "I don't know. I'm fucked. This is fucked." Hurt, he ducked his head to look right at her. "You purposely lied to me hoping to upset me."
---
"I wasn't hoping to upset you I was hoping you'd feel the same way!" Adora groaned, not really sure how else to say what she wanted to. Her heart was racing, she felt a little sick, but it didn't matter. This was her mess but she just didn't seem to know what to say to clean it up. "I thought if you saw us together you would tell me it wasn't okay! That you didn't want me with him. Instead, you told me it was fun, because we're just friends. And... you know what, Duncan? That's fine. You're not sure." Adora gave a little angry chuckle, that kind of chuckle she had every time something happened she just couldn't quite believe.
"When you figure it out, you let me know, okay? Because in the meantime, I can't just be friends and act like everything's fine and dandy when it hurts lying to you and it hurts telling the truth." Adora started for the door, thinking now would be a good time to leave.
---
Duncan was aghast, and a little sticken. How on EARTH had this happened? What a bloody turnaround! She was such a GIRL! It was ridiculous!
"Wait a bloody second," he crooned, one hand shooting out in a 'pause, halt' motion, finger loose and relaxed. "YOU....." he gestured toward her with a neurotic sort of motion, "....are upset at ME."
---
"Yes. Yes, I am." Adora said firmly, turning to face him fully. "Tough if you don't like it, but I'm not going to apologize for the way you've been perpetuating this whole mess. This isn't just my fault."
---
Duncan's eyes fell out of his head. "WHAT. What isn't your fault? The part where you lied, the part where you attempted to manipulate me, or the part where SOMEHOW, in SOME way I cannot even fathom, you feel like your actions were justified?"
He let out a high pitched sort of laugh, one that was pretty much exactly the same as her previous chuckle -- at least, in origin -- and moved toward her again. "Adora, come on..."
---
"Dooon't do that." Adora warned, keeping her arms crossed over her chest. "Don't sit there and act like I'm being 'emotional' or 'hormonal', because you know what? This all started when you had me stay with you after I lost the baby. And... goddammit, you did not have to be so nice, and spend so much time with me! And then you say you don't know how you feel, which just makes it worse and I don't know how you could not know."
---
Duncan tried to say things, but nothing seemed to want to come out. He wandered closer to his sofa, looking down with the same incredulous smile before collapsing. His hands rose and interlocked behind his neck and he looked at her.
And then he shrugged.
---
"Oh, forget it!" She finally snapped at the way he had just kind of shut down into non-speaking terms. "Awesome. You sit there and shrug. And I will spare us both the hardship of having to talk to one another. Bye, Duncan." Adora made for the door and swung it open, not even bothering to close it as she made her way outside.
---
Duncan had no doubt that Adora would speak to him, again, eventually. If only because he had every intention of speaking to her. Just now now. Or soon. She needed to cool off. So did he. With a sigh, he fell back into the sofa and reached his hands around to cover his own eyes, rubbing hard.
---