William Grey (fallendisgrace) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2010-02-28 00:45:00 |
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Entry tags: | james, will |
Sunday 6th April
WHO: James and Will
WHERE: James' apartment
WHEN: Sunday morning
WHAT: James wanted Will to come over... usual rollercoaster ensues.
RATING: swearing only.
Though James had everything else to deal with - Devon, Lloyd, unpacking - Will found himself giving in to his resolve and walking to the demon's apartment about an hour and a half since he hung up. Yeah he was 30 minutes late but James would wait, Will knew that much. Besides he needed to get rid of the shrink dude first, and seeing as he was having a lie-in the angel figures that could take a while.
Dressed as a toned-down version of himself Will walked across campus to James' place at a slow pace. It was fucking freezing compared to St Lucia and he wasn't yet used to this climate. He'd even slept in his sweater. Still tired from the long journey home when Will arrived outside James' door he paused until his yawns had ceased before knocking the door.
"Pizza delivery," he called, using the voice of a teenager whose voice hadn't yet broken.
---
By all means, James should have been utterly exhausted. He was up way too late talking with Lloyd, and then he was up way too early talking with Will, and he had a million and one things that needed to get done today, but he wasn't tired at all. Or at least he hadn't been tired after Will had finally agreed that he'd come over today.
The rest of the morning had gone swimmingly. Lloyd had woken up shortly after James had hung up with Will and hadn't stayed around much longer than that. James felt a bit bad about that. He knew Lloyd was going through a rough time and he needed someone around, but the man at least understood that James had things he needed to do today, and while James would have normally protested him allowing that to run him off, considering that Will was coming and didn't care to see the demon, he hadn't really protested at all. But he'd make time for him again later this week. And maybe a little time alone to reflect on things wasn't such a bad idea after all.
Will was running late. And while James had noticed, he'd not really minded it too much as that had given him a little time to get a few housekeeping items taken care of before his time was monopolized completely by his lover and then his son. He'd unpacked all his things, gotten all the dirty wash together so that it could be done later, and had even straightened the place up a bit before the knock on the door came. The voice made him smirk. Trying to fake it or not, James knew exactly who was behind that door.
"I didn't order any pizza!" He yelled, creeping over to the door and waiting for just a moment before he pulled it open and, in turn, grabbed Will by the hip to pull him inside. "Mmm, well now, what do we have here?" He couldn't stop himself from grinning. "This is far better than pizza." He teased, a hand sliding down over the other man's ass to give it a nice hard smack. "You're late!"
---
James would definitely know who was on the other side of the door but Will had to make that joke anyway. Unable to keep the grin off his face as the demon called back, Will bit his bottom lip and managed to wipe his smile away just before James opened the door. Giving him the satisfaction of making Will smile would not be granted, oh no no. James would have to earn a smile!
Of course as soon as he was dragged inside a small smirk formed on Will's lips and he even yelped a little as his ass was smacked. Once he recovered he hummed slightly, eyes glinting. "I'm here, aren't I?" the angel answered, winking at James then pinching his ass as he walked past to sit on the sofa. He did so with a great flourish, throwing himself on the cushions. His bed was fine but nothing could compare to sitting on a couch, lying down on the padding... draping himself over James' furniture Will stretched the sleep from his limbs then crossed one leg over the other.
"I'm thirsty. Got any juice?"
---
Will was the type of man that, when he walked into a room, he didn't just walk into the room, he owned it. And James had found that so incredibly infuriating when he had first met the man, before they'd become friends, before they'd become much more than that. And now... There was nothing that he loved more than simply watching Will in action, whether it be in the solitary setting of his living room, or at a crowded street party just off the coast of a beautiful island.
Rolling his eyes, James strolled from the door towards the kitchen. "I always have juice." Good parents did that sort of thing, and in spite of his own insecurities about it, he wasn't a bad father. He was actually pretty good at the whole "being a dad" thing. And even if Will didn't like kids much, that certainly benefited him. A man with less patience may not be able to keep up with the angel for long, regardless of how lovely he was. He was quite high maintenance.
Coming back into the living room with juice in hand, he handed the glass over to Will and waited for him to take it before he took a seat. Of course, instead of finding a spot on the sofa next to Will, he slid on top of the other man instead, straddling his lap, a knee resting on either side of the other man's thick thighs, hands finding their place on his hips, splaying fingertips out across his abs.
---
In Will's mind high maintenance was better than low maintenance. If you were easy to please nobody would make any effort with you! And it wasn't as if he wasn't worth anything. He was over a hundred years old with a very broad history, a fully lived life, ups and downs and worlds of experience - he was used to a particular life and luckily James recognised that he might be worth keeping happy. Will might have been seen as incredibly selfish and full of himself, but he had realised lately that when people meant a lot to him he'd do anything for them. Hopefully James would be shown this soon enough.
For now though, Will's favourite butler brought over his juice and he took it with a thank you, raising it to his lips as James decided to straddle him. The angel sniggered into his drink as he took a sip, a justified smile finally gracing his mouth. James in his lap definitely earnt a grin or two.
Humming as James' warm hands pressed against him Will looked up into his eyes. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked, not touching him just yet.
---
Yeah, he was worth it. Perhaps that was because James understood where his arrogance came from, he understood what motivated his actions, to an extent. He just... got him. And he knew that while most people would think them both to be selfish and full of themselves, they were very much alike when it came to what they would do, the lengths to which they would go, for someone that they loved.
A slight bit of a scowl was upon James' lips as Will turned his gaze towards him, a response to that self-satisfied smirk that Will wore. But it was hard to keep that up for long, especially when those lovely blue eyes of his were giving his smile away. "You haven't had the pleasure yet." He replied cooly, and then he laughed softly, the sound dying down as a more serious look overtook his features.
"Kiss me." He demanded softly, not wanting to be the one to do it first this time around as he was almost always the one to do it first.
---
If there was one thing that Will liked it was control, and he knew he had it with James. Those lovely blue eyes which the demon seemed to adore grew darker as James uttered his request, or was it a command? Either way it amused Will. His expression turned wicked, almost devious. It was a prime opportunity to play. Taking his time to fulfill James' demand, Will once again raised the glass to his mouth, sipped it slowly and took his time. If James wanted a kiss bad enough then he'd wait, but Will's purpose was to see if he could make the other man completely give in.
Once he'd had his fill of juice Will delicately held the glass to one side, then with the other hand brought James' neck and head closer so he could place their mouths together in a kiss. Though he was still wary of admitting it to himself, Will had missed waking up to James that morning. He'd missed the kissing and the warmth, rousing and realising someone else was there. He hadn't done that since last year.
James was a great comfort to him. Once he'd broken away Will sighed. "As you wish."
---
It had been a little bit of both. And clearly, by the look on Will's face, the darkness in his eyes, his reaction, he was trying to play a little game. Very well. James would be patient. He'd wait for what he wanted, or try to. He'd never had much patience in the past but, then again, he'd changed a lot here recently. There were many things that had been true that simply weren't anymore, and things that James would have never thought could possibly apply to him certainly seemed applicable now.
His patience was rewarded, the taste of the other man's lips sweet from both the juice and the way that Will normally tasted. The demon moaned a little, his hands sliding from the other man's abs around to the small of his back as his upper body pressed against Will's own. Definitely worth waiting for. Waking up without him this morning had made him miss him even more than he'd thought he would or could or was capable of.
That statement made James scowl a little, narrowing his eyes slightly. "You are such an ass sometimes." He said, and then laughed, not because he didn't mean it, because he certainly did, but because... He didn't mind it at all. He liked him that way. Difficult. It kept things... interesting, to say the least.
---
At James' little remark Will sniggered then broke into a brighter round of laughter, more fitting to his usual light chuckles, mirroring his angelic qualities. "That's what you love about me though, right?" Will didn't really mean love and in flowers and hearts and shit... it was hard enough realising that he felt deeply for James and vice versa, let alone suggest what James loved about him.
Running his fingers through James' hair, Will gazed at him with a deep sigh which he was unable to stop. Not that James would care. If he used it against him though Will would be pissed. "I... really missed you this morning..." He said softly, avoiding his gaze now. For some reason he couldn't look him in the eye when he said that.
---
"Hardly!" James said with a scoff, a grin tugging at his lips as he added, "I love you cause you're good in the sack." He laughed then. It wasn't entirely untrue, Will was in fact good in bed, but that wasn't the reason why he cared so much about him. His feelings for the angel went much deeper than that. But he knew that was still a touchy subject so he wouldn't push it too much right now.
A soft smile formed upon James' lips, eyes fluttering closed for just a moment as Will's fingers ran through his hair. It made him shiver a little. He noticed that the other man had to avert his gaze as he spoke and that was okay. James understood that. He knew Will was still struggling with all the things that he felt right now, with how... intense things were between them.
"I missed you too." He said without hesitation, and then just to lighten the mood a little he added, "Lloyd snores." He didn't, or hadn't, but James wanted to make Will laugh. Of course he didn't really give him much time for that before he was leaned against him, arms wrapped around him, chin resting on the other man's shoulder as he hugged him and then held him there. He needed the other man's arms around him for a while.
---
Will was dynamite in the sack thank you very much, and James would do well to appreciate it! Though Will knew James was joking and he awarded it with a precise poke of the ribs, followed by wandering hands down James' torso and to his thighs. Will wasn't the only one with gorgeous or appreciated legs. He wouldn't mind if they were wrapped around him like this 24/7.
James' attempt at a joke did make the angel chuckle slightly, though it also brought home the fact that someone else had been in James' bed last night. Yeah, James had said they'd shared a kiss, he knew the history too, and that didn't bother him. But something about another man sleeping in Will's new place niggled him and even when James snuggled close he returned it with a small, non-committal hum.
Placing his chin against James' head, he hoped to hug away his worries and for the most part it worked. Having James close was calming. "You're awkward," he mumbled, "now I can't have my juice."
---
Oh, yes he was, and James most certainly did. He would be willing to admit to pretty much anyone that sex with Will was the best sex he'd ever had in his entire life. Granted, he'd not had a lot of male partners, but out of the three, the third one had been the best one, though that could have just been because the first two had warmed him up and broken him in. He doubted it though. Will just had talent. Innate. It was built into him.
It had felt odd for James too to have someone else in the bed beside him. But he couldn't have very well put the man on the sofa. And while there was always Devon's bed to consider, it was made for a child and neither one of them would fit. His bed had been the best choice, though he'd really hate the fact that that upset Will a little if he'd known it. That last thing he wanted, even if it were for the sake of others, was to upset Will. He was so whipped that it was nearly disgusting.
A bit of a smile graced his lips in response to Will's words. "I'm better than juice." He said, and then shifted to press a kiss against the other man's throat before he pulled back, keeping a hand upon the other man's waist. "Finish your juice. We've gotta go soon. I told Cissy I'd be around to pick Devon up sometime before noon. She apparently has some big news she's dying to tell me about." He rolled his eyes. He could only imagine what that could be.
---
Will was letting himself enjoy a moment or two like this with James, an intimate hug which was almost like they'd reunited after a week apart. That didn't bear thinking about though: they were this bad after only twelve hours out of each other's company, anything more would surely drive them both insane. Or at least drive James insane. Will was still in the mindset that he could leave this whole arrangement if he grew tired of it or if James grew too clingy and believing anything else would be too much for him to handle. Still, he knew that a night alone, whilst it was a nice refresher from a week of constant company, was enough away from James. At least they were together now.
Or so he'd thought: it appeared that James had other plans, ones which involved Cissy. Though they'd gotten along at first she'd made it clear to James that she believed him to be wrong for liking Will as much as he did. She was one of the many people who believed James and Fisher "belonged" together. The mere mention of her name made him flinch and his face darkened.
So much for having James to himself for a while. Shifting a little, Will tried to uncurl himself from James' arms. The wall, though no longer made of solid steel, was back in place. "If you need to go get Devon that's fine. I just wanted to see you for a minute." And that's all it had been, a minute, until James had something else to do, someone else to see, another errand to run. Will
---
Twelve hours was more than enough in his opinion. James had always been a bit possessive, though never quite as clingy as he was right now, but that seemed to be changing too. It wasn't really enough to have Will around part of the time, he wanted him around most of the time. And he wanted to be near to him too, wanted to be touching him as much as he possibly could. He was addicted to the way that it felt. Of course they were still in the "honeymoon" phase of things so that might change a bit further down the road. Or not. He couldn't be sure.
James was under the impression that Will had come over because he was going to stick around for a while. He hadn't thought that he was just "dropping by" until time for James to go pick up his son. Clearly he was confused by the statement, a bit of a frown forming upon his lips as the other man pulled away and announced his intention. "I told you I had to go get Devon." He said, eyes searching the other man's face. "I thought you.. had come to hang out with us." He'd said he was going to "spend the day with his two favorite boys", which should have made it clear that that was the impression he was under. And he definitely looked a little... disappointed that that may have not been the case.
---
It wasn't that Will didn't want to spend time with James and Devon, it was the fact it was so soon. He'd barely had time for a casual drink of juice, for fuck's sake, before James was dragging him along to see a girl who didn't even like him to pick up his son like they were a couple. Well they weren't a couple. And doing soccer dad things wasn't on his list of activities on how to spend his day with James.
"I know you told me you had to go get Devon, I just didn't expect a field trip the moment I got here." He took a deep breath, trying not to seem pissed. This was something St Lucia didn't have - complications. Distractions. Their time away may have made Will realise he did accept the fact James had a son, and all that shit that went with it, but it didn't mean he was suddenly comfortable with it. With a slight huff he then shrugged, pushing himself upright trying to get James off him. "Fine. Whatever let's go get Devon."
---
Did James like it when Will acted like a diva? Yes. Did he like it when he acted like a diva when it came to his son? Hell no. He didn't like it when anyone acted that way where his son was concerned.
"Then maybe you should have gotten here half an hour ago when you'd said you were going to be." He'd snapped before he'd even had a chance to talk himself out of saying it, but the fact that he was all huffing, not to mention being an ass and standing up with James still on his lap, practically shoving him off of his lap, just because James wanted to go pick up his son whom he'd not seen for an entire week really pissed him off. And he had to bite his tongue to keep from saying more than just that as he stalked over to grab his keys from the kitchen counter.
Clearly the vacation had just ended.
---
Will had known this was a bad idea. James had shit to do today, things which didn't involve Will and stuff which he didn't really fit into. He'd come over to please James, albeit a little late but even then that had been to ensure that Lloyd had time to go home. See, he was considerate! Nevertheless he felt a surge of anger rise in his gut and he had to take a harsh breath through his nose to calm himself down.
It didn't work. Watching James stalk away in that self-righteous manner only made him angrier. Didn't James understand that Will was trying? On holiday he'd been very accepting that James had a duty to call Devon every day and check up on him, and he was getting used to viewing him as a father as well as a lover, but it didn't mean it wasn't still difficult to put himself amongst this scene. Now they were home, James' first thought was his son, and quite rightly so - but Will wasn't used to being second and he didn't appreciate James giving him a hard time about it.
"First of all, I didn't realise I was on a fucking time scale," he snapped, falling into step behind him, "second of all, I came over half an hour later to give you and your other lover fucking time to wake up and for him to get out. THIRD, you do not fucking get to talk to me like I'M your other fucking son!"
This was ridiculous. Will went to the front door and grabbed the handle to let himself out. "The only reason I'm here is to fucking see you, but you wanna take me along to some girl's house to pick up Baby and shit. You wanna play happy fucking families then you can do it without me."
It was safe to say the Honeymoon was definitely over.
---
"You're not. I am." James snapped right back, something on the counter with the mail catching his eye for a second but he was too busy arguing with Will right now to bother with seeing what that was. He'd look at it later. "And Lloyd is not my other fucking lover!" As for talking to him like he was his son, he wasn't even going to justify that shit with an answer, he just shook his head and he then grabbed his phone and shoved it in his pocket along with his wallet, before grabbing his coat.
A laugh parted his lips as he shrugged into his jacket. "Oh. Oh, so because I have to go pick up my son and I want you to go with me because I fucking like having you around, I'm trying to make you play happy family?" He shook his head. "Do you even hear what you're saying? Do you even realize how..." He laughed again.
"Whatever. Do what you want." James finally concluded. "I'm going to go pick up my son."
---
"I don't LIKE your son!" Will yelled, frustrated beyond belief. He stood in the doorway, blocking James' path in case he wanted to make a hasty exit. If anyone was leaving it was Will, on his own terms, when he'd said his piece. "You might wanna try and make us get to know each other but FUCK, James! Forcing us to spend time in each other's company won't do anything! I told you I hate kids yours isn't a fucking exception!"
Will dragged a hand over his face, a deep sigh escaping him. "I'm not... the man you want me to be, James. I'm not... and I probably won't ever be, cause I just don't... think I'm gonna change." With a soft growl he turned to leave, spinning on his heel. "I told you not to fall in love with me."
---
"Then why the fuck are you even HERE when I TOLD YOU that's where I was going?!?" Sure, James had asked him more than once, had maybe even pressured him a little bit to say yes, but since when did Will say yes to anything that he didn't want to do? And obviously he didn't want to be around Devon. And yet here he was when he'd known all along that that was what was on James' agenda today.
"And mine should be! Devon should be! Because if you fucking love me like you say you do, then you'd at least be willing to try." And this was almost verbatim the same conversation he'd had with Fisher before. This was like dejavu only worse.
James laughed at that last part. "Well it's too fucking late for that, isn't it? Maybe you should have thought about that before deciding to take off and spend a week with me on an island somewhere. Maybe if you were serious about not wanting me to 'fall in love with you'," He made the air quotes as he said it. "Then you should have taken a few fucking precautions to keep that shit from happening."
---
Will started laughing as soon as he was in the hall, raising his hands as if he were showing this whole scenario to the heavens as a joke. "Take precautions to stop you falling for me?! What the fuck kind of retarded shit is that?!" Yeah he was yelling in the corridor but who cared? "I TOLD you to fucking run! I told you not to do any shit with me but you persistent fucking fuck you won't be fucking told! I said in plain fucking English that sorry, no, I don't do kids and I don't do family. Yeah the five minutes I spend with him is stomachable, but a whole day, Jesus fucking wept..."
Another breath, another shout. "And I CAME here because I thought I'd have more than two fucking seconds in your company! You stupid fucking cunt ass shithead." This dissolved into mutters as he paced around the corridor.
---
"Oh, right. Right! My fucking bad. I forgot. You told me not to fall for you, to run away from you, and yet you were quick to hop on a plane with me and take off. And you told me you don't like kids, don't want anything to do with kids or family, yet you show up when I've already told you that I'm going to go pick up my son today." James was upset, so of course he was pissed off. It was easier being pissed off than it was being upset and while he'd made great efforts in that department as of late, he was too fucking frustrated right now to make this effort. So not only did he looked pissed, his mannerisms said it as well. He'd practically slammed the door to his apartment when he stepped out into the hallway, everything he needed to get going now on his person and, fighting with Will or not, he still had to be on his way soon.
"Well like I already fucking said, maybe you should have been here when you said you were gonna be here and you would have had more than two fucking seconds in my company. I'd say that makes you the stupid fucking cunt ass shithead." Sighing, James held up a hand. "You know what, I don't have time for this. I have somewhere that I need to be right now. So are you coming with me or are you staying here?" He'd assumed that with his running off, or sort of running off, the way that he had, that he wasn't going, but he wasn't going to simply take that option off the table. Mostly because he still wanted him to go with him.
---
Will stopped and stared at him. "You're insane!" he spat at him, once he was over the initial shock of James' selective memory. "You badgered me and refused to leave me alone well before I went on fucking holiday with you, and what did that accomplish in the end? Fuck all! And yeah I came over knowing you were gonna pick up Devon but I didn't think I'd be dragged along for the ride! I don't WANT to be dragged along, I thought your sister would bring him over or something that didn't require me going on a field trip to some other place like I was okay with it! Because I'm not!"
His fire almost fizzled out when James reminded him of his 'schedule'. Like Will had to adhere to all James' plans, like he wasn't important enough. Stepping backwards Will shook his head. "No. I'm not doing either. I'm leaving, I'm going back to my room - I won't be making another 'appointment' with you."
Because that felt like what was needed to just spend time with him.
---
"Jesus fucking Christ!" James growled, running his fingers back through his hair. He wasn't going to argue fucking semantics with him. He wasn't going to point out that he had specifically said that he was going to pick him up, not that someone was going to drop him off, and he wasn't going to argue about the fact that Will was the one who suggested they fucking go on holiday together in the first fucking place, yet he wanted to stand here and act like none of this was his fucking idea!
"Fine." He said simply, giving a small shrug of his shoulders before he turned to blow by him in the hall. Of course he only made it about two steps before he stopped and ran both hands back through his hair. "We haven't even been back for twenty-four hours and we're already screaming at each other." Maybe this whole fucking thing was a mistake. That was the unspoken thought that went through his head just then, and perhaps one that was mirrored in Will as well.
But no, that was unacceptable. He wasn't going to claim defeat just because they weren't seeing eye to eye on this one thing, even if this one thing was perhaps one of the more important things. So he turned around and walked back over to where Will stood. With a forceful hand against the other man's chest, he shoved him backwards and against the wall, barely allowing him time to react before he was pressed against him, his body crushed against his, holding him there with his weight as he pushed a deep kiss against the other man's lips, hands cupping the other man's jaw to pull him against it.
---
Will had been half asleep that morning when James had explained his run of the day so James couldn't hold that against him. The thing was that as the demon brushed past him Will had that very same thought - they were already at each other's throats again and if possible it was their worst fight of all. Will stared in front of him, resigned to the fact that yeah this whole thing might not be such a good idea after all.
Obviously James wasn't going to even consider accepting defeat. Before Will knew what was happening his mouth was forced onto James' lips and when his brain caught up with him he realised he was being kissed. Letting out a nasal breath Will placed his hands on the other man's shoulders then forced himself to pull away.
"You can't just stitch this problem up with a band-aid, James..." he said softly, casting a sad gaze downwards. He knew there was a big problem here, on both sides of this whole relationship.
---
James hadn't really expected to be pushed away. And he obviously didn't like it either. Honestly, what was he supposed to do? Will was pissed because he had to go, so then he tried to stay, deciding that he could be late, that Devon could wait a little bit longer, but that obviously wasn't good enough either. He growled in frustration as Will pushed him back, refusing to even look at the other man as he spoke.
He could think of a dozen things to say, a million arguments that could be started that neither one of them would actually end up winning, but what was the fucking point in that right now? It would just end the same exact way it had started. The outcome would be the same regardless of the effort. So instead of saying anything, he just turned to walk away, though not without letting out a little frustration along with way.
The sound of bone against brick was never an appealing one, especially not when it was your fist that was taking the brunt of it. But that happened sometimes when you punched a wall, which was precisely what James did while walking away. "Godfuckingdammit!" That certainly wasn't the best idea he'd had all day. Now he was pissed off, upset, and had possibly also broken his hand as well. But he didn't stop walking towards the stairs, instead he just simply gritted his teeth and dealt with it, holding it up to his chest.
---
Well if Will had known that James had suddenly decided he could be late and spend extra time with the angel he wouldn't have pulled away. As such, James had been a little remiss in communicating that with him so Will was left with a greater frown on his face as James took it upon himself to huff and storm away from him.
And, it so happened, punch the wall. Will heard the crack, even winced at the sound. It was something he'd heard many times before during his brawling days when he'd incited some mini-wars between rival lovers. Knowing instantly by that sound, if not by the curse which followed from James soon after, Will knew he'd be tagging along with him somewhere after all. Steeling himself he stalked quickly behind him, catching up to him just before James reached the stairwell.
"Ass, you can't pick up your son like that," he grumbled, tugging on him to stop and taking James' hand in his. Yup. Broken. There was no way James was going to pick up Devon in a mood, in pain, and with a broken hand. Glancing up at him, Will attempted a joke. "Y'know... a wall isn't less solid than a tree...." When Will had punched the tree it had fucking hurt, but he was clearly either a better puncher or just stronger than the demon.
---
"Leave me alone." James said quickly, trying to shrug the other man away, but before he'd had the chance to do it, Will was taking hold of his hand causing the demon to wince in spite of his gritted teeth. "It's fine." He insisted, though they both knew otherwise. It wouldn't look like, well, like he'd just punched a brick wall as hard as he could if it was fine. "I can drive with my left hand."
The joke honestly didn't even register, James' mind too busy trying to sort through the million and one thoughts that he couldn't quiet down. But yes, Will was stronger than James. James was barely more than human, honestly, what with his father being a half-breed and is mother just being a human. Will, on the other hand, both his parents had angel in them and so he was much stronger and would live a lot longer and so on and so forth.
"I don't want to be like my father, Will." James whispered the words, thinking about how many times he had started this same exact conversation but he'd never finished it. He'd never been able to. There were so many things that he thought and felt that he just couldn't say to anyone. But maybe now he needed to. "And I'm trying, I'm trying so hard not to be, but I am."
With his good arm, he pulled Will closer to him so that he could whisper in his ear mostly because he couldn't bring himself to look at the other man while saying the things that he was going to say. "I punched the wall because I wanted to hurt you. And I wanted to hurt you because you're not afraid of saying the things that I think, that I feel. And I am. I am because I don't want to be a monster, I don't want to be like him, I don't want to do the things that he did, but I understand them. I understand because I get how he felt because I feel the same way." He realized he probably wasn't making a whole lot of sense, but he planned on elaborating.
"My father hated me. And he hated my sister. And why? Because we ruined it. We ruined his life by being born. Because when we came along, it was supposed to be about us, just us, and not about him anymore, and he hated it. He resented us. And he hated my mother for... for giving birth to us, for setting those expectations, for loving and wanting us and..." He swallowed hard because this was difficult to say. "I get it. I don't..." He exhaled a deep breath. "I'm trying so hard to love my son and to be a good man and to be a good father and to be everything that he wasn't, but I don't think I can. I don't think I want to. And I have no idea what to do about that."
---
The joke had backfired but it didn't put Will off. He merely enveloped James' hand in both of him, wanting him to feel better. It was odd - seconds ago they'd been shouting and cussing each other out. Now Will wanted nothing more than to stop James being hurt, to not have him feel any pain whatsoever. As he stroked the skin gently he willed every ache to go away, to heal... he waited for a sign that James felt a little better.
What he got though was a whispered confession he hadn't expected. It was a surprise, obviously, to be told something James clearly hadn't ever wanted to say aloud or admit, and Will paused slightly. As James continued to speak Will's claim of the demon's hand increased, inclining his head to rest on James' as an act of comfort and to show he was listening. He hadn't known the man but Will hated James' father with a passion. James had told him that he was a product of an abusive childhood but never explained the circumstances.
Rather than keep with the aggravation of before Will waited for James to finish before he placed a kiss against the side of his cheek. "You are not your father," he said firmly, believing that and it definitely showed in his sincerity. "And you know why? Because you are making decisions he wouldn't. You wanted to hit me, but you didn't. You're finding this whole thing hard but you're trying. You do love Devon of course you do, and if you were like your father you would have just abandoned him to spend time with me all day if I moaned...."
It was a small admission on his part that maybe he'd been a little wrong, but he was still annoyed about the whole thing. He let that slide for now. "Even if your Dad felt annoyed with his situation that did not give him the right to take it out on your mother, and you and your sister. Nothing justified that. You are a good father, for a beginner... you're just learning. You're bound to have doubts about yourself. But you're not your father."
His fingers, surprisingly warm against James' injured hand, squeezed him gently. "If you were like him I wouldn't love you."
---
Everyone he'd confessed his fears to, not about his feelings towards Devon, but just his fears about being like his father in general, said the same thing, that he wasn't his father. And he wanted to believe that. But it was in moments like these when that was hard to do. "But I wanted to." He contested in a small voice. "And I want to. I want to just... stay here, forget that he exists, not have to deal with any of that anymore." He'd even tried to give his son away. Sure, he'd convinced himself that it was for the best, but it was selfishly motivated. It was because he didn't want to keep having his life change because of his son. He wanted his life to be his own.
"How do I know that he didn't try too? Things weren't always bad, Will. When I was younger, before Rocky was born, things were... things were okay." So maybe his father had tried. And maybe he had failed. And maybe that was why he and his sister both were as screwed up as they were now, because their father hadn't had the guts to just admit that he couldn't do it, hadn't had the nerve to do what needed to be done until it was too late. The best years of James life, the only stable parts of his childhood, came after his father had sent him away. And though he'd felt like he was being discarded, tossed aside like yesterday's garbage, maybe that was his father's way of saving him as best as he could. And perhaps it was that realization that had driven James to try to give his son to someone else, someone he knew would be capable of loving him and taking care of him the way that he deserved.
James hadn't even noticed that his hand was better yet. He would though, once he was in a less emotional state, perhaps. But for now, he wasn't really thinking about the throbbing ache, or lack thereof, in his hand. Will's words made him groan a little as he sank in a bit closer to him. "But this place, Will, this apartment and the toys and the bedtime stories and dirty laundry and grilled cheese sandwiches and family vacations to fucking Disneyland are suffocating me, Will. They are. It's too much. It's too soon, too sudden, and I'm not ready, I'm not ready for it."
And he was tired of telling himself that he had to be. It wasn't fixing anything. It wasn't changing anything about the way that he really felt. And he was afraid of what was going to happen when it all came crashing down. And it would do just that eventually. You couldn't build a house out of a deck of cards and expect it to stay standing forever. And that's what this felt like, carefully stacked cards, waiting for a strong gust of wind.
---
Will had no argument for that. He didn't have any solution, no words of comfort other than the ones he'd just uttered. He wasn't in James' shoes so he couldn't understand everything he must have been going through but he did not beleve that James was as monsterous as his father. Every man had self control, there was no way James could excuse his behaviour.
"I don't..." Will swallowed, finally putting an arm around James to hug him. "I don't have the answer. I have no suggestions that will make this all go away... I wish I did but I can't... just..." He sighed, shoulders slumping. What could he do? He wasn't versed in shit like this, he had never had someone broken beside him especially not over family. There was one time Haddon had burst into tears for no reason but Will suspected that was just because he was overtired. Sighing a little, Will held him close.
"You're a good man. Just believe that."
---
Every man had self control, yes, but every man also had a breaking point. And James had found his. Many times in the past, he had found his. And he was terrified that he was going to find it again and that the people he loved most, like Will and Devon and maybe even Rocky, were going to pay the consequences for it. It wouldn't be the first time he'd hurt someone that didn't deserve it. But Will didn't know that man. No one here right now knew that man other than James. And he just couldn't quite put the sins of his past behind him.
"I know. I know, I know. I'm not.. I don't expect you to..." He wasn't asking Will for answers. This wasn't a question that anyone else could work out for him. This wasn't something that someone else could tell him to do. It was something he had to figure out, decide, to do, on his own. He just needed to know that...
"I don't want to be alone. Promise that... that you won't leave over this, that you won't let this be the thing that ends us?" It could be something else. He was well aware of that possibility. He wasn't asking for or insisting upon a promise of forever, he just knew that there could be, if he decided to do what he was thinking about doing, many, many people that would hate him, that would turn their back on him in a second. And James just needed to know that Will wouldn't be one of them.
---
Will wasn't sure he understood what James meant and when that question was posed to him he blinked, looking at the other man with slight confusion. What exactly was he being asked, here? "I can't promise you anything, you know that," he said softly, not wanting to disappoint James but needing to be honest. "I'm not that reliable. But whatever you do I'll stand by you all the way - whatever this may be, whatever thing you believe will end us..."
Had they even begun, really? They weren't official and they weren't exclusive, though there would obviously be mutual jealousy if either were to go with someone else.
---
"Devon." James clarified softly. "Don't leave because of Devon." That was the last thing he needed, to lose someone else because he had this new person in his life that he was expected, obligated even, to care for. He'd already lost Fisher because of it. And while he knew coming into this that Will didn't like children, he didn't want to lose Will because of that too. And if he decided that he couldn't do this, that maybe, considering alternatives to raising this child himself would be in everyone's best interest, he wanted to know that there was at least one person that wouldn't turn their back on him, that would understand the reasons why.
It was then that he'd finally calmed down enough to realize that he could move his fingers again. He looked confused for a moment but then realization struck him as he glanced up somewhat wide eyed at Will. "You..." He said, and then he laughed a little before he pulled the other man into a hug once more, pressing a kiss of thanks against his temple. "I don't deserve you." He muttered against the other man's hair. He followed that up with a soft apology. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn't have." Will had only been upset, after all, that their time alone together was coming to an abrupt end, and James shouldn't have angry with him for being upset about something like that. Especially when all James wanted was for Will to want him too.
---
Will didn't understand two things: the first, why James would think Will would leave him because of Devon. The angel was managing being around James with his son so far, and though yeah he didn't really like him or kids in general he was coping okay. He'd managed to meet him briefly twice and hadn't puked, run away or even hit the kid. That, to Will, was a huge accomplishment once which James might have overlooked.
The second thing he didn't understand was why James was suddenly throwing his arms around him, hugging and kissing him... the demon was wide eyed and appreciative, saying how he didn't deserve him and apologising... Though Will did like it he just didn't know why he was doing it. "Okay. It's okay...." he answered, closing his eyes as he held him close.
---
Fisher had. He'd run away because of Devon and James was afraid that, with the way that Will reacted sometimes, that Will would be the same way. Sure, he was handling it now, better than he'd expected, but... This was all just more than he could think about right now. Admitting to the things he felt, the things he feared, was hard enough. Admitting it to the man that you loved was even harder. Talking about it with him right now would be impossible.
"No." James protested, shaking his head. "It's not okay. It's not okay for me to yell at you and for me to punch things and... You shouldn't tell me that it is. You let me get away with too much." He pulled back from the hug to look at the other man. "I want to be good to you. And I'm doing a shitty job."
First, there was the thing with Fisher. And there was his temper which bordered on volatile from time to time. And he yelled at him and said things he didn't mean but he should never say them to begin with. And yet Will, no matter how many times he started to walk away, came back. And not only that but he'd healed him. James didn't even know that the man was still capable of that what with his abandonment of faith.
"Come on." He said, reaching a hand out to take hold of Will's own. "Stay with me for a while. I'll text her, let her know I'm going to be late."
---
"Talking of letting people get away with too much..." Will added, still not quite moving towards James to be more intimate than they were, "you shouldn't keep apologising. Though I'll accept it. Yes. You were stupid." Though James had been a bit harsh and stroppy, so had Will - but Will loved to get his way so he'd allow James to apologise and feel bad. Maybe he'd get something nice out of it.
Apparently he was getting it too as James offered to text Cissy and inform her he'd be late. Will entwined their fingers together, taking James' hand, but he sighed a little, temperament cooling. "Don't... want to give me everything, James, please. I mean it's nice but it's - " Suffocating a little, sometimes... " - I mean. I like it when you're mad sometimes. It shows that you're not completely dependant on me for shit... and it also makes me feel like I'm allowed to get mad at you and not feel guilty over it."
---
And it was times like these when things were perhaps at their most frustrating. But how else were you supposed to feel when someone first tells you that you shouldn't apologize but then goes on to accept the apology? It was those contradictory moments that were enough to drive a sane man mad. And he gave him that look in response.
The entwining of fingers was nice, and he gave the other man's hand a soft squeeze before he began to speak. But when he started talking, James sighed. He was done with this conversation right now. "I'm not... completely dependent on you and you're allowed to get as mad at me as you wanna be whenever you want."
---
"Right." Will didn't believe him. James was always desperate for the angel to stay in good spirits around him, to never be unhappy. It was unrealistic and if Will was to be angered at some point, James would feel like he'd failed and then there'd be all this guilt on both sides. Will didn't want to feel guilty if he were mad but James seemed to be a master at making him feel just that.
Tugging James back towards his apartment, Will shuffled through the door without another word as James apparently wanted to forget about this right now.
---
James hated that word. He knew what that word meant. It meant that he thought it was bullshit. Yes, with anger or anything of that sort really, there came a certain degree of guilt but that didn't mean that there weren't times when it wasn't warranted. And yes, he wanted him to always be happy, but that's what you wanted for the people that you loved, right? Even if it was completely unrealistic.
Tugged back towards the apartment, he decided to just let that part of the conversation go, focusing on something else instead, namely the fact that they were here now, alone, and while he did have somewhere to be, he had a little bit longer before he had to be there. Speaking of which, he took his phone out to send Cissy a text message as he walked over towards the couch. When he was done, he put the phone back in the pocket of his jeans and flopped down on the sofa.
"So..." He began, a small smile forming upon his lips. "You have me all to yourself now. What do you intend to do with me?"
---
As soon as James sat down Will strolled to sit beside him - When James posed the question, Will seemed to consider it a moment before he wrapped his arms around him and snuggled closer, head resting on James' shoulder.
"Just sit." Now they'd had an exhausting row and heart-to-heart, Will didn't really feel like doing anything more substantial like fucking or sucking. This was what he'd missed, even if it had only been since yesterday. Being in James' company, sitting with him. There was only the slight matter that the sound of the waves and the soft, ocean breeze was missing.
---
He couldn't have possibly given a better answer. The small smile that had been on James lips turned into one much more sincere as his arms wrapped around Will to pull him closer to him. Maybe it had just been a day, well, more like two considering that most of Saturday had been spent on a plane, but he'd missed this too, missed the smell of him, the weight of his body against his own, the slight electricity that always sparked between them regardless of what they were doing.
Stroking fingers up and down the other man's back, he pressed a kiss against the top of his head and then whispered, "I love you." Will didn't have to say it in return. Honestly, James didn't expect him to, but he wanted Will to know that regardless. They were back to reality now and things were destined to get a little difficult and a lot more complicated, but that didn't change the way that he felt about him. And James just needed to be sure that Will knew that.
---
"Hmmm." Will didn't answer him or return the sentiment. Too many I love you's could get old real quick and Will didn't want to tire of it just yet. He wanted to say it when and if he felt a strong desire to, like he had when they'd 'made up' back at the hotel. James was so comfortable and warm with his arms around him that Will was fast becoming sleepy. Little did he know the matter of healing his lover had taken some energy out of him and was a contributing factor to his current doziness...
It was after a few minutes that Will wanted to fidget - his fingers curled up to massage the curve of James' shoulder and Will raised his head to place a few soft, affectionate kisses against the demon's warm cheek and neck. It wasn't done to invite something sexual, but rather to simply have some more intimate form of connection between them.
---
Will wasn't the only one that was getting comfortable and warm and starting to feel the lull of sleep behind his eyes. James had been up way too late and he had woken up far too early and now he was here, with Will again, warm and content, and though the last thing he needed to do right now was fall asleep, especially since that would make him really late picking up his son, he was on the verge of doing just that.
"Mmm." He said, a small smile forming upon his lips in response to the fingertips, the lips against his skin. He turned his head to press a kiss against the other man's lips, soft and yet not lacking in intensity, in depth, a hand sliding up the other man's back to stroke fingers back through his hair before caressing over the line of his jaw. "I miss having you all to myself." And he didn't care that it had only been a day and maybe that was a little too soon to make an admission like that. It was the truth, and he didn't feel the need to hide it.
---
James' response was just what Will was going for, and with a smile in response the angel wrapped his arms around him to hold him closer. It wasn't a huge admission. Will had missed being in James' company, had near enough pined for him all last night when he wasn't asleep. The only thing was he would never admit it. Especially not that he'd hugged a pillow in a bid to help himself drift off.
"You have me now," Will said, stroking a line up James' back. Though he didn't like the idea that he was 'owned' Will didn't say about that. It'd only make the mood sour again.
---
"Hmmm." James considered the statement for a moment before he grinned. "I do, don't I?" He slid his hands down over the other man's back, hands coming to rest upon his ass which he cupped lightly. He then used his hands upon his ass to pull him closer again, lips finding Will's own to kiss him once more, deeper than before, tongue pushing past the other man's lips to find his own, caressing against it as his hands kneaded fingers against the flesh of his cute bubble butt.
Growling a little as he forced himself to pull away, James had a grin upon his lips as he whispered, "I'm trying to behave myself." He exhaled a soft breath. "But you make that damn near impossible." A soft kiss was pressed against his lips, warm breath teasing against them as he spoke. "I want you..." Another kiss. "All..." And yet another. "The time."
---
It was pretty clear that Will loved James' kisses and everything he was doing was getting a reaction from the angel. If he kept going with those french kisses and wandering hands it wouldn't be long before Will's arousal made itself evident and that this went beyond general kissing and James would be seriously late picking up his son. Fortunately, James stopped. Sort of.
Laughing lightly, Will accepted James' tiny kisses before he pulled himself away. "That's cause I'm addictive, babe," he purred, then placed a teasing kiss on James' lips as he slid his body away. "I didn't sit here for this, though, Jamesy... as lovely as you are. If you get me riled up I won't be able to stop myself from fucking you so... best to just... stop. And go get your kid."
---
"Most definitely." James would agree wholeheartedly with the fact that Will was addictive. He was sort of like meth. You could get hooked on just the first taste, and James most certainly had. He was the type of addictive where, even when you had him, were having him, you were already thinking about having him again.
A soft growl was given as Will moved to slide away, James leaning forward to grab his hand in an attempt to stop him. "Mmm. Not yet. Come back here." He gave him a soft pout. "I'll behave myself. Promise." Though there was something in his eyes that would say otherwise. "I'm not ready to let you go yet." The last part was said softly as he gave him the most adorable and pleading look in spite of the mischief that danced in his eyes.
---
Though James' look might have been adorable and puppyish combined on the face which appeared to be God artwork from the devil, Will chuckled a little and merely shook his head. "Damn, dude, you don't ever give up," he sighed, feigning that this was probably the most frustrating thing of all. "Guess I gotta stay here then. Oh but shit!" Will suddenly shifted away from James, grabbing the hand which had been bashed to look at it.
"We gotta get you to the infirmary or something, your hand...!"
---
Of course he acted like it was the most frustrating thing in the world. Will wouldn't be Will if he behaved any other way. James laughed a little, his grin turning even more devious. "I guess so. Woe is you." He rolled his eyes, preparing to pull the man back in for another round of soft, playful kisses before he freaked out and pulled away.
His hand. He'd almost forgotten. He looked down at it at the same time Will did and that was when realization struck him. "You don't..." He had no idea what he had done. "You healed it, Will." James broke this news to him gingerly, not sure how the fallen angel, fallen being the operative word, would feel about having done something like that.
---
".....I - really?" Will looked wide-eyed at James then down at his hand. No bruise, no obvious break, no swelling. He really had healed his hand. That could have gone down like a cup of sick but luckily Will had already noted that his powers were altering, reverting back to their original state. To be honest if that was the way it was going so be it. He wasn't prepared to do what was needed to ensure they remained in their altered, twisted version. People had shown him he was better than that. Mostly Fisher and James.
Will traced his fingers over James' knuckles. "Oh. Well...." He paused, frowning at it. "At least I didn't make it worse I guess..." It was still odd that he'd done that though.
---
"Yeah, you did." James said softly, watching Will carefully to see how he was going to react to something like that. He let him have his hand, do with it what he wanted, just so he could see what his gift had done. He was taking it better than James had honestly expected him to. He'd been prepared for Will to flip out and run off or otherwise throw a tantrum. Having him seem sort of mellow and accepting of it was nice though.
"Nope, you didn't. So does that mean we can go back to making out now?" James asked, changing the subject with a bit of a smirk as he used that hand to grasp Will's own and tug him back towards him. "Get back here." He urged him, a playful little pout upon his lips.
---
Will really couldn't deny him any longer. Though it was weird to know he'd managed to heal someone without even thinking it, he'd rather be distracted by kisses. James' kisses to be more precise, and Will leant towards him as asked - or rather demanded - by the demon. Tangling his fingers in James' hair he smashed their lips together, teasing him before letting out a long moan of appreciation.
Couldn't beat that mouth.
---
The moan made James tingle from head to toe as he drew the other man back in, the familiar weight of his body pressing against his own. He deepened the kiss, a moan answering back to Will's own as his hands smoothed down the other man's back, yet again finding a spot upon the other man's ass to give it a bit of a squeeze.
"I think you're right." James said with a groan, pulling away from the kiss though not away from Will. "If we keep doing this, I won't be going anywhere for a while." And as appealing as that thought sounded, he did need to go pick up his son. Fuck.
He pressed another soft kiss to his lips, then a second, and finally forced himself to stop on the third. "You gonna come back later?" He asked, definitely hoping the answer would be yes. If he didn't want to hang out with him and Devon together, he could always swing by after Devon had gone to bed. James wouldn't mind having him in his bed again tonight.
---
Surprising himself let alone James, Will found himself nodding in response to James' question. He wanted more kisses. And strangely enough he didn't really mind the thought of coming over with Devon around. Yeah so they'd had a fight over James going to get him so soon, and Will still stood by the stupid argument, but he couldn't keep darting around him. The kid lived here. He was James' spawn. Will had to accept that if he was to spend more time with James.
"Yeah. I'll be back around six?" Not that he had anything to do in the meantime. Maybe just watch Tv and play computer games. Go harass some unsuspecting students.
---
James had expected Will to give him a hard time, like he always did, to make him beg and pout and then he'd give in, oh so unwillingly. But he agreed. And yes, that was a little bit shocking. And it was even more shocking when he said he'd be over around six, especially with him knowing that Will knew that Devon would still be awake and bouncing all around the place then.
He smiled, genuinely pleased, and nodded his head. "Six," he confirmed, and then leaned in to kiss him just one more one last time. "And don't make any plans to go home tonight," he added, perhaps pushing his luck just a little bit. "I'm not ready for another night without you beside me." He was sure there would be enough of those coming up before too long. There were rules, after all.
---
Laughing Will tilted his head back, finding humour in James' little Romeo speel. "You are so damn smaltzy!" he teased him, bringing their faces back together with a smile because he didn't seem to really mind the sentiment behind those words. Now they were back at TJS Will did feel a need to keep up appearances of the flirty, tough, nothing but flirting demon that many knew him as. But James saw him for who he really was. On holiday there'd been no mask at all, and now they were back there was only a corner of it remaining in place as far as James was concerned.
Damn him. "I guess I can make it work though..." Will grinned.
---
James laughed in return, poking Will in the ribs. "Shut up. I am not smaltzy!" He wasn't even sure what that word meant, but he could guess it. His smile was contagious though as Will leaned forward to bring their faces back together. Fuck, he was beautiful. Hands moved up to cup the other man's face, his thumb brushing against his lips. Yeah, he'd seen him without the mask, knew what there was underneath it all. And he knew he was lucky.
"Such an inconvenience, I know." He rolled his eyes, then stole another kiss. And another one. And then he was kissing him deeply once more, arms sliding down to hook around his form and pull him in close once more.
At this rate, he was never even going to make it off of the sofa.
---
So it was up to Will to be the forceful one here. Interesting. Though James' wandering hands were more than welcome, sending shivers down Will's spine, something had to be done. Namely, Will getting up so the responsible father could go get his son before he thought Daddy had done a runner and emigrated to Willville.
He should open a theme park. People could ride in his love tunnel.
Deeply in lust, Will parted their mouths with a short breath before he placed a finger on James' mouth, adopting a southern belle accent. "Now see here Mister McCafferty you got a job to do and it 'aint me. So go own, gi't! Be a responsible pa to your young'un." With a flourish and a smile Will prised himself from James' arms and stood.
---
Damn Will for picking up James' slack. He growled a little as the other man moved off of him, grumbling, though he was grinning, in response to Will's fake southern belle routine. "Fine, fine. I'll do it. But that doesn't mean I have to like it." He said, a scowl upon his lips as he pushed himself up to his feet.
And now that he was standing, it really was time for that one last kiss. James pulled Will to him by his hand and pressed a soft and somewhat chaste kiss to his lips. "Six" He said, reassuring himself that Will was still coming. "Stay outta trouble until then." He added, narrowing his eyes slightly before he smiled. And since they both had to leave the apartment now, he kept hold of his hand as he led the way out the door.