Weds April 2nd
Who: Wes, Dante and Roger Where: Wes' apartment When: Evening of the 2nd What: Dante and Wes need to talk, seeing as they haven't since he returned... Rating: R for language.
Wes was watching TV but not really concentrating on it. The people were talking, words were spewing, but none of them made sense. Roger was bringing Dante over and while it might be a good idea for the long run, the healer hadn't meant to let it slip that he was sort of upset with Dante. The alter hadn't even given him the time of day since he'd arrived back; everyone was getting their visits, but Dante hadn't said one word to him. It was weird; Wes did hate the fact that he was back despite him crying over the possibility of him leaving those few weeks before. Things had changed since then, though. Now it was as if someone had gone "here, have a physical representation of how you've failed Roger".
The front door was open, ready for Roger and co to come in when they were there. The healer wasn't sure whether he should be preparing anything for dinner, or generally attempting to make anything at all - tea, coffee... shit, now he had heartburn. His nerves were getting the better of him and if they didn't turn up soon he'd lock them out. Or leave. He hadn't decided yet.
---
When Roger had informed Dante that they were going to be going to Wesley's place that night, his answer was immediate and firm- no. There was no way in hell that he was setting foot back in that apartment, was going anywhere near that man. No. Never.
So, naturally, half an hour later he was walking with Roger down the main road to the apartment complex. The cinching argument? "You owe it to him." Dante knew he did, too. Of all the people he had hurt, of everyone who'd been affected by him running off into the night, Wesley had been hit the hardest. Dante knew how much Wes loved Roger, and having the half demon get stolen off to have his brain sliced into probably near killed Wesley. Dante owed him the chance to yell, he owed the healer the chance to scream and hit him and say everything he needed to say, to ask anything he wanted to know. Dante knew that he owed this to Wes, but that didn't make him any more eager to go.
Roger could feel the anxiety coming from Dante, and a small part of him actually felt bad. Luckily that part was easily ignored. Wesley needed to settle this with Dante, because it was becoming apparent that Dante wasn't going anywhere. Roger didn't know how badly this evening was going to go, but it needed to happen.
Not bothering to knock, Roger let himself into the apartment, grabbing Dante's wrist to keep the man from taking off. Spotting Wesley on the couch, Roger yanked Dante inside and shut the door, letting his former alter go while he went to greet his boyfriend. "Hey, handsome," he murmured, pressing a kiss to Wesley's head.
---
On hearing the door opening Wes' body tensed. He could have turned, seen Dante being physically dragged into the building, but then he'd have just gotten annoyed and told them to head right back on out. He also didn't think he could stomach seeing him til he was ready, so he waited on the sofa, steeling himself.
"Hey cutie." With a small smile Wes gladly received Roger's kiss. Things with him were a little better after their talk - and the follow up sex. In appreciation of the gesture Wes returned it with his own, a tiny kiss to Roger's mouth. It was impossible how great he felt in Roger's presence. To think there'd been a possibility he'd never feel that way again, never touch those lips - it only drew Wes' attention back to the big, grumpy, former alter in the room. Looking over to him, Wes felt his guts twist.
"Let's get this over with."
---
'Let's get this over with' was exactly right. What did Roger expect to happen, a perfect happy reunion and the three of them would be just like a family? He needed a fucking reality check. Dante stood awkwardly near the door, arms crossed, staring moodily at the floor. Roger turned to the man and sighed, walking over to grab his arm and drag him to the couch, forcing him to sit. He himself took residence in the armchair. "You two need to work this out," he said firmly, looking at Dante with hard eyes.
Dante almost squirmed under Roger's angry gaze. It was completely unfair how much influence the half demon had over him. Still, Roger had been right, he owed this to Wesley. But what in fucking hell was he supposed to say? "What the fuck do you want from me?" he snapped, mostly at Wesley. "What, do you want an apology? Well I'm not fucking sorry! You wanted Roger, I promised he'd come back and he did! And now you have him to yourself, for the rest of your goddamn life, without me. And life is better without me, isn't that right?" He glared hard at Wes, looking at him for the first time that night.
---
Work it out. Okay. Wes waited for some divine wisdom to pop into his head, a combination of words which would enlighten Dante as to how wrong he was, how upset he had made Wesley feel and also encourage guilt of the highest order - but they didn't come. He was left instead with boiling blood which pounded in his ears, random replies and snarky remarks whirling through his head but not quite making it to his mouth for him to say.
The moment Wes' eyes met Dante's an immeasurable amount of anger swelled inside him. Wes tried to keep it down, surpress the sheer hate that rose in his chest and talk it out instead but he couldn't - Dante's questions were met with a fist for the simplest answer as Wesley swung a punch at him. Dante's face was fucking hard and it hurt to do it, the healer even recoiled wincing a little "fuck!", but he felt better. He felt more than better, he felt fucking justified, and he practically leapt on him to do it again.
---
Dante had been anticipating some harsh words, swearing and shouting, but a fist to the face was just as good. His head snapped to the side as Wesley's knuckles collided with his chin, a garbled "ow" falling from his mouth. He was still fairly banged up from his fight with Roger, so even though his hard jaw had hurt Wes' hand, Wes' hand had really hurt him. Grabbing his jaw, Dante turned to Wes just in time to see him coming at him again, only this time he was a bit more prepared. A hand flew out and struck Wesley in the windpipe, hopefully stunning him enough to stop the punches.
As soon as Dante was hitting back, that was when this needed to end. Roger sprung off the chair and grabbed Wesley around the middle, pulling him back to his side of the couch. "Enough!" he shouted angrily. "We're not starting this shit! You two talk and that's it!"
---
The punch to his windpipe did knock Wes for six but he was about to recover with a series of hits and smacks. Dante needed a fucking good kicking but Roger was tearing Wesley away. Normally the healer wasn't a fan of violence but right now he couldn't think straight. Dante was there, looking fucking full of himself and unrepetant for the shit he'd put them through.
"You're STILL fucking here!" he yelled, straining against Roger's grip. "You're still fucking around, you'll always be around! How many times did I stand up for you, tell you I didn't want you to go?! Who was the first fucking person to treat you like a damn human being or show you genuine affection?! ME! It didn't matter that it upset Roger, I still did it because I saw you as being a decent human fucking being. And this is how you treat me? You come here and you don't say a word, you don't even fucking say sorry for the sheer shit you caused, you don't show anything but self-importance and complete fucking IGNORANCE towards me! You betrayed me! If it was up to me you'd be on a fucking garbage ship in the ocean right now because you took everything I gave you and fucking SHAT on it!"
---
Teeth gritted, jaw set, eyes hard and tears spilling over, Dante stared Wesley down, refusing to give in despite the many, many ways the man was right. He sat there and let Wes get everything he needed to off his chest, let him scream at him and swear. Then Dante pulled back and slapped the healer hard in the face.
"Why don't you keep bragging about that?" he goaded. "Why don't you keep bragging about how you always put me first, before Roger? Even though it made him miserable, and the decent fucking thing to do would be to not talk to me anymore, you did it anyway! You fucking told me you LOVED me, which makes you the shittiest person to have a relationship with. Fuck, Wesley, if I'd wanted to, I could've fucked you any time I wanted. I could've had you. You say you want him, you want to spend forever with him, but where was that dedication when my dick was in your mouth, when I was fucking you??" Oh, he was pulling up shit from months ago, because he knew that he'd really hurt Wesley and the only seeming way out of this mess was to hurt him more, make him never want to look at Dante's face again.
"I'm not sorry," he spat, "because all I did was exactly what I always said I would, what Roger TOLD YOU I would! You thought you saw a decent person well you were wrong. So why don't you go be pissed at yourself for that shit?"
---
Reeling from the slap Wes almost missed what Dante was saying. His cheek was red and he growled, staring at the... whatever he was now, not demon... as he gave his own rant. Dante wasn't exactly wrong in what he was saying which made it so damn hard to hear. The blows were low, uncalled for, and it hit precisely where Dante wanted them to. Wes couldn't take any more. He stood from the sofa, stalking to the middle of the room and for a moment it seemed like he was about to throw something when he just raised his hands to his head, trying to stop himself from bursting.
"I KNOW." Oh, too late. "I KNOW, I'm a shit human being! I blurred the lines, I couldn't... but that doesn't mean that you had to shit all over what I REALLY felt for you! I did love you! I did see you were a good person, and you never even..."
Now Wes turned his attention to Roger. "This was a bad idea. I knew this was a bad idea, I shouldn't have been been here when you turned up.."
--- "No, Wes, please," Roger begged, getting up to grab his lover's arm, hoping to keep him there. "Please, please stay." He stepped between Wesley and Dante, trying to block the healer's view of the other man. He took Wesley's face in his hands. "I don't care what happened before," he said, trying to look into his eyes. "All that happened with you, and him, all that... I don't care."
---
"How can you not care?" Wes whispered, completely agog as to how Roger could just brush it aside. "I said I loved you and I wanted to be with you and he's right. If he'd have wanted to fuck me I'd have said yes. Not... not after I hurt you, but any time before. I'm a horrible person."
Unable to think straight Wes peeled Roger's hands away, taking a step back so he had room to breathe because that seemed pretty hard to do at the moment. Looking at Dante again Wes pointed to him. "It doesn't make you any better, though. If anything, it makes us the same. You said you loved Roger and there you were fucking me and doing all this shit to him. You even played me against him. I think you wanted to drag me to your level, sometimes, prove me wrong. Remember when you wanted to kill me? I hugged you. I FUCKING hugged you. Do the same now and I'd kick your slimy ass out the fucking window before you lay a hand on me."
---
Roger thought it was easy to understand how he could not care. It was the same way that Wesley had never cared that Roger had Dante in his head, someone who tried every step of the way to sabotage them. Simply, because he loved him. Because what had happened before didn't matter now.
As Wesley stepped away Roger let his hands fall, feeling himself deflate. What could he do about this? He needed to fix it, and he hated the way that the healer's eyes looked, and most of all he hated that they were both right so he couldn't even pick a side and help defend it. Dante had treated Wesley like shit, the one person who always stood up for him. And Wesley had brished Roger aside sometimes for the sake of the alter ego, and even though he didn't care about it anymore, it had still been a shitty thing to do.
Wiping his face, Dante got to his feet. "I don't want you dead," he said dully. "I don't have any need for you anymore. You don't have a need for me either, let's just end this bullshit. I'll go. You keep him, you both stay here, have a nice fucking life." This night had been a bad idea. He wasn't going to say he was sorry. Wesley had gotten to yell at him like he'd wanted, and now they were done.
---
Of anything that had been said until now, that was what probably hurt the worst. Wes visibly flinched; "no need" for him anymore. The healer was often seen as a frivilous fly-by-night, who had his fingers in loads of pies and wanted everyone but it wasn't true. He was a very sensitive guy, he felt for others where the majority might think him crazy. Dante was the prime example. Wes had refused to give up on him and now it seemed that Dante was merely turning his back. The only thing which could kick the wind of his sails with more force would be Roger leaving him.
"You have no need for me?" he repeated, almost hollow. He was trembling. "What - So I was... I was just some mule? A cog in the machine to get you out of Roger's brain?" Of everyone who had known of Dante's deeper personality, Wes turned out to be the one that didn't matter. "I guess. I guess that makes sense, then.... cause y'know, if I mattered to you why would you take Roger for a life threatening operation without so much as a goodbye? Y'know? Why would you run off with only a fucking cryptic note when my Mom had died, my brother had left and I'd found out I had a kid, leaving me close to fucking using again and losing my mind...."
He'd spoken with a dull tone, not really wanting to give anything away or actually being unable to. Staring at a random spot in the middle of the room Wes stepped back and sank into the nearest chair.
---
Of course Wes had meant more to Dante then he'd ever want to admit. And right now he wanted to leave this fucking room and get distance between them, try and scrub that horrible sad face from his mind. He'd seen Wesley upset before, but never this upset, never this broken.
"No," Dante suddenly said, voice choked and thin. "No, you stupid fucking douchebag, no." God, how dense could a man be? "You were... fuck, you idiot, you were... I fucking loved you, you stupid son of a bitch! You meant more to me then anything, I didn't..." Growling, frustrated, he raked his fingers over his short hair. "You made me feel real. You were the first person to look past Roger and see me. So how could I tell you what I was doing, how could I look you in the fucking face and tell you that I was taking someone you cared about, the only person that would always matter more than me, and putting them in danger? How was I supposed to handle the begging from you, pleading for me not to do something so stupid, not to hurt the both of us? And then, what... I'm supposed to come back and look you in the eye? I'm supposed to tell you that I'm sorry knowing that it doesn't mean shit because I know it's never going to fix what I put you through??"
He wasn't quite crying yet, but the room was growing staticky around him. "I could never tell you how sorry I am, that I wish you could forgive me because it doesn't fucking matter!"
---
Startled by this sudden outburst of emotion, Wes' attention was drawn immediately to him. Seeing the large, foreign man in his home, speaking Dante's words, standing exactly how Dante stood was far too odd for Wes to process. Dante was real. He was standing there looking nothing like Roger. He wasn't even fucking blonde. The fact that this man was close to tears looked completely unnatural, his face probably having been one to stick to a pissy sort of expression.
But that was Dante now. The feeling coming from him was real enough even if it was tough for Wes to believe he was inside that - thing. "Of course it fucking matters!" Wes snapped, but it wasn't angrily. He was on his feet again, taking a few steps towards the man but stopping short. "It does mean shit to me! YOU mean shit to me!" He didn't know what else to say to him, how to more aptly explain what he was feeling. So instead Wes threw his arms around him, grabbing him into a huge, tight hug which he really didn't want to get out of.
"I'm glad you're okay," he whispered, sounding on the verge of tears himself.
---
The hug threw Dante so far off balance that he froze, Wesley's arms tight around him. He didn't know what to do. He was getting hugged. He hadn't expected a hug. A part of him wanted Wesley to throw another punch because anger was so much easier to deal with. This, though... there were no words for it. And if there were no words then there were feelings, and Dante couldn't handle feelings. Especially now, he could't physically handle it. His electricity went insane.
Feeling Wes holding him, the emotion pouring off the man, plus his own guilt and gratitude... a hard spark jumped between them. "Wesley, you need to let go," he said quickly, taking in a deep breath.
---
Wes felt that spark, but he didn't let go. Instead he clung onto him tighter. Yea he was a stubborn ass sometimes, but only when friends were involved. "Not until you hug back," he told him, keeping his arms tight around Dante's body. "I know you won't hurt me, just... please." Wes had an impossible blind faith in Dante that was able to control his powers if he only tried. What Roger was thinking Wes didn't care consider...
---
It wasn't about whether or not Dante wanted Wesley holding him, more just that Wesley holding onto him might lead to his eminent death. Wes might have been stupidly optimistic, but Dante knew better. He knew the man couldn't take this, and he knew that he couldn't control it no matter how much he wanted to.
Wrapping his arms quickly around Wesley and holding it for half a second, Dante immediately let him go. "Seriously, you need to let go of me, Wes, right now, right the fuck now..."
---
That wasn't what Wes wanted or needed but Dante was obviously not going to give him a choice. He would also, probably, never give the healer the chance to hold him close again. Not with this amount of emotion. Eyes watering Wes let him go, stepping backwards into the room.
"Okay," he said, shoulders hunching and sticking his hands into his pockets. He felt very rejected and also embarassed for showing such a display infront of Roger.
---
It was relieving and disappointing when Wesley stepped back and let Dante go. It was for the best, though, as a ripple of current tore through him, locking up all his limbs and making him twitch. But at the very least nothing jumped between himself and Wes, so no fried healer tonight.
Roger had watched the hug, a lump in his throat. Even though Wesley had been so angry with Dante, livid even... the way he hugged him was so warm, so caring. Now Roger was regretting this night. He had kind of liked when Wesley had hated Dante, had finally seen the alter in the same way Roger seen him all his life. He knew that Dante couldn't leave, and that it was important for him and Wes to at least make amends, but... he hadn't anticipated things pretty much picking up where they'd been left off.
Pulling Zweeby from his pocket, Roger handed the small toy to Dante, who looked a little amused and relieved. The small blue thing almost disappeared in Dante's large hands as he squeezed it, focusing his energies into it and sitting back down on the couch. Deep breaths, focus.
Moving beside Wesley, Roger shuffled a little, looking the man up and down. "Well," he said softly, touching the healer's shoulder gently, "this is... good. Thank you. For doing this."
---
Wesley didn't like letting Dante go, but he knew he had to. As soon as Roger was beside him he pulled him into a hug, burying his face in his shoulder and breathing him in. Nothing could compare to holding Roger in his arms. That was the difference between him and Dante. Wes willed Dante to try, to get his emotions out and simply to help him, but with Roger... he'd barely been able to function without the man.
"I'd do anything for you," he told him, though he knew Roger's idea of this would probably not be to end up cuddling the alter ego who had and continued to make his life more complicated than necessary. "I'm sorry I was so..." Wes pulled back to look at him, trying to find the word to describe his recent behaviour. "Stupid."
---
Roger held Wes close, easily wrapping his strong arms around the man. "I know you would," he whispered. Looking into the healer's eyes, he tried to hide his own hesitations, offering him a small smile. "Wesley, don't... it's alright. I'm just glad this is settled, ok?" He tried to look reassuring, that this was a part of the plan, exactly what he wanted. And in a way, it was. He wanted them to get along. He just hadn't wanted them to so obviously miss one another.
Giving Wes one last final hug, Roger pressed a kiss to the healer's nose before pulling away and settling on the couch next to Dante. The larger man had at least stopped sparking as much, though he held Zweeby in a death grip. He didn't look up at Roger, though. The half demon sighed, looking between his lover and his former head mate. "I guess... that's all," he said. "Dante and I can go if you want, Wes."
---
Wes and Dante had been through so much turmoil, without Roger knowing the full extent of it, so the bond between them would be something possibly no-one else would understand. The crutch of the matter was that whereas Wes would immediately lay down his life for Roger without question, Wes would hesitate when it came to Dante. It was harsh, but for all the affection Wes had for the newly made man, he knew where his heart truly lay.
Of course Dante looked very funny with his blue assistant. Wes looked between them before his eyes settled on Roger. "No. I'd... like you to stay here for a while. I've spent too long without you." For a number of reasons. Shuffling, Wes began to make his way to the kitchen. "I could make us some food, y'know, rustle up another of the MacIntyre's signature dishes! Might be a little burnt but.... maybe we should call in instead..."
Roger and Dante always came as a package. Couldn't have one without the other, and that's where the healer had excelled. Wes had dealt with it before, and though usually he'd only been able to speak to one at a time he'd also have to deal with it now, so he may as well play host to both of them.
---
Well, the three of them spending some time together. That would be... good... right? Roger tried to look positive about this idea, nodding enthusiastically at Wesley's suggestion. "Food sounds good," he smiled. "I wouldn't say no to you cooking. You make good chicken." The half demon tried getting Dante at least accepting of this idea, putting a hand on the man's arm and catching his eye. He felt like a mother trying to get a child to to eat his vegetables by making it look like they would be delicious. Dante wasn't buying it. He shook his head at Roger, a clear 'Get me the fuck out of here' look on his face.
"We're staying," Roger declared, settling back on the couch next to Dante and grabbing the remote. The statement was mostly for his alter's sake, though it was for Wesley's benefit also. They were staying, this would be a good evening, come hell or high water. Dante stared at Roger for a moment as though he had lost his mind, tempted to just get up and walk out. When Roger didn't even spare a glance at him, instead switched on the telly and started channel surfing, Dante sat back against the cushions with his arms crossed, a deep frown on his face. This was total bullshit. No one could make Dante do anything unless he at least somewhat wanted to. No one. As much influence as people thought they had over him, not a man or woman alive could make him do anything he didn't want. Except, evidently, Roger. Because Dante wanted nothing more then to take off at a run from this house and get away from this awkwardness. Instead, he was staying put.