Monday, 3/24/08 Who: Dizzy and Jacob When: Evening. Where: Hallway of the boys' dormitory. What: Unexpected meeting, drunken Jacob and sober Dizzy.
After the week, day, hour she'd had, Dizzy couldn't wait to get back to her room after dinner and slink between the sheets. Although the underlying fear of another vision still crept up on her from time to time, especially now as she made her way through the halls toward the rooms, she still longed for the comfort of her bed. Waking up in a bed soaked with sweat to the sound of a gunshot and the image of a girl, half human, half deer being shot had been the first clear vision that'd come to her in the last few days of sobriety. It was the first vision she'd had since Dustin that a gunshot had rung so clearly and details overflowed in the blazing aftermath. The anxiety of which still lingered with her throughout the day.
Hands were anxiously tucked away in the front pockets of her jeans as she silently made her way along the hall, glad to be alone while most of the students went to go hang out in the lounges or went out one last time before curfew. Or so she was mostly alone. As she neared the boys' bathroom in her travels toward the girls' wing the sound of someone hurling their guts out increased. Initially she might have guessed Rez, if she were to guess it was anyone she knew to begin with. But only because of the full moon a few days back. Though as she started to push the door open, that assumption faded from her mind, sure that he was over it by now.
Peeking her head into the bathroom, there wasn't much hesitation before Dizzy pushed the door open and slipped inside. "Hello?" She called out as she glanced over the urinals before bending over a bit to look under the stalls. Sure enough, there was the lower half of a body and the sound of vomit meeting the pool of water. "You okay?"
----
What a weekend. Recent events had become so bad that he wanted to hide away from everything and spending time in the treehouse had helped to some extent, as did Raquel's company. The majority of his time found him drunk out of his mind for the last two days, which spilled over into Monday. Frankly, it was a miracle Jacob climbed down from the treehouse and made his way back to the boys' dormitory. Moving so much went straight to his head and stomach, causing so much nausea that he needed to find a restroom now. He discovered the door to the toilets and stumbled towards them, just making it in time to one of the stalls. He crouched and paid tribute to the porcelain god, and then again a minute afterwards. Fuck, this was hell.
Tears leaked from his eyes and dripped into the toilet bowl with the mess - just to add insult to injury. A little while passed before he heard the voice of someone female not too far away, and he thought she sounded familiar. Jacob peeked around the door of the stall and squinted his eyes slightly to focus his hazy vision. The last person he expected to see stood there, or was she? "Fuck, now I'm seeing her outside my mind," he muttered. Didn't she ask him if he was all right? "Not all right. She said it was over... I was fucking trying." He leaned his back against one of the walls of the stall with his face paler than usual. "Don't need you smirking at me, mind Dizzy." He was done with all of this and now he wanted to be left alone with his humiliation, shame, and vomit.
--- Her expression shifted from mild concern to a smirk without a doubt. What were the chances? Of course, of course she'd stumble upon Jacob in a way that she couldn't exactly just abandon him. The kid was a wreck and even if she did temporarily hate his guts, or so she was working hard to tell herself as much, she wasn't going to leave him to rot in the bathroom. Yes, even if she told him he could go and do that very much without her caring. What a liar she was. Tongue met cheek as she stood there and watched him squint at her before retreating back into the stall. Brows wrinkled at his words. Did he think he was hallucinating her presence? That was classic. Even when she was mad at him, their encounters were funny. She had to refrain from an outward laugh though, considering the tone of his voice.
Letting out a sigh, Dizzy made her way toward the stall, squatting just outside of it. His last sentence made it clear that he wasn't altogether coherent. "I'm real, stupid." Hand rose up to push his hair away from his forehead, careless about the sweat that'd formed on his skin from being sick. "Now who said what was over?" She hated that she was currently stick her foot in her mouth by being here, especially after she'd told him it was best to stay away from each other or that they couldn't be friends anymore. Yet here she was, unable to leave him to his own devices... obviously that'd been a bad idea to begin with. Then again, what the fuck had happened to him getting clean? He reeked of booze and she knew him puking all over the place was not the result of bad food. Whatever, she'd get him straightened out and ship him off to Summer. She was his responsibility alone, now.
---
Coherent thought was difficult to form in his mind and it took several seconds, or longer, for him to wrap his head around the notion of Dizzy being real. Was it true? Impossible, because she needed some time away from him, just like Summer. Although he tried his best to get over a bad situation and improve, he failed to keep both women in his life. They didn't like him enough to stick around and any moment Dizzy would leave, he was sure. His head was a combination of light and aching as he sat there, suppressing the urge to vomit again. "Can't believe you're real," he whispered. The look on his face betrayed him, showing he was relieved to see her even if she was angry with him.
"Summer," croaked Jacob. "Needed time to think. Left and I did all the shit she wanted." It made no sense. "You don't have to worry about me saying anything about you to her anymore. I fucking hurt." A lot, in different ways, but that wasn't any excuse. He still messed up and now - now was time to return to his hideout. He used the edge of the toilet seat to use as a prop to push himself to his feet, where he stood slightly swaying. More tears ran down his cheeks without him noticing before he took a couple of hesitant steps towards the door. His walking back outside to the trees would take a while, but he was desperate enough to make that journey.
--- Jades were rolled at his reaction to her claim of being real. There wasn't any way to prove it, really. She considered the notion and decided not to bother knowing it'd be a wasted effort. Even a mental simulation of her would do any of the things she'd normally do. And most of the things she'd normally do were very inappropriate for someone in a relationship. Atleast one on the rocks. Brows remained wrinkled by confusion as he fed her information in tiny spurts. Jacob was hardly well expressed verbally on a good day, so she knew how lucky she was to be getting phrases out of him at all. "What?" She couldn't believe it. After the rukus that girl had caused she up and left him? Him? The sweetest, nicest, romantically geekiest kid Dizzy had ever met? The two had seemed so ideal for each other, this literally came as a shock.
It was probably over something stupid, the tiny shit that most girls got hung up on. "She'll get over it. You two will be back together next week." Dizzy said with a bit of dry comfort. She wasn't particularly a fan of Summer, but after all the things that Jacob had confided in her and the way Summer usually acted, Dizzy didn't particularly had a taste for the girl. Dizzy stepped back as he rose up to leave the stall, She trailed behind him to make sure he didn't fall over flat on his face. "I think you need to go see a nurse or some shit."
---
Jacob nodded somewhat pitifully. If he was sober, he would have hesitated if only for a moment telling her what had happened, but being very drunk changed him. This was Dizzy, after all, and he wanted to tell her despite the events not too long ago. "Said she wasn't the right girl for me now. Have to relax by myself. Bullshit." A frown appeared on his face as he swayed dangerously, almost about to fall. He still hadn't gotten used to the idea and had no clue how long it'd take him to get over her. Isn't that what normal people did? Expecting any comfort from her was a silly notion, but Jacob did a little in his intoxicated state. His shoulders tensed, as if he held so much weight on them.
"It was serious," Jacob protested. They were over forever, most likely, and now he had to pick up the pieces when he was ready. Doing so would take a while - actually, he had no idea how long it'd take. It was difficult to think of anything right now. Ugh, she wanted him to go to a nurse. First of all, there was quite some distance between here and the infirmary and he preferred not to involve another person in his affairs. "No, gonna go back to my treehouse," he added in a low protest, taking one slow step after another. Where was the direction of the right door? He shoved the door to the bathroom open, turning to the right and hoped that was the correct way to go. The sooner he reached his sanctuary, the better.
--- Ah the woes of teenage angst. Dizzy was secretly giving an eye roll behind his back when he explained what Summer had said. More than anything it sounded like someone was looking for something to be wrong. And if he planned on trying to win her back this certainly wasn't the way to go about it. Did he even plan on trying to win her back? Dizzy hadn't pictured him for a quitter, or even cynical despite the way he pretended. She definitely had him pegged for a hopeless romantic at heart. Hence the train wreck before her. Reaching out to help hold him up as he started to sway, she tried not to laugh. This was too adorable. Seriously, it was nearly disgusting the way he and Summer went on and Dizzy didn't doubt than in a week's time they'd be all lame and giggly and shit again. Barf.
"Sorry..." She said behind a laugh. It was difficult to take him seriously when he was this drunk or concerned over a speed bump in his relationship with Summer. These two had no idea what real relationship problems were. He'd done nothing but spend most of his time talking about the girl, planning and plotting ways to impress her, so much so that Dizzy have occasionally gotten dragged into the grossness of having to hear about it or offer a bit of advice. If Summer was really going to call it off, she was shit for a girl for not appreciating an ounce of it and he deserved better. But she decided better than mention her opinions now. Wait, she was supposed to still be pissed at him.
Following behind a staggering Jacob, Dizzy tried to hide her smirk. It was like watching a baby deer learn to walk. Ugh deer. The mental image of this morning's possible roadkill reappeared and Dizzy felt queasy for a moment. "Your treehouse huh? To do what? Cuddle with your stuffed animal and play pirates or dungeons and dragons?" She couldn't help but tease. How could anyone take a twenty something year old man, pitifully drunk claiming to be serious and then needing to retreat to his 'treehouse'. God she wished she had a camera now.
---
His attempts at improvement started right when she told him what was bothering her and yet they had failed. He was done trying to please people, and definitely with relationships - for a while, maybe indefinitely. Concentrating on his magic was his area of expertise, and there was still more to research. A witch's work was never done, or something like that old clichéd phrase. He continued on his staggered path to the outside and saw the door in front of him not too far away. Excellent. Finally! Turning the doorknob to get it open was difficult, but somehow he managed it. It was a good thing he was so drunk or otherwise Jacob might have taken offence at Dizzy laughing at him, or teasing him a little while later.
"Watching things burn," he answered to her question with the utmost venom and ice in his words. It did not matter that it was dark or following his words was dangerous because he was on a mission. A couple of steps into the cold outside air only sobered him slightly and yet he trudged on light-headed. Nauseous. After another step, Jacob reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a flashlight that shone very brightly when he pressed the button. Handy, magic was. His grip on the light was not as steady as he wanted and the beam kept moving up and down. Oh well, he could ignore it as long as his goal was the treehouse a long trek from here. Why did time have to slow down so much when he was drunk? He winced with frustration, but still continued on his path.
To help himself, Jacob withdrew a piece of red licorise and tore off a section of it with his teeth, eating it. It tasted bad and he tossed it over his shoulder.
---
If the wrinkled eyebrows didn't give way to her obvious confusion, her half open mouth would. What was his deal? Okay yea, he broke up with his girlfriend, but drinking himself into a coma wasn't going to make any of that change or better. Nor was his intention of burning shit. Considering the state he was in his was more likely to burn down the whole treehouse. The very thought alone made her nervous when she considered he'd probably be in the tree house when he'd burn it down in this hypothetical. Heavy sigh escaped her as she followed after him. Great timing Summer. Dizzy wasn't even alotted her proper response time to be pissed and get over it now that she'd broken his heart and Dizzy was the only person around to make sure he didn't end up killing himself.
Hand reached out to grab at his clothes, pulling him back toward her just as they stepped out into the cold air. "Would you wait a second, J?" She was sort of scolding him now. "You're being ridiculous. She dumped you. Even if you're sure it's totally serious and official and forever..." Arms were thrown up as she went down the list of all the adjectives he might have used for the situation. "It just means she was too blind to see what a great guy you are. She didn't deserve you. You were nothing but sweet and you made a shitload of effort." More than Dizzy could say any guy had ever done for her. "If she can't see that, then fuck her."
---
He planned to go back to his makeshift campfire, start something up with a lighter and then find things to burn that way. True, it was unlikely he'd be able to target the right place and playing with fire was dangerous in his current condition, but he didn't care. Being angry with the world was still too satisfying right now. Her hand pulling him back barely registered on his radar, although he realized he wasn't going anywhere after a few seconds. Then she was scolding him and sort of being nice as well - doubtful if he'd remember this in the morning. After inhaling a slow breath, Jacob tried to concentrate on what she said. Was she too blind? It hurt, regardless, and he glanced at the floor with strands of hair falling over his eyes.
"I tried," he agreed. "I would have really tried and you're still mad at me. I don't deserve your niceness." Her last comment was ironic in a way and he frowned, irritated. "Didn't even get to fuck her." There were several activities that were now off bounds to him, sadly, and he'd just have to deal with it now. The flashlight was still in his hand and he gripped it tighter, looking out towards the darkness in order to decide what to do next. Burning various items was tempting still, because it'd allow him to destroy something that couldn't stop him because it was inanimate. He was so pathetic. "Burning shit with you was fun." A wistful statement, but he was too drunk to imply anything meaningful, just a furrowed brow and a frown on his face.
Jacob took another step forward into the darkness.
--- "No, you don't..." She said passively with a shrug of the shoulders. "But you're getting it anyway." The goosebumps that'd formed along the exposed skin of her arms and neck were noticable now as the cold air really began to sink in. Arms crossed in front of her chest as she watched the drunk mess that he was try to formulate thoughts and sentences to express those thoughts. She laughed at his failure with a shake of her head. "There's plenty of girls to fuck. She wasn't the only vagina in the world." Had his choice of words been a little different Dizzy might have mocked him, though her response would've been entirely different. Jacob didn't say he'd wanted to make love to the girl. That's what boys did when they were in love. He'd talked about fucking her which was entirely different. Then again, it could've been the alcohol talking.
Lips parted to respond to his claim that burning things together was fun. It had been that one night. Then again alot of what they'd done together had been fun, though almost every time it'd been in the midst of some sort of destructive act. That was Dizzy's way all the time. But Jacob was only like that when upset. It wasn't fair that she was sucking him further in her world of bitter resentment and cynicism. She let a little cloud of air escape her for lack of anything comforting to say as he took a step further. "C'mon... Jay. If you go out there you're going to force me to tell people where you are. And whether I tell them there's a party or send someone to get you down and strap you to a hospital bed will just be a surprise..." She teasingly threatened, hoping he'd just go back inside the building.
---
He knew he was still in deep trouble with her and he had no clue how to make it up to her. Even his heavily drunk state didn't help. If he had been sober, maybe he would have responded differently to Dizzy's statement, but understandably he was in a bad mood. Jacob already had his foot in the door to the room of jadedness and the more he experienced, the more he disliked about the world. Just the way it was, and it didn't seem like it would improve any time soon. Remembering this incident in the morning was doubtful and to make matters worse, he somewhat dismissed her advice. He wanted time to blow off steam, and so did she, though she'd also made it clear she needed plenty of time to herself as well.
Would she tell people where he was? He doubted it. "You won't do that," he said in his drunken slur, as certain as anyone was that gravity kept them on the ground. Yes, it was possible she could betray his location and someone would have to drag him back into the hellhole. Still Jacob had faith in her. With that confidence, he walked outside once more. Maybe someone finding him would be good, so he could take his frustrations out on someone. Right now that might make him feel better, though not the wisest choice of activities.
---
She was starting to shiver, though Dizzy couldn't exactly tell if it was the annoying lititle tick of withdrawal or that she was really cold. It was hard to pay attention when she was so focused on Jacob at the moment. Reaching into her back pocket, she pulled out a cigarette, set it between her lips and dug around her front pocket for a lighter. Fuck, she'd kill someone if she forgot it or left it somewhere. Thankfully a second later, she found and lit the rolled tobacco. Nictone would help her ignore the shakes and goosebumps.
Not knowing what to do with him was frustrating. She didn't trust him by himself, namely because he was such a novice to the prospect of the wild abandon and self indulgence. Exhale a cloud of smoke, now more than ever, she sorta wished she had someone to help her with this. Dizzy knew when she was in the mood he was in, she preferred to be alone. But that usually meant bad things that most average kids couldn't really handle. Jacob was just diving head first into more trouble. "I don't know... I do owe you afterall." She smirked, suggesting that she owed him a betrayal in return for the one he'd committed against her.
---
Jacob was a force of nature, especially when he was upset, and she had not seen the depths of his destructive powers fuelled by anger. He repressed them for the most part, but times were changing, and intoxication started to open the door of things to come. If Dizzy started to yell at him, he wasn't sure he could take it. His emotional state hung by a thread as it was, even after a weekend of being very drunk.
She owed him one, true, and he feared she wanted to hurt him just to make herself feel better. The words spilled out before he realized it. "Why don't you? Might make you feel better? Maybe someone needs to put me on the rack, hang me upside down and whip me until I've made up for the shit I caused you." He threw his words over his shoulder as he moved farther into the darkness illuminated by his flashlight. "Give it your best shot!" Jacob turned around to face her, eyes glassy and fiery with something unknown.
--- Pull, exhale, pull. Fuck, even if she was twitching, it was still pretty cold outside. Arms crossed in a half ass fashion, careful to keep her one arm capable of brigning that cigarette back to her lips when needed. She reluctantly trailed behind Jacob, keeping a distance because she was sure that at any moment, he'd see reason and turn back around. What the hell was going on lately? One fight and the girl was a regular Mother Theresa today. First Rae, now Jacob. Next she'd move on to lepers and cripples.
Dizzy gave another sarcastic shake of her head as he went on his little tangent. "Oh stop being so - " Her mumbled words were cut off by his last set of words. She was going to say dramatic, but by the look in his eyes when he turned back at her, it was apparent that he wasn't just being dramatic. She'd temporarily forgotten his capabilities, though currently the flood of information was returning to her rapidly. She paused in her steps, staying put. "Stop. Okay? Just stop for a second." Dizzy was doing her best to proceed with caution. The last thing she wanted to do was push him over the edge and yet, she couldn't knowingly just leave him to his own devices.
---
He remained staring at her for a little while longer, drunkenness inspiring impatience, and was about to turn around again when she said to stop. Her words had sway over him, so he paused and ran a hand through his hair with irritation. "What." It was more of a cold statement than a question. More than ever, he needed some indication that everything was going to be all right, either by a single touch or any sentence. The chances of that were unlikely given the situation and he wished he never got into it in the first place... for the hundredth time. A shiver ran over him, due to the cold, though he barely felt it.
Dizzy had no idea how much power she had over him, what things she could ask of him to do and he'd do without much protest or many questions. Pearl didn't quite know either, not to the full extent, though now it was less than before because of their fight. Jacob slid his hands into his pockets, hair falling over his face as he looked at his feet. The swell of anger he had felt slowly started to vanish, which was irritating because he still wanted to be angry. Her presence shouldn't make him feel any better, damn it!
---
Dizzy stood paralyzed by uncertainty. This was new. Normally the high from whatever she was on took over and had no problem with deciding her actions and reactions, especially in difficult situations like this. A sober Dizzy found herself torn, wanting to continue their fight because there was still so much pent up hurt and frustration stuck inside of her. And not just from Jacob though she had no problem using him as a scapegoat for her irrational need to let it all out. Screaming into her pillow would have to suffice, though. Clear and well processed thoughts left her with only one conclusion.
He was hurting, too. Probably much more than she had. Losing your first relationship, maybe even in his case, love, was never easy no matter the length or terms of the relationship. She knew that. Even if Dizzy wasn't sure about how much she'd be capable of trusting him with in the future, the important thing was that now he needed someone, a friend, her. She knew more than anyone how desperately he needed a hand to hold when he was miserable and all alone. She could set her hang ups aside for the time being to help him cope. Flicking the cigarette into the snow, Dizzy walked toward him after a long few moments of silence, closing the gap between them. Uncrossing her arm, she wrapped them both around his torso, under his arms and pulled him close for a hug. "I'm sorry about Summer."
---
In a large sense, he was dramatic, or so sheltered that experiences hit him harder than others and he lashed out in a big way. Jacob had become numb with frustration, anger, loss, and other emotions he couldn't quite place, enhanced by his friend (ex friend?) standing in front of her. The last thing he expected now was anything friendly on Dizzy's part and before he blinked twice, she had his arms around him. "I'm a fucking idiot," he murmured, and hoped she'd take that to mean about her as well. The gesture meant a great deal and he barely would have let anyone else touch him in this state of mind. his arms went around her, mid-back height, and he held her. Time seemed to slow down now, so he had no idea of how long he hugged her.
His arms had no intention of moving, though he told them to, and his head tilted downwards to smell the scent of her hair. Coconut. Jacob relaxed at the familiarity of the smell and then took a step backwards. "Should sleep." The anger disappeared and he had an overwhelming sense of tiredness now. Was this the only time he'd see her? After his hand lingered on her arm for a few seconds, he started to head back in what he thought was the direction to his treehouse. The faster he got there, the faster he could be asleep possibly for the entire week. Even if he had been sober, thinking of what to say to her was impossible. She needed time and he was intruding on her space.
---
Despite how upset she'd been with him a few days ago, Dizzy'd been melted, straight to her tiny little black heart. There's nothing she hated than seeing a man broken. There was always nothing else that could make her cave the way that did. Maybe she'd expected too much of him. Maybe Summer had, too. Maybe it'd all been too much to manage and her constant teasing and pestering had just been obnoxious pokes in the wrong direction. She really was the shitty friend that didn't deserve him. Though she'd already told him that in her e-mail on Saturday.
There was too much comfort in the hug, even still. The same comfort she'd found in every other male that'd used and/or betrayed her in the past. The only reason she was capable of playing nice with Rez at all lately was because things were terribly awkward even when they pretended that they weren't. She knew better than to allow herself to find solace in him anymore. Face buried against his shoulder for the time being until he'd start to let her go. Dizzy was still unsastified with his decision to go back to the tree house, but there wasn't much she could really do to stop him. "Yea... go sleep. And make sure you keep yourself warm. Maybe I'll see you at breakfast?" This wasn't going to sit easy with her at all tonight and she'd be lucky if she got any sleep.
---
Jacob would never betray her again, not that Dizzy might believe that. It still hurt him to think that she would never trust him again, among the other things that depressed him. He knit his brow, sad that he couldn't think of what to do now except sleep. It was pathetic, and he was pathetic, but he had to find a way to move on with his life. Now he might never make another friend who he liked enough, because it was safer that way. There was a heater in the treehouse, if he remembered correctly. He grunted a noise of agreement before he continued to trudge in the direction of the threehouse. Thankfully he did find it, climbing up the ladder carefully so he wouldn't fall. The sleeping bag felt more comfortable than ever and only a couple of minutes passed before he fell asleep.