"I don't want to feel it," Will hissed. It wasn't directed at Fisher but rather at the universe, his hatred for the cruel games 'God' decided to play on people. "It's too distracting. It hurts." Just like thinking he'd never be able to have anyone he wanted ever again. It was lke the joke just kept rolling on, all the time. "He wasn't ready to go. Fuck, I wasn't ready for him to go."
All the things he could have told him, confessed to him, allowed him to feel - gone. The second Will had opened that door, seen Haddon lifeless on the bed, halfway on the floor.. "Imagine you never told James how you felt. Then one morning you walked in to find him gone. Dead. That's it. Bye bye." Will wiped furiously at his face then turned to the medium with watery eyes. It was nice he was here for him but Will couldn't really get a handle on that right now. "Imagine how that would feel. Would you want to live with that? Because I don't. I don't, ever..."