Charlie Burghard (charlieburghard) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2009-09-21 14:41:00 |
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Entry tags: | charlie |
Thursday: 1/18/08
Who: Charlie and Maggie
When: Thursday evening
Where: their apartment
What: Charlie has some difficult news to share with his niece.
Charlie spent much of the day in his room, crying. He was also talking to himself, because he hoped that maybe his mother was close by to listen. He needed guidance, and more importantly, he needed reassurance that he had not just destroyed Maggie's life.
He was calling into question every decision he ever made. Should he have reenlisted back when the country went to war? Maybe he would have died bravely in battle and brought honor to his family. Should he have killed himself weeks ago when he really wanted to? Maybe then he wouldn't have fucked up like this... wouldn't have chased away Davia and put Maggie's education in danger.
It was getting late in the day, and he hadn't drank any blood since just before he met up with Maggie early in the morning. He was hungry and exhausted, neither a good thing as he waited for Maggie's tutor to bring her back to the apartment. He resolved to pick himself up off the floor, drink a few bags of blood, and get his shit together. He had to.
The door opened about thirty minutes later, and Maggie came flying in. She made a running jump at her uncle, and he caught her midair, picking her up and giving her a huge hug. He didn't want to let her go. "I missed you today," he said honestly. He really should have napped, but his head was too much of a mess to allow him to sleep.
Maggie wiggled in his arms, wanting to be released, and Charlie reluctantly did so. "I almost turned into a bunny today!" she said proudly. Charlie, now crouched down at her level, smiled. "You did? How do you know?" Maggie looked to be concentrating really hard as her tutor smiled and waved goodbye, seeing herself out. Charlie kept his focus on Maggie, who seemed to be trying to wiggle her nose. "Ah... I see... bunny nose... or you could just be turning into one of the ladies from Bewitched." Maggie wore a look of confusion then. Charlie laughed, "It's a TV show... we'll watch it sometime and you'll see what I mean. Do you want dinner?" Maggie nodded enthusiastically and ran over to the kitchen, "I wanna help!" Charlie chuckled, even though his heart hurt at the same time. "Well alright then!"
They got busy with the prep work, Maggie fetching items within her reach and stirring stuff. Charlie all the while was trying to figure out what to tell her about Davia. He'd been in anguish over it all day. As he finally put the casserole in the oven to bake, he tried to ease into the topic. "Maggie, we gotta talk about something pretty important." Maggie looked up at him, she was in the process of dragging her stepping stool over to the kitchen sink to wash her hands. Charlie helped her, and when she was finished, he carried her over to the couch, setting her on his lap.
"Do you remember what I told you this morning about how Davia might not always live with us, but that she'll always love you?" Maggie nodded slowly, already understanding that she wasn't going to like what he was about to say. It hurt Charlie to see that recognition in her eyes. He swallowed hard and forced more words out, because he had to tell her. "Well... I did something bad... and I made Davia mad at me..." He was cut off then, "What'd you do, Uncle Charlie?" Charlie grimaced, because he'd expected that question, but he wasn't sure how to answer it. "Well... that's tricky to explain. Remember your best friend in kindergarten.. Samantha? And remember how close you guys were?" Maggie nodded. "Alright... do you remember how you felt when that new girl came to school halfway through the year, and Samantha liked her a whole lot too? You were mad. Samantha had a new friend. She still liked you, she was still your best friend, but she had another best friend now too, and that made you sad." Maggie was trying to put together what Charlie was saying and relate it to Davia. "Is Davia still my best friend?" Charlie nodded, "Yes, absolutely. She loves you very much. But she's sad because I made a new friend, just like you were. And sometimes it's hard for us to share. It's even worse when we don't tell the truth, and that's what I did. I didn't tell the truth right away about having a new friend." Maggie rested back against Charlie's chest, thinking. "Mommy told me it's okay to have two best friends, and she said that I could play with Samantha and her new friend and we could all be best friends." Okay, so the friend thing wasn't working as well as Charlie had hoped. "Yes, sometimes. But not everyone wants to play with several friends at once. Davia only wants to play with me..."
None of this was going all that well so far. Charlie's head hurt, and his heart ached. "Anyway... that aside... Davia needs some time away from me right now. So, she's gonna stay in another apartment here at school..." His words were cut off as Maggie frowned and curled toward Charlie, nuzzling against his chest. She started crying, "But I don't want her to go," she mumbled against his shirt. "Oh, Magpie, she's not going far, and she still wants to see you all the time. And I want you to see her too." Charlie was fighting very hard to keep it together. He could not fall apart right now. "You can see her whenever you want. And you can stay the night sometimes.. and play dress up together... and watch movies. She loves you so much, we all do." Maggie was crying harder now, her little hands clutching at Charlie's shirt. He felt like he was going to die. This was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. "I know, sweetie... I know you want her here." Maggie sniffled and rubbed his shirt against her wet eyes. "I'm sorry, Maggie," he said softly, not knowing what else to say.
Charlie sat there for a while, rubbing Maggie's back. She would cry a bit more, then get a little hiccupy, cry again, try to stop and breathe, and finally she fell asleep in his arms. She hadn't eaten, but she'd be alright without dinner. Charlie picked her up and carried her to the kitchen, turning off the oven. The food was overcooked anyway. He'd take care of it later though. Right now, he just needed some quiet. He carried Maggie into his room and put her in Davia's spot on the bed. After covering her up, he climbed into bed beside her and watched her sleep... all the while thinking about what a fuck up he was.