Nora Bates (![]() ![]() @ 2009-09-16 19:07:00 |
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Entry tags: | dante, nox |
Tursday 1/18/08
Who: Dante and Nox
What: Discussions
Where: Nox's Apartment
When: Thursday Night
Rating: R
Dante was pretty good at picking locks. He'd broken into (and out of) enough places to know how to do it by now. And truthfully, this school was a joke when it came to locking up their shit. Maybe really important stuff was under better surveilence, but staff offices and the cafeteria (and tonight the library, break-in of choice) were as accessible as a slut's underwear. Dante was perusing the book selection TJS had to offer, sitting on the floor of the dark library, a ball of electricity in his hand. He had several reference books scattered around him, some of them open, and a particularly large novel in his lap. The blue electric ball illuminated just the area around him, giving him enough light to read by. After he and Roger had talked, it seemed that he had the go-ahead on figuring out this 'new body' thing. At least, he assumed he did, since Roger didn't forbid it. Not that that would have stopped him anyway.
---
Once again, Charlie caught Dante in the act. While strolling through the halls during his normal rounds, the head of security noticed the door to the library was open when it should have been locked up tight. The flashlight came out, and it shown through the door. It wasn't needed for long though, because Charlie could see a light near the back of the library and movement causing shadows.
Charlie was stealthy as he made his way through the aisles, but the caution dropped when he spotted Dante. Perhaps Charlie should have kept his guard up, all things considered, but he wasn't afraid of Dante. They'd already experimented with electrocution, and while the energy hurt as it passed through Charlie's body, it didn't cause lasting damage. No doubt it annoyed Dante. Charlie was immune.
"Put the book down and come with me," Charlie said casually.
---
He should have locked the door behind him. He was getting sloppy in his break-ins. Ah well, not that it mattered. He heard Charlie coming but by then it was too late to extinguish the light so he just kept reading. Even when Charlie told him to get up he held up a finger, finishing the paragraph. Interesting shit in these old books. Not a lot of it helpful, but interesting. It would blow a normal person's mind just how much magic there was in the world. Finally, finished reading, Dante closed the book and set it on the floor beside him, letting his electricity ball fizzle out. He got to his feet as Charlie turned on his flashlight.
"Do I really have to go see the director this time?" he asked impatiently. "Can't you just fine me or something?" He had no desire to see, speak to or deal with Nox anymore. He'd rather just pay for punishment then have to sit across from that backstabbing jackass and deal with his cool, collected manner for one lousy minute.
---
Charlie wouldn't argue with Dante in regards to the electronic security. The cameras were easy enough to disable. Locks were pretty easy to pick, too, and some students had the ability to get around magical barriers. But that's why there was a security staff, to fill in the gaps. There was only so much you could do without thinking people. It was why so called artificial intelligence would never replace the real deal. You needed someone with feelings and the ability to reason.
The flashlight was a bit annoying, and Charlie wished now that a slight switch was in reach, but the little battery operated torch would have to play substitute. Just because Charlie had better vision as a vampire, didn't mean he could see in the dark, and it was pitch black in the library at this time of night.
"Yes, you have to see him. He told me earlier in the week that you might cause some more trouble, and I was instructed to take you to him as soon as that happened." Nox seemed to know a lot about what was going on with Dante, but the director didn't elaborate when Charlie asked for more information. Charlie reached down and grabbed the book in Dante's lap, tucking it under his arm. "Walk."
---
Fucking crap in a hat. Dante walked with Charlie, hands in his pockets, curious as to why he'd grabbed the book. What the hell difference did it make what he had been reading, just that he was reading in the library when he shouldn't have been? Of course that book would be particularly incriminating and no doubt Nox would have a thing or two to say about it. Douchebag. Why the hell did he want to see Dante so badly anyway? There was nothing left to talk about. Dante didn't want to deal with him anymore, and Nox had said, as he always said, 'Whatever you wish, Dante.' And that was what he wished. And he refused to beliebe Nox actually had feelings that might be hurt by that.
"Well bully for him," he muttered sarcastically. He hadn't been causing trouble for the purpose of getting the director's attention. If he had, sneaking around at night would have been the worst way to go about it. Dante tromped through the halls, familiar doors passing, as they headed to... wait. They weren't going to the director's office. "Where the fuck are we going?" he demanded. Not that he was resisting following Charlie. After all, he hadn't actually wanted to go to Nox's office.
---
No one broke into a library to read a book unless there was something bad in the book. At least that was Charlie's opinion. He didn't bother looking at the title, because Nox wanted to deal with this problem, but Charlie felt the book might be important. He did his job well, and that meant ensuring there were no loose ends. No doubt Nox would ask for the book when Charlie explained where he'd found Dante.
Of course they weren't going to the director's office. It was the middle of the night, and while Nox could be a night owl at times, Charlie had already passed by the man's office, and Nox wasn't in it. The guy had to be in his apartment, because Charlie had never known Nox to go out and have fun.. God forbid. Charlie respected his boss, but he thought the dude was tragically boring. "The director's apartment," Charlie stated plainly.
It wasn't long before they were standing in front of the door. Charlie knocked loudly, figuring his boss was asleep, and Charlie was right. Nox stirred in his bed, taking only a moment to process the sound that pulled him from his dream. He sat up and headed for the door at a brisk pace, barely stopping to grab his robe. No one came to his apartment this late at night, it had to be an emergency. No, no emergency, just Dante.
Nox started to pull on his robe after opening the door. He didn't look at Dante, but at Charlie. "What did he do?" Charlie answered in a flat tone, "Broke into the library. He was reading this when I found him." Charlie handed the book to Nox, who took it without reading the title. Breaking and entering was bad enough, he'd have time in a moment to see what it was that had interested Dante. "Dante.. come in. Charlie.. you can continue your rounds." Nox stepped out of the entry, holding the door open for Dante to enter.
---
Dante groaned loudly when Charlie revealed where they were headed. Nox's apartment? Really? Ugh. That would be the one place worse than the man's office. At this point, Dante would rather just go to prison. He walked with Charlie, smirking a little as they passed Cherry's door. Heh, he'd been to the staff building plenty of times before. Twice for Wesley, once for Georgette, once for Cherry and once for Lloyd. He bet most of the students here hadn't even looked at the outside of the building that often.
Standing in the director's doorway, arms crossed, Dante was looking anywhere but at Nox. He fixed his gaze at the floor awhile while the two men talked about him like he wasn't standing right fucking there. He looked at Charlie as he handed over the book. He looked back into the hallways when Nox spoke directly to him, seriously debating just taking off at a run and making Charlie have to chase him down and tackle him. Just for kicks. But, as the rent-a-cop went on his way, Dante walked into Nox's apartment sulkily. There were pictures on the wall of people he assumed to be Nox's family. The whole place was blues and greys and blacks. Very industrial, very businesslike. Very much without personality, yet its lack of character was character all its own. He stood there, arms still crossed, ignoring Nox for the time being. He sure as hell wasn't going to start dialogue.
---
After Charlie left and Dante was inside, Nox shut the door. He crossed through the apartment to the open kitchen. "Can I get you something to drink?" he offered, pulling a beer from the fridge. Technically, he was 'off duty' right now, even though that was a loose term when you were the director. Nox never really had time off, he just had down time. Besides, he had a feeling he'd need a bit of alcohol to put up with Dante. This wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.
Nox popped the cap on the beer. Becks, one of his favorites. He took a sip from it before returning to the main living space. "You may have a seat if you'd like." His tone was even. It lacked emotion, which was sure to upset Dante, but that wasn't the reason for the tone.
---
'Conversation' was probably not the word for it. More like 'staring contest', since Dante felt no need to say anything to the shadow demon. And from the way Nox spoke, in that irritatingly inflectionless voice of his, Nox had nothing worth hearing to say. Dante chose not to sit, but instead walked around the living room, looking at things but not really paying attention. He ignored Nox's question, which Nox probably assumed he would. Irritating. He felt like he'd become predictable, like no doubt his sponsor already knew what was going on in his head. He was telling himself he was annoyed that he had to be there, that he wasn't looking at Nox because the man wasn't worth his gaze but the truth of the matter was that he was hurt, and he couldn't stand to look in Nox's eyes and have to deal with that.
Just get this over with already, he thought to himself, eyes glossing over a man with Nox's eyes and the woman beside him. Parents. Even robots had parents, evidently. Dante did not. He was so focused on not looking at the director that he didn't even know he was drinking alcohol. He would have had some smart assed comment for that.
---
Nox couldn't read minds, not in the supernatural sense, but he'd had enough experience with reading people in general that he could pick up on things. Everyone had their tells, and Nox had gotten very good at picking up on those tells over the course of his career, first as a detective, and now as an educator. Dante was clearly trying to keep Nox at a distance. He felt betrayed, and it was a justified emotion. In a way, Nox had betrayed Dante, but the director didn't have a choice. It was his job, and he was far too professional to overlook the information Dante had divulged. Thankfully, Dante hadn't confirmed Wesley's relationship with Roger. That was still a rumor, and the lack of hard evidence was the only thing keeping Wesley employed.
Dante remained silent and standing. Nox took a seat and kept talking. "I owe you an apology," he said as he surveyed the cover of the book Dante had been reading. Opening the tome, his mind was half on Dante and half on the text. Nox was a well-read man, and he recognized the book. It didn't take more than a few seconds to see why Dante might be interested in it. "I shouldn't have promised you that our conversation would remain completely private before knowing what we were going to discuss. I also should have made it more clear to you at the time that I would have to act upon you informing me of your sexual encounter with Miss Evans."
---
Clearly Nox had Dante's attention, for as soon as 'apology' hit the air, Dante's body stiffened, his head turning slightly towards the director. His back was still to Nox, but clearly he was listening. He hadn't anticipated an apology. Still, it wasn't much of one, and Dante scoffed at it. "So, what you're telling me is, you're sorry you had to do your job?" His voice was cold, scathing. "I've already heard that one." At least it was talking, though not exactly helpful.
Finally bored with Nox's personal life (on a good day he'd have been asking a hundred and one personal and probing questions), Dante sat in the armchair across from Nox, his crystal blue eyes cold and hard as steel. For a moment he just sat there, slouching, staring at Nox. A hundred thousand thoughts ran through his mind, things he wanted to say, things he should say. But what finally made it to the surface was "Can I go now?"
---
"Yes. Exactly." Nox was sorry. He didn't want to punish Cherry. He didn't want to 'betray' Dante. "What you said... I couldn't ignore it. I'm sorry. There are a great many things you can tell me without fear of repercussions, but that is a serious violation, and I was forced to deal with it. Miss Evans will keep her job and remain on probation indefinitely, and I have since made it clear to her that she has only herself to blame. That doesn't mean you are without fault... but as a staff member, I hold her to higher standards."
He relaxed slightly in his chair and looked back to the book in his lap. The content concerned him a great deal. "No, you will stay." Nox frowned slightly as he read a few lines in the book. "We're going to discuss this book."
---
There were plenty of rebuttals lined up on his tongue, but Dante bit them all back. For now. Biting off Nox's head wasn't going to acomplish anything, he realized, especially since the man wouldn't even have the decency to step up to the fight. He'd just stay seated, calmly, looking with those passive blue eyes, as Dante screamed at him and tore the apartment apart. Hell, Nox would probably offer suggestions on what to break next. There was rarely anything more infuriating than having everything inside you boiling with rage while the source of it looked on quietly.
'Transferrence of Life to Death- Moving Energies from One Shell to Another'. It had seemed like a damn useful book to find, and even though the particular chapter Dante was reading touched more on the subject of the undead (clearly this author had never heard of vampires), it was a good read regardless. Morbis, creepy stuff. And now Nox was flipping through it with a disapproving look. Rolling his eyes, Dante slouched lower in his chair, getting comfortable for what he figured would be a long night of not talking. There was no way in hell he was telling Nox why he had that book. He'd hate for Nox to have to "do his job" and report him to Lloyd or something.
"I didn't know it was a crime to read," he muttered, looking about the room again (mainly the ceiling). "Breaking and entering, fine. But reading? I was unaware I'd woken up in Russia this morning." It felt like de ja vu. Hadn't they had this same discussion when he'd broken into Lloyd's office as well?
---
Nox had a talent for upsetting others by remaining calm. One murder suspect had gone so far as to repeatedly slam a chair into the one way mirror while Nox sat across the interrogation table, totally expressionless and silent. Guards had come to subdue the suspect. Nox gave the man a day to reconsider the offer of confessing and getting a deal. But what kind of deal could he make with Dante?
No doubt the young half demon was interested in freeing himself from Roger's body. Nox wasn't dim. But this was extremely dark and dangerous magic, and even an experienced witch could kill someone attempting anything mentioned in this book. Still, Dante made a valid point.
Rising from his seat, Nox walked over to Dante and handed him the book. "You're right. I can't stop you from reading it. It's not restricted. I expect you to seek out the librarian tomorrow and check it out properly like any other book that belongs to the school." Nox walked away from Dante then, but he didn't return to his seat. He walked instead to one of the large windows that looked out upon the school grounds. Without turning to face his charge, Nox continued speaking. "There's also little I can do to keep you from experimenting with the magic in that book, but I advise against it."
---
Suprised but not showing it, Dante took the book from Nox. He didn't plan to check it out because he hadn't wanted anyone to know he was reading it. Hence the breaking into the library to begin with. It was very likely he'd just take it back to his room tonight and get whet he wanted from it, drop it off some other random night and never speak a word of it. But no, Nox would probably contact the librarian to make sure he checked it out properly. How fucking annoying was that.
"Well I couldn't give a flying fuck what you advise," he said hotly, his temper finally getting the best of him. This was probably the longest he'd kept it under control in... well, ever. "To be honest, Nox," he snapped, the word dripping with disdain, "I have no desire to talk to, see or hear your stupid, placid voice ever again. I don't want you as a sponsor, I don't want anyone as a sponsor. And if I break the rules again, send me to fucking prison instead of making me come here." He hoped that it hurt, what he was saying, because he felt hurt and misery loved company. He hoped that just once, maybe he could break through that impossible wall into Nox's emotions and make him react. His hopes were not especially high, though.
---
Yes, Nox would check with the librarian. It was too bad for Dante that he failed to realize he could have simply gone to the library, made copies of what he wanted, and then read the material without anyone being the wiser. Though Nox was glad Dante had been caught, because it raised a huge red flag. He knew Dante didn't enjoy being 'enslaved' in Roger's body, but he had no idea that Dante was trying to find a way out.
When Dante raised his voice, Nox turned toward him and away from the window. "No good would come of you rotting in a cell, not that the average jail could hold you. As much as I'd like to believe that prisons possess the ability to rehabilitate... it's rare... and I want a great deal more for you. I want you to be happy. I care about your well being. I care about your existence." And that was a bad thing in some ways. Roger was the student here. Roger was the 'owner' of this body. Roger should have been Nox's priority. But if Nox really cared about Roger as much as he should have, then he would have wanted Dante to cease to exist.
---
"Oh Jesus Christ," he spat. "Don't give me that shit. You care about me because it is your job to care about me. Because that's all there is to you, is your fucking job. Your personal life, social life, hell even your fucking family probably revolves around your goddamn job." Dante got up from the couch now, walking away from Nox, getting distance between them.
"The truth is, Nox," he said, glaring and spitting out the director's name like it was posion (he really hated that name anyway), "that you're sad old man with nothing in your life but this fucking career. You get to be in control of everything, push people away, keep your fucking angel girlfriend at bay until she finished school because heaven fucking forbid you break a rule to do what would make you happy." His hand sparked a little, but he ignored it. "The job is always going to be number one for you, and I hope I'm there to see it when you finally realize that an entire lifetime was wasted inside your stupid goddamn rule book."
Dante grabbed a pillow from the couch, threw it hard at Nox. "I can't believe I was so fucking stupid that when you said I could trust you, I thought you actually meant it. But I didn't read the fine print 'unless it interferes with his STUPID FUCKING JOB'!" Now he was screaming and the lights flickered, and it could very easily turn into Saturday night all over again. Good. Maybe tonight he'd short out the staff quarters, let everyone know that Nox had a student in his apartment (probably against the rules, oh shit!) and he was making him angry.
---
While the yelling was difficult to deal with, Nox preferred it over Dante's silence just moments before. Dante was expressing himself now. He needed to get this out. He needed to release the rage he felt. "You're deflecting... trying to hurt me because you're in pain. I think it scares you to know that someone genuinely cares for you. And I do. Not because it's my job. My job requires me to keep you and the other students safe. It requires me to ensure you all follow the rules. It does not require me to care." He had serious doubts that the previous director, Saffron Swann, cared about the students at all, but Nox would never voice those doubts.
Ignoring the insults (and it did take a great degree of discipline to avoid reacting to the slights directed at Katie and Olivia), Nox stood his ground as Dante raged on. His tirade turned physical. Nox had exceptional reflexes, and he caught the pillow in the air before letting it drop to the ground. "Throwing pillows won't make you feel better." Dante wanted to throw fists. Nox could see it in the other man's eyes.
"You can trust me. I asked you not to say her name. Just as I asked you to not tell me about Roger's relationship. I don't want to know these things. Feigning ignorance keeps several staff members employed." He put extreme stress on 'several'. It was a sore point with Nox. If he could follow the rules, then why couldn't the rest of the faculty?
The lights flickered, but Nox didn't flinch. He'd been hit by a taser several times, and he could always turn to shadow to protect himself from a physical attack.
---
He didn't need this. He didn't need this guy telling him how to feel. He'd had quite enough of being told he needed to let people in, to not be scared anymore. He had every right to shut people out and keep people away and who the fuck were these assholes to tell him otherwise? "Deflecting," he sneered, throwing another pillow at Nox. "Don't talk like a shrink to me, I've been dealing with them my whole life." He did not want to be throwing pillows, he wanted to be throwing punches. But fuck lot of good that would do, since he already knew he couldn't hurt Nox. Maybe he physically could, but Nox was faster and stronger and could take him down in a second. Either that or he'd stand there, taking hits, and what the fuck was the point of that? Dante had never understood boxers on punching bags because why hit something if it wasn't going to hit back? Granted, Dante liked to completely dominate a fight, but it still had to be a fight.
Suddenly he stopped, quiet. Dante rubbed his forehead, almost in awe as to how stupid Nox was. "It doesn't matter if you think I can trust you," he said calmly. "It matters if I do." Holy shit, what hell ass words had just come out of his mouth? He had sounded like... Roger. He blinked in confusion, mulling over this little piece of news. Well, whoever had said it, he wasn't wrong. Nox could swear up and down the east coast that he was trustworthy, but it didn't make a damn bit of difference if Dante didn't agree.
"But I know that I can't. And I know I can't because a time is going to come when I'm gonna need you and you're going to be obligated to either stop me or report me. And how the fuck am I supposed to trust someone I can't count on? If you thought for an instant that your partner on the force would screw you over, would you have been able to work beside him?"
---
It was true. Dante could have thrown punches, and Nox would have stood there and taken them, not bothering to fight back. He would only take action if someone else was in danger. "Fine. I won't analyze you. Go ahead and continue to hurl pillows and insults in my direction. I'll wait until you get it out of your system before we continue our discussion." His words had a slightly biting edge to them.
Dante seemed a bit calmer, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing. The sliver of vulnerability that shown through in that moment had a greater impact on Nox than all the screaming did. His steel exterior faltered just a bit. Trying to recover, he wrapped the edges of his robe around his bare torso and belted the garment. Had he known the reason for the urgent knocking, he might have taken a moment to actually get dressed, rather than answering the door in his pajama pants.
Nox sighed and took his seat once more. "You're afraid I'll stop you... from attempting to separate from Roger. The only reason I don't want you to try it... is because it will very likely kill you as a personality... perhaps even exterminate the body you two share. I know my former partner would do the same, and I hope that even though it would anger me in that moment... I would see in time that it was an act of compassion. What you're considering is verging on suicide. Of course I object."
---
He wasn't going to admit that Nox was right, that he didn't want him to interfere with the greater plan. Because then he'd have to admit there was one, and he'd already established he didn't trust Nox as far as he could throw him. But it wasn't as though the idea of killing Roger had never crossed his mind. It had. It did every time he thought about it, was laced in every word of every book he read on the subject. He loved Roger, and was supposed to be protecting him. But they couldn't live like this anymore. Conjoined twins went through life-threatening operations to seperate themselves when one of them was dying, to give the other a chance to live. It had become all too clear that Roger could not live because Dante was slowly killing him. But Dante wasn't about to die, either. So they had to do something, regardless of the cost.
He should have told just that to Nox, because then he might understand. But he couldn't do it. "I'm dead either way," he confessed instead. "This isn't an act of compassion, stopping me, it would be... it would have nothing to do with me. It would be about Roger. And it should be about Roger, and you're kind of a shitty director for claiming to support me over him. And you can't help us both, and you know it."
He moved close to Nox's chair, arms crossed defensively, looking down at him. "You need to stop looking at me like a person," he said tonelessly. "Because I'm not. I'm not trying to seperate from Roger, and I'm not even thinking about using anything in that stupid book. I was bored and I wanted to cause you problems." He was lying. He was completely lying. But it didn't matter what the truth was, just what went on record.
---
Nox sighed again heavily. He grabbed his beer from the coaster it rested upon on the coffee table, and took a long swig. He would need at least twenty of these to dull the throb that had started inside his scull. Nox wasn't one to drink in excess, but he was considering it at the moment. "You're right," and it upset Nox to admit it. "I should be helping Roger rid himself of you." If Nox was doing his job properly, he'd do all he could to eliminate the parasitic personality.
He glanced up at Dante before rising to his feet again and walking around the man to a large bookcase on the other side of the room. Nox snatched a book from one of the shelves and returned to Dante. He handed the book over. "You aren't the only one who has considered abandoning the body you were given." The book was simply titled 'Golem'. Nox's voice was hesitant. He was clearly uncomfortable confessing this. "I... I have often looked upon humans with envious eyes. I think of how my life might be easier if I were one of them." He glanced down at the book and placed his hand upon the cover briefly before letting his hand drop again. "It wasn't a school rule that kept me from loving Olivia. Just as it wasn't some sort of moral high ground that kept me from immediately revealing my true identity to Katie's mother." There was suddenly a ripping noise, and massive, dark black wings like those of a bat sprung to life behind Nox's back. He pulled off the bracelets that encompassed each wrist, and ragged black claws suddenly became visible. "You'll find what you need in that book... the one you stole from my office." Nox hoped that if Dante was caught with the text, he'd repeat those words.
---
He was right? Dante knew he was right, but he hadn't expected Nox to agree with him. He had really thought Nox would disagree, that he'd tell Dante he was being stupid and that he was too much of a person to have Roger get rid of him. In fact, it hurt a little. But his expressioned remained blank. He watched Nox go over to the bookcase, his gaze almost bored. What, was he giving him something to read that would make him trust Nox again? Unlikely.
Oddly... in a way, that's exactly what Nox was doing. He was stunned, completely shocked by Nox's confession. Dante looked into Nox's eyes, studying his face. This was actual emotion, something other than the aloof calmness Nox usually wore. But that wasn't even the half of it. The noise startled him, and the last thing he ever expected was to see two huge wings behind his sponsor, taking up most of the air space in the room. Eyes wide, Dante stared at them, stared at Nox, seeing him exactly as he was created. It was definitely not what he'd expected. Never in a lifetime could he have imagined this.
He looked down at the book in his hands, reading the simple title again and again. His fingers brushed over the letters. He couldn't believe Nox was actually helping him. Raising his eyes, he studied Nox's face, his wings, his hands. Nox was opening himself up to Dante, letting him see him as he really was. His chest almost hurt with emotion. Stepping forward, Dante put his arms around Nox's waist, pulling the man into a hug. He held him close for a moment before pulling away, turning his face down and pressing a soft, deliberate kiss to the demon's mouth.
---
This was the second time Nox had opened himself up to Dante. Before when he'd confessed the physical limits of his relationship with Olivia, and now in revealing his true nature. It was exceptionally rare for Nox to show his wings, even more rare for him to expose his claws. He despised them, and there had been a time in his life when he came very close to forsaking his demon body for that of a human one. It was shortly after Maureen left him... which was immediately after Nox put on this very same display. The woman had been horrified and terrified. She wanted nothing to do with a demon. Dante's situation was different, but Nox still understood the contempt. Dante didn't decide to come into existence, only to be trapped in another's body, it was forced upon him.
It was a gamble to show Dante his wings and claws, but the gamble paid off. Nox could see in Dante's eyes that what had been broken between them now stood a chance of being repaired. What Nox didn't see coming.. was the hug, though he returned it. Nox was not opposed to physical affection, and if Dante needed comforting, Nox could provide it. But it went too far, and Dante kissed him. Placing a gentle but firm hand on Dante's chest, Nox put a bit of distance between them. "Not all feelings of love are romantic, Dante." He worried that the young man had yet to understand true friendship. "There's a difference between affection and attraction."
---
Dante's heart was pounding as he felt Nox's mouth against his, as he felt the gentle push on his chest. He leaned back easily, looking Nox square in the eye. He knew that affection and attraction were not one in the same. After all, Dante had no interest at all in sleeping with Tad. But this wasn't about that.
Taking a step back, keeping eye contact with Nox, Dante's face grew cold. The smirk that he wore so well slipped on easily. "My sponsor and I just kissed," he said evenly, the words heavy as lead. "In his apartment. You better tell the Board of Education. Or better yet... fire his useless ass." He managed to keep his gaze a few seconds, the crystal blue of his eyes like ice. He used to be so good at being cruel, it came naturally. "Give me a new sponsor, or I'll tell everyone." He held up the book Nox had given him, a reminder of yet another rule not followed tonight.
Walking toward the door, the emotion built up in his chest felt heavier than anything he'd ever felt before. It was hurt, and mostly guilt. Nox had just bared his soul and Dante was trodding all over it. He turned to the shadow demon as he reached the door, his eyes glistening with soon to be tears. "That is what it felt like," he explained. "Trusting someone enough to let them in and then getting totally fucked over." He wasn't bluffing, and Nox would know it. He wanted a new sponsor, and there was no doubt he'd tell everyone about what had happened here tonight. This was reading material that he should not have, and their was a relationship that was too close for professionalism. And he knew Nox wouldn't lie, and he'd take the fall because he was an honest man.
---
Nox felt sick to his stomach when he saw the smirk spread across Dante's lips. The younger man looked as terrible as any soulless murderer Nox had ever interviewed. It was a cold and terrible thing to do. Nox should have expected it, but his better half had gotten the best of him. He thought more highly of Dante.
As Dante approached the door, Nox stood motionless. A rebuttal escaped him. Nox had been trapped in a very difficult situation. His voice was meek and lacked it's normal even tone and confidence. "You'll have a new sponsor," he said in a near whisper, weighing his options. But there really was no option, and Nox's professionalism was stronger than Dante realized. "I'll submit my resignation in the morning. Please take my words to heart. Don't risk your life and Roger's in vain. And if you do go forward with your plan, and somehow defy the odds and succeed, I want you to learn to appreciate that second chance."
He turned away from Dante and walked back to his bedroom, his mind and heart heavy.
---
It tasted sweet, watching the man fall as far as he had. He could barely speak, the look of defeat was so clear on Nox's face. Even though his eyes were teary, Dante felt satisfied that he'd taken the director down a few pegs. But he did not expect what came next. Resignation? What? He wasn't supposed to... No. This was good. Dante had wanted to hurt him as badly as he could, and clearly he had. He didn't even hear Nox's words, just kept repeating in his head: Nox was leaving. Resigning. Letting go. He watched Nox turn and go, and the renegade tears slipped down his cheeks. This wasn't right.
"What the hell?" he said sharply. "Are you out of your fucking mind??" Striding over to Nox, he grabbed the demon's shoulder, turning to face him. "This job matters to you, and you're just..." He stared at the demon, dumbfounded and still crying. "You stupid fuck!" Now he was getting unexpectedly angry, for reasons he wasn't quite sure about. He shoved Nox, hard. "You didn't even do anything wrong, and you're just giving up because... well, because why? Because that's what you should do according to some rules laid out by people who aren't even here anymore??" Dante shoved him again, stepping forward to get close. "What is wrong with you?? Jesus Christ, fight back for once!"
---
Nox was forced to turn around. His face looked ashen, and it expressed great loss. He loved this job, but he'd failed at it. More importantly, he'd failed Dante. The half demon shoved Nox not once, but twice. Nox didn't fight back or even attempt to shield himself. His wings had already vanished from sight once more, but his claws were still visible without the bracelets on. If he were angry or restraining himself, they might have been digging into his palms.
"Is this not what you wanted?" he asked Dante, finally showing a hint of just how upset he was, because his voice had a bitterness to it. "You gave me an ultimatum. More importantly, you set me up for it. I underestimated you... no.. that's not right. I overestimated you. I thought you were a better man than you've shown yourself to be. In that sense, I've failed." Nox took a step back to avoid being struck again. "There is a difference in what you have done... and what I did. You acted out of spite. I acted out of a sense of duty... which you can not understand. You are not privy to all the information I possess. I had to intervene in this instance to prevent further problems." Nox hired Cherry only after an extensive chat about how she would be held to much higher standards than most professors because of her past. He had to punish her now or risk her bedding other students. "I didn't wish to betray you. It was an unavoidable consequence. There are always consequences, and quite often they're unintended. No doubt you expected me to fall victim to your ultimatum, and I have, but not in the way you hoped. Professionalism forces my hand... though it would not have if that kiss had been simply a slip of emotion and judgment. I could have allowed a slip. But I cannot allow manipulation, and I will uphold the integrity of the job I accepted," his last words were practically spat out.
---
Everyone overestimated Dante. Everyone saw this person inside him that he was certain wasn't there, but they kept assuring him that he could be better than he was now. And he knew they were wrong. And even though he felt guilty and hurt and scared, he'd still been able to take the trust given to him by someone and completely destroy it. How could a decent person be capable of that? "This has nothing to do with you," he assured the director. "For Gods sake, you're the first person to actually understand that you're looking at me and seeing a lot more than is there." It was about damn time someone had. Still, watching the illusion in Nox's eyes had been... nice. Almost comforting.
Sense of duty? Integrity? God, did Nox even listen to himself anymore? "Jesus," Dante hissed, rolling his eyes. "Listen to yourself!" He threw his hands in the air. "So I fucked a teacher. So what? So I kissed you- so fucking what?? I LIED to her to sleep with her, and I tricked you to hurt you. Neither of those scenarios is either of your fault, and yet you insist that, somehow, you should have avoided them?" He did not understand it. After all... "You're only human. Okay, not literally, but... Jesus Christ, dude. You're not God. The standards you hold yourself to are impossible. How the fuck is my manipulating you your fault at all??"
He felt like shit. Worse than that, he felt like his heart was caving in. Even if Nox did miraculously realize that he wasn't at all to blame for this, it wouldn't change the fact that Dante had seriously screwed the man. And Nox was right, what Dante had done was ten times worse because he'd done it on purpose. But he could worry about that later. First he had to keep Nox from actually quitting.
---
Nox was very good at seeing people. Being quiet and observant could get a man far in life. He saw things many others did not. And he thought he saw Dante for who the man really was, but it seemed as though Nox was wrong. Maybe the good side Nox saw really wasn't Dante at all. Maybe it was just Roger. It was upsetting to now question his judgment. "I don't know what I saw in you. I don't see it anymore," Nox said darkly.
"I could have avoided all this by knowing better than to trust either of you. I trusted her to keep her word and abide by the rules here. And I trusted you to be a decent person... to be more human than me." Nox could be surprisingly hurtful when he allowed himself to be. It was not a good feeling, but he was losing grip on his normally even temper. "I want you to leave. You got what you wanted. Please see yourself out."
---
Ouch. A thousand times ouch. When Nox set out to hurt, he did it. It wasn't in so much what Nox said that stung, but by the truth of those simple statements, of everything they implied. Nox had seen something in Dante, and now it was gone. Which meant he'd had it, maybe, and by doing what he'd done Dante had killed it. He was ruining himself. But the worst of it was that Nox had trusted him, and when Dante broke that trust, the shadow didn't see it as a fault in Dante but as a fault in himself. And that bothered the demon alter for reasons he couldn't grasp. How hard was it to understand that there was nothing wrong with Nox, that just by trying to find something good in Dante he was being more human and more alive than probably anyone gave him credit for?
He wasn't leaving, that much was certain. He didn't how (or why) he needed to fix this, but he was going to. "I didn't get what I wanted," he argued, stepping between Nox and the bedroom door. "I wanted you to be mad, I didn't want you to leave." Dante swallowed, looking up toward the ceiling, keeping himself in check. He wasn't sure he'd be able to do this. "The truth, is... if you left, I wouldn't be able to stay here." God, this was impossible. He couldn't get the words out, like they were fighting to stay in. He took a breath, forcing himself to look down at Nox, to meet his eyes. "The truth is," he said again, voice cracking slightly, "that you're one of the only friends I have that I really trusted. And you hurt me." Fuck, he was going to cry again, he could feel it. Biting the inside of his lip, Dante turned his face away, face struggling with emotion. "And I'm..." Say it, damnit, just fucking say it. "... I'm sorry."
---
Nox was willing to give anyone a chance. He didn't fully trust others easily, but everyone was offered up a modicum of trust in the beginning. He and Dante had built upon that trust since first meeting, but now it was a mess. Neither of them trusted the other, and both had good reasons. Right now, Nox half expected Dante to tell the whole school about their conversation about Olivia, and about tonight's manipulative kiss. Dante hadn't given Nox much reason to think otherwise.
Nox wanted to end this conversation and get started on his packing, but he wouldn't inflict force. Dante placed himself between Nox and the door, and Nox refused to resort to physically moving the younger man. Besides, he was immobilized as Dante started to talk again. There was a great deal of hesitance in his voice. It was clear to Nox that Dante struggled a great deal with forcing the words out.
Frowning when Dante said Nox had hurt him, the older man looked down at well. Even though Nox had good reason for betraying the trust given to him, it didn't make him feel any less guilty. The feeling didn't even go away when Dante apologized. "Thank you," Nox said simply and softly. He knew how difficult it was for Dante to admit wrongdoing. Nox put his hand on Dante's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
---
'Thank you' was not an assurance that he wasn't going to leave. The touch on the shoulder was nice, kind of, if not a little too personal for the moment. Dante wasn't a touchy-feely kind of guy, especially when he was upset.
"So is that... that's a no, then? You're gonna stay, right?" He needed confirmation here before he could leave. "Because if not I'll stay here all night and bug the shit outta you until you tell me you're not going. And don't think I won't, either, because you know I will."
---
The 'thank you' lacked any real indication of what Nox was thinking. That's because he was thinking about a lot of things, and he didn't know what to do now. Sure, it might be foolish of him to still feel a sense of duty... to feel as though he had to resign or risk turning into a total hypocrite... but he still felt that way. And Dante wasn't completely off base in thinking that they'd grown too close. A certain degree of distance was necessary in order for Nox to continue acting as Dante's sponsor.
The shadow demon's hand dropped back to his side. "I have to think this over. You pestering me won't make my decision any easier, though if you still refuse to leave, could you at least camp out in the spare room? I'm tired, and I'd like to attempt to get some sleep. I can't think well without rest."
---
There was nothing to think about. Seriously. "No," Dante said immediately. crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe, blocking Nox's way. He knew the director wouldn't get physical with him. "There's nothing to think about because there's no decision to make. Just... say yes. That's it. Say that you're staying." It was simple. "I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight thinking that tomorrow morning I'm gonna find this post on the stupid community page saying that our acting director has stepped down and the vampire giggalo needs to take his place!"
No, no, and no. In that order. Dante didn't like change, and too much around him had changed already. "I apologized, and I don't want you to go, and you're being stupid now so just... no. You can't go. That's it." There were not even words for how much 'no' this situation called for. "You said you could forgive a slip, right? You said that. So, okay. If that's what it takes. It was a slip. A mistake. Your dreamy eyes do me in every time." Now he was just hoping for a laugh, a smile, anything less severe than that look of absolute defeat on Nox's face.
---
There was a teeny tiny part of Nox that kind of did want to push Dante right now, but he didn't. Instead, Nox crossed his own arms over his chest, feeling a breeze on his back where the fabric of his robe had torn thanks to the wings. "I wouldn't be so cowardly as to post such a note before telling you in person." That was true. Nox had several people he would tell face to face before doing something like that.
It was in moments like this that Nox saw Dante was really still a child in some ways. The half breed was two seconds away from throwing himself on the floor and slamming his fists into it while screaming NO NO NO! A tantrum wasn't far off. Nox sighed, and against his better judgment, he made a decision before he was ready to. "Very well. I'll stay."
---
That may have been meant as comfort, but it wasn't. It just sort of solidified that Nox was going to leave, because he already was thinking of details like that. Of course Nox always thought of details like that, but this tidbit slipped Dante's mind at the moment.
"Good." He seemed nonchalant, but the relief was obvious in his features. At least something was going to remain the same, in an already tumultuous time in Dante's life. Evey single part of his world was being flipped on a daily basis, and even though he was the one doing most of the flipping, that didn't change his distaste for it. Sighing a little, Dante stepped out of the shadow demon's way. "Look, I know I'm pretty much impossible," he said softly, "but while I'm being less than intolerable, I thought you should know that you're doing a good job with me." He could not even imagine how a lesser man might handle all the bullshit he knew he gave poor Nox on a daily basis. "And to be prefectly honest, I'd do this again in a heartbeat. Just to watch you react to it. For a minute there you looked totally... human."
He walked past Nox, nudging him gently with his shoulder as he went by. "Guess you can go back to bed now," he said, looking over his shoulder. "And I owe you a punishment, for the library. But I'm not cleaning the sports complex again. No fucking way."
---
Nox nodded at Dante's self assessment. Yes, he was nearly impossible. Nox could have shifted his sponsor responsibilities onto other professors, but he'd made a choice to keep Dante and James under his supervision, because Nox felt they needed it. Not every sponsor took the job to heart the way Nox did, and Nox was worried no other sponsor would be able to cope with all the problems created by Dante and James. "I have feelings just like you, Dante. Everyone has them. Some of us are simply better at masking those feelings. You need to understand that for every action there is a reaction. What you do matters, and if you succeed in finding a body to call your own... you'll have to start taking full responsibility. You won't be able to hide behind Roger, nor will he be able to make you fight his battles any more. You'll be forced to live like the rest of us... taking the bad with the good... and you won't always be able to talk your way out of a situation like you did tonight."
Shaking his head at the offer of a punishment, Nox brushed it off. "No punishment necessary. Just promise you'll talk to me about what's in the book I gave you... before making any rash decisions."
---
There was a heaviness to Nox's words that sat in Dante's stomach uncomfortably. He'd heard many times about actions having consequence, and how if he went through with this insane plan of his, he would have to own up to his actions and not hide behind Roger anymore. And he knew that. But hearing Nox say it kind of... finalized it. As though he was almost getting the director's approval and this was the last step he needed before he actually went through with it. And he realized for the first time that he was nervous.
He turned fully to face Nox, to look at him man to man, because the director deserved that much at least. "I'm not in the habit of making promises," he said quietly. "Especially ones I can't keep." He didn't want people knowing what he was doing because he didn't want anyone trying to talk him out of it, and Nox would be one of those people who could do it. Plus he still had his duties as the head of the school to consider, and if Dante was going to be putting Roger in danger (which he was) then Nox would have to intervene. And Nox was his sponsor which meant that he'd have to keep Dante from putting himself in danger as well. Which was three strikes against Nox.
Picking up the book he'd grabbed from the library, Dante tucked both tomes under his arm. "If it's any consolation," he assured Nox, "I'm always going to be able to talk my way out of situations."
---
Nox frowned, the concern etched deeply in his expression. He looked older than he should at his age. 58 was young for a full blooded demon. He should only appear to be in his early 30's. Instead, he looked closer to 45. Stress did that to a man, even when he wasn't human.
"I've seen enough lifeless bodies in my short time in this world. I hoped that I wouldn't have to see any more of them when I came here. Fenrir was enough. Please be careful... better yet... don't do it." He knew Dante wouldn't listen, but Nox couldn't resist making the request. He put his hand on Dante's shoulder again. "And you're wrong, you can't talk you way out of every situation. Sometimes there are no words left to say. Like now."
Nox gave Dante a nod and let his hand drop once more. It fell to the doorknob to his bedroom and opened it. Nox didn't bother saying goodnight. While one problem had been resolved between them, a much larger one had taken shape. It didn't matter that Nox was tired. He wouldn't be sleeping tonight.
---
Nox looked old. Older than normal, older than he did every other time Dante saw him. Of course usually when Dante saw him he looked annoyed, and you usually looked younger when you were annoyed because your face was glowing with ire. But now Nox looked old, which meant he was worried. Which was touching, and made Dante uncomfortable. Having someone give a shit meant your actions had bigger consequences than you bargained for.
He listened to Nox's warning, actually listened, but wasn't going to heed it. He couldn't. He was going to die either way, because Roger wouldn't let him live and he wasn't going to slip quiely away. And even his other personality agreed that they were too big for this body, and something had to give. But he nodded silently at Nox, as though agreeing with him even though they both knew that he wasn't.
"If there's nothing left to say," he said quietly, "then there isn't anything to talk yourself out of anymore." What he meant was that since there were no words left now, since neither of them could ever convince the other, then there wasn't any use talking about it anymore. They could argue in circles but nothing would change. So with a last look, Dante left Nox's apartment, moving quietly through the halls.
And back to the library.