It was just another reminder of how far things had fallen to have her asking him over to her new place and to not jump at the chance. Cal wouldn’t lie and say that he didn’t want to, that there wasn’t a part of him that wanted to go and knock on her door the first fucking chance that he got, but everything in his head was such a fucking mess right now. The two of them, if they ever tried again, were going to have enough shite between the two of them to dig through, he was going to fuck it up from the start if he tried to go after her again when he didn’t have his own arse properly sorted. Besides, he’d royally fucked up with the house and the staff and his ‘owners’ and didn’t really have the rights he’d once had. Jaida was obviously not a fan of Shannon’s for reasons he couldn’t figure out, though he’d put money on it having something to do with Eden, and Vivian seemed wary of what antics he might pull if she let him out on his own again. So, for the time being, Cal was at their fucking beck and call – except for nights like tonight, this was a rare exception.
“Hmph,” he let out a bitter little chuckle at that, at the very thought of making up with Shannon. Somehow, after everything that had been said, that didn’t seem like a very likely option. The two of them had spat out such fucking dirty things, things that could never be taken back, could never be forgotten. Cal knew he’d never be able to look his brother in the face again and not know that Shannon was seeing some sort of reflection of their mother. It was part of the reason why he’d asked them to bar him from coming back – he was in no hurry to hear such disdain in his brother’s voice again, to see that disgust in his face. “There’s nothing wrong with blunt, not one fucking bit.” It had been one of the things he’d always liked most about her; he’d never had to wonder where he stood, if she was upset, how she felt…it had all been right there, all he’d had to do was ask. It had been a nice fucking change from most birds and all the head games they wanted to try and play. “Yeah,” a sad little smile tugged at the corner of his mouth again, just for a moment, “at least it was fucking good, great, while it lasted.” There weren’t many things in his life he could say that about, which made the memories all that much more fucking precious to him.
Maybe was all he had to offer, as sad as it fucking was. Cal recognized this point in his life all too well: when things he’d counted on had gone to shite, he’d been smacked the fuck down and now he had no idea which way was up. He was a royal mess. Juniper had all this amazing stuff going on in her life and she really didn’t need him fucking it up for her. Beyond that, he didn’t want to end up hurting her in the future, fucking over this good opinion that she’d managed to hang on where he was concerned. For now, everything the two of them had had was still good – he didn’t want to fuck up those memories for either of them. Cal stood to help her vacate her seat, flashing her the most genuine smile that he could muster, wanting to give her that final reassurance that he was really ok. “Welcome gorgeous,” he winked, handing over her cocktail. He watched her go, glancing over out of the corner of his eyes as he settled back onto his stool, that familiar pang in his chest. He had to wonder if it would ever fade, if it would lessen over time or if, years from now, he’d still see her and feel the echo of that ache.
The sudden activity behind the bar shook Cal out of his reverie, had his brain jogging to catch up with his hands as he motioned for a refill, stubbing out the end of his cigarette as he watched the new arrival on the other side of the counter. She looked familiar….but try as he might, he just couldn’t place her, couldn’t come up with her fucking name. Of course, working for Vivian at those clubs of hers, he’d had the chance to meet a fucking ton of people, he couldn’t be bothered to remember them all. “Hey, yeah,” he nodded as her attention turned to her, “I know I know you, but fuck….how?” He only hoped he didn’t come off like a complete dick.