I have never believed in God, or Satan, or religion, or caring about stuff, or doing things. But I am absolutely certain that open mic nights are the work of the devil.

I'm not sure which I liked less: the acoustic cover of "Smell Yo Dick," or the slam poetry version of "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne.

If public places are going to do that shit, they should be required to make your beverage in under 30 seconds, and give you a to-go cup without asking if you want one.

And free muffins for your pain and suffering.

Seriously, aliens? Giving me my clue in the one Romance language I don't speak? Kind of a dick move, isn't it?

Le Marquis dit "il est bon de vous voir." I google translated it, but I've got no idea what the fuck it's supposed to mean. Or how that's supposed to help me.

If this arena is in French, I will smack somebody.