Who: Ace and Jay Where: Ace's room Ace & Gavin's flat When: Wednesday 29 December, during the Pride/Kestrels match (backdated) What: Talk expectations and happiness
A Quidditch match blaring on the wireless. A bowl of popcorn reduced to mostly kernels, with formerly-airborne, previous cob-mates strewn across the room. An open textbook going ignored beside him. All the evidence pointed toward a normal day, and date, between Ace and Jay, but Ace was working around to broaching a topic that was worrying him: the upcoming New Year's Eve party, and namely, what his girlfriend wanted to happen at midnight. What he wanted to happen at midnight.
Dating hadn't yet been as difficult as he feared it'd be. The course so far hadn't been rocky, but not for a moment did Ace forget that the more challenging curves to navigate (so to speak) were still up ahead. It was exciting but also made him want to hide, so in this vehicular metaphor, he kept his foot poised above the brake. His fears and hesitation were centered around himself, but also somewhat on Jay: he was terrified of hurting Jay's feelings, and he was afraid any physical escalation would end with him doing just that, unable to help it. Between the trapdoors of insecurity of his mind and the pitfalls and open wounds (imagined or not) of his body, he sometimes felt like a walking minefield, and the last thing he wanted was to inflict that mess on Jay.
But then part of him wondered what would happen if his fears didn't prove true.
He wasn't sure how the risk analysis lined up, he didn't know how to be ready, and he didn't know what he was doing. Despite any pretenses he made of being a paragon of open-minded creativity, spontaneity, and freedom, Ace thrived on clearly-written directions, lists, schedules, and, certainly not least of all, time to prepare. Even if it hadn't been his choice to like Jay before he felt ready for it, it still had been his choice to try dating, but neither liking someone nor dating were things that came with clearly-written directions, lists, schedules, and time to prepare. At least not always. Just getting used to that idea was part of his process of being ready, and he wasn't sure if he was there yet.
The match was lagging; no one was scoring or fouling or doing anything interesting, and to Ace's ears, it sounded like both teams were just phoning it in. From his place on the floor, he smoothed a hand across the carpet, summoning up his best attempt at casualness. "So. It's almost New Year's Eve," he said, brilliantly astute.
As much as her life had changed since graduation there were some things that Jay could still count on. The fact that her friends could be counted on would never change and, it seemed, listening to Quidditch surrounded by stray popcorn and homework with Ace was was another. Not that she was complaining at all. It had long been one of the highlights of any given day for her and not just because she loved Quidditch, which she undoubtably did but because it was something that she and Ace shared. An activity that neither one of them ever felt nervous about because this, the Quidditch and the popcorn and the abandoned homework, this was them. At least that's how Jay saw it.
It wasn't that she was really particularly nervous any other time she was with Ace, she wasn't, she often worried though about how he felt about things though. She didn't want to say that he was the reluctant person in their relationship because she knew he wasn't but he was the more fragile person and she was worried that something that she did would ruin everything.
She was getting ready to make a comment about how it didn't seem like the Pride was even trying when Ace made his awkward pronouncement. The way he said it made her think that he might be going somewhere with it so she answered him even though it hadn't really needed one, "Yeah. I'm looking forward to the big party at Warrington House. It gives me a reason to wear the dress Logan gave me for Christmas."
Ace nodded, relieved that the conversational direction was moving so smoothly toward where he needed it to go, but he proceeded to accidentally detour. "Me too!" he said brightly, then realised how that might have sounded. "I mean, I'm looking forward to the party, NOT that I'm wearing any dresses that Logan gave me. Because he didn't give me a dress, and I'm not wearing a dress, from anyone, at all." He ducked his head, smiling. "Anyway. Ignore me. What colour's your dress?"
Jay laughed when Ace started stumbling over his words. She knew better than to articulate it to him but every time he did things like that she fell for him just a little bit more. She'd always enjoyed the way Ace could babble himself into the most awkward verbal predicaments but it was one of those things that had only become more adorable to her since they'd started dating.
"You know, I'm still hoping to get you into that cheerleading outfit that I lost the bet on last year," she stuck her tongue out at him before sobering just slightly and answering his second question, "It's red. Like old movie siren red. I know I'll probably end up feeling awkward and ridiculous in it but that's the same with any dress so it's okay," she shrugged.
He scrunched his face good-naturedly at the mention of the cheerleading outfit, and he was saved from having to contemplate it further by instead giving the image of Jay in a red dress its proper due. "I like red," he said, then made a show of shutting his eyes to do a mental picture. "Okay. So on Friday, you and I are going to the party at Warrington House, you're looking exceptional and pretty in a red dress, and we're there as each other's date, obviously, and we'll have a lot of fun and drink champagne and have fun, and then at midnight, we're still each other's date." That might not have come out as smoothly as he hoped, but he opened his eyes again. "At midnight."
She reached over and took his hand, knowing it was one initiated contact that he'd become okay with. She lightly played with the tips of his fingers while she formulated the right words. She liked that he'd said that she'd look good in the red dress, it made her feel good about herself when she usually didn't particularly like the thought of herself all dolled up since it didn't really feel like her. She sincerely wished that there were words that she could use that could do the same for him.
"I'm not going to lie to you, Ace, at midnight I wish for some kind of magical princess kiss. I'm a girl, I can't help it. It's in my DNA along with girl parts and a complete inablility to pass up chocolate. But," She paused for emphasis, "But I know that might not be where you are at the moment and I'm okay with that. In which case, it's midnight and we're still drinking champagne that's going up my nose and making me giggle. And we're probably throwing confetti at each other."
Smiling a little, he squeezed her hand faintly, and he concentrated by looking at her fingers with his. It was reassuring to have that other image to aim for, an image of midnight fun to replace his previous prediction of him being awkward and her being disappointed. His mind was eased some by how she admitted it would fall short of her ideal but she was okay with that--though her generosity and understanding did make him want to be able to do it, for her, even more. If he could. He drew in a breath. "Okay. Thank you. I like that. And I'm trying, I am, to be more ready, and I know I need to ready for people hugging at midnight anyway, so we can hug, if you want. I know it's not a lot, but it'd probably keep people from thinking I, or we, look awkward, or I don't know, but we can hug, if that's okay with you."
Jay smiled at him and squeezed his hand back, "That's fine with me and, honestly, I don't think that other people are going to be paying much attention to us at midnight," she assured him even though she knew that there were a handful of people who would notice. She also knew that the people who would notice wouldn't think much of it. She'd never gone into detail (because it was no one's busines) but her close friends knew that she and Ace were moving snail slow (and Paige and Jamie were the only ones who knew how sometimes frustrated she became--mostly with herself--because of it).
She shot Ace a grin, "Besides, they should all aspire to be the awesome couple that we are anyway."
"You're right. Midnight's not about me, and everyone else will be too wrapped up with their own midnighting to pay attention to us." He knew, even before this conversation, that any pressure and awkwardness was self-imposed, but unimagining the stares of everyone else was still helpful for him to feel comfortable. And, more than anything, talking about it beforehand was what he needed. "But I bet with our awesome coupleness, we'll turn a few heads. Just not at midnight. And I won't mind dancing, if you want to dance."
Jay laughed, "Of course I want to dance with you! Though if the other girls learn you're doing the dancing thing I'll have to beat them off with a stick. It's as close as they can get to the awesome man-ness that is Ace Boot after all."
Ace tried to keep a straight face, but he ended up laughing, and with embarrassment edging in, he smoothed a palm against his brow. "Yeah, if that happens, we might have to go into hiding," he said, shaking his head. "Do you have a stick that'll go with your new dress, or will you have to find one at the party? Or should I get you one as a New Year's Eve present?"
"Oooh I didn't know that I got a New Year's Eve present. Though honestly I think I would prefer something a little less ordinary than a stick. I heard that all the boys are giving their girlfriends sticks these days. And we don't want to be just like everyone else, do we?" goofing around with Ace was always fun for Jay. She truly enjoyed the fact that he was able to laugh at himself. That was something that Jay had learned to do from a young age since no one in her life took themselves too seriously. It really was odd the traits that become valuable to a person Jay thought.
"No, we can't do what everyone else is doing. We don't do that." He nodded firmly, sparing a brief thought about how easy it was to refer to him and Jay as a self-evident "we" like that. It was so easy, it was almost thoughtless. "I'll get you a genuine club instead. Or a Beater's bat, so long as you promise not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it. Though I should probably arm myself, too, in case I need to be fending people off you. I'd do with a Beater's bat, I think, so I'll let you have the club."
She continued the game, "We'll start a new trend. Before you know it all fashionable couples won't be caught dead without matching club/bat combos. They'll colour coordinate them like you see with dresses and cumberbunds now. We'll be famous. Or at least the most famous librarian-in-training and healer-in-training in recent memory."
It was so comfortable joking with Ace like this. In some ways, it was like nothing had ever changed any yet it was clear that so much had. They'd always been a part of the group together but they'd never been a pair. They were close, really close, but she was learning that as close as she'd thought she was to Ace before that she learned new things all the time now and she hoped that Ace was seeing new layers to her as well.
Though Ace was lost at the idea of coordinated dresses and cumberbunds, he followed and enjoyed the rest of Jay's sentiments. He grinned but leaned back a couple inches, regarding her for a moment. Being able to look at her, and have her look back at him, without him grasping on to any possible distraction, was one of the baby steps of dating that he had truly warmed to over the last couple of months. It was a little thing but also a major thing, being able to look at Jay for no reason except wanting to, and to actually want Jay to look back at him. And to not only to look, but to see. "Another question, this time not involving imminent violence, at least not probably," he said. "Do you do resolutions for the new year?"
If Jay could have read Ace's mind she would have whole heartedly agreed with his sentiment. She'd always liked Ace's looks, that wasn't a surprise to anyone who knew her but she definitely appreciately being able to watch him and not have to worry about being caught staring. Not that she hadn't stared before anyway. She thought sometimes that she'd memorised his every feature over the years. But the features that she'd memorised seemed to become a bit more precious every time they spent time together.
She considered his question, "I don't really do resolutions like I hear other people doing them where they say they're going to stop smoking or whatever but every year I try to pick something about myself that I think I need to work on and try to improve it. One year I decided that I was going to be nicer to my little brother, things like that. I haven't decided what I want for this year though."
His smile turned apologetic. "If I knew one of my sisters made a resolution like that, I'd have gone out of my way to annoy her on purpose." He opened a palm in an contrite gesture. "But, yeah, I don't do the stop smoking type of resolutions either. The 'don't do this, stop doing this' types don't really work as well, I don't think, as the kind that make you actively do something instead of not doing something. Though I don't do my resolutions for the new year, anyway, I just do mine all the time, but I still think next year'll be a good year."
"Yeah, Ethan must have been cut from your cloth because that's the year he washed my sheets in poison ivy," Jay said with a laugh, "Not that I'm disagreeing with you about next year but what makes you think it's going to be good? I mean, this year was good. And you're doing what you like and you have great friends and a supportive family and everything. Wait, I guess I answered that for you, didn't I?" Jay said with a chuckle.
He was both amused by that last question and unexpectedly pleased by her recognition of the good-ness of how his life was going, and that flood of happy energy relaxed him instead of turning into anxiety. "There's all that, yeah, and I also have an awesome girlfriend, and I'm getting better at doing things that scare me. That's a big part why. It sounds kind of ridiculous, and I don't feel any better about what I can't do or won't do, and I can name about a dozen things that are going to stress me out in the near future, but...I don't know. Like, a few minutes ago, I was worried about the party. But we talked. And that went okay, and now I feel like I can work on almost anything, or talk about it." He added, possibly unnecessarily, "And I like to talk. So, thanks."
"You can talk to me about anything, you know that. And I'm glad that it makes you happy that we can talk. As for the other, I won't lie because you know it anyway and besides I just won't lie to you anyway but," she went on in a rush, "even though I would really, really like to kiss you most of the time that I'm around you I'm okay with not kissing you because not kissing you means I can be with you and that makes me happier than anything. Sappy, I know and probably borderline stalkerish but there you have it. I've liked you since I was fourteen and I don't think, in all that time that I liked you, I never imagined being as happy as I am with you right now.
Ace could feel warmth hit his face, and he hoped he wasn't actually blushing or that, if he was, she wouldn't notice. Someone else's happiness was security but also pressure, but it still felt good. "Okay," he said. "Okay. I'm happy you're happy, because I'm happy too."
"Then it's just all good since we're both happy. And things are going well for everyone," she glanced at the wireless, "Except for the Pride," she chuckled, "And New Year's Eve is going to be fun and amazing and not kiss pressured so everything is good there too."