Padma Patil (obscurepatil) wrote in theprofslounge, @ 2009-06-22 10:30:00 |
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After Simon had invited Padma in, she realised that she'd never actually been to Terry's flat. That was for one simple reason: she knew that it was Simon's flat as well. It felt unnatural to see Terry's home without him in it, but from all the portraits around the room, the sports equipment cleverly "hidden" out of sight, Terry definitely had a presence there. Stepping into the flat, she noted the photograph of the Ravenclaw House in their seventh year was on the wall, one of the copies that all of them had. Everyone looked so tired, worn-out, and frazzled. Padma shoved her hands in her trouser pockets as Simon closed the door behind them. She tried not to rock on her heels when she wasn't sure what to do with herself, but she didn't want to go any further into the apartment until she was sure she could. Being invited in, after all, didn't mean you could just go rummaging through someone else's private space. "Thanks for inviting me," she ventured, trying not to be nosy and failing. The whole flat was one giant mystery for her. On top of never having been there, she was extremely curious to see where and how Simon lived these days. She'd guess that it was pretty well, for the most part. Definitely a boy's paradise, but not bad really. Padma wondered if he missed his family's house. "Can't believe I've never been here. How long have you lived with Terry?" "For several years now," Simon answered from the vantage point of the kitchen. He'd picked up some groceries a few hours before, not really certain what you were supposed to eat during movie nights but having some vague ideas. In the end, he'd gotten beer and some munchies, which he figured Terry would knock out if Padma didn't. He came out of the kitchen with crisps, padding along in sock feet and a t-shirt that had been on the planet nearly as long as Simon himself had. "We get on real well. Terry teaches, and I keep the place decent, since I'm home more often." The decorating really was more Terry than Simon. Simon didn't have much in the way of material possessions these days. He gave Padma a shy smile, leaning into the doorway. "I'm glad you came over. It's not quite as scenic as your home, but..." It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. Padma couldn't help returning his smile with a flushed one of her own. Jitters. She was pretty sure that's what the romance novels called this, and she'd felt it before, with Simon ironically. "It's still nice, though. Spacious and all." And there she went, rocking on her heels nervously. "Erm, I see Terry has up the photo we took in seventh year. Such an awful, awful year. Wish we would could have taken a happier photograph, but... you know." Drawing in a deep breath, she glanced around. "So... do I get a tour?" "Sure, if you'd like one. The gift shoppe is closed today, though." Simon's hand went into his jeans pockets after he gestured into the kitchen. "That way leads to not much other than leftovers and beer, I'm afraid. But over here's the library..." It was a small sunroom, but history books and nearly everything else covered the walls. Many books were books that Padma had given Simon herself. A quilt was tossed over a comfortable-looking sofa. "There's more adventure to be found up the stairs." The stairs lead to Terry and Simon's bedrooms. Simon's room was small but cozy, a handful of photographs decorating the walls. Ravenclaws from various years could be seen smiling from the stacks. A much-younger Judith shoved her little brother into the snow. A picture of a surprised-looking Padma was by his desk, her mouth moving from a small 'o' shape to a broad smile as if someone had turned on the light. The sunroom, Padma decided, was her favourite room. Terry and Simon were both booknerds after her own heart. But then they got to Simon's room, and she wore the same expression of surprise on her face when she noted the photograph. There was a picture of her on his desk. There was a picture of her from when they had been dating on his desk. She very nearly gave a start, but managed to reign it in. "Blimey, you have a lot of photographs in this one room. Terry won't let you have any out in the other areas? You have a photograph of me on your desk..." Crap! She hadn't meant to say that out loud. Why had she said that out loud? She cringed somewhat, wishing she was a turtle and could pull herself into a shell so she wouldn't have to run away and hide. "Nah, he always tells me to spread out my stuff more," he answered with a brief laugh. "I just... I don't know. I'm private, or whatever." That, and it was a little embarrassing to have very few pictures taken any later than a year after school. His social life had suffered drastically for a little while there. At her exclamation, he cleared his throat. "Uh... yeah. Always liked that picture of you." And before she could comment on that, he started out the door again. The third bedroom was at the end of the hallway. Simon indicated it with a shrug of his shoulder. "That's the spare... but it's sorta occupied three nights a month." Padma had just been about to say something when he swiftly left the room. She knew exactly when Simon had taken that photograph. But damn, he had to have known that photograph was on his desk, that showing her his room, she'd see it, right? Her heart felt like it was being squeezed tightly. With a final glance at his desk, she reluctantly followed him. He didn't make a move to open the door, so she stopped right behind him so as to not invade the room, though she was curious about it. She was suddenly very confused. He show her his room, but not his other room? Then again, they were barely beginning to be friends again. Why in the world would she expect him to just open up the door anyway? "It is nice, though... the house. It's cozy and comfy. Lived in, you know?" Padma was boring herself with replies like this one. She cleared her throat, a question on the tip of her tongue. Instead, she broached the film subject. "Should we set up the telly? I don't know how to work all those gadgets and things, so I'll leave it in your capable hands." "Thanks. Terry was the one who found it," Simon answered with a nod. It honestly hadn't occurred to him to show Padma the spare bedroom. Who'd want to see a cage, chew toys, and shredded carpet, anyway? "Hey, yeah. Think I've got the hang of this Muggle DVD player. You'll be impressed by my dexterity. And how much I swear when it doesn't work. Want a beer?" "Yeah, actually. Would love a beer," Padma answered, following him back down the stairs to the living room. She must have been Off to say she'd have a beer; she'd never been fond of it. She could drink them, but she mostly had to force herself. She'd never found one she liked. Often times, she felt like the odd girl out for not appreciating them as much as some of her friends did. In the living room, she meandered toward the couch, gesturing as if asking if she could sit down. "Go ahead. Make yourself at home," Simon called to her from the kitchen. Inwardly he was a pile of nerves; while he and Padma had decided to be friends, watching a romantic movie side by side was nonetheless difficult to comprehend. Who'd thought up THAT idea? Oh right - he had. Simon handed her a beer and set to work on the DVD player. Thankfully Terry had shown him this thing enough to really get the hang of it, and in no time, swelling strings and a black and white MGM logo showed on the screen. Simon took a seat on the couch next to Padma, leaving a cushion in between them. Thankfully, Simon had opened her bottle before handing it to her, otherwise she'd have to embarrass herself by asking if he could open it for her. Or pull out her wand. To open a bottle. She took a swig, careful not to grimace. "Oh wow, it's really odd to watch something in black and white on the telly. Everything's in colour these days, you know?" Padma was nervous. So nervous that she noticed her foot tapping up and down. It felt like sacrilege to have a cushion between them, and every nerve in her body was on the verge of scooting closer and cuddling. We are not a couple. This is a friendly thing. "Yeah, it's weird. Makes everyone look loads more formal," Simon agreed, settling in and taking a swig of his beer. The figures on the television spoke in such mannered voices it reminded him of the cheesier Wireless shows, but he had a feeling that he wasn't supposed to think of Casablanca as cheesy. He didn't, not really. Simon couldn't help being swept away by doomed romance. But he was worried what Padma thought of it, because he sort of wanted her to like it because he liked it, and Merlin, he was going to need to breathe out of paper bag by the time this evening was through. "I kind of like it. Everything's so casual these days. There's no mystery," Padma answered, her eyes glued on the telly for more than one reason. She was enjoying the film, but proximity to Simon was driving her mental. On screen, Elsa and Rick had just met again for the first time in years, and Padma couldn't help the lump in her throat. Apparently, the woman had broken the man's heart. Padma could feel herself getting sucked into the film and over-identifying with it, and Rick. But she tried to steer clear of the romance talk. "I love old films like this, the very clear anti-Nazi propaganda and the like. All those old American and British films from this era are like that." "Sometimes I like to listen to the old Wireless shows from this time. They're so easy to get lost in. Jingoistic as all hell, but I guess we'd earned it at that point in history." Simon was silent after that, his long legs resting on the coffee table in front of them. It wasn't long until they were at the climatic final scene: the airplane rumbled, Esla cried silent tears, and Rick chucked her under the chin. Simon sneaked a glance over at Padma, smiling a tiny smile and ducking his head when she caught him looking. Was that what Padma should do? Let Simon go? Free him from whatever guilt he was feeling? She tended to bond very easily with emotional things, and she swallowed hard to keep herself from actually crying. When she looked at Simon finally, her first thought was that he ducked his head so he could pretend he hadn't seen her crying. Sniffling, she swiped at her face with the back of her sleeve. "Sorry. I can't help it. It's just so sad, and not really either of their faults, and why can't they be together?" "It's not nearly as much awards-show bait if they forget the war and run off together," Simon said lightly, but he awkwardly patted her shoulder. No touching! Touching was inappropriate in a friends-like scenario, and an image of a furious Parvati Patil flashed in his mind. "...I probably should have warned you that this was a sad film... bugger. I'm sorry." "No, it's okay. I don't mind. I always cry. Doesn't matter if everything ends up hugs and puppies and happily-ever-after. I always cry." Of course, you do, Padma thought to herself. And even worse he knows that. Her beer was only halfway empty, and the film hadn't really been that long. Not even an hour and a half. She couldn't believe it flew by so fast. Since they hadn't planned on anything more than the film, Padma wondered if maybe she shouldn't start making her way to the door. But she stayed rooted to the couch. "Hey... do you know anything about Terry's and Su's fight? They weren't talking for a while there, and it was really... kind of... creepy." Simon blinked at the sudden subject change, licking his lips as he considered the question. Terry hadn't told him to keep it quiet, so he didn't see much problem with giving Padma the bare bones... "Yeah, they were fighting over whether or not they were going to get together, I think. I don't know Su all that well but I think there was some pushback when it came to dating with her... but they're over it, now. Terry came in the other day looking like his usual self." "Fighting over whether or not to date?" Padma looked confused, tilting her head slightly. "I swear... they are so weird. If you want to date, just... date. What's there to fight about? Terry's not Su's ex-husband, and Su's not... well, any of the flighty girls he's dated in the past. So what's the problem?" Simon turned full around, his neck craning as he regarded her with an eyebrow that was migrating north for the summer. "If you want to date, just date?" he repeated again, incredulity clear in his tone. "Don't get me wrong, I like the sentiment, but I would have thought you of all people would have... I don't know, seen some complexity in dating. Or not. Or..." he realised belatedly that he was probably projecting his own issues onto her, "I may be full of it, but you know. Old issues, cropping up. Uncertainty. Etc." Padma didn't like that tone; it sounded awfully familiar. Brow furrowed, she barrelled on, "Sorry, Simon, but I think you're full of it. Sure, nothing's meant to be easy, but if there's one thing in this world that is, it's that. You either feel a thing for a person or you don't, and the rest that comes along with it can pretty much be dealt with." Frowning, she pushed her lips to the corner of her mouth. "Then again, maybe I'm just idealistic when it comes to that." Simon unconsciously mimicked her thoughtful expression, his face going serious. Hadn't that been his problem from the start? Overthinking things? Letting what he hoped were rational arguments substitute as excuses for what he'd been too afraid to do? "Carpe diem, is what you're saying then?" "I'm not saying to sod the world or anything; you gotta deal with obstacles, but isn't life too-complicated and too-short to just not?" Damn, now she was starting to feel guilty for her own confession to Lisa in regards to Simon, and how Lisa asked her if she could hold it in. "Of course," she laughed humorously, bitterly, "this just makes me a hypocrite." The beer bottle made a solid thunk as she set it down on a coaster and bolted up from the couch. "Simon..." Padma ran her hand through her hair, cringing as she tried to find the right words. "...I have to be honest with you. I want to be your friend, but if I act a little weird, or... I don't know. I really do... er, want to be friends. I just want you to be happy, but I need to tell you that..." Oh, for Merlin's sake, just spit it out! Yup, she was still a champ at berating herself. "...I still have feelings for you. Strong feelings, and I feel much better for having said that. I don't expect any... thing... I just couldn't say all of what I just said about dating and feeling and keep that bottled up. Blimey, I should probably go." She could feel her face heating up, and her smile was more than a little embarrassed. Padma nearly tripped over her feet as she tried to skirt around the coffee table."Give you some time to process that, and figure out if you still want to be friends or not. I'm sorry to have dumped this on you on film night. Good, erm, night." "Wait!" That had been one hell of a monologue, and now she was running out the door. Simon knew exactly what she was trying to say, what she was having difficulty expressing. The same thoughts had been plaguing him ever since he'd reinserted himself into his old school friends' lives, ever since he'd gone through old photographs and felt something twinge on the inside when he came upon images of her face. He got to his feet, his lanky frame stumbling to catch up with her. Once he caught up to her by the doorway, though, he didn't know quite what to do. To throw caution to the wind and snog her? To chance fate (and Parvati's bludgeoning blows) and sweep her off her feet? To explain what he was thinking, in order to be adult and careful? "Er," Simon managed, and checked himself. "I... look, Padma. I... am not over you. When I told you a few months ago that I just wanted to be friends again..." He forced himself to look into her eyes, his own wide and earnest and somewhat terrified. "I meant it. But I've gotta say, I... I would always be more than open to being more than friends. I know we've got so much baggage, but..." He licked his lower lip. "I really am trying. Trying, to change, trying to... to fix things. To how things - to how we should be." Well, it made sense now why he had a photograph of her on his desk. Maybe he was trying to torture himself with it. Merlin knew she spent a lot of time driving herself mental over it. In her fantasies, she confessed to him, and he confessed back right before kissing her so she wasn't prepared to say anything else. Padma shuffled nervously at the door, wondering what she was supposed to do or say now. They were standing so she couldn't exactly kiss him without jumping or asking him to, and maybe he wasn't ready for that. "I don't really know what to say now," she admitted, turning a shade darker at the admission. "I, er, didn't exactly plan to blurt all of that out, and... and put you on the spot like that." Oh God, what if he was just saying it because he thought that's what she wanted to hear? "I've... missed you..." Her voice cracked. "Us. But I don't want you to say all that because you feel bad... for me... for what happened." "You want me to be in love with you, and not with the guilt," he finished for her. "I know what you mean." He'd wondered it time and again whether or not his inability to move forward had more to do with losing at something than losing Padma, but he was clear-sighted enough to know the difference by now. Simon had gotten over losing his Auror-position. He'd not yet gotten over shutting the door on his relationship with Padma. "Look, I realise that I've got some stuff to answer for. But I'm willing to work through it, with you. If you're willing to." His lips quirked to one side nervously as he shuffled forward. No, not sure whether she wanted a kiss...was it appropriate to do so now when they were re-negotiating? "I don't care about answering for things. I told you... Either you feel a thing for someone or you don't. The rest is just... circumstances." Though, if she was honest with herself, there were a few things she could think of for him to answer to. Namely finishing what they started on the couch shortly after he'd been bitten. Terrified, she tried to convince herself that he was moving toward her, and not just to open the door for her and slam it on her before she'd barely walked through it. Padma was itching to kiss him; it had just been so long since she had that she wondered if she'd idealised it. "Fuck propriety," she finally decided and promptly grabbed the front of his shirt to jerk him down to her height, hoping she hadn't misjudged the situation. In ordinary circumstances, Padma Patil swearing would've made Simon stumble, choke on something if he happened to be eating, and in general look as confused as if someone had just mentioned that Voldemort looked dashing in spats. Thankfully, this wasn't ordinary circumstances. Simon didn't have time to register confusion as Padma pulled him down, but he did register need, passion, and determination in the way he kissed her. He kissed her so hard, in fact, that he bolstered himself up with one hand against the wall for a moment so he wouldn't just take things to the clutzy level and fall on her. Simon pulled away for a breath, eyes flicking to hers, and he nodded, as if agreeing to some unspoken promise. And then he kissed her again, more gently this time. Replaying her fantasies in her head during the kiss made her realise how much more realistic it was to have him right there in front of her, his mouth hot on hers. The best way to describe her hands were grabby, as in they grabbed onto his collar, slipped around his neck or waist, whatever she could really touch. It had been far, far too long since she'd been allowed to touch him at all. When he pulled away, she found herself leaning toward him again, clearly desperate that he'd pulled himself away. Padma nearly whined until he caught her eyes. Hypnotised to the spot, she let him kiss her this time. Whatever it was did the trick, she shivered suddenly, her fingers flexing at his neck. It wasn't a moment to start crying, but she was so happy that she couldn't help it. Her fingers slipped into the hair at the nape of his neck before she broke the kiss and hugged him as tight as she could. It must look ridiculous, with him nearly a foot taller than her, having to practically bend himself in half just so she could reach, but she didn't care. "I should have said something before the film." "You're not the only one." Simon leaned further down with a considerable amount of awkwardness; he didn't feel awkward but he was pretty sure his spine was going to snap from years of disuse at getting down to Padma Patil's height level. He ignored the twinge at his back though as he brushed a kiss on the top of her ear, her hair. "I missed you." Simple words, but Simon had never been much for flowery language and epic prose. The tight way his arms were pressing her against him would have to be a substitute. "You know," he said softly, kissing the top of her ear again, "you could spend the night. If you wanted." All hands on deck, you know, what was the point of pretending otherwise? Simon was tired of being careful and cautious and all those other words that just meant "cowardly" secretly. He had wanted Padma ever since they'd parted ways, and he was pretty sure he knew what to do to keep her this time around. |