Nick was. He was trying, alright? It seemed like if you care(what a terrible word that was for what he felt towards Anye) about someone, you should never feel such a conflicting mix of dread and excitement at the thought of spending time with them. It wasn't her fault. It was his, like so many things were.
There was a tension in his shoulders that seemed to come and go in waves. Anye had always seen him. Before anyone else did, and the best at it even now that the girls were older and more aware of things. It was a terrifying thought, that she would see what he was carrying - and it was so much that it felt like a physical weight dragging behind him all night. But sometimes when they were sitting at that taco joint, staring out at the street and making fun of lost tourists and dramatic New Yorkers it felt like they were fourteen again getting sick on milkshakes before dinner. The anxiety and guilt would rush out, chased away by her familiar laugh that rooted him down to earth better than anything else ever had, and everything was normal.
Then they had actually gone out for ice cream, and he still wasn't sure if that made it better or worse. It's not that he had been avoiding her lately, but it felt like there was a countdown he couldn't see to when she would figure shit out about how bad Liv had gotten and The Den or it would just come spilling out of the strained seams holding him together. She made him happy, and that made him feel guilty, and damnit things didn't used to be this complicated between them. He had gotten lost in his own thoughts even as he stared at the menu and she had ordered his favorite for him and it made him feel warm and real even with the ice cream in his hands.
So when she asked that question he cleared his throat, "If we take the long way to your apartment we can see that overpriced fountain they put in front of that renovated hotel." He checked his phone in what they both knew was an unnecessary gesture, because he had an excellent internal clock but was feeling fidgety, "Might be able to grab some churros."