Her first thought that morning should have been What did I do?!, but it wasn't. Instead it was Why am I cold suddenly?, as she rolled over to figure out where John went. He was big, and warm, and very comfortable to sleep next to. It wasn't until she realized he was no longer laying down that she started to fully wake up and realize two things. Her head was killing her. And that she did something that she really, really shouldn't have. Even if what she could remember of it was amazing. Honestly, a man hadn't been able to satisfy her like that in ages. Who knew that John was such an accomplish lover? Or so she was going to assume he was in that moment, because frankly, she couldn't remember half of it, or how they ended up like that.
Fuck.
What did she do? How could she do this? How could she possibly screw this up so quickly? She watched his strong muscular back for a moment and wondered through her pounding headache how she could have done that to someone she cared about? Why the fuck was she doing these things to push him away. Terry knew why, and she hated the reason, and hated herself for succumbed to it once again. All so that she could keep her secret a secret.
Terry pulled the sheet up around her to cover herself up a bit more, or cover up her shame a little bit. After a moment she sat up and placed a gentle hand on the small of his back and gently put her face into his back. She couldn't look at him right now, but she also wanted him to...I don't know...not think that she had totally awful reasons behind it as well. She did care about him. A lot. And under any normal circumstances, by all rights, shagged him senseless...and stayed sober for the whole thing. "'m sorry." she said lowly after a moment, feeling like she tricked him into all of this...because she knew deep down she had. She was such a shit person for this. "That wasn't exactly how I wanted ta get yah in bed." she admitted...maybe trying to soften it a little bit...as best as she could because right now...she wouldn't blame him if he just up and left. God, Alex was going to murder her for this if he found out.
Ugh...to many thoughts...too many feelings...she was having a hard time keeping it all back right now. She was thankful John couldn't see her face right now as she bit down on her lip and tried to control the wave of emotion she was riding at the moment. She knew what she wanted to do -try and ride it out, not run back to the problem that had gotten here in the first place- but she wasn't sure she was strong enough to make that happen or not.