Oh Adrian understood what Andy felt about himself. He had just never seen such a hard headed case before. It was almost ridiculous that no stimuli at all from him could make Andy falter or change, like growing older, life experiences, or anything that normally grows within a person and developes them, even if it's a mutated feeling, could budge him, at like 2r years old. Usually people were affected by somewhat and changed accordingly even if the change was slow. But Andy was unbudgable to even consider anything. Adrian had never met a more closed off person in his life and considering how long a life Adrian had that was saying something. He'd met perpetual cases of stuck in the past broken too many times to count. Andy wasn't the only sexually abused kid in the world but it was like he didn't have the brainpower to learn take from outside world and learn anything new. And that made him frustrating to Adrian whether he only looked at him with demonic goals or whether he looked at him from pure old Adrian, just Caim, himself, looking to a person he knows. "Saying I'm sorry is what you say if you care you've hurt someone you care for otherwise you wouldn't be sorry.."
He answered, his monotone voice coming a sparking with a tad of life. "Can't you just come here? Just for a second before you leave?" He motioned at his chest. "Is it really gonna kill you to just come here, fucking hold on together and just sit in it? Know we fucking care? I mean you say it doesn't matter what happens to you. But you apologise all the time to me about small things that any friend would accept of another. And you stay. Surely your family gives a crap what happens to you and it hurts them to know what goes on with you? I could almost bet you've seen hurt or disappointment in one of your brother's eyes before. Same as I know you just saw it in mine. That's where I'm sorries come from. Can't you just be here for one minute and hold on just fucking grieve it together that this whole damn thing sucked and admit we both did what we did because we care? We meaning you and me. Did you ever think that you might not care what happens to you and you might not think you matter, but if you have other's that says different, even if you can't find it in yourself to care about yourself, for yourself, you could at the very least, care about yourself, because others do? You hurt us more, me more. You want to say you care for others but not yourself? But you don't see that giving other's the care you claim IS taking care of yourself? For them. For me? Can't you just come here for one minute, just one, before you leave and admit I'm more than some dick you suck?"
Saying sorry? Surely Adrian could have told from that then that he did care. That it hurt him to know he'd hurt them.
He was moving forward as Adrian asked, almost as soon as he'd done so, but he paused when the other man kept talking and yeah, he'd seen that look on the faces of his brothers before. Disappointment he wasn't so surprised to see, always a fucking disappointment, but hurt - that killed him. It was worse when Adrian tried to talk him into caring about himself because the man didn't see that he was, that this was him, trying, and he didn't do it very well but he was still doing it. Any day that he got out of bed and ate and spoke and didn't end up with another rope around his neck was a triumph and a day that he'd tried and succeeded. Caring for what his brothers felt was the only thing that kept him alive on the bad days and even then, that night he'd slipped so far he nearly fell off the mortal coil, he was thinking about them even then. The way he'd thought about Adrian just now, that it would benefit him to stay away from Andy.