He was quiet while Adrian spoke, his only reaction being a slight tense when Adrian spoke about bringing them back together the way they usually did, a sharp slice of pain spiking his heart as he did so, not knowing why. He didn't realise that something inside him had seen that if Adrian had wanted that he would have rolled over and given it up despite being with Taj now. Something had changed in him after his dad had gotten his dirty hands (tongueteethcock) back on him, like he'd been broken again but this time he'd snapped, like he was too tired of fighting the truth of what he was and what he was clearly given life to do. Sex had always been something of a commodity more than an expression of love to Andy, but now it was less even than that, now it meant as little to him as flicking away the last fag butt meant to a smoker.
He didn't think that Adrian was nothing - the whole reason he'd been so hard to win around had been because Adrian had treated him differently, like he mattered, had treated him with some scrap of actual respect for himself as a person and he hadn't been able to trust that. Adrian was far from 'nothing' to Andy. He understood though, what Adrian was saying about that space, although it had been harder for him whenever Adrian had showed him some common decency that he got from nearly no one else.
Adrian, to Andy, made sense. Keeping someone like that, a smile like that, that was selfish. Only thing was that Andy believed that Adrian deserved some small selfishness for himself, and if it was being happy with someone, even if it wasn't the happiest that they could have been, well, Adrian should have it.
Adrian was a warm line along his back and he half-wondered if the things the man was saying meant that he wanted Andy the way the men he'd stopped stopping by for had wanted him, that thought always in the back of his mind for the most part. "I'm sorry I haven't been around." he said, truly, honestly aching about that. Adrian had been there for him and no amount of blowjobs at a few thousand feet could make up for that. "I'll try to come over more often. But I don't know... maybe what he sees as perfection isn't you being perfect, but it's just you, and that's perfect for him?" it was the most forward thinking thing Andy had said in a long time.