svelosynco (svelosynco) wrote in thegrand_ic, @ 2012-05-24 00:47:00 |
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Entry tags: | sasha graham, taj habib bahar |
Who Taj and Chester
What Making Amends
Type Aim chat
When After he came back from not signing the deal
Warnings A tad of language and talk of eating people
Status Complete
(9:41:48 PM) Sasha Graham: Hey man... Yeah, the door is still open.
(11:33:21 PM) tajmuhull: Oh hay you.
(11:33:39 PM) Sasha Graham: There you are. You back?
(11:34:43 PM) tajmuhull: Yeah, I told officer Jim to quit drooling. He was never getting more of my ass. heh.
(11:34:49 PM) tajmuhull: But, uh
(11:34:52 PM) tajmuhull: seriously
(11:35:02 PM) tajmuhull: I need to explain something
(11:35:51 PM) Sasha Graham: So you saw the officers, huh? Hmh. yeah, I want to hear this explanation.
(11:36:33 PM) tajmuhull: Yeah, I was supposed to sign a deal. But, I couldn't do it.
(11:36:57 PM) tajmuhull: But... I do know why I've gone insane
(11:37:03 PM) tajmuhull: for lack of a better word
(11:37:04 PM) tajmuhull: heh
(11:37:06 PM) Sasha Graham: Yeah?
(11:38:42 PM) tajmuhull: yeah... remember all this stuff about being cut from my powers? Well, that just it... I like...wasn't me man, not without them. And I learned somethings too. About why I get cut off from myself
(11:38:54 PM) tajmuhull: K's gonna kill me again I think
(11:39:02 PM) Sasha Graham: Is he now?
(11:39:05 PM) tajmuhull: But, it's the people eating thing
(11:39:36 PM) tajmuhull: I try to stop myself. Cuz ya know, "eating people is bad" yada yada
(11:39:40 PM) Sasha Graham: You... ate people?
(11:39:50 PM) tajmuhull: Yeah, I ate a fuckton to be honest
(11:39:55 PM) Sasha Graham: ...
(11:40:04 PM) Sasha Graham: oh my GOD, Taj. Who?!
(11:40:04 PM) tajmuhull: and now I sorta feel better
(11:40:15 PM) tajmuhull: like normal again.
(11:40:16 PM) tajmuhull: and
(11:40:17 PM) tajmuhull: idk
(11:40:24 PM) tajmuhull: just some college students
(11:42:42 PM) tajmuhull: but the thing is K is always like, why don't you just eat a burger. Like he doesn't get it. but here's the truth I know for sure now
(11:43:09 PM) tajmuhull: I'm not just eating meat dude. my sphinx thing. I'm eating their smarticles
(11:43:17 PM) tajmuhull: and wisdom and stuff
(11:43:20 PM) tajmuhull: like osmosis
(11:43:22 PM) tajmuhull: only not
(11:46:36 PM) tajmuhull: Anyway, point is, I'm back to myself. like in my brain.
(11:46:44 PM) tajmuhull: and I owe you an apology
(11:46:55 PM) tajmuhull: for acting out when I couldn't think clear
(11:50:14 PM) Sasha Graham: I see, man... so... it's back to that. I guess I didn't think you would.
(11:50:48 PM) Sasha Graham: Heh. Maybe in a certain way I didn't believe it was true. Not like I saw you hanging out with like a gnawed-off leg and some barbecue sauce.
(11:51:39 PM) Sasha Graham: But... I understand that it screwed with your mind. Find. I'll take that, and we can just go on like nothing happened. It's cool. But... is this really what you want to do?
(11:51:48 PM) Sasha Graham: I just... wow, I really don't know.
(11:52:13 PM) Sasha Graham: that's huge. To just like. Be hanging out with you all fun, but to know what you're up to when you leave.
(11:53:25 PM) tajmuhull: Yeah, I don't know. I don't feel right about it per se man. But, I do know I feel stronger and more normal when I do. My visions are clearer and I don't get the shakes and tremors
(11:53:38 PM) tajmuhull: It has to be normal or something
(11:53:50 PM) Sasha Graham: Is it worth it?
(11:53:56 PM) Sasha Graham: Someone's whole life for a moment of clarity for you.
(11:54:53 PM) tajmuhull: It is if it keeps you guys in my life. You guys are all I ever cared about, you know this. I talked to Cupid, ya know, K's new guy
(11:54:59 PM) tajmuhull: he told me something
(11:55:04 PM) tajmuhull: kinda important
(11:55:18 PM) Sasha Graham: You do not, not, NOT have to do this to keep me in your life. Don't be drawing that conclusion.
(11:58:18 PM) tajmuhull: But, I act all crazy and emotional when I get this seperated. I'd never been completely cut before. I got scared man. But, he told me, shifting more will help too. I always deny my nature. I just didn't want to admit that was my nature. He told me, my species doesn't usually stay in human form. That's why everything hurts so much when I feel things. idk. maybe if I shift more I wont have to eat so much people? It's worth a shot.
(11:59:21 PM) Sasha Graham: There isn't a way you can just... cope?
(11:59:48 PM) tajmuhull: I'll figure it out Chester
(5/24/2012 12:00:11 AM) tajmuhull: I'm healthy right now. And in good condition to think this through.
(12:01:24 AM) Sasha Graham: I won't.. like... ask you to kill yourself for the sake of other people. And I like it when you're lucid. You and me, man... nobody else can keep up with me. heh. But I don't know about what it comes with. That's an awfully high price.
(12:06:25 AM) tajmuhull: I'm going to figure it out. I was told to seek Persia. It's about time I do it. Dana wouldn't answer anything more for me. He said it's my job to figure it out on my own. So I will. And that's all I can do. It's just...how it is. I've got some leads in new directions since my mind has opened back up. So, I think I just have to go with it. Something is calling me. That's all I can really explain.
(12:09:31 AM) Sasha Graham: Alright, well... keep us posted, I guess. I'm sure everyone will be glad to know you're back. I don't know what more to say, really. It'll probably never be the same, will it?
(12:10:59 AM) tajmuhull: Yeah ok. I'll try. I'm glad I didn't leave. Thanks for keeping the door open. And...
(12:11:19 AM) Sasha Graham: I'm doing my best to wrap my mind around this.
(12:11:22 AM) tajmuhull: I suppose not
(12:11:24 AM) Sasha Graham: It's just.
(12:11:28 AM) Sasha Graham: Yeah.
(12:11:31 AM) tajmuhull: yeah
(12:11:38 AM) Sasha Graham: Well...
(12:11:45 AM) Sasha Graham: Maybe it was going to happen sooner or later.
(12:11:59 AM) Sasha Graham: There's only so long you can hide a sphinx, a unicorn, and a bigass fuckin dragon. Heh.
(12:12:07 AM) Sasha Graham: Together, no less.
(12:13:55 AM) tajmuhull: Yeah but we would make one kick ass comic book full of super heroes
(12:14:06 AM) Sasha Graham: True.
(12:14:19 AM) Sasha Graham: Fuck I think that means I'm Aquaman. I'm neither big nor rare. Daaaaaaaamn.
(12:15:49 AM) tajmuhull: Wouldn't you be like Nite Owl?
(12:16:04 AM) Sasha Graham: Can't I be Batman?
(12:16:08 AM) Sasha Graham: Except... owl man?
(12:16:09 AM) Sasha Graham: heh.
(12:16:20 AM) tajmuhull: sure. he has cool gadgets
(12:16:32 AM) Sasha Graham: I like cool gadgets.
(12:16:44 AM) tajmuhull: nite owl's gadgets were all owl-shaped
(12:16:45 AM) Sasha Graham: And flying silently and stuff. I'm pretty good at that.
(12:16:49 AM) Sasha Graham: I'm also good at barfing up mice.
(12:16:50 AM) Sasha Graham: but hey.
(12:17:13 AM) tajmuhull: Beware the pellet of Doom!
(12:17:32 AM) Sasha Graham: Hahahaha!!
(12:17:47 AM) Sasha Graham: I'm glad your sense of humor is still hanging on.
(12:18:14 AM) tajmuhull: I'm feel good man. Really. Now that we're all cool again.
(12:18:31 AM) Sasha Graham: There is something about that that isn't really answered, tho.
(12:18:45 AM) Sasha Graham: I think... it wasn't the same ever again long before you got upset.
(12:19:04 AM) Sasha Graham: I think it was when Dal joined the military and I went to college that things got mixed up.
(12:19:13 AM) Sasha Graham: Because now we've had lives outside of "us".
(12:19:20 AM) Sasha Graham: And that's where part of this came from.
(12:19:42 AM) Sasha Graham: I know what that's like now, to have to deal with normal society and not have you shielding me in case I say something that pisses someone off.
(12:20:14 AM) Sasha Graham: It comes with a certain amount of... eh... pleasantries. I hate it to hell. Small talk and pleasantries are for old people and idiots.
(12:20:33 AM) Sasha Graham: I still can't get used to this "oh HI how are you I love your hair" shit.
(12:20:51 AM) Sasha Graham: But I mean. I did it to survive. Dal did what he needed to survive.
(12:21:54 AM) tajmuhull: Yeah. I know.
(12:22:16 AM) tajmuhull: I've been taking care of things a long time
(12:22:20 AM) tajmuhull: well
(12:22:28 AM) tajmuhull: taking care of andy a long time
(12:22:54 AM) Sasha Graham: Heh. You don't have to pretend. You were taking care of all of us. Some of us for much longer than Andy. and it was what it was even if some of us didn't want to admit it.
(12:23:50 AM) Sasha Graham: I know, Taj. I wouldn't have made it too far without you. Maybe I would have gotten worse and ended up in the delinquint pile. And now I'm awesome and college-educated and all using my talents wisely.
(12:23:53 AM) tajmuhull: and between not being able to leave town anyway because of probation and being to leave town for fear andy might need me or any of you, but with his panic attacks. I just.. kept myself so centered here
(12:24:21 AM) tajmuhull: there was nothing else
(12:24:28 AM) tajmuhull: but it built up
(12:24:43 AM) tajmuhull: and I ended up on that road trip breakign probation
(12:24:53 AM) tajmuhull: running from the law
(12:25:02 AM) tajmuhull: just to fucking feel free
(12:25:14 AM) tajmuhull: and I see now
(12:26:02 AM) tajmuhull: sometimes just because the world feels so small or I feel safe in a world so small, doesnt mean, I'm suppose to be kept so small
(12:26:14 AM) tajmuhull: the eagle in me was talking in my head
(12:26:22 AM) tajmuhull: FLY FLY FLY taj FLY
(12:26:24 AM) tajmuhull: GO NOW
(12:26:32 AM) tajmuhull: then everyone freaked out on me
(12:26:42 AM) tajmuhull: cuz I left without saying a word
(12:26:52 AM) tajmuhull: on that trip
(12:26:56 AM) tajmuhull: right before you got home
(12:27:14 AM) tajmuhull: so things weren't so healthy the way I was doing it. I know this now
(12:27:23 AM) tajmuhull: or it wouldn't have build up like that
(12:30:43 AM) tajmuhull: you guys, you and dally both, just knew to leave when it was right for you. I held back
(12:31:06 AM) Sasha Graham: We thought about that, man. I said you just needed your turn, and he agreed.
(12:31:16 AM) Sasha Graham: So if that's what you needed and you got it, then great.
(12:31:22 AM) Sasha Graham: We all deserve a moment to find ourselves.
(12:32:05 AM) tajmuhull: Yeah. I just... I worry
(12:32:22 AM) Sasha Graham: Well don't. It's okay. I think we all understand.
(12:32:53 AM) tajmuhull: He's out there all alone with people that do very bad things to him. And I have to be here when he comes back
(12:32:57 AM) tajmuhull: that's just how it works
(12:33:25 AM) Sasha Graham: Who?
(12:33:30 AM) tajmuhull: He's not ready to step out of his own cycle Sasha.
(12:33:32 AM) tajmuhull: Andy
(12:33:40 AM) tajmuhull: that's the pattern. He leaves
(12:33:45 AM) Sasha Graham: Oh, oh of course.
(12:34:01 AM) tajmuhull: he puts himself in harms way, gets hurt, then comes home to me
(12:34:02 AM) Sasha Graham: There are three others, though. If you need a break, I can help look out for him.
(12:34:18 AM) tajmuhull: I patch him up. and he feels better and he does it again
(12:34:30 AM) tajmuhull: I just... I'm scared to leave
(12:34:36 AM) tajmuhull: Yeah. I know
(12:35:09 AM) tajmuhull: I would die if he came back and I wasn't here when he needed patched up again
(12:35:17 AM) tajmuhull: it's as simple as that
(12:36:34 AM) Sasha Graham: Don't worry. We'll make sure he gets what he needs and maybe one day makes progress too.
(12:38:32 AM) tajmuhull: sigh. Yeah. ok. I trust you guys. And either way
(12:38:40 AM) tajmuhull: I have to do this stuff
(12:38:47 AM) tajmuhull: it's time I did
(12:38:54 AM) tajmuhull: I know it
(12:38:56 AM) tajmuhull: I feel it
(12:39:21 AM) tajmuhull: It's time to go to the next level on figuring out who I am
(12:40:01 AM) Sasha Graham: Yeah. Go with it. I support you.
(12:40:10 AM) Sasha Graham: tell Andy to talk to us if he needs to.
(12:41:16 AM) tajmuhull: right.
(12:41:29 AM) tajmuhull: Thanks Owl Man
(12:50:21 AM) Sasha Graham: You're welcome. If you want to hang out, let me know. You still owe me a pie.