Who: Dally & Andy Where: Dally's place When: Just after mother's day What: A cuppa Warnings: Crying; language; In progress
What with one thing and another, Andy hadn't really managed to see Dally that much, and he felt bad about that. He'd missed Dally and he was still worried about him. He knew how hard it was when dark things from the past stalked your mind, when your mind itself turned against you, and he didn't want Dally to go through that alone.
He felt like a coward for asking about Taj, but he just couldn't face him. All the times that Taj had come through for him and one of the few times that he was needed and he'd failed. Hadn't got there in time and it was only good luck that Dally had been here. So yeah, Andy was avoiding him, hiding away from everyone really in one way or another. He still owed Adrian a massive debt but wasn't sure how he was going to make that one up. He'd hidden from everyone and sought punishment in the form of a perverted old man in a shiny grey car who'd certainly punished him enough.
He'd hidden the bruising with make up, and most of it had been under his clothes anyway, just the hint of a split lip now barely visible. He probably should stay away, but again, he'd missed Dally and the invitation had been too much for him to resist. He noticed that the window he'd broken the last time he was here had been repaired, and reminded himself to ask so he could pay for it.
He knocked on Dally's door, dressed in Adrian's tshirt and hoodie, Chester's jeans and someone's shoes, shifting his weight from foot to foot and huddling in against the nippy cold.
Dally was in a funk. He couldn't describe it and maybe that was best. He just didn't know what to say or who to reach out to. Everyone seemed to be moving right along with their lives and he was stuck. Stuck and guilt ridden. He'd fessed up to Taj- which just made things worse. Taj wanted to spend time with him too but Dally felt a hole in him that even all the sand in Iraq couldn't fill.
He sighed softly and had his head buried in his hands as he sat on the couch when he heard a knock at the door. Was it Andy? He'd invited his kid brother over for a drink- or six- which seemed like something they both needed. Yet Dally was worried. What if he hurt Andy? What if he just snapped? Could Andy handle himself? Sighing, the dragon made his way to the door with a faint grunt. Tugging it open, he peered out at his sibling. Unlike Andy who looked bundled up, Dally bare wore anything. Just his briefs and the cold didn't seem to bother him. With a smile, he ushered Andy in then pulled him into a hug. "Hey, kiddo. Thanks for coming. Want some coffee?" Before Andy could even answer, Dally was strolling his way towards the kitchen where a pot of fresh coffee was brewing.
Andy was used to his brother's appearing before him nearly nude by now, what with Kareem's aversion to clothes, and he could never understand how they didn't freeze. He always felt cold, like it was settled into his very bones and clutching there. But his brothers were warm.
He answered Dally's smile with his own, pleased and fond, and allowed himself to be pulled into that hug. He clung a little there, wanted it to last forever before Dally had disconnected and was moving off. Andy followed comfortably. "No thanks, have you got anything else, I don't mind. Are you okay?" he asked, wanting an actual answer.
"You are just full of questions, aren't'cha?" He chuckled and poured himself a cup then padded to the fridge and pulled out a jug of fruit punch. "How about this?" He smiled softly. "As for me? Andy, the thing you gotta know about me- I'll never be alright again. I don't think I ever was." He sniffed softly then took a sip of his drink. "I come home, my family is wrecked- shit is going down with you and Taj. Then Taj runs off with some crazed werewolf kid who apparently isn't all that bad, just really, really stupid. To make matters worse, Taj got to me at a low point. I blurted all sorts of shit out that I never planned to bring up. I'd intended to never let him in on how I felt because he was busy with his life. So...am I okay? Short answer, no. Long answer? Hell no, and that's how it'll probably stay until I find someone capable of helping me pick up all the tiny pieces."
Andy smiled but he wasn't going to be deterred from getting an honest answer. He thanked his brother for the juice, poured it out and sipped at it, leaning back against a handy surface as he did, pleased that Dally was going to talk to him.
What he heard though...
He put his cup down because his stomach turned, he couldn't listen to Dally confess how wounded he was and keep drinking. He winced because he heard that he'd caused this and latched onto that. He didn't know what Taj could have done, what Dally could have said that would have caused Dally to fall to pieces and it hurt to hear that Dally thought he couldn't talk to them, that he thought they were too busy for him.
Andy felt a lot of things and also a lot of things that brought him low and made him hurt, but he was fairly flat when it came to emotions. Sometimes he found himself faking them so as not to look like a heartless monster, but even he had a vulnerable spot and this was it. He wanted all his brother's safe and secure and happy and Dally, Dally just wasn't. And it didn't matter what was going on because he felt that he couldn't come to them, to his brothers, about it.
Andy cried. He pressed a hand to his mouth to stifle the first sob but it hiccupped out of him anyway, making room for the next. His eyes watered, face red as he still kept trying to keep the stupid tears in but he couldn't. Unicorn tears healed 'sorrows of the heart' but he'd been human for so long that it was touch and go if it would work this time around, and besides, Andy wasn't thinking about that right now. He was just crushed that Dally felt like this.
He hesitated over going to him at first, but eventually broke and crossed the room to him, arms around Dally's waist and his face pressed to Dally's chest, holding his brother as tight as he could like that would block out the pain.
When Andy started to cry, Dally wasn't sure what to do. His face dropped, lips parted- yet before he could say anything, Andy was clutching to him. Rumbling low in his throat, the dragon promptly grabbed his brought around the waist and lifted him up, carrying him from the kitchen into Dally's bedroom where the Marine plopped back on the comfty bed still holding Andy close. He began to rumble soothingly and stroked through his hair, kissing his forehead. "Hey-hey, don't do that, baby boy. I don't need to see you cry like this. You know how much I hate to see you cry." His brows furrowed as he brushed tears from Andy's cheeks. "Why are you sobbing, huh? Was it something I said? I didn't mean to upset you, Andy. I really didn't."
Andy didn't stop even when Dally bodily plucked him up, and when he was settled back down on the bed he just tried to climb up and hug Dally better as though he were the one crying, trying to express his comfort and apology through his body. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he hiccuped, trying to suppress his crying but he couldn't and just spoke wetly through the tears instead. "Dally-" he sat up and took his brother's face gently between his hands, smoothing his hair back, the tears still running unchecked. "Dally, I broke you, I did this and I should have been here for you, looking out for you, but I wasn't, fuck, I'm never here." He sat back, wiping at his face. "And now you're all, you're not okay and it, it hurts so much that you're hurting, I'm so sorry and I'm so scared of losing you; I'm so scared that you'll do something to yourself and I'll lose my big brother." he confessed, rather hypocritically. It wasn't like he hadn't tried commiting suicide on more than one occassion, it wasn't like he still wanted to, but then he didn't put the value of his life over Dally's. Dally may not have even been thinking like that, but that was how Andy's mind worked and he couldn't imagine that Dally wasn't considering it as well.
Dally frowned and reached out, cupping Andy's cheeks in his own hands while brushin away his tears with his thumbs. "Andy, baby- listen to me. It wasn't you. I promise, it was never you. For the longest time I had a...a thing for Taj. A thing I was too scared to tell him about and I lost my chance from the get-go. He never really saw me as material worth loving beyond a brother." He sighed and leaned his forehead against Andys' then kissed the tip of his nose. "But then I got to know you, Andy, and I had this amazing little brother and I was focused on keeping you safe. I'm more worried about you leaving me, kiddo. You've always been sorta dark and edgy. It makes me worry."
Dally's hands on his face were gentle and Andy held still while his face was dried, the odd tear still squeezing out through, the make up covering his split lip and the surrounding bruise washed off a little, leaving the dark stain of blood under the skin visible. He didn't know what to make of this confession, hearing that Dally had loved Taj and what that could have meant about them.
Dally seemed to read his mind though as his next comment was a reassurance that they were just as much brothers as Andy had always thought. Still, the idea of it had him pressing a hand to his chest like his heart hurt physically. He shook his head, angry but at himself. "Don't worry about me, just, just no, don't worry." he hated himself pure and deep in that moment, the fingers against his chest curling in, wishing he could reach into his ribcage and crush that stupid muscle. "Don't, you, why didn't you say anything. I would have stepped aside Dally, for you. You would have been so-" he cut himself off because thinking about that, of what he got in the way of, that just... he didn't have the words. They'd left and Taj had chosen not to do that with him anymore and he still wasn't sure but he could guess why.
'If he hadn't been there, if he just hadn't been in the way, if he hadn't thrown himself at Taj like the stupid brainless whore he was...' he didn't realise he was babbling this outloud, eyes closed like that could turn the time back. "I'm sorry, Dally, I'm sorry." he cried, begging to be forgiven, or punished for it, either would have worked as long as it got this poison out of his blood.