liriael (liriael) wrote in thegalaxy, @ 2016-05-16 11:40:00 |
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Entry tags: | !locale: naboo, liriael d'lander, obi-wan kenobi |
Who: Liriael D'lander & Obi-Wan Kenobi.
What: A walk on the wild Dark side
Where: Naboo.
When: Backdated slightly; Following the events on Coruscant and this post.
Rating: TBD
Status: In progress
It had taken until the next night before Liri could stop shaking. That Issan was still alive meant nothing. It had been so easy to beat her bloody, to give in to everything dark and try and end the Knight, to make her pay for everything that had happened. It almost felt….justified, as if Liri was saving others by killing someone in the First Order, killing someone evil and corrupt. Preventing further bloodshed, further heartbreak. If only she had ended that battle with death. Liri couldn’t even be sure what stopped her at the last moment. Did she have any right to claim that there was still Light in her, after that? She let the grief over Cassie’s death take hold, had forgotten everything she held dear about the Code, and her own dreams, and had let the dark power flow through her, had succumbed to it completely, if only for a few, scant minutes that it took to take Issan down. Minutes that replayed in her head even now. She had showered, washed every bit of Issan’s blood from her, had even burned her clothes. But it felt like a stain on her soul. Even the gentle senses she had used before, the calm presence of the Force she had grown accustomed to, felt wrong now, like cool air over raw wounds. She was too close to a precipice now, and she needed some way to step back. Before she could change her mind, her fingers were typing out a message, sending it, even wondering if this was the right thing to do. She knew Jaina would understand, had gone down this path as well, but somehow, Liri worried that her friend wouldn’t be able to teach her how to pull back. There was only one other she had met who she trusted enough. Master Kenobi, I need help, she sent. I feel like the darkness is consuming me, and I don’t know how to stop it. Obi-Wan frowned at the message, reading and then re-reading the words before turning to action. A quick, perfunctory I am on my way message was sent in reply and Obi-Wan set out to find Liriael. After orienting himself, Obi-Wan headed to the location she had provided. He moved swiftly, dark brown robes swishing quietly around his feet with every sure step. The Dark Side was omnipresent, never far from reach, and it always seemed to slither closest when one found themselves in the throes of grief. He could empathize with the feeling of loss, he could understand how such a feeling could consume someone. Especially without lifelong training on how to protect oneself from such a thing. Soon, he found himself on a rooftop. Even without the proximity, he could feel the raw emotion that accompanied any stumble toward the Dark Side. He could feel the pulse of the Dark as well, familiar and yet foreign all at once. Watching Darth Maul strike down Qui-Gon had been his first and truest brush with the Dark Side and the old feeling brought back the old memory with sharp clarity. He took in a breath and released any nostalgia into the Force. It had no place here for now. "Liriael," he spoke her name softly to announce his arrival, features arranged compassionately. How difficult it must be to have such darkness sweep in on the heels of such tragedy. "Tell me; what's happened?" Liri had been standing with her hands on the railing, knuckles white with the hard grip. Everything seemed harsher, and the cold metal felt like an anchor as she waited. Normally, she sensed when someone approached; now, she was closed off, locked down. When he spoke her name, she turned quickly, startled. “Master Kenobi,” she managed, having to force even that out. She wrapped her arms around herself after letting go of the security of the railing. “I almost killed someone….another Knight of Ren. She didn't even start the fight, I just….” She unfolded her arms to look at her shaking hands. “It was so easy,” she murmured, in disbelief. He stepped toward her, lips pressed into a thin line as he listened carefully to her words. The Dark Side was unavoidable, really. The Force was interwoven through everything and darkness was only the answer to light. The only way to truly be free of it was the lifetime of training the Jedi were given to help practice constant vigilance - and even then, so many fell. Obi-Wan shook his head slightly, "But you didn't kill her," he pointed out immediately. The details could be worked out later, what was important was focusing on rising clear of the influence of the Dark Side. "You almost killed her. The distinction is just as important as the act," Obi-Wan stated. Was what she'd done wrong? Most likely. The Dark Side was dangerous. But standing here as she was, having not fallen was just as significant a thing as her misstep. "You're right, Liriael - the path of the Dark Side is easy. It's seductive," he explained sympathetically. "The Dark Side preys on us when we grieve, when there's anger or fear," he folded his hands in front of him. "But it takes strength to hang on." Obi-Wan nodded to her, "As you have done here." Too quickly, Liriael nodded, as if seizing on that answer, even though she crossed her arms over herself once more. “I didn’t kill her,” she repeated, quieter. She closed her eyes briefly, and sighed, a fraction of the tension dissolving although not all, not by a long shot. She still could not open her senses, but she could feel his calmer presence, steadier, and it helped her focus. “Truthfully, I didn’t even want to,” she admitted. “She’s not the one who killed Cassie. But I wanted to hurt her. That was bad enough.” A surprising amount of that feeling was betrayal. All this time she had known Issan, and while they were most certainly at odds, she had never known that Issan had joined their ranks. “I want to blame it on what Glasya did to me….but I cannot.” "It's in our nature to want to lash out when we hurt," Obi-Wan said. "It was pain and grief that spurred me on when I fought Darth Maul on this very planet after he struck down Master Qui-Gon Jinn." He could credit his own skills when it came to being able to hold his own against a Sith warrior while still a padawan, but Obi-Wan could admit that his own emotions helped fuel his connection to the Force in that battle. In his older age, Obi-Wan could now understand how emotion could better you even while destroying you. Anakin lived to fully embody Darth Vader because of his emotions. The complexities were hard to navigate even as a Jedi Master, and so he could appreciate the struggle Liriael was now faced with. "Training will help you learn to release those feelings into the Force. It will help you learn when and when not to act," he said reassuringly. "You're right to look to yourself and not others for the blame," Obi-Wan said, "We must all learn from our mistakes and own them just the same." He would spend the rest of his life owning his own mistakes that led to the downfall of Anakin and this world they were now all living in. Liriael had not moved away from the railing yet, so she leaned back against it, absently rubbing the upper part of her arms as she listened. There was a part of her that wished she could claim the line was not so easy to see, but it had been, and she had known when she crossed it. Was training the answer she hoped for? “I remember reading about that accounting, of when you both fought him,” she said quietly, delaying her concerns about training. “It’s difficult to imagine now, with you both here.” The Sith were a memory now, but the Knights were the same threat, the same darkness. A darkness she was going to face again. “When Master Jinn and I spoke,” she finally said, “we did discuss training. He said I should consider it when I am recovered from Cassie’s death. This was not…” She looked down, changing the path she wanted to go down. She could not burn the images of Cassie’s body from her mind. “I’m not sure this will help me in time. I sent my last remaining crewmember into hiding, and I scuttled my ship for now. I’m too firmly in their sights. It’s dangerous for anyone around me.” Striding over to stand alongside her, Obi-Wan placed a hand on Liriael's shoulder. "Master Qui-Gon is an excellent teacher, his understanding of the Living Force is beyond any other I've ever known," he assured her. Obi-Wan had been exasperated by his master's actions and interpretations of the Force on numerous occasions in his youth, but now he couldn't deny just how insightful the other Jedi had truly been. Obi-Wan chose not to travel further down the path of rehashing the battle with Maul and the loss of Qui-Gon, if only because his distant grief was not the focus for this conversation. Instead, he chose to focus on the present. On looking to the very moment they were existing in rather than some larger picture - Qui-Gon's teachings echoing through his thoughts. "I would have to agree with my former master - in-depth training would probably best be reserved until you've healed," he said. "Not only that, but you're a target," Obi-Wan pointed out. "Some modicum of safety should be established before any intensive training." If Qui-Gon wanted to train her and the Knights of Ren saw fit to target her, Obi-Wan could see fit to help her. "I'll help you in whatever way I can," he told her with a decisive nod, "While I do caution against training until Master Qui-Gon says you're truly ready, I would offer perhaps a bit of help in meditation." He smiled, "Learning when and what to release into the Force has helped me immeasurably in my life. I don't think I would've survived Qui-Gon or Anakin without it," he said warmly. It was important to have hope and he hoped to bring that out in Liriael. Without thinking, Liriael placed her own hand over his where it rested on her shoulder. The emotion could not be more clear; she had been afraid to even touch another person since she had beaten Issan so badly. Somehow, she had expected him to flinch from her, as incongruous as it seemed. Could he sense the darkness under the surface? “Believe it or not,” she managed, her tone attempting to match his for kindness, although it fell slightly short, “I have not met him in person as yet. I suppose circumstances are conspiring against that.” She absorbed the warmth from his hand, and then returned hers to her arm. “But I know what I have read, what I have heard. About you both.” They had been ever-present in the lore she had sought out, and she wondered if Obi-Wan knew of the impact he had on so many, including herself long before they had met. “Until I have healed,” she repeated, quieter. “In body, or in mind? Physically, I am fine. Scars, nothing more.” A particularly fresh one, from Glasya’s lightsaber, but she did not add that. “Mentally, I just don’t know. If it is possible to have scars in your thoughts, then Glasya accomplished that. His thoughts are like knives in my head.” It still ached, like her mind bore raw edges. And yet.. “Would you help me learn how to do as you said, to...release these emotions? To meditate in such a way that I can come to terms with….with what he did to Cassie?” It was difficult to think of hope when she still mourned her friend, but she wanted to be free of the dark, of the fear. "Both," Obi-Wan responded quietly. "Though the mental wounds are most important," he said. Physical healing was important, of course, but it was mental wounds torn anew that could be most devastating when considering someone's journey with the Force. "A brush with the Dark Side - whether it be from an encounter with an acolyte or your own misstep - is never pleasant." Obi-Wan, for his part, had always been stalwart and true when it came to the Jedi. His own encounters centered mostly around dealing with the Sith and viewing the Dark Side from the position of someone attacked by it rather than seduced. But he had agonized over what brought Anakin down, struggling against being devoured by his own guilt in the matter. "It doesn't matter how you come up against the Dark Side, what matters is what you do afterward." Dropping his hand from her shoulder, Obi-Wan folded his arms across his chest and mulled over Liriael's request. Since he had discovered the political situation, Obi-Wan desired nothing more than to assist in building the Jedi back up to the numbers they had once been. He wanted to bring balance to the Force and defeat the First Order for the good of the galaxy - and yet at the same time, he had so glaringly failed Anakin as his master. Was he truly capable of helping someone who had come so close to the Dark Side? After a pause, he sighed. Perhaps this could be atonement. Perhaps he could be singularly qualified to help someone in this way. From a certain perspective, he thought it made sense. "Of course," he agreed. "I would like nothing more than to help you in any way I can," Obi-Wan said with a nod. While he could feel the telltale coldness that came from a brush with the Dark Side somewhere underneath, Obi-Wan could also sense the good in Liriael. It would be a disservice to not help someone who so clearly wanted to succeed as a Jedi. "Losing someone is never easy, but learning how to unburden your mind can help." As he withdrew his hand, Liriael took a chance and loosened some of the strict control she had over her senses, so that she could be as forthright as she could be with him. She felt the sigh almost more than she heard it, felt the deliberation, and she held her breath on his decision. Had she turned too far away from the path to come back to it? Truthfully, it was that exact fear that had kept her from reaching out to Qui-Gon, the expectation that he would deny her training after that. Obi-Wan had not elicited the same worry; somehow she knew she could reach out to him even when the situation was bleak. She released the pent-up breath as he spoke. There was still hope; she wasn’t too far gone. Unconsciously pressing one hand over her heart, she said, “I recognize that she is gone, deeply so, and the futility of wishing otherwise. She isn’t suffering anymore, and for that, I have a little peace. Much of the….the anger,” she admitted, her fingers still hard on that spot in her chest that hurt, “comes from the fact that she was innocent. She had done nothing except join my crew, and become my friend. Had she not done either of those things, she would not have been killed.” Issan’s words came back to her, imprinted from the fight. “Issan Ren….the Knight I fought. She said….maybe it’s everything I touch.” Closing her eyes briefly, she shook her head. “No, that’s not worth dwelling on. I know that I’m not to blame for what the Knights chose to do. Only what I have done in return.” He thought of Padme with a rueful smile, “Unfortunately, death has no concern for who is and isn’t innocent.” Padme had done nothing more than fall in love with a boy who made all the wrong choices in the end, after all. Just like Cassie had done nothing more than befriend someone at a dangerous time. Obi-Wan shook his head and offered a sympathetic sigh. “You’re right not to dwell. The Knight told you only what she thought would shake you. The Dark Side and its followers are prone to duplicity. Don’t trust them.” It wasn’t absolutely true - Obi-Wan knew that, but it was offered as a means of comfort. He lifted a hand to smooth over his beard, “We all fail sometimes, Liriael,” he pointed out. “We all fall short of what we’ve set out to accomplish. It matters, but what matters more is what you do after.” He gave a small smile, “I trust that you’ll come out of this wiser and better for it.” Liriael wanted to return the smile; it was in her eyes, along with the gratitude that he hadn’t turned away from her. But it couldn’t quite make her lips form the expression, not yet. “Issan was never the most trustworthy individual,” she said, quietly, “although she would use truth as easily as lies if she thought it would help her accomplish what she wished to.” Gingerly, she ran her fingers over her face as if she was brushing away the tension that had built up there. “Considering that, it’s surprising that I had the faith in her that I did, before I discovered she had joined the Knights.” Shaking that off, she added, quieter, “I’m glad you have that trust in me. It’s….better, having someone I’m more answerable to than my own thoughts.” And at that, she managed a half-smile. Progress. “I’m going off-world for a few weeks,” Liri continued, finally relaxing enough to let her hands fall to her sides. “I have to draw attention away from here, and not just for my sake, but for yours...the Jedi,” she clarified. “Master Jinn told me about the new base, and I….want to come, and I will, but I have to make sure that no one is looking for me for a while first. Can you…” She hesitated. “Do you have time tonight to show me just a little of what I can do to let this go, so I can make it through the next few weeks until I am there?” Obi-Wan nodded, an amused expression drifting across his features. “Wise and brave,” he commented, “You will make a good Jedi, yet.” Even if the idea of drawing attention away was inherently dangerous, Obi-Wan was well aware that there was little in the galaxy that wasn’t dangerous. He didn’t need to be an expert of this time period to understand that. He could feel it, the dark undercurrent that still pulsed through the Force. Liriael was clearly a survivor and he was certain she would continue to survive. At her request, he nodded. “Of course,” he intoned. “I’m on Naboo, decades outside of my own element. I believe time is the one thing I have plenty of right now.” He gestured, “We can go somewhere else, if you like. My quarters or wherever you’re staying. Somewhere you can be comfortable and focus.” A few meditation techniques would be incredibly helpful, just to start. At the compliment, Liriael felt color bloom in her cheeks, and this time she did smile. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted to become,” she admitted. She did not add that for most of her years, it was as unattainable as reaching through the past. And yet, now both had come to pass. Now Obi-Wan was here, not simply a story from a time before hers, but a living, breathing person, standing with her on the rooftop. And with him, a whole new path opening up. “You have time now,” she answered, faintly amused, “but you will be swept up into everything the others are trying to accomplish here. That’s a good thing….I think you will help so much with the rebuilding. I hope I get to see it.” Relieved that he would remain with her a while longer yet, that he could combat these dark thoughts with her, she added, “I believe my rooms are still safe. Perhaps they will not be for much longer, but….it should serve for tonight. And thank you.” Liriael impulsively took his hand, and squeezed. “Truthfully...thank you. To get this close to finally realizing a dream, and then to have my own mistakes almost undo it all…..you are saving me, Obi-Wan.” Obi-Wan glanced away, exhaling a breath of a self-conscious laugh. It had been a long time since he’d saved anyone, truth be told, and he hadn’t been able to save those that meant the most to hm. But he nodded all the same, because he did have time now, a second chance and an opportunity to redeem himself. Perhaps he already had with Luke, but this was a chance to do more. Liriael could be the beginning of that opportunity. “If rebuilding is going to happen, we will need people to rebuild with, you know,” he pointed out, “So I fully expect you to see it through.” He squeezed her hand lightly in return and then gestured for her to lead the way to her rooms. “I cannot pretend that my influence will aid in helping you achieve your goal to become a Jedi, but luckily Master Qui-Gon should be able to counter it quite well,” Obi-Wan joked. It felt good to laugh, to remember how and to feel it. Liriael didn’t miss the glance away but her instinct told her it was not about her, but something within him that was reminded, and she didn’t press. Strangely enough, she both knew so much about him and so little at the time time. Her records contained a dozen entries, but that only told history, not anything underlying. It all went through her mind as they traveled down from the rooftop, into the building itself and to the small place she lived in when she was on Naboo. Like any pilot who traveled a lot, her quarters were serviceable but not notable for anything personal. No holopictures were on display, no art of any kind. The one exception in the living space was a small wooden carving of a bird, sitting incongruously atop a small stack of datapads on the low table. “He still refers to you as his padawan,” she pointed out, as she walked in with him. Her tone was amused, but she was slightly more serious as she added, “He said that he could not promise me that he could train me to become a Jedi, so I think that for now, I am just a student rather than his apprentice. As they say, the only constant is change, so we will have to see.” Obi-Wan chuckled, though the sound was somewhat bittersweet, “The last I saw him in our time, I still was his padawan, braid and all,” he commented fondly. It was odd to think that what felt like a lifetime ago really and truly was now that he was here. He looked around her quarters, arms folded casually across his chest. His own quarters weren’t much different. Jedi were meant to have uncomplicated lives beyond their service and Obi-Wan didn’t see the point in changing now. With a nod, “Student is probably a safer term for now,” he agreed. “It’s unclear how this new breed of Jedi will truly be achieved. Who knows?” Obi-Wan took on an amused tone again, “Maybe the time of padawans has gone completely. Change is all we can count on.” Perhaps surprisingly, the idea seemed to sadden her. “Oh, I hope not,” she replied, her smile remaining even though her tone was slightly mournful. “I always loved the stories about the traditions, and the ceremony. Was it true that when a padawan became a Knight, their braid would be cut off with a lightsabre? For some reason, I found that very beautifully symbolic.” Clearing her throat, she continued, a bit less somber, “Of course, you are right. Everything is different here, now. It may be that old traditions are hard to maintain.” Before they sat, she offered him a drink, and brought anything he requested, along with something for herself, but Liriael was still drawn tight with tension, and found herself sitting somewhat stiffly when they were settled. “This will help,” she murmured, almost more to herself than to him. The Force still flowed around her, but now, she was wary of it, in a way she had not been before. |