Cat's presence barely registered to Bellamy as he blinked against the onslaught of emotions. He barely survived his mother's death and losing Octavia to the Sky Box. How was he supposed to just breathe now? How was he supposed to do anything at all? It was hard to single out a solid thought or even focus on anything. He tried to focus on the tiles of the floor, but he couldn't seem to do it. He tried to focus on the sound of Cat's voice, but she seemed distant. If he thought losing Gina had been painful, if he thought irradiating the Mountain had brutal, he couldn't put words to the idea that Octavia was on the other side of that viewing window... dead. She wouldn't ever breathe again, laugh again. She couldn't ever smile at him or rage at him.
It took every ounce of focus he could manage to grasp onto to listen to the nurse. And the longer she spoke, the more he wished he hadn't heard her. Murdered. And-
"What?" the word came out, broken in a heartbreaking whine. Raped. His mind recoiled at the thought and he felt his stomach turn. For a horrifying moment, he thought he would vomit. It made him think of his mother and the things she'd done to keep them ahead of the inspection schedule. It reminded him that his mother had secured his position into the guard by spending nights in the captain's quarters. And now...
Anger flooded him, dark and cold and swallowing up his heartbreak for a moment. Someone out there dared to lay their hands on her. "What are you going to do with the body?" he asked numbly, placing a shaking hand on Cat's shoulder as he rose to his feet. Anger was easier to feel than grief and he was going to hang onto that for as long as he could.