Alex (fatheralex) wrote in thefield, @ 2009-02-12 16:41:00 |
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Current mood: | pensive |
Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done ....where ever we are
Who: Angelica & Alex
Where: a tree stump away from the group
When: Day 6, evening before the laughers come out
What: Angelica is bothered by the things she and Clay had found
Angelica didn't like kids really, but she'd be damned if she wanted to see one hurt or harmed in anyway. In fact, if she'd seen this back home, she'd probably have put someone in traction. You don't do that shit to a kid as far as Angelica was concerned. She was still dwelling on it. She'd been dwelling on it since she'd found the body. She'd seen a lot of things in her life, and she wasn't even all that old, but damned if this didn't effect her in a big way. If kids were being brought here, that meant that they definitely needed to find some way to take care of everyone. Normally, Angelica was antisocial, but she wasn't quiet, and she wasn't pensive. Now, she was pensive. Angelica couldn't concentrate to think about anything else. A grave had been dug, but she didn't feel much better about that. She still knew that the little boy didn't deserve this, there was no reasons to bring people here and leave them to rot. She didn't get it, and when she didn't get things, she didn't deal well with them either way, and she recognized that, which was one reason that she was as far away from other people as she could be without being too far from their base camp.
She had dirt smudged over her bare arms and there were a few places on her jeans from digging. While Angelica tried not to let things get to her, this was, it was under her skin. She couldn't help wishing that she had done more, or something. She wished that maybe she'd been here a few days sooner or something. Angelica wasn't so stupid that she wasn't aware of what was going on around her. She had her ears peeled, sitting with her feet planted and her chin on her knees. She had easy access to her gun, which she'd shoved back into her ankle holster, and she had her pocketknife too. She didn't much care at the moment. Though, she was sure if she heard something the fight would make her feel better, honestly.
That was a big reason she was staying away from the others, she didn't think it'd be right for her to fly off the handle for no reason, especially since she already didn't really have too many friends or anything, and she doubted she was making anything. The surly redhead sighed and shoved a hand through her hair. Jesus this was hard, and she didn't want to show weakness at the moment. They all needed to be strong, but this shit....she wasn't prepared and she needed to figure it out, and get it under control.
It wasn't difficult to see that something was on Angelica's mind and given what he had found on his own trek today with Cross, he could only assume it was something as equally disturbing. And as much as he and Angelica had gotten off on the proverbial wrong foot...Alex couldn't not at least try to speak to her, help her. Something. Approaching cautiously from her front, he wasn't interested in surprising or scaring the girl, Alex didn't say anything, just took a seat on the ground next to her and took a moment to collect himself and his thoughts. He couldn't really deny he hadn't worked through what they had found either...but his own needs were not what was important now. Religious or not, he felt that everyone in their group was a part of his congregation, his parish. That they did not believe as he did wasn't a factor. It was his duty to at least try to soothe their souls if he could.
She obviously did not care to talk about it either, whatever it was, but that didn't mean she shouldn't, "You look like you have a lot on your mind," he began genially. She looked like she might kill him, but he wasn't going to say that. "I'd ask if you care to share, but I don't think you do..." he paused to let that sink in and then continued, "It can't hurt though. And it might help."
She was paying enough attention to hear someone coming, and she hadn't been reaching for the gun, just her pocketknife, just in case. She wasn't going to get into another fight if she didn't have to. That only made people afraid of her, or pissed them off and angry with her. She couldn't afford to piss everyone out right now, it wouldn't make for the best living arrangements, especially when as far as they knew, they were the only ones there. Nope, she'd behave, even if right now she needed to do something, let it out somehow. When she saw who was approaching her, she suppressed the groan and closed her eyes, her forehead against her knees. She really wasn't ready for another debate about religion. She didn't need the argument, it wasn't a good time. She wasn't scared of a whole hell of a lot, but damned if she wasn't feeling a shit load of things right now. She was almost praying that he didn't stay, that he'd walk right passed her, but Angelica didn't have that luck. He sat, and she ignored him, leaving her head where it was, hoping that he'd take the hint and keep his comments to himself. Alas, wouldn't you know, she was wrong again.
"No shit."
She quipped, none too nicely, and not even bothering to look up at him. She was ready to do something, whether it was flop over because her whole body was sore and tired or whether she needed to be up and doing something to keep her mind from being so calm, she didn't know what she needed. She finally looked up at him and lifted a brow, shaking her head.
"You want me to share?"
She asked, looking at him, she was slightly dirty and tired. Fighting with Clay just hadn't been what she needed.
"Fine, Father Alex, I'll share--the little fucker, Clay, and I found a god damn dead kid hanging from a tree."
She shot off at him angrily, she knew if she didn't stop it'd just be too much, so she turned away, rubbing her face, attempting to keep herself from the emotional overload that she knew was impending.
Sometimes, Alex really hated when he received the answers to his questions. He had asked though and while he couldn't say that he was glad to know, he was at least better able to help Angelica. Maybe. "I'm sorry," he replied softly, letting her have her space and what little privacy she could, but not leaving or moving elsewhere. "No one should have to...that is..." he sighed. There was nothing good that could be said, no cure-all to ease her pain, "That's awful. Bones?" the bodies they had found had been bones. Long dead, but they had buried them anyways and Alex had said some words.
Angelica had her hands pressed rather harshly to her face in an attempt to keep a tight leash on herself. She didn't want to lose it. She couldn't cry, and she couldn't just try to kill anyone. She couldn't do that. She really couldn't stand this shit. Angelica wanted a nice big bottle of jack to drown her feelings in, that would have been the perfect answer for her as far as she was concerned. Otherwise not much was going to help.
"Yeah," her voice, normally strong and in other's faces was soft and hoarse, almost cracking," me too."
Burying a body wasn't something she'd ever wanted to do, not in her life, she didn't want to bury a body. She hadn't wanted to fight with Clay, but she had to anyway. And honestly the fight had made her feel better, to an extent, even if she was paying for it now. She was exhausted, which was probably why she hadn't gotten up to get the fuck away from the priest yet. He asked a question and she looked over at him, her face red, obvious that she was exhausted and her eyes were the give away, she was fairly close to the emotions, but keeping a tight reign on them.
"No, not bones. The body wasn't.....," Angelica swallowed and shoved a hand through her hair roughly," The kid wasn't finished decomposing yet, couldn't have been here much longer than Helena from what I could tell."
She stated quietly, shaking her head and looking at her feet, too strong to let herself look at the priest or feel the emotion, trying to keep a clamp on everything.
Crossing himself, he wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. Companionably. He was here if she wanted, it was obvious she needed. Taking a deep uneven breath, he nodded though it was mostly to himself and tried not to respond overly emotionally. Something like this though...there was no way not to respond emotionally unless a person was a sociopath or something. And Alex knew that despite whatever Angelica thought of herself or others thought of her, she was a far cry from a sociopath.
"Did you and Clay bury him?" he asked, voice rough. It wasn't that he was upset with her, he wasn't at all, it was just the emotion coming through and he couldn't quite stop it, it was getting too dark now to attempt it with the Laughers.
Angelica was so focused on trying to keep herself under control that she didn't think to shove his arm off of her. She couldn't think. All she could think about was the fact that that little kid, that little boy was dead! He'd been hung from that fucking tree by his sheet, and it was a Spiderman sheet! IN her mind, Angelica could imagine that Spiderman was probably the little boy's favorite super hero. She could imagine a possible bedtime routine. All kids had that routine, they had their dinner, they watched some TV, they had to brush their teeth, and then they went to bed. Angelica had to wonder if she was right about his age. He seemed around ten because of the size, and she guessed boy, she wasn't about to check. She assumed boy because of the sheets, and really, she was going to settle on that. The redheaded woman had to wonder what the little boy's name was, and if he'd woken up in the same field that the rest of them had. Had he wandered off and hung himself? Had someone else found him and hanged him to put him out of his misery? That wasn't even human to her, she just, she couldn't even fathom it. After a moment she actually leaned into the priest, a few tears falling from her blue eyes.
She gave a small snort.
"Yeah, after we fought."
She muttered, rubbing at her eyes and sucking in a breath. It was a kid for fucks sake! She just, there was something about it that hit her. If this had happened to her, or it had happened to some kid that she knew. She wasn't heartless, and she had emotion, even if she wished she didn't. Honestly, Angelica had powerful emotions, her anger was a perfect example of that. She didn't know why she was trusting the priest or leaning into him, but there was just a need for human comfort right now, and he was offering it...
Nodding to himself, he rubbed her arm and back lightly, then sighed, his entire body shuddering. He and Cross hadn't been able to bury the four they found today. Not like the child she had, their had been bones, but there had been children in the group too. "Could you show me where soon?" he asked. He would prefer tomorrow as soon as possible, but if she couldn't, if it was too hard, then he would wait, "I'd like to say a few words." He had said some for the nameless people they had encountered today as well. "I know he appreciates what you have done for him though. Jewish people...they say that taking care of a deceased person is the greatest mitzvah a person can do...because it can never be repaid. And I think...I think they might be right."
Angelica could remember nights when she'd have bad dreams, her dad would rub her back almost like Alex was now. It was something that generally calmed her. That didn't mean she felt much better yet. Sure, she saw murdered people, among many other things, but this, this wasn't something she could separate from. She was in the same damn boat and it was a lot more personal than it had ever been before. She couldn't just pretend the body wasn't a person, not that she'd done that, but it was harder to look at this from a third person view, and not a personal one. Angelica still had tears falling, rolling over her bottom lashes and down her cheeks. God, she felt so stupid and emotional, but it really was something that was hitting her, you couldn't be human and not get upset over something like this.
"Yeah," She cleared her throat, wiping at her eyes, trying to force a clamp back down on everything, to be in control," The kid had a...er...a stuffed bunny rabbit, left it there as a sort of marker with some sticks."
She told him, breathing in through her nose, and a sniffle sounding, though she didn't particularly like the idea of being so damn emotional, especially in front of someone.
"Fucking.....the kid was hanging by some Spiderman sheets from a god damned tree!"
She growled out, her hands in her hair, frustrated.
"It can't have been an accident, and that's what fucking....."
She shook her head and sucked in a breath, turning to look at him.
"Yeah? Well, it doesn't feel too great to me, but awesome."
She stated a mite sarcastically, but not all that much bite behind it, her eyes focused moreso on the ground.
The more she told him, the more he didn't want to hear it. He didn't stop her though. She needed to say it. To tell someone and he had asked. And he did care, both for her and the child. For everyone. He cared too much at times, but it was part of why he was a priest. It was both a curse and a blessing sometimes. Like now. "No...it never really does," he agreed. There was nothing really to say about the rabbit or bed sheets.
"I don't think we're alone here," he finally said after a long pause, "Cross and I...we found skeletons. Bones. That's why I asked. Old...they had been gnawed on. And the teeth marks looked human," not that Alex was an expert, but his oldest niece had gone through a biting phase and no one and nothing had been immune. She'd left teeth marks everywhere it seemed and while these didn't match her baby bite, it was similar enough. "I don't know if the others came and left, died, whatever...but...it's hard to deny there was someone and fairly recently."
Angelica breathed slowly, in and then out. She felt like such a wimp at the moment, she hadn't been this emotional in a long time. She wasn't an emotional person generally, other than letting out her anger, which was her only outlet normally, that's why she fought, and yelled. Those came easier to her. Growing up with her dad had made her put a clamp on a lot of her emotions. Alex was still here and listening too, and she wasn't quite sure why either. Angelica was quiet as he spoke, and though it might have been good nose at another time, this wasn't. She couldn't help but think that was a bad thing, especially from what they'd both seen so far.
"Not exactly the most comforting thought."
She stated quietly, turning her face towards him and pushing her hair all the way out of the way so that she could see him better. Her bottom lip was split and she had a nice bruise on her cheek, but she wasn't much worse for the wear, she'd definitely felt worse.
"That's two things, point towards us not being here alone, that's for damn sure. That.....that kid.....couldn't have done that, and bones being chomped on....not exactly normal every day shit."
She stated in a forced calm, licking her lips.
"But if we're not the only ones here, where the fuck are they?"
She asked, being more rhetorical than asking him, sighing. This was great.
"Bodes well for all of us, eh, man?"
He nodded thoughtfully, "I...don't want to worry every one needlessly. But yes...where are they? Or what? More questions than answers right now," turning towards her slightly he looked at her with sad eyes, "Feeling any better?" not perfect or great, but at least better than earlier. Or perhaps he just changed her grief to another emotion. With Angelica, he wasn't entirely sure, but he knew she was passionate about life. She had to be to feel so strongly about everything. Shifting slightly, he hugged her tightly. She needed a hug. He needed a hug. And He wasn't ashamed to give or receive one.
Angelica didn't want to have to worry about everyone, it wasn't a good thing. Especially now. There were so many of them and none of them knew one another, it was hard to tell what they'd have to do, but they did have to watch one another's backs, that much Angelica was certain about. None of them knew what was going on here and none of them knew what to expect. Even if they didn't like one another, they all had to figure out a way to live among one another, it was the only safe option.
"Kind of late for that, but I haven't told anyone but you yet."
Angelica mumbled. Her mind was already in action, she needed to think it through.
"If they're out there they're a threat, but we don't know anything for sure."
She stated, sighing. She was definitely done blubbering. He asked her if she felt better. She thought for a second and shrugged.
"I'll live either way."
She stated, and sucked in a breath, clamping things down completely again. Angelica didn't react at first to the hug, tensing up. She wasn't used to hugs so much anymore, but after a second, she brought up her arms, hugging him back tightly. She wasn't completely emotionally stunted, and even if she was sore, the reassurance of another human being definitely wasn't a bad thing right now.
"You're tough," Alex agreed, releasing her, "but you're not made of stone. Sometimes...it helps to tell someone else. And I won't tell anyone," he promised. Not because he thought Angelica would kick his butt, though he had no doubt that she could do that, but because religious or not, this was her confession. Saving a soul was good, nurturing and helping it was better. And Angelica he was sure, could save herself or her soul or anything else she put her mind to. Nurturing though? She needed some help.
Angelica snorted at his comment, it was honestly a given, really.
"I know you won't, I'd kick your ass and you're a priest, counseling people is what you do half the time isn't it?"
She asked, though it was obvious that she didn't really need the answer. It was obvious that she wasn't made of snow, though. The woman was definitely flesh and bone, even if she tried to make herself seem made of stronger stuff than that. Angelica didn't like having help, but she'd needed it in this instance. She still didn't know what she was doing, honestly. Or what she was going to do. She wasn't in her element anymore.
"About," he agreed. He actually did less counseling and more hearing confession and visiting the sick and whatnot. He was always out and about in the community. When he had more experience and more skill, he would do more counseling, though it would probably never be something he wanted to solely. There was a reason he hadn't become a psychologist or whatever. Rubbing her arm again, Alex stood, "I'll see you later?" he asked. She still had a lot to think about...but at this now she had a focus and direction.