Helena Chu (lostchu) wrote in thefield, @ 2009-08-19 18:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | analiese, helena, z - 1st tribe - day 33 |
My Day's Called Relax
Who: Helena and Analiese
When: Mid Morning,
What: Talking it out
Where: On the beach, talking it out.
Rating: PG most likely!
Helena felt languid from the moment she'd woken up. She'd spared a few minty kisses for her honey before they had gone their separate ways after breakfast. She was in no hurry to get anywhere or do anything and so, after taking the State of the Union with her two fellow council members, both of whom looked tense and unhappy to her, she'd peeled away from camp. Not far, though. She'd taken her freshly filled water bottle and eased herself down into the sand directly in front of camp on the beach. The breeze was lovely and even the occasional sprinkle of rain was welcome. Helena felt like she'd need to stay visible and in one place today. While a couple of people seemed to be in the same rubbery state of bliss that she was, most were hunched and avoiding the eyes of everyone around them. She had a sense that some people would need a confidant today and so she planned to relax and make herself available.
Analiese felt unwell both physically and mentally today. She wasn't sure if it was the cold water in the spring or being out in the hot sun for quite a while the day before, but she'd awakened shivery and slightly achy. She'd actually skipped breakfast in favor of staying in her bedroll, not really feeling like talking to anyone... plus she could avoid seeing Aaron that way. He probably didn't want to see her any more than she wanted to see him, she thought. She certainly wasn't blaming him for anything, because she'd been equally as enthusiastic about what they'd done. It was just awkward. Finally she got up, crept off into the brush to take care of personal needs and then wandered back to camp and down toward the beach, her cardigan sweater wrapped tightly around herself.
She spotted Helena sitting near the water's edge and plodded over to join her; Helena was one of the few people here that she'd be willing to talk to right now. "Mornin'," she said, easing herself down into a seated position on the sand.
Helena looked up as Analiese's shadow fell over her body and shaded her eyes with her hand. "Morning Analiese," she said with an easy smile. She hadn't expected the pretty blonde to be the first one who came to seek her out and that brought the hint of a frown line between her brows. "Are you alright?" She didn't like the way that the younger woman was clutching her sweater around her body. It occurred to Helena that perhaps some of the experiences that people had had the day before might have been much less enjoyable than he own.
"I think I'm comin' down with something," Analiese said softly. She hadn't come down here to whine, and she realized she probably should have stuck to her own company for a while longer as she felt her eyes fill. She kept her gaze down on the sand, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. "I'll be okay." She was just uncomfortably chilly and experiencing a heavy dose of oh, my God, why did I do that? What is the matter with me? Knowing intellectually that it was the pollen didn't make her feel any better, really.
Helena cocked her head as she looked at the girl. "Are you sure? You look really upset." Everyone was fully aware of the nature of what happened to them the day before. The after effects of the day of pollen were still lingering and she could tell, much worse for some than it was for her. "Are you hurt or anything?" she asked, dropping her voice low. "Did anyone hurt you, Ana?" She was concerned and she knew they weren't really capable of handling the side effects of a rape. Aside from supporting the girl through that sort of damage, there was just nothing to be done for it.
"No!" Analiese was surprised that Helena had come to that kind of conclusion. "No, it wasn't nothin' like that. I just--" Her breath hitched, and the moisture that had gathered in her eyes spilled over despite her best efforts. "--feel really st-stupid." She dragged one of the long cardigan sleeves across her face. "Nobody made me do anything," she added with a shrug and a rueful smile that looked forced. "I knew I'd regret it later, and I did it anyway." And then she and Aaron had gone in separate directions like scalded dogs, as her Gram had often said.
Helena almost asked her what, exactly, she had done but she realized how foolish that was without actually letting the question slip. "Oh, sweetie," she said instead and sat up enough to place one thin arm around the blonde's shoulders. "I'm sorry you don't feel well about yesterday. I'm sure that none of our guys, whoever it was, will think badly of you for it." Several people seemed to be behaving evasively today. She'd noticed that, but she'd also figured it would be as big of a shamefest since most people hadn't been as securely matched up as she was.
"I've never, ever done anything like that before," Analiese said. "I just... can't believe that some stuff from plants could make me drop my drawers for a guy I barely know, no matter how cute he is!" She looked around almost guiltily after she'd said that, not wanting to be overheard. It had taken her first lover a long, long time to talk her into sex, and she'd felt a bit guilty about it even then... and she'd stripped off her clothes and climbed on top of Aaron with very little coaxing. Damned pollen.
Helena's expression was reserved and sympathetic. It was plain to see that the poor younger girl was really tearing herself up about it. "Honey, try not to think badly of yourself. It's...well, it seems to me that everyone found themselves in situations like that. I mean..." she shook her head and dropped the volume of her own voice. "If I hadn't already had a relationship with someone here, I probably would have done the same thing and that is not the way I normally behave. It was just one of those freakish situations. And now...well, we know about the pollen from these plants now." What good knowing would do them in the future, she wasn't entirely sure. She wasn't entirely convinced that they would be able to block it from being absorbed by everyone even with the meeting hall being built.
"Now we know about it, so we'll be prepared to have random sex with people next time?" Analiese queried. She tried not to sound strident or harsh, because she knew none of this was Helena's fault. She was just frustrated and chilled and achy and embarrassed. "God Almighty," she sighed, in a tone that might have been a prayer. "'Least I don't think I'll end up pregnant. I'm supposed to get my period in a couple of days... I can feel it comin' on already." She frowned; while she was pleased that a period would mean she wasn't pregnant, she wasn't sure how to handle it here. "What do y'all do when you start to bleed?" she asked. "I mean, all I have's this one pair of pants, and I don't want to ruin 'em."
Helena frowned at the slight bite in Analiese's retort. "Well, I don't know what we'll do," she murmured. "Maybe resist because we'll be more cognizant of what's happening." She shrugged. "I have Cross's old cotton t-shirt. I cut it into strips for us girls to use. I didn't get too much out of it because the thing was holey already but I can give you some. You'll just have to take it easy and wash them frequently." She didn't know if Thorne had much to manage cramps or any of the other lovely side effects of menstruation, but the rags she could manage at least.
If it was anything like this time had been, Analiese didn't know if she could resist, but she decided not to say that. She decided to try to put it out of her mind and not worry about something she couldn't do anything about anyway. "Maybe," she murmured softly, pulling her sweater more tightly around her as a shudder ran through her. Perhaps she should go lay back down soon, she thought. She really didn't feel terrific. "Thanks," she said at Helena's offer of rags to use. "That'll help." She'd give a lot for some Playtex tampons right about then, but she didn't suppose that was going to be happening.
Helena nodded and murmured an acknowledgment, suddenly not really sure what else to say. Ana seemed determined to chew herself up about what had happened and there was nothing Helena could do to help that. Either the girl would have to accept it or forget it because what was done was done. "You get used to them," she offered, feeling a little useless in this whole conversation.
"I hope so," Analiese said, summoning a smile. She was becoming increasingly aware that she wasn't good company right now, and she should probably remove herself from the general population for another hour or two. She tucked her hair behind her ears and added, "I really think I'm gettin' a cold or something. I'm gonna get back in my bedroll for a while." The blonde began getting to her feet with a sigh.
Helena nodded. "Alright. Rest and feel better." She didn't get up from where she was relaxing on the sand. In fact, she laid back and wiggled a little bit to get more comfortable. She felt uneasy that she hadn't been able to give Analiese any more comfort with her situation but sometimes people just had to work things out on their own.
"Thank you," Analiese said once she'd gotten to her feet. "See you later." She almost wanted to apologize for being cranky and snappy, but that might make it worse. She wasn't sure. At least Helena didn't seem like the type to hold it against her. She managed another smile that looked a bit wavery and then turned to make her way back across the sand to where she'd left her comforter and pillow. A short while of burying herself inside it and hiding from the world seemed like exactly what she needed right now.