Bazzer finally gets some, but it's not what he thought.
Who: Kenneth and Bazzer What: Pollen affected Where: a bit away from the tannery When: Immediately after Helena and Kenneth Rating: NC-17
Kenneth had left Helena at the spring and went in search of Bazzer. Avoiding him wasn't really going to solve anything and maybe this was just the push he'd needed to get over the last of his nerves. He took a quick bath, brushed his teeth and then, still feeling more nervous than anything, went to find Bazzer.
It didn't take long to find Bazzer outside his tannery. As Kenneth approached, he didn't feel the clench of his gut that he'd expected. "Hey," he murmured softly when he saw Bazzer.
"Hey!" Bazzer turned, a huge smile on his face. He hadn't expected to see Kenneth today, though he had been thinking about him. The pollen was terrible and he had been sneezing terribly. "How're you? This is unexpected!" As if on cue, he sneezed, but his smile barely wavered as he pushed his glasses back up on his nose. He rarely saw Kenneth during the day what with keeping their relationship quiet and their different responsibilities. Looking around, Bazzer wondered if it would be okay to kiss him or not.
Kenneth wasn't so affected that he hadn't taken care to make sure no one else was around. Everyone was really sort of busy with other things. Taking Bazzer's hand, Kenneth pulled him into the low lying bushes. He sat down and tugged Bazzer into his lap, his arms going around the other man's waist. "Uh...so it is um...is it affecting you anything more than the sneezing?"
"Um..." Bazzer blushed, making himself more comfortable in Kenneth's lap, one arm idly playing with his hair, "You mean like...this?" asked, kissing Kenneth's jaw. There was no one around and he was in Kenneth's lap, it was safe. He had long since learned to let Kenneth take the lead in these sorts of things.
With a soft shiver, Kenneth nodded. "Yeah...like that." Sliding his hand up into Bazzer's hair, Kenneth pulled him into a kiss that was immediately intense and hard and deep. Using the grip in his hair, he pulled gently, baring Bazzer's neck and attacking it with soft, biting kisses.
Making a noise low in his throat, Bazzer pushed against Kenneth until they were laying down, kissing and nipping at each other's skin. Shifting slightly, Bazzer reached down, sliding his hand below the waist band of Kenneth's pants, teasing him. Normally, Bazzer kept his hands above Kenneth's waist, knowing how uncomfortable it made him, but he didn't care right now. He'd been daydreaming about Kenneth all day and he wanted him now! "Fuck me," he whispered, desperate now that Kenneth was actually here.
Kenneth reached for Bazzer's wrists, pinning them to the ground as he looked down at him, desire warring with a fear that wasn't fully eclipsed by the pollen he was inhaling. He was hard as he rocked his hips down against Bazzer's, feeling Bazzer's erection in response. "Fuck..." he groaned softly, already moving in a slow, stuttered rhythm. "Not sure how..." he admitted quietly.
It took every ounce of willpower Bazzer had not to come back with a smartass retort. "You're asking me?" he finally managed, "You've at least had sex!" but Kenneth did have a point. Lube was needed. Something was needed anyways. He did not want to get hurt his first time having sex! Kissing Ken, he thought about it as best he could with Kenneth on top of him and their bodies automatically responding, "Spit?" he finally suggested.
"With women." It wasn't the same thing and Kenneth knew that even if Bazzer didn't. He knew enough to know that spit wasn't a good lubricant and that there was something here that worked. He'd heard Thorne talking about it, but if they did that...there was no going back. "Orange flowers," he muttered, eyes never leaving Bazzer's face. "You see anything like that around here?" He wasn't really going to fuck Bazzer was he? As much as he normally would have said no, it appeared that his libido and body had a different idea.
Bazzer was certainly not saying no! He wanted it as much as Kenneth and had been getting precious little work done while he had been thinking about it, "Orange flowers?" he repeated, turning to look as he be could. "Over there?" there was a small clump of orange flowers at the edge of the small clearing that housed the tannery. He wasn't sure though what exactly they were for or why Kenneth wanted them right now. "Why?"
Kenneth groaned and moved away enough to grab a handful of the tiny plump leaves. "Oil," he murmured, "heard the doc talking about it." He looked at the leaves in his hand and set them down on a rock next to Bazzer's shoulder. Kenneth swallowed hard as his hand slid down Bazzer's chest to rest at his hip. Part of him wanted to take this slow, savor it, but the rest of him was being driven by the insane need and lowered inhibitions.
As Kenneth went to collect the leaves, Bazzer sat up and pulled his clothes off, throwing them in a pile to one side. Ah, oil. That made sense, but Bazzer was still avoiding Thorne except when he had to. It was petty and childish, but he didn't want another fight if he could avoid it. They had no problems simply being civil around the campfire. "Do we crush it then?" he asked, hands undoing Kenneth's fly once he had returned with the leaves. He knew intelectually that this was probably going to hurt, but he didn't care. He needed Kenneth now.
Exhaling sharply, Kenneth reached for Bazzer's wrist once again, moving it away from his pants. "Tiger...slow down." Already Kenneth could feel the edge of fear that was starting to overcome the affects of the pollen and his resulting desire. "Just...slow down." He knew Bazzer wanted this and was more than ready and hell, he did to, but it had to be on his terms. That was the only way Kenneth could keep the impending sense of panic over the possibility of being "caught" at bay. He swallowed again, "Please," had added quietly.
Taking a few deep breaths, Bazzer nodded, slowing down was hard. He was all revved up and ready to go, "Slow. Right," he repeated as if that would help slow things down. It didn't, his heart was still beating as if he were running a race, "Define slow, Ken," he asked, fingers now playing with his shirt instead. "Because I think 30 years is damn slow myself."
Kenneth moved away and did his pants up, sitting up and shaking his head. "It's not that fucking easy...I wish to fuck it was, but it's not for me. I'm sorry...but. I can't. It's too much pressure and too damn fast." He raked both hands over his head, lacing them behind his neck and exhaling forcefully.
"Fuck..." it was almost a whine as Bazzer sat up and pulled his shirt back on. He scooted closer to Ken, close enough to touch without being in his lap or anything. Gently, he rubbed the older man's foot and leg, trying his hardest not to feel rejected, "Okay, okay. Slower," he ran a hand through his hair and pushed his glasses back up his nose again, "I am hornier than a damn teenager and you want slower. You must have blue balls of steel," he said, annoyed. It might be the pollen, but he was practically aching with need. "Sorry. Sorry. Just...." he trailed off, "It's all I'm thinking about. All I have been thinking about today. You. Me. Together and I didn't think you would, and you came and we were and now....I'm frustrated as fuck."
Covering Bazzer's hand with his own, Kenneth squeezed it gently. "I know and I know you've been waiting for this for a long time and I have camo balls of steel. Spend long enough repressing something and actually letting go long enough to experience it isn't always easy." He turned to Bazzer and slid a hand along his jaw, pulling him into another kiss. "There's more to sex than fucking," he added quietly, lips barely moving against Bazzer's. Gently he eased him back down, a little more at ease than he had been with the kissing to naked to fucking in under two minutes.
Tugging at Kenneth's shirt, Bazzer pulled it up and off. That sort of left them equally dressed, Kenneth in his pants and Bazzer in his shirt. "Yeah, yeah, love or whatever," he replied, still annoyed, but less so now that something was happening again, "It's not that different. Tab A into slot B. Just...without the boobs," it was obvious that Bazzer had never actually had sex of any sort when he made comments like these, but he had read about sex plenty. It wasn't the same thing. He did like the kissing though, "I don't have balls of steel," he whispered, reaching down between them to stroke himself.
"No...I meant more to sex than actual fucking...hands. Mouths. More than just about getting off." Kenneth shook his head and sighed softly, "Then maybe it's something you'd rather do on your own," he added as he felt Bazzer's hand closing over his own dick. "And if all this means to you is tab a and slot b...maybe you'd prefer to find someone else because it means a fuck of a lot more to me than just that."
"No..." Bazzer groaned and closed his eyes, releasing himself, "That's not what I meant. Alright. Teach me. Show me. Your pace. Your rules. Just...don't go away, okay?" he felt like he was begging, but he didn't know what else to do. Kenneth meant to much to him to just ignore how he felt, "I know what my hand feels like. I want to know more than that," he whispered, kissing Kenneth's jaw lightly, "Make love with me."
Kenneth kissed his chin then down Bazzer's throat, "You're forcing it...just relax and let it happen." His tongue slid over the throb of Bazzer's pulse as Kenneth moved so that their bodies were more aligned, his legs staggered with Bazzer's, both of them half on their sides. It wasn't that Kenneth always had to be in control when it came to sex, God knew he'd known his fair share of incredibly strong women he was more than willing to take more of a backseat approach with, but this time, this first time with a man, he was almost more scared than he was aroused. It wasn't that he didn't want Bazzer, he did, it just needed to be slow, not like two teenagers on a sofa with parents upstairs racing to finish before they were discovered.
His hand skimmed down Bazzer's side again, resting on his hip as Kenneth rocked slowly against him. Kissing his way back up Bazzer's throat, Kenneth caught his mouth in another kiss as his hand moved to Bazzer's ass.
Making a noise of pleasure in the back of his throat, Bazzer tried to kiss back, but ended up only running his hands lightly over Kenneth's skin, feeling the taunt muscles in his back and side. Over his ribs and lightly encircling his still covered ass, but not lingering there. It did feel good, and Bazzer was sure he could identify Kenneth blindfolded just from how he felt in his hands, but it wasn't something that he ever thought he'd get tired of. "Glasses," he whispered, reaching up to take them off and place them somewhere safer. He knew Kenneth would move them if they needed to be moved, they couldn't risk them breaking. Shifting to allow Kenneth better access to his ass, he pushed against him a little, kissing the older man's neck and jaw.
Running his hand over Bazzer's ass and down the back of his thigh, Kenneth pulled Bazzer's leg up over his hip. As similar as it was to being with a woman, it was also completely foreign. Bazzer's body was harder, leaner, and there was a hard cock pressing into his hip. Kenneth's fingers trembled just slightly as his hand slid between their bodies and curled lightly around Bazzer's cock. His thumb circled the head as Kenneth stroked him slowly, trying to just get a feel for what it was like to touch another man. It felt fantastic as his heart started racing, pulse pounding in his ears.
When Kenneth touched him, Bazzer's breath caught in his throat and slowly he breathed out and relaxed. He was used to touching himself, but Kenneth was someone else and he was not used to that at all. It felt different, better, though that could possibly be more from the newness of it all. "God," Bazzer breathed, hips hitching, "That feels..." he didn't finish the sentence as he reached down to squeeze Kenneth's ass and then slid back up, pinching his nipples playfully, tugging on them. Kenneth felt right like this, and Bazzer was afraid he would come now from the little he was doing.
Kenneth flinched away from the pinching, even though it felt unexpectedly good, he hadn't quite been prepared for it. He was so focused on Bazzer that the feeling of Bazzer's hands on him was distracting. His grip firmed as he started to relax, some of the tension that was keeping his body almost rigid started to fade, but he was clearly still tense. Kenneth's cheek slid along Bazzer's as he held him tighter, their chests pressed together, but the fabric of Bazzer's shirt was in the way. "Shirt off?"
Without a word, Bazzer wiggled enough to get his sweatshirt off, grateful that they had made it this far. He wasn't sure how much of this was foreplay and how much was Kenneth being scared and he didn't know how to deal with it at all. Maybe it he had more experience with sex, but he didn't and was almost more confused now than when they had started, though he loved what Kenneth was doing to his dick. "Better?" he asked once it was off. Now he was totally naked and Kenneth still had his pants, but Bazzer wasn't going to push the issue. One step at a time. With a slight smile, Bazzer traced the lines of Kenneth's face with his fingers, his jaw and cheekbones, his nose and forehead and chin.
That touch actually did more to calm Kenneth than anything else had. He closed his eyes and sighed softly, the touch on Bazzer's cock gaining more confidence as he pulled him closer so they were skin to skin. "Yeah. Much." He nuzzled gently at Bazzer's face, kissing him softly, then with more heat. Kenneth knew vaguely what had to happen there was oil and fingers and prepping...he'd seen it on porn before and there were always jokes. First though, there was getting out of his pants, which although he'd been naked around Bazzer before, it was different this time.
Bazzer could hear the fabric as Kenneth worked on it and a slightly smile graced his features, "You don't have to...if you don't want to," he murmured, though he very much wanted him to! "Can't see you, you know. If that's what you're worried about," he reminded Kenneth. Without his glasses he couldn't make out Kenneth's features, it was all just a blur. He stroked Kenneth's chest, twirling his fingers lightly though the hairs on his chest. He had seen Kenneth naked and clearly before, with his glasses on, but he thought that perhaps this time it would be better if he couldn't, for Kenneth's sake.
Kenneth smiled, "I know you can't...not you I'm worried about." It was being caught naked with another man as there was really no way to explain that and the lingering, brainwashed fear that getting caught would get him kicked out of the Corps at best...killed at worst. He slid out of his pants and gathered Bazzer in his arms. His ears strained to hear any sound of someone approaching, although what he'd do if that happened, Kenneth wasn't sure. He crushed a few of the leaves between his thumb and fingers and was surprised by the gush of oil that coated them. Kissing Bazzer deeply, Kenneth reached down between his lover's legs and probed gently for the sensitive puckered skin before rubbing oiled fingers over it slowly.
When Kenneth touched him, Bazzer tensed, his breath catching in his throat. He'd never been touched there and the intensity of the feeling surprised him along with the warmth of Kenneth's hands and the coolness of the oil. It definitely felt weird, hot and cool and very, very slick. After a minute or two he relaxed into it, enjoying the sensations instead of trying to catalog them, "That feels...really, really weird," he said, though he was grinning, "Don't stop," weird, but enjoyable.
Pausing, Kenneth looked down at him, confusion evident on his face. "Are you sure? I'm fairly sure weird is not the sensation we're shooting for." At least it wasn't with women...was it supposed to be that way with men? He had no clue at all, maybe it was, but he doubted it. With his lower lip caught between his teeth, Kenneth very gently pressed one finger into Bazzer, wondering if that would change it from weird to good...or something even better.
"Shooting," Bazzer snickered, his mind firmly in the gutter. "It's okay. Just...I've never done this before. So it's all new. At least you have some basis of comparison," that was the end of any proper thinking for the moment though as Kenneth entered him, just a finger but it might as well have been something much larger. Again, he tensed, his body automatically trying to expel the intruder until he could relax again. Groaning, he shivered, "Fuck that hurt at first, but now it feels good. Damn, if I had known it felt like this..." he reached down to stroke himself for a moment then slid his hand along their bodies until he could touch Kenneth. His touch was hesitant at the base of his dick, feeling the coarse hairs. "Yeah..."
"It's not really anything alike," Kenneth admitted. He could feel Bazzer clamp down and paused, after all, it wasn't like he hadn't his own number of exams from Marine doctors, many of whom could be somewhat lacking in patience and bedside manner. "You okay," he asked quietly, "Shouldn't hurt that..." Kenneth's words cut off as he felt Bazzer's hand against his cock. There was a small part of Kenneth's brain that was stuck on the idea that another man was touching him and a larger part was devoted to reminding himself that they were safe here. "..much," he finished with a soft groan. "Not so light," he murmured against Bazzer's ear, "tickles."
Taking that as an invitation, Bazzer tightened his grip so that it was firmer. Not so tight as to hurt, but definitely not so light that it tickled. He rubbed the underside with his thumb, feeling the veins, "Doesn't hurt now," he murmured, eyes closed, luxuriating in the sensations between his legs and inside his body. It wasn't enough to bring him to climax, but it was keeping him on edge quite nicely. "More?" he asked, pushing himself into Kenneth's hand. He hadn't been expecting the first finger, hadn't been able to see it to mentally prepare for it. This time, he wanted a little more control. One thing he was certain of though, he was grateful for those oily leaves and for Kenneth's foresight in preparing him. If they had gone all out like Bazzer had assumed, it would have been horrible.
Rocking lightly against Bazzer's hand, Kenneth nodded, his heart pounding in his chest. He felt like he'd been running for miles the way he was breathing, or like he was a teenager again with Shannon, everything new and wonderful and intense. Pulling back, he added a second finger, pushing them both back into Bazzer with slow, gentle motions. He rubbed his cheek against Bazzer's again then pulled back so they were forehead to forehead, Kenneth's eyes half closed. "You feel hot," he whispered, fucking Bazzer oh so slowly as he moved against him. Kenneth couldn't even imagine what it was going to feel like, definitely different than with a woman even if the difference was mostly mental. "Okay?"
Nuzzling Kenneth and kissing his nose, Bazzer rocked gently in time with Kenneth's hand, "Good hot or bad hot?" he felt damn good, not feverish at all, "And I love....fuck this feels amazing," he had definitely been missing out, he decided, though he was surprised he liked it as much as he did. Somehow, he hadn't expected being penetrated like this would feel so good. He was glad he was wrong. Bazzer shifted, moving one leg so that he could play with Kenneth and himself better. Their cocks were rubbing against each other lightly, and he stroked them both together.
"Too much," Kenneth groaned softly, shifting away from Bazzer's hand, the stimulation of feeling Bazzer's cock against his, his lover's hand as more than he could process. Resting his forehead on Bazzer's shoulder, Kenneth twisted his fingers, moving them just a bit faster as he nuzzled and nipped at Bazzer's throat and shoulder. "Good hot. Really good hot," he added. Kenneth slid his fingers free and guided Bazzer onto his back. "There's...something I've always wanted to do," he murmured against Bazzer's neck then slid down, kissing Bazzer's chest and down his belly. Kenneth couldn't remember the last time he had such a nervous butterfly wing feeling in his stomach as he did at that moment.
"Yeah?" he asked, curiously, laying back comfortably, his hard cock laying on his stomach and pointing at his bellybutton. "Your wish, my command, all that," he was nervous about what it was, not because he thought Kenneth would hurt him, but because this was Kenneth. The marine who had never been with another man and barely even acknowledged his preferences except in private...or under the influences of the pollen. Bazzer certainly did not want to discourage him though. He wanted to encourage heavily, because if this was just a couple of fingers and kissing, actually having sex was going to be mindblowingly amazing. It was hard not to wiggle or beg in anticipation.
Kenneth laughed warmly, "Yes, you always follow commands," he teased, relaxing even more. He licked across Bazzer's stomach then the tip of his cock. So, maybe it was weird to fantasize about sucking a guy's dick, but Kenneth had been for years. He'd figured getting his own sucked wouldn't be much different, but a cock was definitely different than a pussy in terms of giving. Sucking the tip into his mouth, Kenneth slid two finger back inside Bazzer's ass and fucked him slowly. The taste was different than he'd expected, nothing like a woman, which in some ways was good. Slowly, he took more into his mouth, trying to figure out where his tongue went and being careful not to use teeth.
"Oh fucking god," Bazzer began, then clamped a hand over his mouth. That was all they needed, to have someone hear him yell or worse...get the priest's attention. Kenneth's mouth on him though was amazing and he instinctively brought his knees up to give Kenneth better access to his ass. This was nothing like fucking a woman, not at all. Not even vaguely. "Holy shit..." he started up again, but this time he kept his voice down, "Ugh...right...harder...there! Yes!" he didn't know what it was that Kenneth was doing, but whatever it was, he did not want it to stop. Ever.
That responsiveness was just amazing and Kenneth revelled in it as he moved Bazzer deeper into his mouth and started moving slowly, matching the rhythm of his mouth with that of the fingers inside him. The tip of his tongue traced along the slit then slid along the underside of Bazzer's cock. Kenneth's other hand rested on Bazzer's belly then slid up to his chest as Kenneth moved onto his knees and started moving faster, his own confidence building with Bazzer's reactions.
That was enough for Bazzer. Without warning, his face scrunched up and his cock jumped, ropey strings of come spurting from his dick. He was too caught up in his climax to worry at all that Kenneth might be inadvertently having to swallow or getting it on him. He hadn't expected to come now, but he had and he lay there, breathing heavily for a moment until he pulled his legs back farther, "Damn," he said with a smile, staring at Kenneth's blurry form and blinking rapidly. Now that was something!
Not expecting to have no warning, Kenneth was more than a little startled as Bazzer was suddenly coming into his mouth. His fingers pulled free abruptly, but he was smart enough not to pull back and get a face full of come. He paused, waiting until Bazzer had settled before pulling off and spitting a mouthful of come onto the ground, not entirely sure what else to do and definitely not ready to swallow the thick, bitter fluid. Wiping his mouth with the back of one hand, Kenneth inhaled slowly then looked up at Bazzer with a bit of a smile on his face. Worth it. Totally worth it. He kissed Bazzer's thigh then moved so they were side by side again, his hand on Bazzer's belly.
"Sorry," he said, nuzzling into Kenneth's neck and kissing his earlobe, "Didn't mean to..." well, if he was being honest he was sort of surprised that he lasted as long as he had. Kenneth's ministrations were brutally pleasurable. Much more so than his hand had ever been. "For the first time you are a natural," he added, hand sliding down his belly to Kenneth's still hard member. "You're not done yet..." he added, getting up and kissing the tip of Kenneth's slit. "I want you inside me."
"I'm not sure if I'm a natural...or you're just a first timer," he teased, but when Bazzer touched him, Kenneth flinched again and when he felt Bazzer's mouth on his dick, Kenneth shifted away before he could think. "I...slower...fuck, I'm sorry, but it's just too much too soon." He hugged Bazzer against him and just held onto him, waiting for his breathing to slow and his body to relax. "I know you want everything now...I can't do that...even with whatever this pollen is doing to us. I can't do everything at once."
It was hard to hide the crestfallen look on his face as Bazzer withdrew, "You just gave me the best orgasm of my life and started something I have wanted for a long time and now you say you can't finish it?" he asked, trying not to sound put-out and failing. "I know this is hard for you but...I want you to like it too...I don't want you to go off and jack off now like you're ashamed and we did not just start something. I'm not ashamed. I'm not going to go screaming from the rooftops that you fucked me...but damn it, Ken. Fuck me," he straddled Ken's abdomen without touching his cock and kissed his lover on the lips, "You can do this. I want you to."
Kenneth immediately rolled Bazzer off him and reached for his pants. "I'm not going to go fucking jack off, but would you stop pushing, pushing, pushing. I told you I needed you to go slow. I told you I needed time and that this was going to be fucking hard for me. Why can't you just enjoy what I can give you instead of demanding more?" He shoved his feet into his pants and pulled them up, confused and hurt and upset by Bazzer's response and his lover's inability to respect his limits. "I'm not fucking ashamed, but that doesn't mean I'm fucking ready."
"Fine!" Bazzer sat up and felt for his glasses, they blended in well with the ground, but he was not about to ask for them right now, "Don't you put this all on me. I want you to be happy. I want you to enjoy yourself as much as I am, that's not a crime. And pollen or not, you would enjoy this. I'm trying to go slow. I am. I don't tell anyone, I learned your sneaky techniques so no one would know. I want nothing more than to scream from the damn rooftops how happy you make me! But damn you can frustrate the hell out me too." Where were his bloody glasses?!
Bending, Kenneth picked them up carefully and handed them to Bazzer. "No means no, Sebastian. And I said no and I expect that to be respected. I told you upfront that this was not going to be easy and you assured me you could handle it and be patient and now, the first chance you've got, you're pushing. I was perfectly happy with where we were and I was enjoying myself, but now? I'm not." His voice was solid and calm, hiding perfectly how distressed he was inside. He felt backed into a corner and threatened and it was not a feeling Kenneth liked. "I'm going now."
Kenneth used his real name. Not Bazzer, not Tiger...Sebastian. The blood drained from his face and any lingering thoughts of continuing disappeared. Slipping the glasses on his face, Bazzer wanted to do nothing more than throw them somewhere. Somewhere far away. He wanted to stamp his foot and declare the world unfair. He did none of those things though. Instead he just nodded, not sure he trusted his voice as he stood there, "I'm sorry," he finally said, to Kenneth's back, his voice unwavering and clear. "I didn't mean to...I just...look. It's scary for you, I get that. 30 years of the Marines can snap me like a toothpick. But look at it from my point of view too. 30 years of nothing and the first time, first time and it ends like this. I let you call all the shots out of respect for you. Knowing that you do need time and don't want to push. But the next time you want to start something, pollen or no pollen, finish it. But don't tease me like this. I can't handle it."
Kenneth shook his head, "I did finish it. You came, we were both satisfied with the outcome. If you can't understand that there is more to sex than intercourse that ends with two people having simultaneous orgasms, then you need to educate yourself because there is a whole range of activities out there that most people consider sex that don't involve actual tab a, slot b fucking. And trying to emotionally manipulate me into fucking you when I've already said that I wasn't comfortable is wrong. You know that. Point of view or not, if your demand is that I'm not allowed to do anything with you other than fuck you...I'm not interested, now matter how much I care about. Because sometimes? I'm not going to want that. Sometimes I'm just going to want to use my hand, sometimes I'm only going to want what we just did, sometimes I'm going to want you touching me. Sex is not a one act show and I don't ever want it to be."
Pulling his clothes back on, Bazzer shook his head, "That is not what I meant. I am not satisfied with the outcome because you did not come. Which to my reasoning means you did not enjoy yourself. Yeah, there's more than tab a, slot b, but it takes two people to have sex. I so much as look at you and you freak. I enjoyed myself...you didn't seem to. I tried to touch you, you got skittish. And yeah, I don't have that much experience, but I am pretty sure that both people should enjoy themselves, whatever it is they do together, if it's hands or mouths or whatever. It's damn hard to learn when you're scared you're going to upset the other though. I don't know how you're going to react if I want to try something, I don't want to push, but I don't know what's pushing with you half the time!" the frustration was evident, "I'm not saying there's only one thing for sex. But damn it, I don't know and I want to know. And you're the one who is going to teach me. Video and internet is not exactly reality here," no, because if it were, they wouldn't be having this fight now.
Kenneth listened quietly as Bazzer went off, then nodded when he was done. "Your reasoning is wrong. I don't have to come during sex to enjoy it and I was, very much. It was something I've been wanting to do for longer than you've been alive. The issue with being touched has less to do with you being a guy than it does with the fact that it's just how I am. Even with women, I don't always like being touched." With a soft frown, he sighed. It was something he'd had issues with in the past and should have been used t o by now. "Also, I don't expect you to know how I'm going to react, what I do expect is that you'll ask if you want to try something. I know you've waited thirty years, but that doesn't mean you have to have everything at once and if you're going to demand that I teach you, then you're going to have to slow the fuck down and listen to me. You're going to have to ask questions instead of assuming." He paused, "And I will try and be more patient, but trying to force a situation with me? Is only going to make me back the fuck away. Yes, I'm skittish. You know why that is, but if you only want all or nothing, then it's going to be nothing because I'm not ready to give you everything."
By this point, Bazzer was tired. Not the exhausted worked-all-day tired that came from working in the tannery all day, but the tired that came from fighting. Nodding, he took a step towards Kenneth, "Okay. So we both fucked up," he sighed, "Next time will be better, yeah?" he offered as a way of apology. He didn't mean now or the next day, there was no time frame, just 'next time.' Whenever that was. "Um...can I ask two things?" he asked, unsure if he should or not. But, damn it, he was curious and Kenneth had said he should ask.
"Yeah we did," he agreed. Kenneth closed the distance between them and rested his hands on Bazzer's hips, "And yes, you can ask anything. I can't guarantee I'll have an answer, but you can ask." His slid his arms around Bazzer and pulled him closer, just wanted to feel him, which was already a vast improvement over when they'd first started sleeping together.
"First, was what was it you wanted to do longer than I had been alive? And second," he sighed, wrapping his arms around Kenneth tightly, "You just did. So I don't need to ask." He had been so scared that Kenneth would sleep somewhere else tonight or make him sleep somewhere else and be mad at him. Now he relaxed, things might not be perfect between them, but it wasn't irreparable. He had been so afraid that it was going to end right now.
Kenneth kissed Bazzer's ear and whispered, "Suck cock," he admitted. He hugged Bazzer back just as tightly, "I'm not going anywhere, Tiger. You don't have to get everything at once just in case. It's okay to take things one at a time." Nuzzling into his hair, Kenneth exhaled slowly. "And I promise...I will fuck you one day and one day I'll have you fuck me and we'll explore all the stuff that comes between that, but for now? I like touching you. I liked having you in my mouth. I liked the way you responded, hearing the sounds you make. I want to do that again and I want to work on getting more comfortable with you touching me, it just needs to be baby steps."
Bazzer chuckled, he had thought that was what it was, but he hadn't been sure. It was sort of weird hearing those words come out of Kenneth's mouth though. Weird, but good. "Fuck you...?" he asked, surprised. That he had never expected. He had never really thought of himself as the one getting fucked, but now it seemed like a good idea. He'd never considered Kenneth being the one to do so either. It was an interesting idea, one he was not opposed to at all, "Okay. And I liked what we did do too...well, except for the fight at the end. Let's not repeat that. And I'll try to ask more questions too. And keep my glasses on. The first time you put a finger in me," he wiggled, the oil still between his legs. It felt slippery like that, but he hadn't really noticed it in the fight. Now it was strange and disconcerting, "I wasn't expecting it because I couldn't see you moving. Made everything sort scary, even though it all felt good once I was used to it."
Kenneth kissed him slowly and not quite chastely. "What? Thought the old soldier would be too uptight to take a dick up the ass?" He smiled then nodded, "I'd suggest keeping the glasses on then, although given where my hand was at the time, I'm not sure having your glasses on would have enabled you to see anything. It wasn't like it was a big motion from rubbing to penetration. I'm sorry I startled you."
"Well...yeah. You're the guy that freaks when I touch you," he snaked a hand down towards Kenneth's crotch, but didn't actually touch. "I never really thought you would ever want something like that. Not that I am against it. I think it's cool," he kissed Kenneth back, enjoying their time now, "Maybe not. But I do think it's weird. I'm not used to not being able to see except at night when I go to bed. And in the dark here it doesn't matter anyways," the lack of electricity was to thank for that. "I didn't know I'd like that so much though. The...penetration. I'm serious. If that was two fingers, your dick is only going to be even better, whenever that is. No hurry," he wished Kenneth would hurry, but they were not rehashing that again. Slow it was.
Catching Bazzer's wrist in a hard grip, Kenneth didn't release it at first. What was so difficult for Bazzer to understand about this? Had he not just been explicitly clear on the fact that he didn't want to be touched or pushed? He could understand the heat of the moment, but to keep pushing was not acceptable. "Stop it," he said firmly, "I'm not fucking joking around," he said softly, "I don't want to be teased or cajoled or seduced. You say you'll go slow and wait...but your actions don't." With a low sigh, he let go. "I think we should continue this discussion another day."
"I'm not doing anything!" Bazzer protested, like he was a kid again, pulling his wrist free from Kenneth's grip and making a face, "I didn't touch you! And I am not trying to get you to do anything! But you kissed me a minute ago like you wanted more and I didn't touch you! I didn't even suggest we do anything! I am being slow! Fuck...I don't know how to do this dance, Kenneth! I try and it's not right and I don't know what to do. You move forward like you want me and get mad when I don't run away because I want you too! Except you don't want me apparently!" he sighed, trying to make himself calm again, getting mad wasn't going to help anything, "You need to be clearer about what is and isn't okay. Because you said no touching and then you touched me! And I hugged you and you were okay but then I don't touch your dick and you got upset. I don't know what to do and we're just going in circles," he turned pacing, "Yeah. Another day." He agreed dully.
"Just because I hug you or kiss you doesn't mean that it's suddenly okay to make fakes toward my dick," he explained. "Above the belt is fine, I was touching you because I like holding you. I like kissing you and I'm fine with that...but there's no reason for your hand to be going in that direction other than to fuck with me."
"And I like you holding me," his head was hurting now. This entire thing was giving him a headache, "And I like you kissing me. And there are plenty of reasons my hand might go that direction other than sex. But fine. When you've got a spider on your thigh, I won't knock it off," Bazzer ran a hand through his hair making it even more disheveled than normal, "Sorry. That was mean. And petty. And stupid. I'm just...frustrated. Confused. Tell me it isn't always going to be like this? Because I am flailing. I need a life jacket or something. A guide to dating you. Except we've never gone on a date, have we? Nevermind," he wiped at his eyes discreetly with the heel of his hand then began to laugh, "Aren't we a couple of headcases?"
Kenneth wanted to hug Bazzer and reassure him, but apparently that was a bad idea and sent confusing messages or something he didn't really get. Clearly in the past Bazzer had understood that not all contact led to sex, but at the moment he seemed to have forgotten in his bid to have all or nothing. Well, nothing it would have to be then. "We haven't gone on a date because even if there were a place here to go and I wasn't a headcase about being seen together...we're a bit busy surviving to go out on a date. I don't have a guide to dating me...and may I remind you of the number of times I've been married. I'm not an easy man and I know that, but I am what I am. I didn't mean this to be confusing and I didn't mean to fuck up your first time so badly. I won't start something again until I'm ready to finish it."
Sex really did make things more complicated. "I know. That wasn't a complaint. Mitigating circumstances. I just...I don't know," he sat down a nearby rock, chin on his knees, "I didn't mean that. About not starting something until you can finish it. I just...I guess I just need to know where the boundaries are, very clearly. Because I don't think I have too many. And I can't read yours very well yet. And it's not my first time yet. I mean, I guess, yeah, orally. But you didn't fuck me. So it's not the first time for that, so you didn't mess it up. If that makes any sense?"
"I don't know what they are myself when it comes to this. I know I have a harder time receiving than giving. I don't know why, I just do." He ran his hands over hair that was far far too long and wished someone would show up with a pair if scissors in their pocket. "Again...there is more to sex than fucking. Fucking isn't even the best part of it." At least it wasn't in Kenneth's opinion. He'd take oral giving or receiving over intercourse any day. "It's not like fucking is the be all, end all, ultimate goal."
"That's easy for you to say," he replied, trying not to sound put out or sullen, "You've done it. It looks like the end all, be all from where I sit even if it's only part of what goes on. And I liked your fingers in me. Maybe I'll decide that you're right, but I want to make that decision for myself, but not until you're ready," idly he fiddled with a ragged pant leg then looked back up, "How come you're not fucking me senseless? That's all I can think about practically. Fucking you. Getting fucked," he shifted in his seat, "I'm hard again," but he made no effort to get up and go to Kenneth.
Kenneth didn't know what else to say, clearly Bazzer was out of mind and incapable of rational discussion and the direction of the conversation was making Kenneth very uncomfortable. "Then I think the only thing we can do is go separate directions until this pollen clears before we say or do something we regret." Which Kenneth knew he was close to doing because he was so frustrated by Bazzer's completely narrowly focused goal of getting fucked.
"Yeah," Bazzer nodded, agreeing. "I...I'm sorry. I don't know...I don't know how to stop this. And I don't have your control," he was wishing he did right now.
Nodding, Kenneth exhaled slowly then left the clearing. He needed a cold shower, but would settle for a long jog and cool swim. Hopefully the pollen could clear soon and Bazzer would be himself.