Captain John Granby, Aerial Corps (captgranby) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-02-27 00:29:00 |
|
|||
Granby hated upsetting Iskierka. Captains and their dragons were close, generally speaking, and Granby and Iskierka were perhaps even closer than most. When Iskierka was happy, Granby was happy on her behalf, and when she was hurt, he hurt for her. When he was the cause of her hurt, he felt even worse. As soon as he had realized that he’d made her cry, Granby had been ready to go charging off after her and do nearly anything to make her feel better. Iskierka’s refusal to let him had hurt, too, both for its own sake and because he worried so about her. He had meant to chastise her, yes, but not to cause any genuine damage. As the night wore on and she still didn’t return, Granby worried still more. Yes, she could still breathe fire on anything that threatened her, but she was also a small woman out on her own in an unfamiliar world. If Thalia hadn’t already promised she would be looked after, he would have launched into a full-scale panic. As it was, he simply stayed up in the kitchen, alternating rum and coffee to numb himself a bit and to stay awake. He thought more than once of going out to find her, but feared he would leave and she would come back while he was gone, and he had assured her that he would be there when she was ready to come home. By morning Granby looked a proper wreck. Unshaven, unshowered, one arm in a cast and the other braced on the kitchen table, he had abandoned the rum to stick exclusively with coffee. He got up to pace occasionally, worrying that Iskierka might have decided to leave him completely. She wasn’t a dragon anymore; she didn’t need him for anything. There were all sorts of people here, plenty of them much more fun and interesting than he was, perhaps some who wouldn’t have a problem with having an enthusiastic dragon-girl managing their lives. She might have found someone more grateful for her attempts to help them. (One didn’t get sent away from home at the age of seven because children were too expensive without developing one or two abandonment issues). Sometimes he got angry with her again, because it wasn’t fair for her to act the poor sad victim when she was the one who had done wrong - with good intentions, yes, but wrong nonetheless. If she would have just come home like she was supposed to, they could have talked about it and they would be fine by now. But no, she just had to have her grand dramatic snit. By the afternoon, he was just sitting on the sofa, despondent. Iskierka had been gone almost a full day, and he didn’t know what to do. Granby didn’t know what to do with anything about this place. He hadn’t felt so completely alone since before he made Ensign. Worse yet, all he could do was keep looking at the door and hope she would walk back through so they could repair things somehow. All he wanted was to have things fixed, whatever that took. He’d lost too much when the Tesseract pulled him here to be able to bear losing Iskierka as well. It had been a strange night for Iskierka. She'd gone out for hot chocolate with Thalia and Luke, but the thought of eating anything didn't appeal to her. So she'd gone to Santana's, crying her eyes out and thrown herself at the other woman. She had never felt like this before. She didn't understand it and she didn't like it. She'd soaked Santana's shoulder with her tears before falling asleep in her bed. She didn't sleep well. She'd tossed and turned most of the night, plagued by nightmares and restless. She missed Granby. Missed his scent, his arm wrapped around her. Missed waking up wrapped around him. Santana had made her breakfast in the morning, but she hadn't eaten much of it. Just moved it around on the plate. She'd gone to class but she hadn't paid attention much and wouldn't be able to remember what they had covered. By the time she came home after class, she was pale, making her red rimmed puffy eyes and her red hair stand out more. Pushing the door open quietly, she bit her lip. "Granby?" she called out softly. His heart leapt up in relief at the sound of her voice, and he was on his feet almost as quickly as he could turn to look at her. “Oh, thank God,” Granby sighed, going quickly to the door to hug his dragon tightly. If she was still cross with him, he didn’t care right then. He’d been worried out of his mind for almost a full twenty-four hours. She could yell at him and set his hair on fire after he’d gotten a chance to put his arm around her and make sure she was really there and perfectly safe. She felt the tears threaten to cry again and wrapped her arms around him tightly, burying her face in his shirt and just inhaling his scent. (And probably succeeding in wiping tears and snot on his shirt.) She didn't do well without her captain at all. "Why does it hurt so much?" she whispered. “I’m sorry, my dear,” Granby softly replied. “Truly, I am. I only meant to ask you to rein yourself in a bit, not to upset you so.” He’d entertained notions of having a talk with her about boundaries before coming around to apologizing for hurting her feelings, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that now. The poor girl was in pieces, and he couldn’t bear to leave her that way any longer than he must. "I'm rubbish at being human, Granby," she sniffed. "I keep messing up and making you mad and offending you and everything's strange and wrong and I'm not even useful to you like this." There were the tears again as she fisted her hands in his shirt. “You’re not rubbish. Absolutely not,” Granby assured her, and tightened his arm around her shoulders. “Don’t say that. Just because I got a bit cross with you doesn’t mean that you aren’t wonderful, or that I don’t love you.” He didn’t know how he’d failed to make sure she knew that. All the times he’d indulged her when he shouldn’t have, because he loved her and he wanted her to be happy...and now it seemed he had failed anyway. And clearly he had underestimated just how rattled by the changes here she was. Once he got her calmed down, they were due at least one good long talk. She pulled back and looked up at him, her face streaked with tears and the look in her eyes more appropriate for a toddler. "But I can't do anything right. And I keep making you mad.." she said, worried that he'd send her away. After all, she wasn't doing a very good job of behaving. “You can too do things right,” Granby told her, and pulled his sleeve down over his hand to carefully dry her tears. “Even as annoyed as I was with your little stunt yesterday, it seems that you were more right than I. It’s only that as stubbornly independent as you are, my dear, I have a streak of the same myself. We just need to learn to work together again, that’s all. And to give each other a little leeway, since we each have a bit of a short fuse.” Iskierka nodded, finding herself leaning into Granby's touch and making a noise a bit like a contented purr. He was still calling her 'my dear' and he didn't seem to be kicking her out. "There were people interested, you know," she said quietly, not sure how Granby would react. "Captain Harkness once he checks with his partner and Silas. Silas would be interested if coming for dinner with us some time." She bit her lip and hiccuped, steam coming from her ears, which she covered up with her hands. "I'm sorry I ran off. I just.. I made you mad and then you made me mad and I thought it'd be better if I went away so that I wouldn't make you mad anymore and maybe I'd stop the seawater from my eyes. But it just kept coming and I was so angry at you and I don't like being angry with you. I don't sleep well when you're not around and Santana is lovely and the things we do make me feel like I'm flying but she's not you. I need you, Granby." Without really trying to, Iskierka had convinced him that she didn’t mean to run off simply because he got difficult with her - or at least not for good. He hoped he could convince her in turn not to run away from an argument. With his arm still around her shoulders, Granby guided her over to the sofa he had lately occupied. He sat down and let her make herself comfortable around him before continuing the conversation - Iskierka, he had found, listened to him much better when she actually had her paws on him. Despite being technically human now, she appeared to be as much a creature of touch as dragons usually were. “I told you when I first got here that no matter what, you are my dragon and I am your Captain,” he said gently. “That means we stay together until one of us is dead, full stop. And I know it was much easier when you were in your proper body and we were in our proper world, but the fact that it’s more difficult now doesn’t mean we give up on each other. We’ll just have to work out some new rules for getting along - rules we can both abide by, so we don’t end up hurting each other and making another big mess for ourselves like last night, because believe me, I didn’t enjoy that any more than you did.” Iskierka settled herself around Granby, sprawling across his lap and leaning against him. "No dying," she said adamantly. She didn't even want to talk about that or think about it. She certainly wasn't ready for that. "It wasn't fun," she agreed sadly. "I don't want it to happen again, but I'm not very good with rules." “Are you better with rules, or spending nights alone and crying?” Granby asked pointedly. “Because given your temper and mine, I cannot imagine that we will manage to never come to cross words again. Besides, I know perfectly well that you can abide by rules when you see that it’s to your benefit. You took how many prizes at sea, completely lawfully? So clearly it’s not that you can’t manage rules...you just need to see the benefit of them before you’ll mind them.” Iskierka pouted at Granby before sighing heavily. "I suppose rules would be preferable," she admitted, rubbing her face against Granby and inhaling deeply. Even just the presence of his scent filling her nostrils served to calm her down. "And they are not always bad. As long as they are good rules and not stupid ones." “Which is why I think you and I should make our rules for ourselves together,” Granby said. He was actually rather relieved by how well this was going. Since his arrival in New York, he’d felt as if he were managing a child instead of a dragon - or rather, managing a child and a dragon. A child dragon in a young woman’s body, to be most accurate. He had twenty years of experience with dragons, but much less with children, and not much with young women, either. Bringing them all together at once in a foreign land made quite a mess of things. The fact that he had finally found a way to have a serious talk with Iskierka that didn’t involve anyone shouting or crying was an exciting revelation indeed. “In fact,” he began, “I think it would be best to let you propose our first rule for getting along better here. What law of behavior do you think would help us?” Iskierka gave him a surprised look. She hadn't expected to be allowed to make a rule. "We should have lots of meat at dinner every day. I am happier when I am not hungry. Less cranky," she said, thinking this was indeed a very good first rule. It wasn’t precisely what he had in mind, but Granby wanted to be sure he had Iskierka’s full participation in this process. He had a feeling she would be much more inclined to follow rules that she had a hand in making. “That seems reasonable,” he agreed, “and I can’t imagine Temeraire will object. Rule Number One, then: There will always be plenty of meat at dinner, every day. Which means it’s now my turn to propose Rule Number Two: if we get cross with one another, or get our feelings hurt, we talk about it and try to fix it. And if either of us needs a bit of room to calm down first, we tell the other where we’re going and when we think we might be back, so no one has to worry themselves half to death wondering. Any objections?” Iskierka thought for a moment, tilting her head back to let some steam out of her nostrils without sending it directly at Granby. It wasn't a hard rule per se, but sometimes when she got mad, she wasn't very good at thinking. "But we allow the other person to go calm down," Iskierka added. She didn't want Granby stopping her if she needed time alone. It was hard enough she could go off and hunt. She wasn't treated as independent here and it was incredibly frustrating. "Were you really worried about me?" “Yes, very,” Granby admitted. “If you need time to yourself, that’s all right. Even if you want to stay out all night and day. Even if you want to gather up your friends and go off to the shore for the entire week. But think how you would feel if I simply took off and you had no idea where I was, or what I was doing, or who I was with - especially here, where we know so little of the world around us. You would have yourself convinced in half an hour’s time that I’d been eaten by bunyips. All I want is for us both to do each other the basic courtesy of letting each other know that we’re safe, and that we will be coming back eventually.” "I probably would have burned half the tower down looking for you," Iskierka admitted bashfully. "I am glad you did not hurt anyone trying to find me. That would not have been very good." She scowled. "The bunyips were very nasty." She tilted her head to look at him. "What other sorts of rules to we need? Maybe something about sleeping together? I could not sleep last night." “That may have been as much because you were upset as because you were alone,” Granby pointed out. “We’ve slept apart many times at home with no trouble - I in the barracks and you in your pavilion, or you on the dragon-deck and myself in the crew quarters. We may be more in need of a rule about not going to bed still angry.” "But it is different now," Iskierka whined. "This body is so small and cold and fragile. And I do not feel safe without you and Temeraire there with me. It just is odd and scary to sleep by myself when I can't wrap my tail around myself." Iskierka bit her lip. Maybe Granby didn't want to sleep with them anymore. She didn't like that thought much at all and wrapped her arms around herself. “I’m not saying I mind staying with you and Temeraire,” Granby assured her, because he could see the anxiety building in Iskierka already. “I don’t, not at all.” It had been a little odd in the first few nights. The two dragons were both snugglers, and it was only through extensive negotiation and sneaking manipulation of the apartment’s thermostat that Granby had been able to talk either of them into pajamas. With a few weeks of it gone by now, though, he’d grown rather accustomed to sleeping in a big cozy pile. “However, there may come a time where you may want to sleep elsewhere, with someone else,” he pointed out. “Or there may be a night where Temeraire or I wishes to do the same. I think we would do better to leave the door open to that, rather than ruling it out completely.” Iskierka sighed in relief. Well, that was good. She had managed to sleep once Temeraire arrived, before that it was only when she collapsed from exhaustion. "What if we have to tell the other ahead of time, then? If you want to do that." She did not see why he would want to do that, after all, she had seen him mate with Captain Little and it was not offensive or odd in the least. "What kind of rule about not going to bed angry? How can you control that if we fight late at night?" “Telling ahead of time seems reasonable,” Granby conceded. “That way, if either of us wants privacy we can have it, but no one has to be hurt or worried.” The second question was a bit of a stumper, though. “The only way I know to avoid going to bed angry is to just go ahead and shout it all out right off,” he admitted. “Which is how I usually do arguments. Just yell until everyone’s tired of yelling, and then talk about it like civilized people. Your way of walking off and fuming for a while is more Geoff’s way of handling things, and I never did really understand it, to tell the truth.” "It makes me like Captain Little more," Iskierka said with a smile. "Though I still do not see what is so important or special about privacy. It seems rather silly to me." She reached for the bowl of candy on the coffee table and picked up a few pieces to munch on when her stomach rumbled. "I don't like it when you shout at me. It makes me want to burn things and makes me scared you're going to leave me." “You were, not even five minutes ago, telling me that sometimes you need to go off by yourself,” Granby reminded her. “So you do know that sometimes people need privacy. It’s just that some of them need it for different reasons than you. Privacy is the last thing I want when I’m angry - when you left and didn’t come home all night or all day, I was just as scared that you weren’t going to come back at all as you were for my shouting. So...we’re just going to have to compromise a bit. I’ll try not to yell, and you’ll let me know where you’re going. And when you want your privacy for being angry, I’ll let you have it - so in turn, when I need a moment to myself, or with a friend or lover, you do the same for me. Either of us being independent doesn’t mean that we aren’t just as important to each other as ever.” "I didn't want to be alone yesterday, I just wanted to not be around you," Iskierka explained before her face fell, realizing how that sounded. "I'm sorry. It's just.. I want to make you happy and when you're mad, I don't feel good. And I hate how much I make you mad." She'd been threaten once with being separated from Granby. It was something she never wanted to happen. She snuggled closer to him. "I don't feel as independent here. I am a child to them. Everything is strange. Some of it is fun, but.. everyone is so worried something will happen to me or I will get hurt. I am unused to that. I am more used to people worrying about the damage I will do." “I know the change can’t be easy on you,” Granby replied, settling his good arm around her and leaning back on the sofa. “It’s not easy for me, either. I feel a bit useless here, with nary a war in sight. I’ve never done anything else but be an aviator, nor wanted to - so you’re not the only one feeling like a fish out of water.” "There is a military here though. With fancy guns. I saw pictures. Perhaps they would let you join, if you wanted. They fly planes though," Iskierka said softly, not sure whether Granby would pick her or the military if given the choice. "Do we need more rules?" she asked, looking up at him. “I don’t think I really belong in a military without dragons,” Granby replied, waving the idea off dismissively. For him, the choice between fighting and Iskierka was no choice at all. If he were to be stuck here on a permanent basis, he would find another way to make his living. “And as for rules, I have only one more request,” he said, taking care to keep his tone gentle in an effort avoid starting last night’s argument over again. “I know you want me to be happy. I want you to be happy, too. But before you take it upon yourself to arrange my life for me, I want you to talk to me about it.” Iskierka's body slumped into a sulk, curling in on herself. How was she supposed to make her Captain happy if she had to talk to him before being allowed to do anything? It was frustrating. Huffing out sigh that was part smoke, she took another piece of chocolate and ate it. "Alright. I don't see why, but if it makes you happy that I do that, I will," she conceded. But people had answered her posts. "Does that mean you won't consider Silas or Captain Harkness?" Granby was conspicuously silent for a moment. On one hand, his dragon was a managing little minx who would run his life completely given the opportunity. On the other hand... “Mr. Silas is rather handsome,” he admitted. Captain Harkness was as well, but appeared already involved. “And apparently tolerant of dragons who think they can bend the entire world to their whims.” Iskierka beamed, smiling broadly. "Really? That is good. He is not a Captain, but he is a warrior of sorts so he understands. And he is interested in you. And I already invited him to dinner sometime," she admitted, looking down at her lap and wondering if maybe she shouldn't have done that. “Yes, I saw,” Granby replied. “Did you set a time yet?” Though he’d been annoyed with Iskierka’s methods, he had watched the responses with some interest. Significant interest, in that particular case. And he had no objections to Iskierka acquiring dinner guests - just to her attempts to run his life without his permission. "Not yet. Apparently he doesn't eat like we do," Iskierka said, "But he would not mind joining us. And I told him that you like rum so he might bring you some." Her expression brightened at Granby's response. "So it is not all bad, then?" she asked hopefully. “No, it’s not all bad,” he reluctantly admitted, and then shot her a warning look. “But don’t take that to mean you can go off doing whatever you like just because it happened to work out sort of nicely maybe this time. If you try to make me an emperor again, we will have words. Or I might just tan your hide for leather.” Iskierka managed to look chastised for a moment before grinning again. "They make leather trousers here! And leather coats and shirts and bodices and they are all so comfy and soft and smell so good..." she said, trailing off on a tangent. "Thank you," she said nuzzling him. "For not being mad anymore." “Thank you for not being mad anymore, too,” Granby replied, and squeezed squeezed her tight with his good arm. “And for coming back home. And for helping set the rules so we don’t have to do all that again. We should probably write them down and stick them up somewhere to remind us.” "I will always come back to you, Granby," she said, relaxing against him. "Besides, Santana showed me how fun sex can be so I am glad that you might be able to enjoy it here. I do not know how skilled Silas is though." Granby’s response was equal parts laughter and groaning. “That will be enough out of you regarding me and sex,” he informed her. “If you want to talk about your business, that’s your own affair, but there are some things I would personally rather keep to myself.” She snuggled deeper against him, almost as if she could burrow into him. The more contact she had with him, the more content she felt. "She makes me feel like I'm almost flying again," Iskierka said softly. "I do not understand it all, but it is educational and feels very good." “That sounds very nice,” Granby replied, grateful that she wasn’t going into any more detail than that. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself and learning what you wanted to. Should we have Santana over for dinner sometime, as well?” "Yes. I would like that. Maybe Luke and Thalia too. They're the ones who taught me about the grill and introduced me to chocolate," Iskierka said, stifling a yawn as she closed her eyes and leaned into Granby. "There are chocolate rabbits here. And candy eggs. For the next holiday.." Her yawn was contagious; having not slept all night, Granby was more than ready for it himself. “I’m sure they’re just as good as the candy hearts,” he said. “What do you say we have ourselves a nap? We can leave Temeraire a note to wake us up at dinnertime.” Iskierka nodded as she fought back another yawn. "Better. Made of chocolate.." she murmured. "I'm too tired to write, but sleep is good." Granby chuckled under his breath and gave her a nudge to stand up. “Come on to bed,” he said. “I’d carry you, but I don’t think I can manage it with one arm unless I hoisted you up over my shoulder. If you can shuffle yourself in there, though, I can write the note for Temeraire so he’ll know it’s all right to wake us or join us as he sees fit.” Iskierka got to her feet and made her way towards the bedroom, stripping clothes as she went. She stopped in the doorway to the bedroom, needing to keep eye contact today. She didn't want to let Granby out of her sight. Granby wrote the note quickly: You may wake us up for dinner, or join naptime - either way you like. As soon as it was done, he joined Iskierka in the bedroom, getting himself comfortable and then letting her latch onto him however she liked. “Sleep well, my dear,” he said, and shut his eyes. It had been a trying day and night; a little rest would probably do them as much good as the conversation had. No one's mood or temper was ever improved by sleep deprivation. Indeed, just lying down with his dragon next to him made Granby feel better already. |