Poking at things and pushing buttons seem to be a good way to make Muggle things function properly.
This place is infuriating. Muggles everywhere! I can't reason out many things here and that's driving me mad. It took me hours to reason out the bloody telly programme the other night. At least, not being able to sleep is good for that. I can't understand this place but I can't leave it. It's not that I suddenly fancy Muggles or Muggle-things or...anything. It's just...I can't leave it. It's here, whether I like it or not. They expect me to babble on about hating Muggles in a place where I'm the outsider? Clearly they don't know me well enough. I might, but I'm not about to blab about it.
I still have nightmares, about...about them. I can't close my eyes without seeing him. You know who. And I'm responsible...for Dumbledore's death. It's not like I worshipped the old wizard like Potter and Granger did, but I...never wanted to see him dead. I was bloody terrified. Absolutely terrified. And yes, I attacked Potter when I saw him, but only...he couldn't see me like that. No one could. I reacted without thinking.
It wasn't like I had a choice in what I did. If it wasn't me trying to bring the Death Eaters into Hogwarts, he would have punished my mum. And I couldn't stand for that. I couldn't trust that Father would protect her. Still. I know it doesn't excuse it. I'm not proud of it. But Granger and Potter DON'T need to go around acting like they're all high and mighty and I'm terrible. I can understand it, though, in all seriousness. I can understand why they can't trust me. Bloody hell, I wouldn't trust me. And I've read the end of the books. Those blasted books. Potter saves my arse then, does he? He's all pompous here, though. What was that, then, saving my life? Not once, but bloody twice at the end? And Mum seems to turn the corner, too, finally stepping outside of Father's shadow.
[Private for Maria Hill]
I would like to thank you for your tea recommendation the other day.