Anakin Solo (![]() ![]() @ 2015-04-09 21:00:00 |
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Luke had gotten up early and spent some time in meditation. He had been letting that slip lately and it was time to get back into the habit. It always made him feel more focused and today he wanted to feel focused. Inviting Carol to brunch had been a big decision and he’d gone back and forth all week about doing it. When he finally had, he hadn’t expected her to agree but she did and as happy as he was, he was still a little apprehensive about it. It wasn’t that he couldn’t trust his family to keep the secret, he knew that he could, it was simply that along with meeting the family they’d also come to the decision that Carol would be spending more nights with him which made Luke happy but he was concerned about what Anakin would think. He knew Anakin was aware of his relationship and was fairly certain that he had seen Carol but he’d never mentioned it. Luke had been careful about making sure that Anakin wasn’t home when she’d stayed over since he didn’t want to make things awkward for his nephew but it was time to actually talk about it. He’d also wanted to talk to him about Rikki. Luke liked Rikki, she was good for Anakin and he was happy that his nephew had found someone to be with. He deserved every bit of happiness that he could get but Luke was concerned that maybe he was becoming too attached. More than once lately, he’d noticed Anakin saying that he would ask Rikki something and there had been the incident earlier in the week when he’d gotten upset because Rikki had wanted to spend time with Jaina. Or so he’d gathered from what Jaina had said when she had texted him to ask him if Anakin was okay. Regardless this wasn’t going to be a fun conversation but it needed to happen. Hence the meditation. Luke was sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee when Anakin came in. He didn’t have to ask where he’d been, he knew he’d been at Rikki’s. “Good morning,” he said. “and Happy Easter. Whatever that means but it seems that it’s a holiday here so there you go.” "There more of that?" Anakin asked as he slid his backpack down to the floor and ducked into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of said coffee. He had been at Rikki's of course. Anakin would have spent almost every waking moment that wasn't otherwise devoted to school or work with Rikki if he was given the choice. There were moments if he'd wondered if someday that would change, but so far it hadn't. Rikki had become indispensable to him as his best friend and support network, and he hoped that he was able to return the favor just as consistently. He was young, and she was too, but they had both lost so much in their own realities and found each other in this one - and stranger things had happened than people finding each other so young. He hadn't expected it, but he also knew that he wouldn't get a chance for any of this at home. Whatever he might have had with Tahiri he wouldn't ever know, and he loved Rikki, which made it difficult for him to pay much heed to most of the obvious, even logical suggestions to slow down that people might give to two teenagers that had known each other for less than a year. With the cup of coffee in his hands he stepped into the living room and stepped over to the sofa, sinking down on the arm furthest from his Uncle. "Easter, it's a religious holiday from the Christian religion, celebrating their belief in the death and resurrection of Christ. It's celebrated during this time because it's usually connected to the Jewish celebration of passover - which is another religion celebrated on this planet. I'm a little unclear where the eggs and the bunnies fit in," he shrugged. "But if Dad's going to wear a bunny suit, this is so much better than the birthday hat I got Jacen in for his birthday so I'm not going to bring up my confusion on this matter. I may have gotten bored waiting for Rikki last night and used the time to read what Wikipedia had to say." He took a sip of the coffee and gave his Uncle a cheeky grin. "Good morning to you too." Luke laughed. “I should have known that you’d research it. I knew that it was considered a religious holiday for some because Obi-Wan is going to church. Which I kind of wish I could see because somehow I can’t imagine that,” he’d been amused when his friend had told him that but there seemed to be a woman involved and that intrigued Luke even more. “apparently he’s developed a friendship with a woman who was queen of England in her time and she invited him. This place seems to bring about the most unusual friendships.” He shook his head. “Speaking of friendships, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Luke had finished his coffee and put the empty cup on the table in front of him, settling back against the couch. “I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’m seeing someone. She’s actually coming to brunch today so you’ll get to meet her. Your parents already know her through work but they don’t know that we’re together. Well I told your mother but for some reason she hadn’t mentioned it to your father so he’ll be surprised. While wearing a bunny suit….” he grinned. “which kind of makes it even better. Anyway, her name is Carol, she’s a wonderful woman, we were friends for a while and then she was ill, I visited her in the hospital and things...happened. She’s the one that I learned how to bake cookies for.” Anakin's eyebrow went up at his Uncle's news that Obi-Wan Kenobi was going to a local religious service and with a woman. There was something completely bizarre about that idea. He had always just assumed that Master Kenobi had been single because of a lack of interest and it hadn't really crossed his mind that it might have been only a devotion to the laws the Order had established that had kept the Jedi single. Not that Obi-Wan was necessarily interested in this woman like this, but there was still the idea and it was still bewildering. Anakin's eyebrow didn't really have opportunity to go down as his Uncle continued. Of course he'd noticed. He wasn't blind, and although his Uncle hadn't been precisely forthright about who, Anakin had picked up on it. He smirked a little as he sat the coffee cup on his knee and said with a shrug, "the 'Dear Anakin, please don't come home tonight' might have been a clue there." The smirk was easy and the sass came almost naturally when you were Han Solo's son, but both tended be fronts - a fact he might have inherited that from Han Solo too. Both covered the fact that Anakin wasn't quite certain what to think about it. At home his family looked one way. The Uncle in front of him had a son with an Aunt who was also here and while Anakin hadn't spent a lot of time thinking or dwelling on the fact that he was living with his Uncle instead of his Aunt that was still the reality that existed in his head. And it had persisted through the requests for him to stay out and the conversations with Rikki about his uncle having a girlfriend. That had been a concept, not an actuality and it seemed like that was about to change. And at a family dinner besides. He wondered what Jaina and Jacen would think of that. "So, Carol." “Yes, Carol. I met her at work. Actually your Aunt Mara gave me her name when I first got here and was looking for a job. She’s co-director of SWORD. I don’t work directly for her her anymore though because of the obvious but we’re still not openly letting anyone know at work.” he looked at Anakin and tried to sense what the young man was feeling but he couldn’t quite get a read on it. Surprise definitely which he’d expected but there was also something else. “I thought it was time that I at least let my family know. She stays over some nights which you’ve figure out and that’s going to be happening more often,” he felt his face grow warm and cursed that part of himself that had never outgrown that. “so I wanted you to know. This isn’t just a casual thing and the two of you are bound to run into each other at some point. I also didn’t want you to think that I was just bringing random women home because that’s not me.” Luke might have had a lot of failed romances in his past but he’d cared about them all, he wasn’t one for casual flings. He just tended to make some really bad choices and nothing had worked out until he’d met Mara. “I know this must feel strange to you, thinking about me being with someone other than Mara. Honestly I didn’t think that I’d ever be able to get past the fact that she was with someone else. I never expected to meet someone that I could care about but then I did,” he smiled. “I was as surprised as anyone else, we both were actually, she wasn’t looking for anything either but we’re happy. She means a lot to me and I really hope that you like her. I think you will.” Luke hoped he did, he really wanted his family to like Carol. Han and Leia already did but they didn’t know her on a personal level and now they would get that chance. Anakin took a sip of his coffee as he listened. He really didn't have any idea what to say. His uncle had been supportive of Rikki and Anakin knew that his Uncle deserved him to return that but it wasn't anything he really wanted to think about - his uncle having overnight guests of any variety - but it sounded like not only had it happened, it would be happening again and more frequently. At least it sounded like that was what Luke was saying. So Anakin might come home and find Carol in the kitchen some morning and he would have to say something or interact. And inevitably realize that she had been there all night and probably not just sleeping... He raised a hand to his hair and scratched his head, as much for something to do as anything. "I mean, it wouldn't really be any of my business if you were bringing random women home," Anakin finally shrugged, aiming for casual. "Except for how it wouldn't be much like you and I might think you'd been kidnapped and replaced by a lookalike." “Well I’ve been told that I do have a face twin on television and from what I’ve heard, he would be the type to bring random women home so if that ever happens, come and rescue me because obviously I’ve been kidnapped,” he laughed and watched his nephew’s face. Luke didn’t know much about teenagers other than having been one himself but he could sense that the idea of the adults in his life having lives felt strange to Anakin. Come to think of it, he’d never thought of his Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru as having lives either. “We both agreed that I should talk to you, I don’t want you to feel awkward if you run into her one morning, I mean I guess you would anyway but I don’t want to hide anything from you and this isn’t something I want to hide anyway,” Luke knew that they had to keep things quiet as far as work went but he didn’t want to keep it from his family. “I also understand that it might feel strange for you seeing me with someone else...you’ve only ever known me as being with Mara..and it’s okay. I know it’ll take some getting used to.” "I mean, it's fine?" Anakin offered diplomatically. "It's not as if I'm even here that much in the morning. And you guys have work, presumably, and I've got classes, so it's not like I really need to spend much time other than to get dressed and maybe get a bit to eat, so it's totally fine." And it would be fine. It would be weird, but Anakin wasn't going to say that to his Uncle. After all, it really wasn't exactly his business and this Carol might be nice. Maybe he'd like her. He couldn't imagine his Uncle having terrible taste if he was bringing someone home to the family. On the other hand he really couldn't keep from thinking that maybe he should stop worrying about whether he was eighteen before he moved out. Maybe he should just look and see what was available, because if it was going to be more frequent than it was… Rikki wouldn't have to move in with him right away. He could still have his own place and they wouldn't have to worry about his Uncle, or about Anya, or about his Uncle having women around, or… really anything except just when Rikki wanted to come over and when he wanted her to come over. There was something really, really appealing about that idea. He realized he'd kind of stopped and his mind had meandered all sorts of places and he straightened up, putting the cup down on his knee and shooting his Uncle a smile. "So yeah, it'll be good to meet her." Luke still wasn’t convinced that Anakin was really comfortable with the idea of him being in a relationship even if he wasn’t saying it. “I think you’ll like her,” he said. “she’s a fascinating person and she loves to fly, loves space travel….” his voice trailed off as he watching his nephew’s expression and he finally just came out with it. “What’s bothering you, Anakin? I can tell that something is. Is it the fact that I’m seeing someone?” While he could understand why it might feel strange to his nephew, there seemed to be more to it than that. “Whatever it is, I’d rather you tell me than keep it inside.” Anakin looked over at his Uncle at the question and then quickly lifted the mug to his lips again. He really didn't want to get into this. And he didn't really even know what to say. It was not the conversation he'd planned on walking into this morning and he was half-wishing he'd just stayed at Rikki's and showered there, or taken clothing that he could have worn to family brunch - and nothing about this was making him less convinced that he just needed his own place. He took a sip of the coffee and swallowed and tried to think what might just get him out of this conversation. He possibly should have Jacen teach him how to do that 'no Force presence thing' - it felt like it could come in handy in situations like this. "It's fine," he said, putting a little more certainty into it. "I'm sure she's great and I'm sure when I meet her, I'll think she's fantastic too. It's totally fine. I just don't know her, so it's just weird, but it'll be fine. And after today I'll know her, so it'll be great." Anakin was not certain he was being convincing, but he really, really hoped his Uncle would just drop it. He took another sip of his coffee and offered a quick lopsided grin. "It's good, even. I mean, this way I won't feel so awkward bringing Rikki around all the time." He still wasn’t convinced but Luke wasn’t going to say anything else. Anakin had a point, he didn’t know Carol but after today he would and Luke hoped that the two liked each other. “There’s no need for you to feel awkward bringing Rikki around,” he pointed out. While part of him worried that Anakin might be too young for such an intense relationship, he also knew that his nephew had faced things that no one his age should ever have to face and was more mature than the average seventeen year old boy. Even if sometimes he did behave like one. Luke looked down at his coffee cup and gathered his thoughts. There was something he’d been meaning to talk to Anakin about but he had no idea how to bring it up. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he finally said. “about you and Rikki actually. You seem to be pretty serious about each other. Is that true?” He didn’t think it was a bad thing necessarily but he worried how Anakin would take it if something happened, if Rikki should be taken back, knowing what was going to happen to her. The switch in conversation from Luke to Anakin was enough to take Anakin slightly off guard. A warmth spread through his cheeks and he cursed that lack of preparedness and the flush that accompanied it. He took another sip of coffee, this time to give himself enough time to gather his own thoughts and stop feeling so off-guard. Were he and Rikki serious? They had talked about moving in together not even a week ago, and while the conclusion hadn't been that they would - it had been broached and Rikki's response had been at least as positive as Anakin could have hoped for under the circumstances. In the six months that he had known her, and the five he'd been dating her, she'd become a fast friend, a confidant, someone he could absolutely trust with things he hadn't shared with anyone else, someone he could count on to give him her honest opinion and advice, perhaps the only person he knew who understood what it was like to live with a death sentence hanging over your head, and unending regrets about events you couldn't stop and couldn't change, even what it was like to have a brother you couldn't save - in short Rikki Barnes had become indispensable to him and he would have done nearly anything for her in a heart-beat. For all he'd been trying to avoid talking to his Uncle about anything a second ago, Anakin was pretty certain it was pointless to deny on this topic. He didn't know where his Uncle was headed exactly, but he wasn't going to stand here and say that he didn't love Rikki when he absolutely did. To do so would do a disservice to his relationship with Rikki and his relationship with his uncle both. He glanced over at Luke trying to read where this was headed as he finally put the nearly empty cup of coffee on his knee and looked his Uncle in the eyes, his words truthful, if cautious: "I mean, I'm seventeen, but yeah. We're - I mean, she's my best friend here." “I’ve never believed that age has anything to do with feelings. You feel what you feel regardless of how old you are, the difference is how you handle what you feel.” he was treading carefully, he didn’t want to upset Anakin but he wanted to express his concerns. “It took me a while to figure it out but being their friend and not just loving them is important. It’s probably the most important. Passion, romance, that comes and goes but at the end of the day you have to still like that person. There might be times when that’s what you need more than anything else. Just someone to listen to you.” Luke had had terrible luck in the romance department, there was no denying that. He had loved Callista but when she lost her ability to be part of the Force, they had nothing left between them. Of course there was the fact that he was in love with Mara and had been for much longer than he’d have been willing to admit at the time but now he could see that it had been her all along. While she remembered things about their time together that he did not, Luke knew from what he had read and from what he could feel of their bond even in this place that Mara was that for him. His best friend and he could count on her to be there. Even here when they weren’t involved with each other in a romantic way. “The trick is that even though you’re a couple, you still have to be two separate people,” he continued. “I know you want to spend every minute you can with Rikki, I get that, but you have a life too, Anakin. So does she. I saw part of the conversation on the network the other night between Jaina and Rikki. You got upset when they decided to spend some time together. The fact that your sister likes her is a good thing, from what I understand she had a hard time reaching out to people after you died yet she’s reached out to Rikki and it’s been good for both of them. That’s something that should make you happy, not upset.” Luke paused and took a sip of coffee, hoping that he was making his point without making his nephew angry. “You have a life of your own too, you have friends and you’re interested in finding a way to make the Jedi Order work here. That’s admirable but it’s not something Rikki can help you with because she isn’t part of our world. Having separate interests, doing things apart from time to time isn’t bad, it makes the time you have together that much more special.” He wasn’t going to bring up Carol but it had hit him that that was what they had. She had a very important, stressful job and even though they worked at the same place, there were days when he didn’t see her at all. His job was busy as well and when they did have time together, they both were grateful for it. While they had a great deal in common, they also had their own interests too. “I never agreed with the Old Order’s feelings about attachment,” he went on. “I believe it’s important for a Jedi to have people in their lives that they care about. Family, friends, it helps you to understand what you’re protecting, what you’re fighting for. However it’s possible to become too attached. You have to remember that you’re still two people, you can’t hold on so tightly that there isn’t room to move. I know you and Rikki love each other, I have no doubt about that. I believe that the two of you were meant to find each other here, I can sense that, but you need to relax a little. She loves you, I can’t say she isn’t going anywhere because we both know there are no guarantees where that’s concerned but you have to let yourself be prepared for that possibility as much as that might hurt. I’m not saying to shut her out, I’m just saying relax and let yourself enjoy what you have.” Anakin's initial reaction was a flare up of protest. And as his Uncle continued his brow furrowed slightly, protestations and defence against every statement springing up almost as soon as Luke said them. It hadn't been about Rikki and Jaina spending time together at all. He liked that they were spending time together and he thought it was a good thing too. And it also wasn't as if he and Rikki spent every waking moment together. A lot of them, sure, but not every one. She had work, he had classes, they both had patrols with the allies and they didn't always patrol together. Sometimes he patrolled with Anya and her with Jon, or he worked with Bucky and she worked with Jon. And he knew that there were no guarantees. He might not be living in a war zone at the moment, but in a way he still was despite the normality of every day. He and Rikki both were, because so long as they were here they were fine. As long as they were here they were alive and they could have each other - well, assuming Onslaught didn't show up here, which was a whole other thing that Anakin had spent way too much time trying to prepare for the possibility of - but the instant the tesseract took either of them they were dead. He tried to do exactly what his Uncle was suggesting and relax and enjoy everything, but his Uncle wasn't living with that hanging over his head and Anakin was pretty certain he didn't understand what it was like. All things considered Anakin thought he did a pretty good job of being relaxed when what he really wanted was a lifetime to be with Rikki and he knew it too likely that he would have at most a few years - if that - he couldn't help but feel like he'd been extremely restrained. He turned the mug around in his hands staring at the remaining centimeter or so of cooling, brown liquid in the bottom of it, his expression somewhat stony as he tried to sort out what to say and to cool the emotional reaction that would do him no favors in this conversation. "The other night wasn't like that," he finally said. The truth was he still wasn't really certain why he'd gotten so upset. He didn't own Rikki Barnes, and he never would, and she did her own thing, and she always would, and that was a huge part of what he loved about her. Normally it didn't bother him, but that night it had. And maybe it was just because he'd felt off kilter after having been his brother for two days. It was the only explanation he'd been able to come up with. "It just -" he tightened his jaw. It was nervy of his Uncle to announce he was bringing a girl over and then chide Anakin on attachment. "I wasn't in a very good place. We do separate stuff all the time." And even to his own ears he sounded defensive and petulant and Anakin frowned, and then sighed, and forced himself to look over at Luke. "I know. All right? I know there are no guarantees here. And I know that she could leave-" his throat tightened and he swallowed and pushed on. "And I know the dangers of being too attached. Don't you think I've thought about this? After being here, after watching all of the films, carrying the name I do, do you think I'm unaware of any of this?" Luke studied his nephew as he spoke and he knew that he was trying to keep his emotions in check. He also realized that this had not been a good time to bring this up but then again, Luke Skywalker was not the best at timing. “Sometimes when we’re in a bad place, we do things we wish we hadn’t,” he said finally. “and I didn’t put it together until just now that you had just been in your brother’s body for two days before that. I...well I can’t imagine what that would be like, living in another person’s body. I might get my chance though from the things I hear about this place.” He certainly hoped not but if there was one thing Luke had learned about this world, it was to expect the unexpected. “I know you’re aware of all that and also that carrying your grandfather’s name isn’t easy. I carry the legacy too remember only not in my name but in my every deed. People back home probably take bets on when I’m going to screw things up and try to take over the galaxy,” he shook his head. “I’m sorry that I brought this up today. I threw something unexpected at you and then tried to talk to you about something serious. Clearly I have a lot to learn about this being a responsible adult role model thing.” Hopefully he got it worked out before he became a father at home. At least he hoped so. “Just...take some time for you, give her some time for herself. I know it’s hard when you want to spend as much time with her because you feel like there is never enough time…” for a moment he thought of Mara, of the years they had wasted before he finally accepted that he’d been wrong and that she had been trying to show him that all along. How different would their lives had been if he had listened to her before he did. “but regrets aren’t good for anything except making a person feel bad so...I’m sorry. My timing sucks but please understand that I love you even if I don’t say it and that I only want what’s best for you and want you to be happy. I’m glad you’ve found someone who makes you happy. You deserve that.” Anakin really wanted to continue to be upset with his Uncle. He still felt a little defensive even though he knew he'd had the conversation with himself a dozen times. What would he do to protect Rikki? What wouldn't he do. And he had even talked about it with Rikki and he knew if he ever compromised his beliefs to save her - she would be furious and hurt and while he couldn't guarantee that in a moment he might make a bad choice he knew that it wasn't just about him and what he wanted. And Rikki would never want him to harm someone else or endanger the world for her sake. With the possibility of not just the Tesseract but Onslaught somehow creeping through it wasn't just an intellectual exercise - losing Rikki was something that sooner or later Anakin would be faced with. He breathed out in a frustrated sigh. "Yeah I know. It's okay. It's not-" he wrinkled up his nose. "It's not like I've exactly shared what I've been thinking about with you. But I do love her. And Rikki would never want me to compromise my values because of her. I had a bad day. I'm not taking up Sith teachings, okay?" “I know you love her and you’re right, she wouldn’t want you to compromise your values. I might not know her as well as you do but I do know that much,” Luke was relieved that they seemed to have gotten past the rough spot or so he thought and he had no intentions of making it worse if he could help it. “and I’m glad you’re not taking up Sith teachings because I’m pretty sure that despite the way things turned out, your grandfather would be dead set against you doing that.” He didn’t say that Jacen would be because truthfully he didn’t know. Jacen was still searching, Luke could sense that much and he wished that he could help him find whatever it was he was looking for. Anakin managed a small smile at that. Family demons and if you couldn't halfway joke about them what then? But they were not banished completely and they probably never would be as long as he was alive. It was one thing to know at home he died in that light, but here he was still living, still choosing, still facing bad days and the temptation to save someone he loved regardless of the cost. "I chose to be a Jedi long before I met Rikki," he finished off the last of his coffee in one gulp. It was definitely cold. "I'm still a Jedi. But she's been helping me figure out what that looks like here. It's all choices -- good or bad, light or dark. I'm not interested in the dark. Not at home and not here. I'll do everything I can to protect people, but only from love and faith and light. Not from fear or shadows. Rikki hasn't changed that choice. She's just reminding me every day why I make it." “That’s the difference between a Sith and a Jedi,” Luke said. “and we all need someone in our life who helps us to understand the choices that we make. I’m still trying to figure out for myself what being a Jedi is this world. You’re helping me do that. You ask me questions that I don’t know the answer to sometimes and I have to search inside myself to figure them out. That challenges me and I’m very grateful that I have you to do that.” he put his now empty cup on the table. “We’ve made the choice to protect those we care about and the people who live here maybe not in a formal way but if this Tower ever needed to be protected from a threat I believe that all of us would choose to do that if necessary.” Luke knew that for him there would be no choice. He would fight to save this world even if it wasn’t his home. He couldn’t let innocent people suffer, that wasn’t the way of the Jedi. Anakin nodded, so far he wasn't certain how much help he'd really been here. When people had needed help he'd been in a coma laying somewhere unable to help anyone, even take care of himself, but if he could and if he was able he knew he'd be doing whatever he could to help people here. But for the moment, he really didn't want to risk some other conversation, so he stood up and picked up his Uncle's empty cup to take back to the kitchen with him. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if he should expect Carol there tonight, but then he figured it was probably implied, and he really didn't want to know, so instead he just offered his Uncle a smile. "Yeah, so uh, I should get ready and you should too. Mom will probably kill us if we're late." |