"No, no," Sam said. "I don't want to go back. Not yet." And not to deal with the current crisis. If there was a reason to go back, it was because of Cas and Dean. But he'd talked to Cas, and he seemed fine. Relatively speaking. Even if he was there, he wasn't sure there was much he could do about that, but he worried anyway.
Worrying, fearing, that was the point, wasn't it? They were awful feelings, but they mattered. He was terrified of what he was about to do because it mattered. She mattered, so much.
"I know it's tiring," he said. "The worrying. The life that... happens around me. Not that it's new for you, just maybe on a bigger scale. I really hope the good outweighs the bad, though." He smiled, then, because he'd known she was going to say that. "No, not a pony. Something good, though. I think so, at least. I hope you do, too."
It felt so... average, anticlimactic, the words that were leading up to this. He felt as if he ought to give some sort of big speech, that there ought to be more ceremony to the whole thing. Taking another breath, he tried to find the right words. "I know this isn't perfect timing, with... Dean, and your friends having barely had time to adjust to being here--" to Veronica being with him, he meant, mostly in Logan's case-- "and I was going to wait until some of that had been sorted out, but..."
None of this was coming out right. He reached for her hand with one of his, the other going to his pocket, and swallowed, meeting her eyes. "I love you. I want you, I need you, I trust you, I respect you, I admire you, and... I told you I was going to do this, so I hope you're ready to say yes." He brought out the hand that held the jewelry box, fingers closed around it, and pressed it against her palm, his hand still covering it from view. But it was probably obvious from the shape and weight of it what it was, and after a moment he withdrew his hand so she could look at it properly, and open it.
He didn't ask, will you marry me, even though he'd been planning to, because when the moment came it didn't feel right. Even if that was going to be part of the bargain, assuming she wanted it. Instead, he said, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter what else happens. I'm really hoping you feel the same way."
There was more to it than that. But he figured she had to say yes before he explained the rest.