I think there's something valuable in the "born this way" idea. There are parts of ourselves that we should accept because we cannot change them, parts of us that are intrinsic to our nature. And I imagine there are some kids it was a comfort to, knowing that they were born a certain way, and it was nothing they did, that it's not something that goes away, it's not something that they can consciously shape to be more socially acceptable. I see a benefit to avoiding the rhetoric of choice in those cases. To remove choice from the equation makes your identity more difficult to undermine when you're talking to bigots who would have you choose again.
But the "born this way" idea, I think, is a product of a broken system. It assumes that no one would choose to be queer. And while we say no one would choose it because it's a more difficult life -- that straight people aren't better, but being straight is clearly better -- it does reinforce, on some level, the idea that queer relationships are second-class. That no one would choose to have one if they could just be straight instead.
And that, among other things, really alienates a large class of more fluid people from the queer community who ultimately do have some degree of choice in how their sexuality presents. It splits the community between monosexuals and nonmonosexuals. It may create inroads between different varieties of monosexuals, but at the expense of another branch of the community, and ultimately while reaffirming harmful ideas.
I don't imagine that this genetic essentialism is something that many transgender and genderqueer people find especially inclusive, either.
Anyway.
I know what you mean when you tell me to "look like you." Because there are shapes that feel like me and shapes that don't. There's a reason I don't go around dressed as David Beckham all day, and it's not just because it would make special occasions less special. It's different, finding a sense of identity when you can consciously shape it, or when you know your identity was consciously shaped by others. When you were made.
But I like the way you look. So I'm fine fi you keep it.