Ben Reilly (theotherparker) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2014-08-22 23:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, ben reilly / spider-man (616) |
Who: Ben Reilly
When: Friday night, August 22, 2014
Where: His bedroom, Forest Hills, Queens
What: Ben takes some refuge in his room to let everything from the family meeting sink in.
Rating: PG13? Lots of angst, mental anguish, and depressing thoughts.
So, this was it… Ben breathed out a heavy sigh as he sagged heavily onto his bed, the strength leaving his whole body. Door closed; locked. Curtains drawn. Finally safe to let down the strong, responsible face that’d take care of dealing with selling the house. Finally safe to just let it all wash over him now that he was alone. Again. Just the universe balancing out to the status quo. Again. Right? Nothing ever lasted, especially for him. The past always caught up in some way and tore the present apart. A snort of wry amusement. And to think he was going to joke that his life was going great and he was happy in order to get Kaine to come to the family meeting… and now he just had another bag to pack up. Another place to leave behind. Move on. Find another place. Maybe the next would last the optimistic three months. More likely it’d be less… So what if this was the first home Ben Reilly had ever had. It didn’t matter. He just had to let it go. Just like ditching ‘his’ apartment all those years ago. Visiting Aunt May’s house that one last time. Getting on that bus and leaving NYC in his dust. Just pretend he could actually let it all slip away and not matter to him. After all, he knew somewhere deep inside that this was going to fall apart. From the start, he tried hard not to think of it as home. Things always went wrong. They never lasted. Better to keep that duffle bag packed and ready to grab like he always did. But months passed and even if things were rocky, they were a family. It was a life. Slowly it creeped in. Actually thinking about what color to paint his room. Picking something that resonated like Sookie had said. For once in his life, actually settling down. And after Kaine had run that first time around Christmas… Ben’d let his guard down. He let himself see this place as home. Actually used the word both out loud and in his head. And now… This was it… May and Aracely back to their worlds. Kaine running away again, but this time… Pete running away with MJ too. To the club and their new home. One that would be open to May if she ever returned. Just leaving him and JD… And Ben was too tired to fight… Too tired to spout the same old optimistic bullshit that May and Aracely would be back in no time. Not when the Tesseract’s victim was the niece he’d pointlessly fought to give the best life she could have and he would never get to meet. Not when months and months had passed with still no sign of Reilly or Janine. Too tired to just focus on all the things to be grateful for. Kind of hard to focus on the good when his family was falling apart… Awwww, look at the little puppet. Still pretending he’s actually human. Ben scrubbed a hand across his face and pushed himself up off his bed. Right, packing. Move forward. Just follow the same old actions and not… not dwell on that. He knew where that road led and there was no convenient caretaker to pretend to be his friend and make sure he made it to the final showdown here. He carefully pried one picture from the wall, then another. Just pack up another box. Stow it away. Another role and play done. Time to head on to the next stage and leave everything else behind. After all, clones didn’t have homes. Clones didn’t have family. Clones didn’t have futures. He just needed to actually get that through his thick skull for once so that the universe could stop sending him reminders. |