Pepper/Jon.
I am understanding that now. The others influencing us.
I never thought of what I did beyond the facts or orders of it. I doubt if I had the conclusions would be any . But lately, I have found myself questioning my history with my Order and i guess my future? And then questioning if I should even be questioning it at all. And it leaves me feeling almost adrift, I suppose?
But I thought. Even if I am mediocre as a secretary, I knew where I did fit in. And, I found them, you know, when I was in Egypt. But it was no homecoming, more a strange aversion. I don't think I could return to that life even if they would take me.
But, then I don't know where I do, fit in or if I can even afford to be having this crisis of false choice right now.
It seems most former assassins to whom I have spoken are motivated by some drive to atone or great guilt or self-doubt. And I do not feel those, nor do I have the wish nor leisure to so dis- and reassemble myself to see if I do. Or hear I told you so from certain parties.