Oh, for fuck's sakeAt least your older self had the forethought to write all of it down.
There's no way to really do this gently, so I shall do it as one pulls off a plaster: quickly and with minimal fuss.
1. We are in an alternate reality. 2. Our magic still works. 3. There is no wizarding world as we know it, everyone is a Muggle. 4. There is no Godric's Hollow. 5. You're in New York City, in 2014. 6. I have a very large box of Honeyduke's chocolates and I'm willing to share. 7. I don't know what else to tell you, but I'll answer any questions you've got.