Agent Ward, LEOPARD (grantward) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2014-05-09 15:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, grant ward |
Narrative; Grant Ward
Who: Grant Ward
When: May 9, 2014
Where: The bus en route to Bethesda.
What: Reflections.
Rating: Low
Status: COMPLETE.
We’re her family. Coulson's words echoed through Ward's mind as they'd prepped Skye to be moved to the bus: as he'd gone through flight prep checklists: and as he'd found himself on board with all of those tasks done and staring out the window where he'd sat with Skye dozens of times over the past few months. The familiarity of the clouds outside the window was comforting, as was the Coke in his hand, while everything else around him was less than comforting.. Everything had gone wrong. Whatever Coulson might say Ward did blame himself and he was pretty damn certain that he should blame himself. He'd been aware of things Coulson had not been - could not be aware of - so how could Ward not find himself at fault that Skye had been injured in the process? Shooting Skye had never been part of the plan. And finding it actually truly difficult that she had been shot? That also had not been part of the plan. He grimaced, took another sip of the soda, and released his breath. On the other hand, he was her SO and making certain she got out of missions all right or at least prepping her with the tools she'd need to accomplish that task was part of the turf. It was impossible in this situation to offer her the same opportunities to learn to take care of herself that he'd had himself. But the fact that he hadn't succeeded in spite of those odds only spoke against his ability to perform this job competently. Coulson was kind - too kind - in his assessment of the situation and while that might be comfortable, and it had no place in the life of a grown man who ought to be able to be a competent supervising officer by now. The difficulty in accepting Skye's injury and current impossible status was in no way indicative of his attachment to her, but rather his frustration in having mucked up the mission. Grant stood in silence for a moment, and then equally silently raised the can to his lips for a drink. Family. Grant Ward didn't have family -- he had missions and people who were a part of those missions or not. Skye was a part of his mission right now. She was undeniably part of those missions and Grant was realizing between sips of this unfortunately non-alcoholic drink that he hadn’t wanted that to change. It was a realisation he should probably cull before that want began to influence anything further, but in the moment it was useful because Coulson also didn’t want to lose Skye. The orders he’d given to the team made it unmistakably clear that this was the case. This half-mad trek to save Skye - something Grant wasn’t certain could even be done - it was a play he wouldn’t have considered whatever other things he had considered. In some idealized world that Ward had only ever belonged to via appearances - there was the notion of family, some sort of world where parents and kids didn't get along but came to amicable solutions in 30 minutes of life punctuated by laugh tracks, where caring for each other wasn't the weakness likely to get yourself killed, but the foundation on which those solutions were built. He’d never believed it existed anywhere other than Full House or Home Improvement and he’d never much related to those pieces of fantasy that didn’t resemble his life at all. Family wasn’t something that Ward ever claimed to be looking for. Being a part of a team wasn’t something he’d ever looked for either, but he was part of the team - or at least he was playing that role for today. Ward had heard it said that the best actors found something of themselves in the character they were playing. And Grant Ward was the best or at the very least one of the best -- even when put up against Fury’s favourites. Skye: Coulson: The team: Weakness? Or part of the role he was playing? There was the answer he'd give John Garrett. And there was the truth. And even Grant Ward couldn’t say for certain if those two things were the same. Glass empty, Ward shook his head briefly and cleared thoughts of Skye away. Whether she remained a part of the mission he was on, or not, the mission still existed, and May might have some of the answers he needed and it was something to keep the thoughts at bay. |