edward cullen vs. being away from bella when he knows she's in mortal danger: part 1. [Filtered: Private]
Is this my punishment for giving into the selfish desire to love her up close? Being held a dimension away, unable to even know if she is alive. Her fragile heart may have wrung out its last beat and I would not know. I may never know. This is more frustrating than she is.
How am I supposed to live without her? Alice. Alice won't let her come to harm, not if she can help it. She wouldn't have been so insistent to begin a friendship with Bella and then let her easily die. [...] But what will Alice see, now that I am no longer present to pollute the future? Will Bella be able to live a normal human life [...] or will they turn her to keep her safe from James? If Alice says it is the only way, they will listen to her. Even Carlisle.
She would have been right to hate me. I never should have came back to Forks. It would have been better if I'd left and never returned when I had the chance to do so, without arousing suspicions. I'm no use to her here. I have to find a way back to her, even if if I have to leave her again once her life and her immortal soul are safe. Knowing that she is well and happily married to anyone, even the wolf, would be more of a balm than I deserve, monster that I am.