ᴍᴀᴋᴏ ᴍᴏʀɪ (copilot) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-10-23 00:18:00 |
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Mako sat next to Herc on the train. She felt so small next to him, but not as small as she used to feel. It felt as if Herc took up much more room before. Maybe not physically, but he’d been in her life almost as long as Sensei had been. Now it felt like only half of him existed. Though, she was still eight inches shorter than him. Wearing civilian clothes and having no clipboard to clutch, no paperwork to shuffle helped her feel smaller. They were going around the city together. She wanted to see the libraries and the museums. Apparently she was babysitting the Hansens now. Mako felt she was getting in the way of Raleigh’s life-- he saved hers, like Pentecost did. But unlike Pentecost, she couldn’t figure out how to repay him, other than let him have the future he wanted. The drift hangover was fading. (She missed him, a bit). When the automated voice told them the name of the next stop, Mako leaned towards Herc’s ear and spoke, “Do you remember which stop we need?” Herc was lost in his own thoughts until he heard Mako's voice again, drawing him back to the present. He turned to glance at her, and then slowly nodded. "Next one." A month there in New York had given him a slight edge on his friends; he'd gotten to know the city marginally, and now that he understood, the subway was easier to navigate. Outside of his son, he had to admit that he was happiest to see Mako. Mako was his only remaining connection to a man who'd been his friend for ten years, a man he missed every day. She wasn't Stacker, but she was his daughter, and once Stacker was gone, Mako was all the family Herc had left. Just because Chuck was there didn't mean that had changed for Herc; he still owed Stacker and he was still going to look out for Mako like she was his own. "Decided which museum you want to visit first?" he asked next, cautiously eyeing the other people on the train like he didn't quite trust them. "I hear the view's nice from the top of the Met." Surprising no one, Mako felt the same way about Herc-- he was the closest thing to family she had left. She would have to keep going down the line. Even Newt counted as family. Humans, humans that went through what she did. They were all family now. But Herc knew her when she was small, and he had his own kid. So he was legit daddy-material. “Did you go to any yet? I don’t want to make you go through the same ones.” She had several brochures under her bum that she pulled out to look at. “It’s nice that all this stuff is still intact…” It wouldn’t take much to impress their crowd. If it was still standing, it was awesome. "Not yet, don't worry. I was waiting for you." He said it with a smile, and though he wasn't exactly serious, he was glad to have waited. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been to a museum - there weren't museums dedicated to the Jaeger Program yet, or even exhibits, but Herc was involved in the planning stages for several - and he was glad they all had this chance. A chance for a normal life, to be tourists, to not worry about self-sacrifice for a while. "I'd like to see San Francisco again," he added, thinking about all the places that were in tact here that weren't in their world. Manhattan had its own damage, but it was nothing like San Francisco, or Sydney, or Hong Kong, or any of the other cities that'd been hit. "The bridge. Maybe even go home if I can." Mako folded her brochures back up. She bowed her head and she did so. Mako couldn’t bear to see Tokyo again. Even if it wasn’t wrecked, it would still make her sad. She decided against telling Herc her thoughts on that. “I bet Sydney is nice this time of year. Warmer.” Her smile was tight and a little forced. It was hard to complain about anything, considering what they came out of. The weather was nothing. He said he was waiting for her and she knew he was joking. He was waiting for Chuck, and Chuck had no idea how nice it was to have someone like that. Raleigh wasn't waiting for her, and neither was Sensei. “If you go, I would like to visit with you. We will need to find jobs first!” (Honestly, she wanted to scream). “Warm and sunny.” Herc had no doubt it would be hard - probably even harder than it was to visit Sydney the last time he’d been there, to put Chuck to rest - but he couldn’t deny the draw to his homeland either. He was Australian through and through, and nothing would change that. Nowhere else would be home, even if Sydney wasn’t that anymore either. He gave her a small, albeit warm, smile. “Do you know what you want to do here?” Herc was still having trouble deciding. The only option that seemed to fit his skills at all involved joining SHIELD, but Herc didn’t know if he wanted to start at the bottom of any organization again. He’d been ready to retire when Trespasser arrived, and now he was in charge of the entire Jaeger Program himself. Starting over wasn’t appealing anymore, but what other choice did he have? “I’m thinking SHIELD might need a pilot, even if they don’t have jaegers.” Mako sat up straight and laced her fingers over her lap. “I do not know. Newt and I spoke of robbing a bank.” She said it just to see how Herc reacted. Mako paused, but only for a beat. “We could pool our minds. Our knowledge on Jaegers and drifting could be worth something.” She wasn’t sure what-- something she and Newt already talked about. It seemed like a waste not to concentrate on it any longer. “I want to work but I also want to relax. I went out to eat with Chuck, did I tell you that?” For a split second, Herc actually couldn’t tell how serious Mako was. It sounded like an idea Newt would come up with - something completely off the wall and dangerous and more than a bit stupid - and he was glad that Mako continued so he wouldn’t have to lecture her like Stacker would have. Their knowledge was something special only they had; no matter how much their fans in this world thought they knew, it would never come close to the knowledge and expertise that he, Mako, Chuck, Raleigh and Newt had. The only question was where would they go to share that information? The government seemed a likely first step, since the PPDC was so closely linked to the governments of every member of the United Nations, but there could be something in the private sector too. Tony Stark had robot suits, after all (did he still? Herc wasn’t sure, but he recalled seeing all of the suits destroyed when he watched that movie so many years ago, and news reports seemed to indicate they weren’t far past that moment in reality.) “No, you didn’t,” he answered, trying not to look too curious (and too hopeful as a result). Instead, he kept the same mild interest on his face as he always had when she was talking to him. “You two deserve the chance to relax.” More than anyone, he thought. Mako and Chuck hadn’t known that since they were children. “How did lunch go?” The phrase, “you two” caught her a little off guard. It was kind of heavy subject. She was always alone, despite her attempts to not be alone-- trying to be someone’s copilot, trying to make friends. Eventually she stopped trying, because too many people annoyed her. Too many people saw driving a Jaeger as-- well, not as a responsibility. Pilots took the places of rock stars and it annoyed her so much more. No, you can’t pilot a Jaeger. No, no one will appreciate all the work you do do. And then she found Raleigh and she was one of two. But that didn’t last long. She ached for the Shatterdome, it gave her a reason. It gave her the drift. (What a selfish thought, Mako. Push that from your mind. Work with what you have, as you always have). “I tried to talk to him about what happened. He wouldn’t go for it.” That didn’t surprise Herc. Chuck hadn’t wanted to talk to him about practically anything since the day Herc had to tell him about his mother, and no one else had ever had much luck talking to him about anything serious, either. If someone stuck to the things Chuck cared about most (the jaegers, his dog), they’d get somewhere. But anything difficult, anything personal? Forget about it. That didn’t mean Herc didn’t hope to hear something else, however. He held onto a rope all through Chuck’s teenage years, holding out hope that one day, Chuck would come around. That rope frayed and frayed until it was barely there at all, and Herc stopped expecting it would ever happen. For two people so in sync, they were remarkably poorly adjusted. The train slowed. “Our stop.” It was convenient for Herc: he had something else to do than sit there and think about how much he’d failed his son, and how helpless he felt to support him now. Could he even support someone who probably didn’t want it? (At the back of his mind, he reminded himself that what Chuck had really wanted all along was his father. Herc knew that from the drift, but it was hard to give that to Chuck when he was always rebuffed.) Mako stood and zipped up her hooded jacket. It wasn’t standard issue. That was strange. Shopping would be difficult. Mako didn’t like the idea that she was stuck here, but she did like the one where she went through thrift shops and bought old lady cardigans. Mako waited for Herc to walk ahead of her. It wasn’t a man vs woman thing, it was a rank vs rank thing. He was still the Marshal to her, he took the place of Pentecost. “Would you like me to try again? I probably will, there are things I want to talk to him about…” She trailed off, realizing she spoke too much and used a moment to concentrate on not getting shoved as people exited the train. Not pausing to let her go first (as he might have tried years ago, before he really understood where she was coming from), Herc instead began to muscle his way through the crowd, paving a path for her. Much like his son and Stacker paved a way for her before. The similarity took him off guard and he hesitated, waiting for the memory to subside as it always did. When it passed, he glanced over his shoulder at Mako, only just a second. He would try to figure out a way to answer her once they were clear of the crowd, and once he wasn’t so afraid of losing her too. On the platform, he slowed so she could fall into stride beside him. “If that’s what you think is best,” he answered, his voice sounding hollow and far-away. “I’d ask, but I doubt he’d talk to me.” He paused, wondering what it was she wanted to talk to him about, and wishing it wasn’t what he thought it was. “He might talk to you.” Mako stood taller for a moment. She lived for praise, even if it was a small amount. She almost asked, do you think so? Really? but instead narrowed her eyes. “Maybe.” Mako wanted everyone to be happy. That was what they fought for, for so long. She climbed the stairs up out of the subway. “It wasn’t long ago he told me I was a goddamn disgrace.” She looked at Herc. She knew none of that was true. Chuck didn’t think that way. Pentecost was proud of her. But she still looked so sad. It wasn’t long ago he reminded me that I hadn’t raised him at all, Herc thought, and while it wasn’t true that Mako was a disgrace, what he’d said to Herc had been true. It still hurt. He expected it would hurt every day for as long as he lived. “You know it isn’t true,” he told her gently, almost as a father would have. He’d always wanted to protect Mako, even when he knew she could take care of herself. He’d wanted to give her what he couldn’t manage to give to Chuck. “He was angry --” Herc shook his head. “Afraid.” So much of Chuck’s bravado and anger came out of a place of fear in one way or another. He didn’t trust anyone but himself, and he didn’t want to put his faith in someone else, not after how badly his own father had let him down. “He didn’t mean it. But you… you were just as great as I always thought you would be.” Mako stopped for a second and nearly did something crazy. Nearly. She wanted to hop up and hug him and press her cheek to his. But instead she just smiled up at him. “We were all scared.” Even her sensei, who was the most badass man she had ever met. He was scared. It was their last chance. Mako nearly ran into an old lady with a standard sized poodle because she was grinning stupidly up at Herc. She apologized and resisted the urge to bow. As Mako stopped, so did Herc, almost in unison, even though they’d never drifted together. That was one of the side effects he’d heard of, and felt, after a pair of pilots had been together for a long enough time. You never really lost the drift: you thought in unison, you moved in unison. It never stopped unless someone died or left. Herc had experienced both of those situations now, and each time had left him feeling empty in different ways. He smiled at the old woman and inclined his head slightly. When she passed, he turned his gaze towards Mako again. “We were. Even me. I’m not excusing his behaviour. Just… explaining.” Herc knew his son better than anyone, even when he didn’t know how to act on it. “I wish I could understand him.” Very offhand, but god did she ever wish it was true. For the longest time, Chuck was the only one close to her in age. They could have been great friends. They could have been co-pilots. Maybe it would have been different. All of it. What was the point in daydreaming? Mako tucked the brochures she still carried into her back pocket. Gently, unsure, she put her arm around Herc’s. Like a small child attempting to not lose their parent. Like a girl at prom… somewhere in between. “The war is over and we are here now. We are halfway there.” Herc wished for that, too. He didn’t say so because he knew Mako knew already. She’d been closer to the Hansens than most people could say, and she was a smart girl. He knew she’d picked up on enough without ever having to tell her a thing. Instead, he let her take his arm and his smile grew a touch warmer. She was wise beyond her years. He’d always seen that, and he knew Stacker had too. He’d just had the same tinted glasses on that Herc always had when dealing with Chuck: he was a parent, too. “One foot in front of the other, yeah?” That was the only way he knew how to get on with his life, and it held true even with Chuck there. “We’ll get there.” He just had to try, this time. He had to try harder than he’d ever imagined with Chuck. “We’ll get there,” he repeated, for his own benefit rather than hers. He’d been damned if he was going to let the same thing happen here, too, and maybe if he told himself that enough, he might stand a chance. |