Who: Veronica Mars What: Processing Alone Where:Montauk, Long Island When: Saturday night, late Rating: Low, sad Status: complete narrative
The waves crashed loudly enough, from where Veronica sat, legs dug into the sand, that everything else was drowned out. Her fingers, now filthy from her long sit at the beach, continuously sifted the sand. She could hear the seagulls fly above her, and even though she recognized that she was cold, she didn't much care. She was so numb, she didn't much feel the chill that had seeped around her, even as her body shivered. Her hair was windblown and full of sand and salt, and she wasn't sure if the salt she tasted now was from the sea air or her tears, which were flowing freely even now.
Why did the Tesseract have to tease her like that? Bring her one of her best friends, make her feel like she had connections that she could be here without being sad again, only to take them away. Lilly and Mac had both come and gone within the span of a month, and Veronica was just so TIRED of feeling like she could lose everything at a moment's notice. When she came back to the apartment from a long day at school and at work only to see her apartment boxed up, the notice from SHIELD casually left on the table, something in Veronica died. Part of her had wanted to run to Sam immediately, even though she knew he was at work and busy, and part of her just wanted to be ALONE and AWAY. Not thinking, she put Titan's leash on, and brought him to Jo with very little explanation. All she took was some money for the train and that was it. Without a plan or anything with her, she took the LIRR to basically the end, finding herself in Montauk.
She hadn't thought about it, but as soon as she walked off the train and through the town to the beach, she felt like she found a place for her to have her grief. She'd sank into the sand, and there she had stayed, all the cold night into the next morning. It was late in the season, and she hadn't gotten much in the way of looks from people. People walked past without giving her a second glance, and it was nice, for a while, to just stare without thinking. Because once she let herself think, she couldn't stop crying. The sounds of the ocean drowned out her sobs, her head rested on her knees, and the seagulls swooping, trying to find a meal. The tide came in and the tide came out and Veronica was alone. She knew it was ridiculous. She had so many friends here, she had Sam, and Dean, and Jo, and Sherlock and Buffy and all the friends she had collected along the way. She had more love than she'd ever felt in her life. But Mac coming and going had done a bit to break her. It could all go in a moment. Sam...
She sifted the sand through her fingers even more, and she felt a swelling in her heart that was equal parts pain and pleasure. She loved Sam. She was pretty sure she didn't want to live in any world without him. And she knew, with a kind of shocking certainty, that she wanted to marry him and spend her life with him. But she also was afraid. They had promised each other so long ago not to get attached but there wasn't any way to do that. She had found her perfect other half. And the tesseract could take him away at any moment. Veronica couldn't let that happen, but she didn't know how to stop it either.
She couldn't stay on this beach forever. Suddenly she missed her phone, missed Sam's voice, missed his warm, strong arms, and his lips on her temple, on her lips...as sad as she was, she needed him.
It took her a while to stand, after over 24 hours sitting on a beach with neither food nor water. She was full of sand, salt, and sadness, and she was sure she looked a mess. She didn't think Sam would care. She dusted herself off, and made her way back to the train, to make the long, lonely journey home, to her empty apartment and to Sam's love.