Re: Angel | Sam
I'm in the camp that doesn't believe my life is being written out for me. Well, it was to an extent at home-- being written by God, actually. But I believe that my life came first and then was written about, particularly in terms of this universe. My life is still crap, but it's mine, not Eric Kripke's. I think your show was created by someone else, but it does look like we've got a lot in common.
But regardless of who's responsible for our futures at home, this isn't home. Maybe trying to be good at home is futile, but it's not futile here. You're here with your soul intact and in control of your actions, and you can do exactly what you said and not kill anyone. You can do good with the time you have here, and if you're lucky it might be a good long time. Everyone seems to go back eventually, but that doesn't mean our time here doesn't count. Even if you disappear back home and forget all this, people here can remember you as a good person. Don't throw your chance at that away.
Especially since people here care about you. Your life is valuable to them, even if it isn't to you. And watching someone you care about try to throw their life away can really fuck you up on the inside. Don't put them through that, especially if it might end up being for nothing.
Don't worry about burdening me, okay? Because talking to someone who understands what you've been through is really helpful in learning to deal with it, and that goes both ways. You'll tell me about your problems, I'll commiserate, and well both end up being lighter for it. That's how this works, in my experience. Really, you'll be helping me as much as I'm helping you, because I could stand to talk more about this crap too. And helping someone who's been through the same kind of hell you have would feel pretty good, wouldn't it? Thats what you'll be doing if you talk to me, just like I'll be trying to help you.
So just start trying to deal with this, one day at a time. No one expects you to pull it all together immediately, least of all me, but I've had eight months to deal with my own problems and trust me, it gets easier. I'll be here to help however I can in the meantime.