Look, if you didn't want something, and you're doing it anyway because it feels necessary, there's a certain amount of selflessness in that. It may be misguided, or not ultimately heroic, or actually necessary in the end, but you are not doing the selfish thing, because the selfish thing would be to do what you want.
Does Quentin know you helped hurt Alice?
Is that why you never mentioned that you were married at home?