Entry tags:

!log/thread, doctor (13), river song

Who: River & The Doctor (13)
What: The Doctor's checking up on River.
When: A bit after the age-down.
Where: Around town.
Ratings/Warnings: Low.
Status: Complete.

She’d hardly been back in the TARDIS, back home a full day, and already River had needed an escape. She loved the Doctor, she did. And that was entirely the problem, wasn’t it? There was still a quiet whisper in the back of her mind warning her that if she let her guard down her worst fears might still become reality.

Sleep had been nearly impossible. And even if she didn’t require as much of it as most humans, she needed more than the Doctor. She was going to have to give in eventually.

So she slipped out of the TARDIS while her husband was otherwise occupied and found herself walking. She’d considered going back to the apartment she still kept. Maybe a nap would sort things out. For a while. She’d soon discarded the idea, not relishing the thought of an empty apartment and her ever-present nightmares. Perhaps she’d have tea instead.

The Doctor was worried. While River might have gone back to one of the TARDIS’s, she hadn’t come to visit her own yet and the Doctor hadn’t yet gotten word from her former self of anything either. Of course it would help if the Doctor checked her phone regularly, but it got lost… a lot. However, the Doctor had decided enough was enough - she was going to find her wife and prove to her that she wasn’t a danger.

Traveling with the TARDIS wouldn’t do - she’d hear it right away - so the Doctor decided to travel on foot. Of course, first she wanted to make sure River was alright, so when she did manage to find her - thanks to her screwdriver and a few licks of soil - she decided to play spy. Sunglasses on, the Doctor followed not-so-stealthily behind River with a magazine about bee keeping just in case River turned and she needed to pretend to read.

River might have been tired, but she was also on edge, and that only made her senses sharper. She’d realized she was being followed relatively quickly. It took her only slightly longer to determine who was following her.

Under different circumstances, she might have laughed. It was good to know her wife still entirely lacked a sense of subtlety, though she almost undoubtedly thought she was better at it than she was. She let it continue a while longer, not yet ready to face another Doctor so soon.

But she couldn’t put her off forever, and as much as she hated admitting it, she did feel terribly guilty. Stepping around a corner, River stopped and waited for her wife to catch up.

“You really shouldn’t be sneaking up on me right now.” It was meant as a gentle reprimand, but mostly, she just sounded tired.

So far she had determined that River was doing alright. Something was still bothering her, obviously, but at least she looked like she was doing well. The Doctor wished she could help her wife out more, but she had no idea how.

The Doctor tensed a little, lifting up her magazine for a moment and then, when she realized the ‘jig was up’, lowered the magazine. She kept the shades on for another moment though. “How did you know it was me?” She frowned a little, but it was all in good nature.

She reached up, smiling fondly as she brushed the backs of her fingers across the Doctor's cheek, her touch feather-light. “Sweetheart, you would have been hard to miss.”

But she wasn’t upset with her, not really. If anything, her expression hinted at guilt. “Now, why were you following me?”

Even if she already knew the answer, she’d happily delay the conversation as long as she could get away with it.

There was that blush again. Really, River was too good at it. She’d have to ask her other self if she managed to get him to blush, though whether he’d admit it or not was another question. She pushed her glasses up to sit on top of her head as she peered at River.

“Checking up on you. A house call, of sorts, only not in a house and I’m not a real Doctor.” She smiled, though, because she did want to check up on her.

Oh, she really was adorable this time around. And she had missed her. She’d missed them both.

“I’m fine, Sweetie,” she promised, and the smile almost made it believable. She was better than she had been. At least that much was true, or she never would have gone back to the TARDIS.

“I just needed time.” River gave her wife a pointed look. Then, much as she had with her husband when it came time to have this conversation, she started idly smoothing out invisible wrinkles in the Doctor’s clothes.

She watched River for a moment and her features suddenly softened to something more subtle concern. Her voice dropped a little. “You’re allowed to be scared, you know. But the River I know is brilliant at facing that sort of thing and showing fear a thing or two.” The Doctor looked at River with a sincere and earnest expression. “Believe it or not, I am quite capable of handling myself. And the reward always outweighs the risk when it comes to you.”

River’s hands stilled, but she stayed silent. Eventually, she sighed, hands dropping to the Doctor’s waist as she leaned in to rest her forehead against her wife’s, using the contact to remind herself she was still in control.

“You’ve always been willing to take the risk. What if I’m not?”

But she didn’t want the Doctor to think that meant she intended to run away again, so she pulled back to kiss her cheek and took her hand in a wordless request for her to walk with her. “Doctor, if I’d hurt either of you…”

The Doctor took River’s hand easily and started to walk beside her. One of the things that never got old from regeneration to regeneration was her enjoyment of handholding. She also really enjoyed running, but the Doctor thought better of it at the moment.

“But you didn’t. And you won’t. You seem to forget we’re quite capable of handling ourselves.” Of course they would probably not resort to harming Mels in any meaningful way, but the Doctor knew enough that that wouldn’t help her case. “And I think you need to give yourself more credit too.”

Her protest was almost immediate, a sure sign it was more lie than truth, at least in this context. “I give myself plenty of credit.”

She squeezed her hand. “And I know you are, dear.”

River let the quiet settle over them for a moment, considering how best to explain what she was thinking, what she was feeling. Darillium had gone a long way in teaching her to be more open, to hide the damage less. But it was still hard. And this face was so different from her husband’s, more open in some ways.

“You know what I’m capable of, Sweetie. Even after Mels, there were…moments.” The last came out sounding frustrated, but her voice softened again. “I worry, with her so recently resurfacing.”

She’d already had a similar discussion with her other Doctor. Between the company of the two of them and being back in the TARDIS, she was better. But it would take time yet for those fears to completely fade.

“And I think,” she added softly, “that both of you might be too worried about protecting me to look after yourselves.”

She always enjoyed it when River seemed to be able to get to the bottom of their actions. She was one of the few who could. Of course, many of her companions over the years finally understood them to some degree. It made the Doctor smile fondly.

“We’re old enough we just run on memory by now.” She winked playfully. Of course, what that said for her lack of memory sometime, she didn’t know, but she wasn’t about to tell River that particular quirk right now. “Besides, while I’ve only been married a few times, I’m pretty sure that’s how marriages work.” She’d been married a few times, now, but River’s had been the most involved…particularly because some of them, like with the Queen, it had been rather accidental.

She brought the Doctor’s hand to her lips and kissed it. “You worry about everyone else, my love. It’s my job to worry about you.”

And that was how this marriage worked. Or how River preferred it to work.

But something else Darillium had forced her to acknowledge was that the Doctor did love her. And when you loved someone, you worried.

The Doctor smiled and went silent for a moment and then seemed to jump with renewed energy. “We should get food. Burgers? Sushi?” She sucked in her breath excitedly. “Ice cream? Everyone loves ice cream? And it’s hot. People eat ice cream when it’s hot.” She wanted to make River smile, obviously

Even better than a smile, she got a laugh, faint but genuine. By far, the best part of having ended up here, River thought, was the extra time it had given her with these two absolutely ridiculous but impossibly wonderful idiots she’d married. She loved them so much it made her hearts ache.

“Would you like to get ice cream, Doctor?”

“Yes, I think so.” She paused. “You know, I’ve never asked, but do you have a favourite flavour? I always have a hard time choosing.” Anything put pear-flavoured, obviously. “So many different combinations, too. One time it took me an hour to decide. And don’t get me started on Gelato! Even harder!”

The Doctor did know where to go to get some, though, so she gestured for River to follow her and started leading this time.

“Of course, I have a favorite, Sweetie,” she said, knowing very well she wasn’t answering the question. A soft, fond smile lit River’s eyes as she followed her wife, fingers tightening around the hand in hers. She hoped she knew how much she loved her, hoped they both did, her Doctors.

“Do you think it’s going to take you an hour this time?” she asked, gently teasing.

“What? No” It was her first reaction, though she paused. “Well, maybe. Probably not. Fifty percent chance, really, but only if the town mixes its places up. Tumbleweed likes to stay the same more often than not, you know. Helpful to keep things straight.” Most of the time really. “If we can’t find it in a bit, I’ll just have to bring you to the TARDIS and make some myself.”

With another soft laugh, River gently pulled her in closer to her side. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

Then, as though only just realizing what she’d done, she tensed. But a moment later, she relaxed again, a sure sign she really was starting to feel more herself. “Ice cream, then.”