Qrow Branwen [RWBY] (qrow) wrote in thedisplaced, @ 2020-05-30 19:43:00 |
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The morning hadn't started well and Qrow wasn't counting on it getting any better. Never did, for him, and if it seemed like it was gonna? It was just to set him up for a harder fall later, one where he'd take everyone around him down with him. He shouldn't have agreed to have lunch with Clover, should have warned him away from him. Qrow had already left a few things broken in his wake that morning, after all. He was always dangerous to be around, but today it was so much worse.
Of course he hadn't said no, though. He couldn't ever say no when it was Clover asking.
It was the damn festival's fault. Partly. Mostly it was Qrow and his amazing ability to mess everything up. It would've been so easy, wouldn't it? Everyone else was getting into the spirit. He could've just pulled Clover in. Made up some excuse about feeling left out and kissed him. He could have played it off as a joke, if Clover had turned him down. Played it off, then died inside a little more.
But he hadn't. And Clover had stuck with him all night anyway. Felt sorry for him, maybe. Worried that Qrow would give in, unsupervised with all that liquor. And he wouldn't have been wrong. Qrow wanted a bottle of something right then, something to dull it until he didn't feel so much. Until it didn't feel like someone had carved something important out of his chest.
Qrow's fingers curled a little too tightly on the cup he was holding. "Last night..."
Did you see I was holding back? What would you have done if I tried it?
"One to write home about, huh?" Normal. Just be fucking normal, because Qrow would die inside for an eternity before he burdened Clover with his ugly, stunted feelings.
Clover’s feelings regarding the other night had been simple enough. He hadn’t been interested in anyone else. It was the mostly painfully ridiculous thing. Every time he thought that he’d managed to start being a reasonable human being and working through things that made him sure that he was moving on, something else happened. Qrow happened each and every time. But he hadn’t really minded people approaching him or flirting with him. He just hadn’t wanted to go off and sleep with some stranger he didn’t know. He knew it would probably help to blow off some steam and maybe be the start to actually getting over Qrow, but apparently he was too inept to take the help when it came. Especially since he’d wanted very badly to kiss Qrow. But boundaries were going to be respected and he wasn’t going to keep pushing something after Qrow had made it obvious he didn’t want to be anything more than friends. Best friends.
So he was trying to be friends and invite him over for lunch. It wasn’t lunch he’d made himself, but he’d gone and gotten it from the food court and brought it back. He was going to need to get used to spending time with Qrow as friends eventually and get over himself.
When Qrow brought up the festival, Clover took in a deep breath. “Yeah. I can only imagine the Team or James if they had encountered it.” He laughed to himself about it for a moment. “Marrow would probably have been the most excited of them all, honestly. Harriet would have hated it. Vine would have been fairly together about it and just observatory. Elm...honestly would have been the most trying of them all to have around.” Because she was somehow incredibly in tune with him and he didn’t really need anyone teasing him. “All in all, I think I would have come out of that with my entire team making fun of me. I can’t imagine how the kids would have taken it.”
"Yang woulda been a nightmare, hanging out in the grown up section just because she could," Qrow told him; it was half-hearted, though, not the way he normally sounded when he was talking about the kids. "Ruby and Nora woulda been shoveling as many sweets in their mouths as they could fit and then bouncing all over the place. Probably would've dragged Jaune, Ren, and Oscar with 'em. Blake... either keeping up with Yang or sneaking away with a book. Weiss mighta been horrified by the whole thing."
They would've made a good buffer though. A distraction from the fact that he was at something like that with Clover. Qrow could've ducked away to deal with the kids so he wouldn't have to watch Clover getting hit on.
Qrow knew he should have left it alone. It wasn't going to do him any good to pick at a scab just to see if it would still bleed. But Qrow... he was so used to things hurting that he didn't know how to live without it, he guessed. His voice dripped with venom when he asked, "And what about James?"
Clover chuckled as he talked about the kids. He wasn’t wrong. They’d probably all be doing exactly as Qrow said. It was weird to think about everyone. They weren’t even here. It was probably a good thing that some of his Team wasn’t there and with the way things had been with James, he didn’t think it was probably a good idea for him to be in situations that would cause him greater stress.
The shift in Qrow’s tone gave Clover pause and he looked over at the other man curiously for a moment. “It’s...nothing,” he said after a moment. “Forget I brought it up.” It wasn’t something he’d consciously done even if he knew that it was probably a sore subject and he looked down at the fabric of his trousers, running a finger idly over his knee. “I’m sorry.” He looked up at Qrow, fingers still fidgeting with the fabric on his knee. “I didn’t mean to bring...to talk about him.” He swore quietly under his breath. This was not what he’d wanted. He just wanted a nice night of overthinking and trying not to have feelings for Qrow.
"Of course you didn't." They'd said they were gonna focus on here and now, instead of back there and everything that happened before the Portal. Qrow had, mostly. They couldn't avoid it completely. Not when Clover was having nightmares about Qrow killing him.
Qrow hadn't been sure he wanted to talk about his side of the problem. He still wasn't sure, but here it still was, wasn't it? Clover was still talking about James like everything was okay, and for Qrow it couldn't ever be okay again. Not after what James had done. Not after what would've happened to Clover if the Portal hadn't taken them right when it did. And yeah, yeah, it was Qrow's fault too, and he was never going to stop blaming himself for it, but James...
"He tried to—maybe did—arrest my kids, Clover! He told you to arrest me! If he hadn't given that order, we would've made it back to Atlas and tossed Tyrion in jail with no problems and we coulda talked it all out." Qrow's voice had started raising, louder with every word; he hadn't realized that he'd been pushing himself out of his chair, too, until he was standing with his hands braced on the table. "And the worst part is you didn't even think about it! You just did what he told you without asking yourself if it was the right thing to do."
Qrow's chest was tight and painful. His eyes felt hot. "But yeah, go ahead and tell me what a good time we would've had if James had been here for the party."
It was...complicated. James had saved him, had been...someone he could put his trust in, could trust with him. And, yes, he was aware of what immediately choosing his side had inevitably meant for him. He wasn’t stupid. A lot of things could have went differently - should have went differently - but they hadn’t. They’d gone the way they had. But maybe…maybe they could have been worked out. James wouldn’t forgive his death so easily, but Tyrion had played his cards well.
“I know,” he said, voice calm. He forced himself to look at Qrow in that moment. “I know what happened. I haven’t forgotten it.” It would have been difficult to forget it. Maybe trying not to think about what happened back home wasn’t the way to go about it. Maybe they should have addressed it sooner. But having just nearly died and come back and then everything else - well, Clover had hoped that the subject wasn’t as serious as it was.
“Qrow.” He said the name quietly, not letting his own voice rise. “I’m not used to him...being a touchy subject. And I guess we probably should have addressed it already.” And maybe he shouldn’t have been so...easy with mentioning his name. He’d figure it out.
"Ya think?" Qrow wasn't being fair; he knew he wasn't being fair and that just made him angrier about it. He'd agreed with Clover. He'd gone along with it. Just because he hadn't told Clover that there were parts of that he wasn't okay with before it didn't give him the right to be like... this about it, now.
"He just gets off clear on this one, doesn't he? He's not here to defend himself, so what, we just let it go. I don't get to..."
Qrow didn't even know where to go with that. Normally... normally, there was one way he'd fix feeling this way, feeling any way at all, and that wasn't an option anymore. Neither was punching James right in that smug jaw of his. Neither was talking about his feelings, he guessed, since he was doing such a great job with that one.
Clover frowned. He didn’t know what to say to make it better or if he needed to make it better. Maybe he just needed to listen or let Qrow get whatever he was feeling off his chest. He didn’t know. “Okay. So talk. Whatever you’ve been needing to say and haven’t said. Say it. I can’t change what happened or if I can even say with any certainty that I’d have chosen differently back home.”
He didn’t think that was probably was Qrow wanted to hear, but it was the truth. He didn’t know if he’d have chosen different there. He knew he had more of a bias here. "Only what happens here. With us. With…” He gestured between them. “This.”
"This." Qrow wondered if Clover knew that he was twisting the knife or if he was just being so very himself again, so sure that there was something worth having in a friendship, a partnership, with Qrow.
Either way it stung. Qrow should be happy with that, but no. He had to go and ruin everything. Now he was going to go ahead and ruin this, too, one of the best things that had ever happened to him if he could have just acted like a normal person instead of going and getting his feelings and his bad luck all over it.
"Is there even a this? C'mon, I know what happens if James falls through a portal and tells you to put the damn cuffs on me." Qrow clenched his teeth until it hurt, gritted out, "You were never gonna choose me."
Clover was quiet for a moment. Rhy’s words were playing in his head, but this didn’t mean that Qrow liked him as more than a friend. He felt a hint of annoyance all the same that Qrow was as oblivious to who he was now. Here. “Are you-“ He sighed, trying to think of what exactly to say and how to say it without imposing on him, but it was hard to explain the nature of his feelings without doing so.
“You’re an idiot if you think I’m going to arrest you because of James showing up here.” Okay. Maybe that wasn’t the way to word it. “I…” He started pacing. “Sometimes you’re so frustrating. But I guess that’s just because-“ This was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever had to do.
“I like you, you bird brain. And I don’t mean as friends. Or not just as friends. Whatever. It’s not an easy to ignore bias, but I’ve been trying since I know you don’t feel the same way and...it doesn’t matter. I’m stuck here until I can find my way back out of it.” His shoulders slumped a little. “So don’t talk to me like I don’t know who I would choose over who here because it’s one of those things that gets me arrested alongside you.”
Maybe if Qrow had more experience with feelings, he would've known how to start sorting through the whole new knot of them that threw into what was already way more complicated than the baggage he'd been hauling around with him for years. The worst of all of them was that little bit of hope, because he could have sworn that the way Clover was talking, he meant...
"Gonna need you to explain that one to me a little more. Like you're talking to an idiot, because, Cloves..." It was frustrating; Qrow didn't know how to just say it, now that it looked like they were laying things on the table. "I don't let people close enough to hurt me, but you? You can. You have, when you wouldn't even stop to listen, and I... I gotta know what not just as friends means, because if I—"
If he let himself believe it was what he wanted it to be and found out Clover meant something like 'best friends' he wasn't sure he'd ever get over it.
Clover tried to ignore the quiet frustration that settled in at having to further explain himself. But he hadn’t meant to hurt Qrow. He knew he had all the same. They’d hurt each other in a way. Because teaming up with Tyrian had hurt him. It was a messy situation in general.
“Does not just as friends have a lot of meanings for you?” He looked up at the ceiling as if it was going to have all the answers he needed. “It means I wanted that picnic to be an actual date. And not just me awkwardly pretending I didn’t just say it was a date. It means I have thought way too much about kissing you. And I was trying not to say anything about it for your sake because you seemed uncomfortable when I flirted. Any time I did.”
He let the silence linger for very brief moment. “Are we more clear about it now?”
Qrow didn't exactly answer him... unless you counted throwing himself partway over the table to grab the front of Clover's shirt as an answer.
It was awkward and uncomfortable, the edge of the table was biting into his thighs and some part of his clothing somewhere was definitely dragging through something he'd have to wash out of it later, but Qrow's brain had latched on to one word and one word only. He wasn't going to let a little something like furniture and common decency get in his way.
His lips were rough against Clover's, the kiss hard enough that it almost hurt for a few seconds before he found the right angle for it. His eyes were squeezed desperately closed, like if he didn't look then he wouldn't have to risk seeing... what? He didn't know. Clover had said he'd wanted this, but Qrow had a way of disappointing people. If this was a disappointment, nothing like what Clover had thought about or wanted, Qrow didn't want to see it on his face yet.
It wasn’t exactly the most awkward kiss, but it was definitely up there on the list. He wasn’t sure how he managed to be caught by surprise, but he had. He wasn’t sure this was his most coordinated effort starting off, but once the surprise of it wore off, he caught up with what was going on and tried to move enough to make the kiss less of a clashing of mouths and something more enjoyable. He understood the desire to drag someone across a table to kiss them because he’d experienced more times than he cared to admit.
His hands came up to cup Qrow’s face, something he’d wanted to do countless times and never did. He nearly laughed into the kiss at how ridiculous he’d been about everything up till this point. He hoped that this was because Qrow wanted to kiss him and not because he’d voiced his desires. But he wasn’t going to question it immediately.
After a bit of time, he pulled back. There was a soft laugh once he did. “Glad we cleared that up.” He studied Qrow’s face for a moment before moving in for another kiss, a little slower and less desperate than the first.
Slower and less desperate or not, Qrow still put some serious thought into pushing their lunches out of the way so he could climb across the table and get even closer to Clover. Wrap himself around him,even, tight enough that there was no way Clover was prying him off any time soon.
Instead, still holding tight to Clover's shirt, he started edging around the table like someone who knew how to act like a reasonable adult. "I was uncomfortable," he mumbled against Clover's mouth, "because every time you flirted with me I was thinking about this."
Closer was better. Closer was less awkward, and Qrow's grip on him eased only so he could slide his arms around Clover instead, hold onto him more securely. Good luck getting away from him now.
Clover laughed again as he felt Qrow moving. “Well, you might have said something.” He wasn’t going to complain about the fact that they were finally there now. Finally. He also wasn’t going to complain about Qrow’s arms around him or the lack of escape. “I thought you weren’t interested.” And that had been a very confusing place to be. Not that it wasn’t the first time that someone hadn’t been interested in him. Things happened. It was just that he felt it more. There hadn’t been as much space to adjust to it back in Tumbleweed. On the ship, there’d been space without space because he kept wanting to be close to Qrow.
"Didn't know you meant it," Qrow admitted. He pressed his forehead against Clover's; it was either take a second to breathe and process it a little, or keep kissing Clover until they were breathless and Qrow forgot why it wasn't a great idea to jump right to taking advantage of the fact that the room had a bed. They'd done enough not talking about it already, he guessed.
Giving them some space so they could talk about it without distractions was out, though. Now that he could have this, touching and being touched, it felt like Qrow was starved for it. No one could expect him to be that good.
It was easier to talk about it up close, where he couldn't bring Clover's face into focus. "Haven't done the whole... It's been one night stands for me, mostly. Couple of flings, we'd meet up if we were in the same city. Not like... this. You."
A relationship, that was what he meant. Because if it was any less complicated than that, they'd have figured it out a long time ago.
“I guess that’s fair.” It wasn’t like he outright said anything. It was flirtations and he guessed he’d been generally flirtatious before as well. They both had in their own ways. But Clover was glad to be here, forehead pressed to Qrow’s. It was the smallest of comforts, but after weeks of being careful about touching, he didn’t really want to move too far away.
“It’s been a while for me. Work doesn’t really allow for too much free time.” He understood what Qrow meant, though. “Yeah. The signs are different. Been trying to fight the urge to be around to all the time. Harder when you’re living with someone.” He reached for one of Qrow’s hands. “I hate to tell you this, but you’re stuck with me now. I know it’ll be a real trial for you.”
"Just my luck," Qrow muttered; a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. That was the biggest lie he'd ever told, just like this was the furthest away from Qrow's usual luck that he could ever remember having. Seemed almost like they'd switched, he and Clover. Clover got all the bad luck getting stuck with Qrow, and Qrow?
Qrow got to twine his fingers with Clover's and tilt his head to brush their lips together again.
It was still right there on the tip of his tongue, asking Clover if he was sure. If he really wanted to sign himself up for this when he knew exactly how much of a disaster Qrow was. But that had never stopped Clover before.