Tony Stark (cutsthewire) wrote in thedisplaced, @ 2020-05-30 17:59:00 |
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It always happened at night. Like a remarkably vivid dream on fast forward. Except when Julia woke up and looked down, she was at first uncertain if it was a true update at all. The sheets were stuck to her with sweat when she bolted upright. It was still dark out. She was disoriented. She thought at first she had slept through the day into the next night, only to foggily realize the night wasn’t yet quite over. Nightmares weren’t uncommon from the pair. Even if things were better. Even if she had healed and much of the trauma in her past had scarred over. Except, when she looked down at herself, unchanged, she couldn’t help but think it had been a nightmare. A cruel trick of some sort. Because in her dream-- was it an update?-- she’d had a perfect little girl. But here, there was no sign of Hope. No indication that she had ever given birth or that her little girl was anywhere to be found. “Oh fuck,” she swore softly. Margo, Alice, Josh and Fen were gone. Fillory was gone. The spell had worked though. Hadn’t it? She and Penny-- “Fuck,” she swore again. Julia’s gaze shifted to Tony. If she remained angry, confused, if she kept swearing, maybe she wouldn’t cry. Back home there was still hope, and Hope. Here? She had a new hole in her heart instead. It always happened at night. It would happen no more for Tony; now it was only Julia and the kids he had to worry about. Always a light sleeper, he stirred when Julia did, prepared to wrap an arm around her and pull them both back to sleep. But the curses on her lips told him this was not a run of the mill nightmare, but the portal bringing an update from home. Was it still home? Tony wasn’t sure when he had stopped thinking about his own universe as home. Somewhere along the line, the change had happened. Did that make him cruel? He propped himself up on both elbows and eyed Julia closely. “Got a good one, huh?” he asked softly, his tone light by necessity, as if it would steel him from any potential bad news. Whatever it was, it didn’t pack the same punch as her previous one had, when he had awoken to find her in tears, smelling of a campfire from another universe, and the news of Quentin’s death on her quivering lips. “Yeah…” Julia’s tone drifted off as though she wasn’t really sure. She felt too many things at once. News that she was pregnant, that she’d given birth and that the baby wasn’t there all at once. Despite saving the world, then the multiverse, dealing with a literal sexist pig, and all the other insane things that had happened in her life over the past year, the only update she said, the only one that really mattered was, “I have a little girl now. Her name is Hope.” The reveal took Tony by surprise, maybe more than it should. They had somehow managed to never talk about motherhood, even after she had begun to assume that roll unofficially in the Stark Household. It had taken her awhile to open up to him about Reynard and everything he had cost her. The idea that she might not be able to have children had never been spoken, but the thought was there. After he became a father, he had wanted to ask her if she had regrets, but it seemed a question that was better left unasked. And now she was a mother. Had it been something she wanted? It occurred to him that he should know the answer to this. He didn’t. Tony’s mouth curved up into a smile, but his eyes gave him away. He knew the pain of suddenly remembering a child he could not hold. “Hope,” he repeated. He liked that. Morgan had been his, now Julia had her own, in name and in spirit. And then his whole expression lightened as he cocked his head to the side. “H.Q.” Morgan had asked about her when she aged up, but neither Tony nor Julia had realized she had been referring to a person. Julia’s person. Julia’s child. Did that mean she would appear? Had she already? He eyed Julia’s phone out of the corner of his eye, half expecting a call from the Bureau. Julia nodded, “Hope Quentin.” She smiled despite herself. “Little HQ,” she said. She remembered what Morgan said, but she’d also seen enough of the portal’s bullshit to realize that the potential future Morgan represented might never happen. Julia didn’t know if it would hurt more or less to cling onto some false hope. “Kinda wish he was still around.” Tumbleweed was the only place Q would ever get to meet his namesake. Instead her hand slipped into Tony’s. “She’s just over four weeks…” Kids sometimes appeared in the portal. Young children, like Morgan. But infants? What if there was nothing on her to identify her? How would Julia get a notification? “...Fuck, I… What the fuck am I supposed to say to Penny?” “Has a nice ring to it.” Tony bumped shoulders with Julia. With a name like that, it felt right to expect that the portal would come through for Julia. Even if there wasn’t exactly precedent. He took her hand in his and inspected it, as if it might look different. He did not react visibly to the news that Penny was the father. He knew there was history there, but in another timeline. He didn’t know what had changed, but he couldn’t fault the guy for wanting to be with her. “Surprise gender-reveal pyrotechnics?” Tony shrugged. “I’m a professional. No emergency services required.” Tony wasn’t sure what this news meant for the two of them. If things had changed on her end, he would understand. Penny was here. And kids changed things. They just did. He kept looking at her hand in his. The joke got a half smile. Mostly she was sad, so it took her a beat before she realized Tony probably needed the rest of the relevant information. “We broke up before I realized. I wanted to go to Fillory to save it... again, after just saving Earth. Julia-23 died doing exactly that and he didn’t want to go through it again. So…” She gave a half hearted shrug. “...Also there was this whole Red Monkey Month thing in Fillory, which was definitely not in the books and I kinda rushed through two trimesters in less than a month. I guess at least this time, I won’t be telling him with a surprise baby bump.” She would have to fill him in on the latest world-saving escapades. With her universe, it was always something. But at the moment, Tony’s concern was Julia and the absent shortcut baby he didn’t know she wanted in the first place. The break up didn’t mean much. Not when there was love at the heart of it. But this was about her, not him, so he pushed all that aside and gave her hand a light squeeze. “Show off.” He was looking at their hands again. “Tell me about her.” He didn’t know if Julia would want to, if everything was just a little too raw. But he wanted her to know he was willing to listen. It seemed like he was always trying to make up for the mistakes of his last update. “You’re missing out on some Grade A mom bod,” Julia said. Though she smiled, she missed those changes. All her other updates had come with physical ques, too. The idea of not being able to feed Hope herself? Julia was grateful for his question so she could think of something else. “She saved my life before she was born. I sort of became a little psychic? And was able to travel out of a bad situation. The pregnancy also almost killed me but, we got through it.” At least she hadn’t updated pregnant? But then she’d have Hope. The rest they would have figured out. Frowning, Julia tucked herself under Tony’s arm. “God, I miss her so fucking much.” Tony would have been lying if he claimed he had never thought about what Julia might look like with a child growing inside of her. Of course, in his imaginings, it had always been his child she was carrying. It was an evolutionary impulse, sure, but he had been unable to take his eyes off of Pepper when she was pregnant. He had felt more connected to her then than he ever had. Tony wondered if it was the same for Penny. Tony clicked his tongue and shook his head once. “That’s a damn shame.” A joke, perhaps to Julia but not to him. He wasn’t surprised to hear that there were complications regarding the pregnancy. That was just how things happened with Julia. The path to anything was never easy. But she always faced the challenges with strength and dignity, and he loved her for it. “New or old complications?” When she nuzzled up against him, he wrapped his arms around her like she had done for him a year ago when he had lost a child. “I know,” was all he could say, though his heart hoped that the portal would come through this once for her like it had for him. “Penny and Hope are travelers…” Julia paused, not sure how much to say. It wasn’t all her story. “And when human mothers carry traveler children it forms a sort of psychic connection. The mother… I was sort of more psychic than I wanted to be. I basically had other people’s thoughts in my head and most of the time they were louder than my own. And even after being born, that connection stays if mom and child are in close proximity. I mean, at least I know about magic and travelling so it wasn’t as bad for me. Also giving birth at Brakebills, another perk of having magic. We were able to transfer the connection to Penny. So I could be close to Hope without getting overwhelmed.” Julia left out the details of Penny’s own upbringing, but it was enough of a hint that Tony could guess a large part of his childhood. Julia held Tony’s arms around her and got comfortable. His arms were a balm for the hurt in her heart. “I guess I can sacrifice the mom bod for a little peace of mind.” Tony was glad not to have had to watch Julia suffer. Again. He held on to her a little tighter. “And now we just wait for the portal to provide a little more.” He was quiet for a little bit, tracing light, soothing circles across the skin of Julia’s arm with his fingers. Finally, he broke the silence. “Red Monkey Month, huh?” “Not an optimal time to find out you're pregnant,” Julia said. “But it worked out.” But the comment about the portal caused her to frown. Morgan had brought up HQ. Julia wanted so badly to believe that meant she’d see her daughter again. And yet… Her hands gave Tony’s arms a squeeze as if to check he was still really there and make sure he wasn’t letting go any time soon. “We can’t assume she’ll ever be here.” Julia thought she had the words but nearly choked on them. She licked her lips to gain composure and buy herself a moment. “I’ll drive myself crazy if it feels like…” She paused again so she could finish her thought. If she started crying it would only make things worse. She might never stop. “...Like I’m waiting for her.” Now that she said it out, her body released the tension that had coiled up around her heart in a shaky sigh. “At least I know back in New York that she’s safe and she’s healthy.” And if the portal ever sent Julia back? Then she’d be reunited with her daughter. And if fate was kind? Not remember the love or the family in Tumbleweed that she’d lost. Tony knew that feeling all too well. After receiving memories of his wife and daughter and his death all in one go, he couldn’t help but hope for a reunion in this universe, the one he shared with Julia. It had sort of driven him mad and so he did what felt like the only thing to do. He had ended things with Julia. Now he had his daughter, and Julia too. And he was still in love with Pepper, but it felt more distant now, as if she had been the one who died. “It helps,” he replied knowingly, leaning his head against hers. “But not much.” He figured sleep was no longer on the table, even though dawn was a ways off yet, so he offered an alternative to sitting around lost in her thoughts and new memories. “What do you say to some coffee and a little cooperative magic? Show me something new.” Work and play were so very closely related for them and always provided a good distraction. Julia’s eyes closed. She focused on the feeling of his head against hers. Maybe she had wanted him to lie to her. Tell her she would be just fine. “Could you hold me for a little longer first?” she said. “For as long as you want,” Tony replied, a small part of him still wondering if his chances to do so were numbered. |