Entry tags:

!log/thread, clover ebi, qrow branwen

who: Clover Ebi & Qrow Branwen
what: Qrow stops dragging his feet on sharing one small, feathery secret... and one big, terrifying one.
when: Backdated to March 4th, after their shift
where: Their apartment
warnings: Alcohol addiction mentioned, but not engaged in.

The problem with secrets was that once you let them become a secret in the first place, telling them felt significant, somehow. The longer a secret was kept, the bigger it became until even something that shouldn't have been some kind of big deal at all was impossible to share.

So when it came to a secret that wasn't just Qrow's, a secret that would change the way the world worked for anyone who learned it, that impossible was pretty damn hard to get over. He'd meant to—honestly, he'd been planning on telling Clover about Ozpin's little gift ever since that talk he'd had with Natasha, when she'd casually referenced one thing that had weighed on him for most of his life and he'd asked her to keep the other to herself for a while longer. She was right. All Clover would have to do would be get a little curious, search their names, and he'd know everything there was to know about Qrow. And she was right about it being better coming from him than it would be coming from the internet.

And yet he'd still kept finding reasons to put it off. Maleficent at first. Then Clover was still recovering from the final fight with Maleficent and Qrow would be a real asshole to drag him into some kind of serious conversation about his problems. And then...

Yeah. Then he'd just felt like he'd waited too long when he should have brought it up days ago. Maybe even when they'd first gotten there, when Clover had told him they needed to be open and honest with each other. At the latest, he should have told Clover when he'd found out about Clover's nightmares, let him know that there was something that he'd been keeping quiet too.

Qrow was the one who'd grabbed the mail for both of them and found two boarding passes, one with each of their names. They'd been hearing about this space cruise since they got there, gotten more information on it in the past couple of days. This, though, this seemed a little more... immediate. Real. And like some kind of deadline, even if there wasn't any reason it should be.

It was easy. Just a few words. Which would mean a hell of a lot of explanation. Probably a demonstration before Clover would actually believe him, because it didn't work like that. It was going to be fine. No big deal.

Definitely no reason to feel like he was walking to his execution when he called out, "Hey! Got a minute? We, uh... we need to talk about something."

Clover hadn’t really been dealing with secrets outside of his ridiculous crush on Qrow, but that just seemed like a kindness to keep to himself since Qrow had enough to deal with in general and where he was concerned. He’d considered casually mentioning it if Qrow ever noticed something was off. Just let it be out there, but he was apparently far too much of a fucking teenager about it, so he’d avoided mentioning it.

This was where his mind was when he heard Qrow’s voice. He stilled for a moment, certain this was the moment Qrow questioned him after weeks of getting away with it. He steeled himself for the conversation, very nearly getting ahead of the conversation and just explaining that it was fine and he’d be over it eventually. Just give him some time and things would be fine. But he forced himself to act sensible and like he had no idea about what the conversation was about.

“Yeah. I got a minute,” he called, turning around. Today’s attire was a little more relaxed than his usual — opting for jeans and a t-shirt. He at least could fake the relaxation. “This a serious minute or?”

The first time Qrow had seen Clover in jeans, he'd almost choked on his coffee. If he wasn't awkward enough for Clover to buy that he'd done it just because the whole pretending everything was just fine and he wasn't figuring out new and interesting things about who and what he found attractive, that would've been over immediately.

This time, he was already too nervous to really appreciate it when he walked into the room, which was a damn shame.

"Ah. Kind of. It's... probably gonna take more than a minute, too." Qrow rubbed at the back of his neck. What he wouldn't have given for a Semblance that fast forwarded through the next few minutes right then. Only for him, though. And everything that he'd needed to say still got said, and that was probably too much to ask for in a Semblance.

Qrow wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. His body. Should he find a place to sit? Should he stay standing? He should probably stay standing, since he was probably going to have to do the whole... demonstration thing. "There are some things you don't know. About me. And I figured, y'know. I wanted to be the one to tell you. Not have you find out... some other way."

And now he was just stalling. Beating around the bush like there was some chance of Clover figuring it out for himself.

Clover steeled himself for what may have ended up being a bad conversation or an awkward one. The way Qrow was holding himself and the way that he was acting seemed off. Something not entirely new, but he hoped wasn’t bad.

The more Qrow talked, the less certain he was about what the conversation was and where it was going. “Okay.” What he was supposed to maybe find out from someone or somewhere else he wasn’t sure. “Something you don’t want someone else to tell me?” He looked at Qrow. “Might as well just come out with it. Not to sound insensitive. I’m sure whatever it is...it’s fine.”

Qrow hesitated a second longer, then sighed. "Might be easier to just... show you."

Wasn't any way to think he was crazy if Clover was seeing it with his own eyes, and it was a hell of a lot better than opening his mouth and saying the words.

One second Qrow was standing there fidgeting awkwardly. The next, it would have been easy to think he'd just vanished completely before noticing the black bird fidgeting just as awkwardly on the floor, lifting first one foot and then the other. Qrow cocked his head to the side, rustled his wings a little... and stayed a bird. Just for a few seconds longer. Until he was sure Clover had really taken it in.

Clover furrowed his brow slightly as he took everything in. He’d wanted to ask what exactly he meant by ‘show him’ and for a half a second, he’d hoped that this was going to end in Qrow kissing him, but the fact that Qrow had been there one minute and then a crow was there the next? That was not what he’d been expecting. He frowned.

He sat down after a long minute of staring. “Unexpected.” It was the only thing he could even figure getting out as he was continuing to think everything through. “Yeah. I...okay, then. So this is...just something you can do?” Obviously it was. He’d just done it. “Sorry. That was a stupid question. I just thought...nevermind.” A pause. “How?”

Just as quickly as he'd turned into a bird, Qrow was human again. He spent a second looking down and straightening his clothes, even though they didn't need it, before he met Clover's eyes. He knew exactly what Clover had just thought, or at least he thought he did. There was no way for a person to have two Semblances, and even if he hadn't seen Qrow's misfortune working firsthand, turning into a crow? That was a little outside the normal bounds of a Semblance.

"That's the part that's gonna take more than a minute," Qrow sighed. It felt weird to stay standing there while Clover was sitting, so he joined him... as far away as he could, though. Just in case Clover needed some space after all of that. "Short answer? Magic.

"Real magic, like the kind in fairy tales. Oz... you already know he isn't like the rest of us. This, this is why. He could do... yeah. This? Was a gift from Oz. For me, and for my sister, Raven. So we could be better spies. We, uh, we agreed to it. He didn't force it on us or anything. He wouldn't have..." Now Qrow wasn't as sure about that as when he'd told the kids the truth. He didn't really know Ozpin at all. Maybe if Qrow hadn't been so eager to be a useful tool, he wouldn't have had the illusion of free will, of having a choice.

Clover had a lot of thoughts and all of them were very confused, so he let himself have the time to address them as best as he could. He’d known that Ozpin was different. He had enough information about it from General Ironwood. He’d known a lot about the inner workings of things because he was privvy to the information that General Ironwood provided them. This was different. Not something that had been a part of it.

“I’m trying to figure out what...I’m at a loss, really. I mean...don’t get me wrong. It’s amazing. It’s just surprising is all.” He did worry a little about the intended use, though. For what it meant for Qrow if things got dicey. Not that they would here. They kind of were back home.

“I assume this is more Salem-related things?”

"Always is," Qrow told him. Every damn thing that Oz had done, it all came back to Salem in the end. "Easier to get up close, when you're a bird. See all the details. I, ah, I used it to try to get a better look at Maleficent, too. Boss lady, she already knew about it."

Probably went without saying that he'd keep on doing it, any time there was a new threat. Clover was a Huntsman. He wouldn't expect anything else from Qrow.

Qrow looked down, at his fingers fisted together in his lap. "It was a real need to know kinda thing, back in Remnant. The fewer people who knew, the better it worked. It's not... I wanted to trust you."

The echo hurt just as much as when Clover had said it in the first place. "I didn't keep it from you because I wanted to."

Clover’s brow furrowed slightly. He’d said those same words to Qrow, but somehow it sat funny in his stomach hearing them said back to him. “Yeah. I get it. You had to make sure.” He was tempted to get up, to find something to do, but he didn’t want it to read as something it wasn’t. Or maybe it would read as what it was. A way to distract himself from the feeling that came with the words.

After a minute, he stood, rubbing the back of his head. “Anything else or is everything in the open, then?” He did his best not to allow his voice to be colored by the feelings circling in his chest. It wasn’t fair to get upset when he’d basically said the same thing and it wasn’t fair to expect an agreement to mean everything was open and honest. Especially when he’d started out hiding things, too, but that had been more for Qrow’s sake. Also because he didn’t really want to talk about it or acknowledge it.

"There's... more. But not about me. It's... about Salem." What was it going to hurt now, if Qrow told him the truth? They might never go back to Remnant. And Clover, he might never look it all up, but this? He deserved to hear this from Qrow, too. He trusted the kids. Trusted the call they'd made. But none of that mattered, now.

So Qrow told him. About the Jinn, and the question they'd asked. About Oz and Salem. About the question Oz had asked.

When Qrow told him the answer to that question, his voice broke. He was still... damn it, he was still angry. Betrayed. Hurt because he'd given Oz everything and he hadn't even gotten the truth in return.

Anyone who said talking about it made it hurt less was wrong. Qrow needed a drink. "And that's it. No more secrets here."

Except his feelings, the good ones and the bad ones, every complicated thing that tied him in knots over Clover. But since when had Qrow's feelings ever mattered?

Clover listened quietly as Qrow explained everything else. By the end of it his head hurt and he was resisting the urge to move closer to the other man. It made everything in him feel conflicted and confused and he didn’t know if he wanted to leave the room or hug Qrow, which made him want to leave the room even more.

There were secrets still on Clover’s side, but out of respect for Qrow and his discomfort the last time, he kept them to himself, which wasn’t exactly helping. After a long moment of consideration and thought, Clover settled for putting a hand on Qrow’s shoulder. “Thank you. For trusting me now. It means a lot.” It was the truth. He may have still been smarting from the knowledge that it had taken till now for it to happen, but at least it had happened. “We can’t do anything about Salem here, but maybe the people here can help you get back to your nieces eventually.” Not that he was sure he wanted that, but he would survive it. If that was what Qrow wanted anyway. People had noted that they were both here and there, but he understood the desire to be home.

Qrow reached for Clover's hand on his shoulder, got most of the way there before he let it drop to his lap again. If he reached for him, he knew Clover would let him take whatever comfort he needed. Would be happy to give it, even. But that'd just make him want the rest, the stuff he couldn't have, even more. "Way I hear it, I'm already there. They've already got me. If I don't get back..."

At least he was with Clover. That was what he almost said. But that was an awful lot to put on Clover's shoulders, being the reason Qrow could be happy there. Maybe even didn't want to go, not completely.

"Not so bad here," he said instead. "Company's pretty good, too."

Just as long as they kept not talking about the decisions they'd made. Why they'd ended up in the place that haunted Clover's nightmares and Qrow's late nights staring at the ceiling. Which parts they'd change and which parts they'd do the same all over again, because there were some answers Qrow would never be ready to hear.

Clover noticed Qrow’s hand, noted the way it started to move before he let it drop. He wondered, idly, what that meant, why it happened. He felt like he was overthinking everything, reading into every interaction. He was definitely hyper aware of everything, every possible indication of closeness. He felt the need to move back, but he wasn’t sure if he needed to at the same time. After a minute, he let his hand drop to his side as well.

“They’re lucky to have you.” He was good for them. He’d find a way to make sure they were looked after and taken care of. Of that, Clover was absolutely certain.

His mouth felt dry at Qrow’s words and he stared perhaps a little more intently than he meant to for a very long minute as he tried to figure out if that was just something friendly or something else. He was lucky, but he was fairly certain he wasn’t that lucky. So he forced himself to look away. “Yeah, you’re pretty all right, too.

It was on the tip of Qrow's tongue, burning the back of his throat, to ask if they were okay. It was a dumb question; if they weren't, he couldn't exactly blame Clover for it. He'd just dropped something big on him, after it was already too late for him to do anything about it. And with them sharing an apartment and working the same shifts at the same job, it wasn't that easy for Clover to get some space to deal with it.

He cleared his throat, shifted in his seat. "So. Guess I oughta be expecting bird jokes now, huh?"

At least Qrow hoped so. If Clover could make awful, corny puns about it, seemed like the best sign that they were going to be okay. Eventually.

Clover shifted himself, closed off doors inside himself to keep from going down this uncomfortable path of awkwardness that he found himself on. He needed to get out and decompress, but he’d do that later. When it didn’t feel like such an immediate reaction to everything that happened. Then he’d fully get himself together and stop behaving like someone much younger than he was.

“Well, since you’ve asked for them, I’m sure you’ll get more than enough. I’ll have to meditate on a few.” He gave him a quick smile. “I’m going to get some more groceries later. Did you want anything when I go?” That would be the excuse to get out for a little while. He’d get groceries, but he’d take time to just let himself think through things for a little while.

Whiskey, Qrow almost joked before he realized he wasn't completely sure it was a joke at all. Or maybe it was too soon for it to be a joke? Hell if he knew. Fact of it was, though, that if he had it in front of him he'd drink it.

He breathed in deep, let it out slowly. It was just because he'd told the story, because his mind was tracing down the path it had taken the first time, after it had happened. It was going to pass. He didn't need to drag someone down with him, make them feel like they needed to hold his hand.

Not someone. Clover. He didn't want to throw some poor me bullshit at Clover.

"Juice or something? Or some of that fruity water crap." Anything cold and wet was good enough for Qrow. Brothers knew he wasn't picky.

Clover nodded. “I can get that.” He was happy to get Qrow what he asked for. He’d decidedly kept no alcohol in the apartment because he knew that Qrow had quit drinking. It was the reasonable thing to do. Now, however, he wasn’t sure what to do.

He studied him for a moment, running his hand over his neck. “You good? I know that was a lot to get off your chest. Probably a bit unnerving.”

"I'm..." Qrow almost waved it off, said he was fine. That it was no big deal, it didn't bother him anymore. But that was a lie; Qrow didn't lie about anything else unless he had to. Just this. But hey, he'd always lied to himself about it too.

Instead he shrugged, a brief jerk of narrow shoulders. "Been better. Been worse. I'll be fine, Cloves."

That was true, at least. He'd let it tear him apart once. Disappoint everyone he cared about. He wasn't going to do that anymore.

Clover wasn’t used to nicknames, so he couldn’t help but stare for a moment. He hadn’t had them since he was a child, and even then it wasn’t often. He felt a vague feeling he didn’t want to place after it, nodding slightly. But once his mind shifted from that, he noted the body language and nodded again.

“Well, if you’re not...or it ever gets worse, let me know. Yeah?”

"Yeah," Qrow agreed. He thought he might have even meant it. Only if it got bad enough he had to, though. Why would Clover keep putting up with him if he just... needed him all the time. Qrow would get sick of himself.

He managed a crooked smile. "Hey. Thanks."

For everything, honestly, but mostly for not punching Qrow when he learned the truth about what he'd been keeping from him. He was doing better than Qrow, there.