backdated: Ava & Diego WHO: Ava and Diego WHEN: March 1st WHERE: The back room of Tano Gym WHAT: Awkward conversation, awkward unsent texts, and an awkward kiss or two WARNINGS: Brief references to death, isolation, and the apocalypse as usual.
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It wasn’t that Ava regretted agreeing to meet Diego, so soon and so eagerly despite days worth of trying to convince herself that she had no interest in him at all. Except that was just another stupid lie she was getting herself tripped up over, and she needed to stop that. Especially if she was just going to fold and admit to them. After a certain point she’d risk losing his trust entirely, but also hadn’t that been what she was trying to accomplish? Warn him away.
Ava took a bit longer in the shower than she normally would have, mostly out of spite for his comment that it should be quick, and because it had been a few days since she had bothered and she was afraid of showing up smelling like somebody who hadn’t even left their couch in that time… even if that was exactly the case. But also because she needed time to properly think. Because clearly she hadn’t been thinking through that conversation, that she kept replaying in her head, once again agonizing over her responses. She could have suggested putting things off for another time, when she’d be more- No, Ava had to remind herself, there was never a better time, only excuses to keep putting off things she didn’t want to deal with.
Except with Diego, it was a bit more complicated than that. She did want to see him, and eventually dried off, found some clothes that seemed slightly less from the bottom of a laundry basket. Ava checked the time, frowned, considered sending a quick “OMW” and then thought better of it. She needed to give herself some leeway in case she changed her mind. Which she did, about a dozen times along the way, turning the corner and looping back, because what the hell was she even doing? She couldn’t even fully convince herself that this was a trap to justify leaving. But at least the first time the was the pretense of a sparring match, a promise of food.
This time had none of that. Just… seeing each other. And she was overthinking things entirely. So Ava finally made her way to the gym, to the back where he was staying, knocking hesitantly. It was a good hour and a half since she had agreed to come over, and she fidgeted, thought of a whole line of made up excuses that she could use to explain her delay, and automatically disregarded all of them.
Having wondered if Ava was avoiding him, and if he'd said something that had sent her off in a hurry the other day, at least half of that seemed to be true. He considered that conversation as he made sure his place was tidy, then waited, throwing knives at various targets to pass the time. And he was keeping his skills sharp, that was important.
When she showed up, he cracked the door open wide enough to see it was her, then opened it fully, smiling at her. Those sort of genuine smiles were rare from him, but he was genuinely glad to see her, and that she hadn't changed her mind along the way. He'd half expected that he'd have to find a way to track her down, and he was wondering if that would have been considered invasive or not. She'd sort of invited him, after all. But things would have been more complicated if she'd not shown.
All that was rendered moot now though, and he stepped out of the way long enough to let her pass, before closing the door back up. She wasn't the only one between them with slightly paranoid tendencies, after all.
"Hey," he said. Not smooth at all as he realized that he was nervous to some degree, and uncertain where that came from.
Whatever she expected, it wasn’t that smile, and Ava knew she was screwed. “Hey,” she echoed, hands still fidgeting until she noticed, and she clasped them behind herself instead. “I almost didn’t come,” she figured it was a bit easier to get that out of the way, instead of letting it hang between them and wondering how long it’d take for him to comment on how long it took her to get there. Her eyes zeroed in on the knives he’d been practicing with, and she dragged her tongue across her teeth, reminding herself this wasn’t a job and she didn’t need to catalog the various weapons, exits, and vulnerabilities to exploit. Even if it came too naturally.
“But I’m here,” she pointed out, and it was such a small thing, barely an accomplishment for most people to just show up and be present somewhere, but it had taken a lot of effort.
"You are," he said, smiling at her again. He slid his arm around her and guided her down the steps, an unnecessary gesture, but that didn't stop him. After everything she'd shared, he was feeling protective. Amidst a mix of other, more complicated things that weren't as easily defined. It was fair to say that she had an impact on him, one that had left him wondering when he'd see her again.
But she was here now so he figured he ought to focus on that. "Have a seat," he offered, gesturing toward his bed, where a chair was also set up nearby. "Can I get you anything? Are you hungry? I have water, could fry up some eggs. And I have uh… protein shakes."
Right. His lifestyle seemed a little mad when he realized that was all the food he had in his place.
She wasn’t exactly used to being touched, and certainly not so casually. But she didn’t bother saying so, not wanting to bring attention to her slight discomfort, didn’t want to put Diego off from doing it again.
Ava shook her head at the offer, noting the lack of options, figured he also wasn’t the sort to do a whole lot of cooking. She wasn’t judging. She’d been surviving off of leftover pizza from two nights before, hadn’t really bothered to do the whole grocery shopping thing yet. Maybe she ought to look into some more of those delivery apps so she wouldn’t have to step into a store herself. But she still had to figure out the whole money situation. And that wasn’t something she wanted to focus on in that moment, taking a seat at the foot of his bed. And then noticing the chair, wondering if she should’ve taken that instead. But would it be more awkward to move?
She played with the edge of the blanket, trying and failing to come up with a topic to talk about. The stock market? International conflicts? Some funny meme she saw on twitter? She really didn’t want to bring up her family again, didn’t want to poke about his.
“So how have… things been?” she finally settled with, figured it was a safe enough place to begin.
"Other than dealing with the fact that you've been avoiding me?" he asked, quirking a brow as he sat down next to her on the bed, looking amused.
Ava looked away, winced because there she was again, being avoidant, and turned to fully look at Diego. “I haven’t seen anyone since then,” she told him flatly, could have happily gone weeks without having to deal with anyone at all. “Other than the pizza guy.”
But there was more to it than that. There was her general tendencies that had her hiding away out of habit, in a town full of people she didn’t know or trust and didn’t want to know or trust. And then there was him, which had been a bit more deliberate.
She sighed, dug in her pocket for her phone, unlocked it, and before she could regret it, passed it over to Diego. The screen displayed a chain of unsent messages to him.
Hey, it’s Ava, just w
Hello, Diego
Hi. You up?
:) Hey there, did you wanna h
Sorry I meant to text sooner but I
Hi
“I’m not good at this,” she explained.
He took the phone and read the texts, letting out a low whistle as he did so. "Wow," he said, leaning in and nudging her shoulder with his. "Am I really that intimidating?" he teased.
Diego cleared the drafts from her phone, and handed it back over to her. "Clean slate. But text me next time."
“No,” she denied, taking her phone back and feeling slightly less anxious to have it back in her possession. Not that there was a whole lot on it. Not that she expected him to betray her show of trust by going through it. But she locked the screen again, set it aside instead of shoving it back in her pocket. “I’m not intimidated,” she denied again, because that would be silly. “I’ve killed men twice your size,” she claimed, nudging back except their shoulders did not come in contact as she phased into him instead, eyes widening in surprise as she scrambled to right herself, hand ending up through his thigh before she snatched it away again.
“Dammit,” she sat up, scooted away. “Sorry. I…” Ava glanced back over, clearly embarrassed. “Lost focus.”
For as much shit as Diego gave his siblings over the weirdness of this place; zombies and dinosaurs and space and fucking dragon attacks, it would have stood to reason that a woman who could literally fall right through him would be on that list, maybe even twice for aso being an assassin. (Who'd killed men twice his size, apparently.) But as odd as she was, Diego found that those quirks were appealing.
"Am I that distracting, then?" he asked with a smirk.
Ava shot a slightly defensive look at Diego, but yes, he was distracting, and for some reason she liked that even as she held back calling him an idiot, feeling more of an idiot herself. Because she had no idea what to do with any of it, or what to do now that she was called out other than nod quietly, guilty as charged.
But she was unable to tell if he picked up on her feelings and was making fun of her, or if this was... Ava studied his smirk, trying to figure out the expression, what was meant by it. She’d spent so much time hiding behind a mask that her own expression barely concealed her thoughts, her tongue wetting her lips as her eyes continued to linger, and oh. She wanted to kiss him, which was a very unusual feeling for her. Because that wasn’t anything she’d ever been trained to deal with. She wasn’t like Widow, who had seduction techniques as part of her repertoire. The only response she was used to soliciting out of men was fear. And he didn’t seem afraid. Which... was somewhat encouraging?
But ugh, it didn’t seem fair that she was the only one feeling so caught off guard, fidgeting like some preteen. She was far too old at this point to be overthinking something stupid like a first kiss. And she knew somewhat that she should ask first, uncertain if this was something he wanted too, but the courage for that was rapidly falling apart the longer she waited, her fists clenched up in anticipation of having read everything wrong and this turning into a fight instead. So she kissed him, focusing on staying tangible enough to do so, ready to apologize.
Rare were the moments when Diego Hargreeves found himself unprepared and surprised, but even with how the events of the day had been building, even as there was definite flirtation on his part, and even as he hoped he wasn't reading all the odd things she said and did wrong, Ava caught Diego off guard in being the one to kiss him.
That only lasted a moment before his body took over for his brain and he was kissing her back, for the minute forgetting everything else, from space to this weird town, to any reference of the moon, his family or the fact that Ava's physical presence wasn't the most stable and if him teasing her was distracting...
No, he forgot about that, taking that hesitant kiss from her and deepening it, still not thinking. Which was good, because he didn't need to consider how much of a release one unexpected kiss could be when everything else around him was continuously falling apart.
This was one of the things that Ava long ago accepted wasn’t going to be part of her life, limited not only by her condition but the path she was sent spiraling down because of it. It was a fairly long list, so many childhood and adolescent milestones to never be recovered. She’d seen enough movies to know all the little things she missed out on, from passing notes in class, to having best friends to braid hair with, to prom and graduation. And it was easy enough to convince herself that it was fine, that she didn’t actually want any of that, it was all silly and superficial anyway. Hollywood nonsense.
But the lack of relationships, intimate or even just emotional, had always been a bit more difficult to move past even as she cut herself off from the possibility. As lonely as she felt from her rather necessary isolation, Ava knew she had been protecting herself from further pain and rejection.
Except the anticipated pushing away wasn’t coming, and Ava unclenched her fists with a release of nervous tension she’d been holding as Diego deepened the kiss, clearly not as repulsed as her imagination had informed her how this would play out. But Diego apparently came from an entire family of freaks, so maybe that’s why he wasn’t so put off. Ava chuckled lightly into his mouth, relieved.
"You surprised me," Diego said once he finally pulled back, a toned down but still genuine smile back on his face in a way he'd normally find alarming. He reached his hand up to push a strand of hair back from her face, brushing his thumb against her cheek as he did so, considering her. He had questions he wasn't ready to ask, that were wrong in that moment, and he didn't wanna pull them out of it, as curious as he was.
So he didn't say anything else, instead leaning in and kissing Ava again, already with more familiarity.
It was such a small gesture, but Ava was endeared by the gentleness of it that she didn’t feel the urge to flinch away as he touched her face. Though her own hands fidgeted with the blankets, uncertain what she was supposed to do with them. Touch him back? But somehow she felt calm for once, not looking for the nearest opportunity to escape, but perfectly content to just stay still under his observation. Whatever Diego was thinking, he didn’t share it, and she supposed that was perfectly fine.
As was the continuation of the kiss, that she had previously thought was over, but more eagerly pressed into now that her shaky confidence found some footing. Ava’s hand hesitated as she raised it, not sure where to place it but wanting to make contact, before grabbing the front of his shirt a bit more aggressively than intended, pulling him forward a bit. There was a brief moment that the front of her face phased through his before she pulled herself together again. “Sorry,” she murmured against his mouth, other hand trembling slightly.
Was it weird? Of course it was. But even in his family it wasn't the weirdest. Hell, Five dragged that mannequin around… Delores. Ava was very much real and very much alive and Diego hadn't been completely unprepared for something like her phasing through him when they kissed.
It was still weird. But he found he didn't really mind and he certainly didn't pull away. He smiled against her lips, in response to her sorry, the only response he needed to give.
Despite the awkward fumbling, the weird rush of... feelings that she couldn’t quite identify and didn’t really want to tackle at the moment, Ava found herself enjoying this to a degree that made her suddenly aware that she wasn’t quite sure how far it was going to go or how far she even wanted it to. Because she might've initiated the kiss, but she didn’t know where it was meant to end, didn’t have any previous experience to go off of, and she needed Diego to know that before she ended up in far over her head.
She pulled back reluctantly, knowing it’d be more difficult the longer they went on, and pressed fingers over his mouth to give herself a moment to catch her breath and work out what she wanted to say that wouldn’t give him the wrong impression. “I haven’t done this before,” she figured it was probably obvious enough, and a good place to start.
Disappointed when Ava pulled back, he glanced down when she kept him from speaking, or kissing her again. But when she spoke he understood, and nodded. He reached up and took her hand, allowing him to speak even though he didn't let go once his mouth was free again. Leaning in, he pressed a quick kiss against her lips before saying, "Alright."
He nodded at her, reaching up with his free hand to touch Ava's face. "We're not going to do anything you don't want to do or you're not ready to do." It's not like he had any complaints about where they were at. The corners of his mouth quirked upward.
"I like this," he informed her.
She was used to extensive follow-ups, drilled in debriefings over mission details, having to explain her every move. And yet Diego simply accepted her statement, understood what she was trying to convey, and didn’t push further. Which was a relief, and she intertwined their fingers, happy that she managed to hold on.
“I like you,” she responded, trying not to feel too self-conscious about the words, if it was too much too fast. She hated laying out her vulnerabilities by exposing how she felt, worried how easily she was trusting Diego when her entire life approach was knowing better. But all it took was his touch, as deprived as she was, and she was nuzzling into his palm, eyes closed. A foolish move to make, except her racing heart wasn’t from any perceived danger.
The words caught him off guard. Yes, he was starting to feel that way if that wasn't already obvious. But having that said out loud to him? It gave him pause, making everything more real, less of the casual thing he could pretend it was. And it made this weird place in Texas where the moon hadn't blown up more real instead of some bizarre dream he was bound to wake up from.
Diego wasn't sure he was ready for reality yet. Not when he thought about all that included, that he was conveniently pushing off to the side, ignoring whenever thoughts of home, of Patch, of the goddamned apocalypse surfaced.
But damn if he didn't like the distraction, the weirdness, the completely odd way Ava had introduced herself into his life and he knew if he didn't speak up and say something, she was going to react, and run off and he'd have to explain far more than he was ready to, open up beyond what he was capable of and he didn't want to risk that.
"Yeah?" he asked her, pulling back slightly but looking at her, making sure she wasn't going to run off. "Same."
It was what he had, honest, even if he didn't say the words back. And he hoped that was enough. Diego was always better at action over words anyway.
When her expectations had always been that she was meant to be painfully alone until she faded into nothing, a simple same was more than enough. Enough to make Ava realize that maybe she needed to confront the reality of her affliction again, now that she suddenly had something she didn’t quite want to lose. Which meant reaching out to people she’d been avoiding. Like Romanoff.
And she didn’t know how to voice any of that to Diego, chewing on her bottom lip instead, because everything was far too intense. “Um,” she noticed her hold on his hand had tightened, and she let go apologetically. “But I still barely know much about you,” she admitted, reaching up to faintly trace the long scar right above his ear.
"What do you want to know?" Diego asked. He wasn't too keen on the idea of talking about himself, already felt vulnerable enough. So his willingness to answer her questions would depend entirely on what she asked.
She was struck with the realization that she really didn’t know the typical way of getting to know people. Only getting answers from them. And if this was anything like that, she’d already have one of his own knives at his throat. Ava frowned. “No,” she shook her head, “not like... an interrogation. You don’t have to answer anything.”
Because she knew what it was like to prefer keeping details to herself, wouldn’t want to be put on the spot either, didn’t want him to think she was digging around in his personal life. And she didn’t want to ask useless questions like his favorite color or movie. Although maybe. Maybe that was a safe way to segue into another topic. Ava fidgeted with one of her pigtails. “Do you like... music?” she asked, feeling slightly stupid.
The way she asked her question was almost endearing, and Diego couldn't help but smile in amusement at her. "Do I like music?" he asked. "Yes. Maybe not violin music so much." A pause.
"Do you like music?" he teased.
There was no elaboration on the bit about violin, and Ava wasn’t quite sure how to react to the teasing. Except he was smiling. So maybe this wasn’t as much as a disaster as she felt. “Sure, I guess. A bit,” she looked away again to scan his room, looking for anything like a radio or some CDs.
“I like Grimes,” then she wrinkled her nose, looked slightly annoyed. “Liked,” she clarified. “Until she started dating Elon Musk.” Which she sounded rather unimpressed with, especially since the whole thing brought her mind right back to space. “That would’ve been a hit that I gladly…” Ava cut herself off, hated how casually she slipped into the mindset of killing people. Even billionaires that she was pretty sure deserved it. “I don’t do that anymore,” she reminded herself quietly.
Ava sighed, started to stand. “I think I should go.”
Diego stood with her, and leaned in and kissed her again, softly. "Old habits and all that," he said. He'd never let his die, as evidenced by the knives everywhere.
"Don't go ghosting me, Ghost."
She lingered into the kiss, briefly second guessing her desire to leave. But she started toward the exit anyway, not glancing back. “Hadn’t planned on it,” she promised, but quirked her lips slightly at the pun. “But I have... things I need to figure out.”