Tony Stark (cutsthewire) wrote in thedisplaced, @ 2020-02-20 12:00:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log/thread, julia wicker, tony stark / iron man (mcu) |
WHO: Julia Wicker, Tony Stark (MCU)
WHAT: Julia has some advice for Tony while he's cursed.
WHEN: February 19, 2020
WHERE: Stark Lake House
WARNINGS: None
STATUS: Complete
“Hey.” The kids were at school and Julia tried to balance giving Tony space to work with trying to help him. She smiled when she slid next to him at his workstation, even though he wouldn’t feel it. Part of her hoped it might spark something, though logically (ugh) she knew it was unlikely. Julia, try as hard as she might, could not turn off her feelings. “Got time for some questions?” Julia had an idea, and though it was a longshot, if there was anyone who could smart their way into emotions or at least faking emotions for Morgan’s sake, it would be Tony. “I was just thinking about JARVIS and FRIDAY. They’re your AI creations, right?” Tony did, in fact, have time for questions. Plans to take down Maleficent had stalled owing to the nature of teamwork. There were too many cooks in the kitchen. And apparently a great deal of distrust in him while in his current state. He swiped his hand to remove the holographic window where he had been keeping an eye on the Network for updates and turned to Julia. “They are,” he replied. As well as several others. “So…” Julia looked like she was about to ask for something, a favor or his attention. The way her head canted or lips pursed innocently. Without Tony’s ability to feel, it was hard to know if he could interpret those gestures and expressions. Despite them not having an effect, Julia still did it out of habit. “How do you go about programming a personality in a computer? Their voices have inflection. They read emotional cues. JARVIS had a sense of humor.” Julia wasn’t a genius programmer but she hoped his answer might help them find inspiration to his current predicament. Tony could still read and interpret social cues, they just no longer had any emotional resonance. “Highly sophisticated programming that allows the AI to process extraordinarily large amounts of data to interpret and act on human language inputs, integrated into a neural network that mimics a human brain’s ability to learn. It’s more nuanced than that, but simply speaking, that is how it’s done.” Julia considered. “Okay. You’re missing emotions but you still have the ability to process what others are doing, to learn how to respond in a way that might come across as more natural. You’re capable of learning.” If Julia was correct that made her hopeful. Provided Tony prioritized wanting to learn or fake a more emotional response, the way Julia had learned to get along without her shade, she could. “I think we will undo the spell, but I bring it up because if this lasts longer than a week or two weeks… It might be worthwhile to at least learn how to fake it until then.” “You’re asking me to alter my behavior to make you feel better.” Tony would have preferred to return to his uncursed self, which was partially why he was investing the time and energy into bringing down the person responsible for it. It made sense that the people in his life would want the same. But surely his merely faking human emotion would not be in anyway satisfying for them. “No,” Julia said gently. “I’m asking you to try in order to minimize any harm or regret after this is over.” Julia placed her hand on his and squeezed it gently. Even if the emotion of the action was lost on him, hopefully it conveyed a positive meaning. “I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but when I lost my shade there were certain emotions I wasn’t capable of feeling. I don’t think you’re in any danger of the mistakes I made, but that doesn’t mean you won’t make any. Even letting others know you’re trying, because you know enough that you should care on a logical level, could be enough.” After a pause Julia added, “I’m on your side, Tony. I’m not asking you to do this to make me feel better but for your five year old? Yeah. For your friends that were weirded out on the network the other day? Yes. I learned how to live without a shade. I think if you put some effort in it you can… fake it til you make it.” Julia shrugged apologetically. It was a matter of prioritization, not ability. Even if Tony could not feel emotion, he could remember when he did, and knew how he would respond and react in certain situations. There was no purpose to alienating his friends and family. If this was for their benefit, it was reasonable for him to oblige. It would require effort on his part, remembering to act in ways that were no longer natural to him. It was likely he would sometimes forget. But he could try. He reached out with his free hand and placed it on top of Julia’s. Was there still love between them even if he could no longer feel it? That was a choice too. “I can try.” Julia was clearly touched by the gesture, looking down at their hands and smiling. Even if he couldn’t feel it, it was the attempt that meant something. Still, if Tony couldn’t quite make quips yet, Julia would have to fill in the gap. She chastely kissed the side of his face and said, “Don’t make me quote Yoda at you.” The smile afterward she hoped conveyed she wasn’t entirely serious. “Also when Morgan hugs you, it’s usually customary to hug back. Just one of those crazy things...” She nodded pseudo-seriously. Her expression softened afterward, “There anything you need from me to help?” “Luke didn’t have a magical curse to contend with.” Tony let his hand fall back to his side. “I know,” he admitted. “The instinct to reciprocate just isn’t there. With apologies to Yoda, I will try to be more conscious of it.” He looked over at her. “If I’m to succeed at this, I could use a code word to be given if I forget to react appropriately. Something that means I should think about what I’m doing and how I would have reacted before I was cursed.” Julia didn’t have to think about a codeword, defaulting to an old standby they hadn’t used in years. “Ni,” she said. Technically shrubbery had been their first codeword, but ni would probably be a more subtle choice around Morgan. That is if Morgan didn’t pick up on it quick and start using it herself. Tony should have smiled at the memory. He would have, had he been himself. As it was, he spared Julia his yet unperfected fake smile and replied, “Perfect.” “I thought so,” Julia said, sounding pleased with herself. “If anything else comes up, let me know. This isn’t the first time you’ve almost turned robot. Or one of us has transformed, or been cursed, or all the other weird shit that tends to happen here. We’ll get through it just like we got through everything else. If it ever starts to bother you when I hold your hand, or you need some space, I can arrange that.” “The last time came with magical machine empathy. Not that I wanted to become the automaton servant of a sentient ship, but it was extremely satisfying as an engineer.” Or at least he had previously felt that way. Before the curse. He looked down to where her hand was still on his. It wasn’t an inconvenience or hampering him in any way, so he saw no reason that it needed to stop for the moment. “I will keep that in mind.” “Good,” Julia said. If she had been truly worried this was a long term problem, Julia would not have been nearly so calm or understanding. But after over two years in Tumbleweed, these kinds of incidents were almost normal and they rarely lasted more than a month, tops. She could be patient. Worrying about Morgan or Tony’s consequences of being emotionless provided a good enough distraction. “Look, I don’t know if this curse is anything like the hedgewitch spell…” Julia was only very vaguely aware that her Brakebills educated friends knew about the bottling emotions spell. That was traditionally a hedgewitch trick. “...But, there is a spell hedges use to literally bottle their emotions. It’s only supposed to be for a few hours at a time, max. I’ve never done it, but I’ve heard it can be kind of rough when the emotions come back.” “Something to look forward to then.” Was there a hint of sarcasm there? Maybe. With any luck, it would be an effortless transition, but if it wasn’t, Tony had turned emotional breakdowns into an artform over the course of his life. This potential one was sure to be an elegant disaster as well. Julia’s eyebrows lifted, clearly impressed with the remark. It still wasn’t Tony, but it was something. “Until then, how can I help you with Maleficent? If nothing else I can be the go between to the rest of the bureau. I wouldn’t call myself persuasive so much as headstrong and effectively bitchy.” Julia didn’t move her hands from Tony’s. It might have been a tell. She missed him, the emotionally available him, more than she let on. But as long as he didn’t move his hand, she didn’t feel the need to move hers. Tony pulled up a holoscreen with his free hand. He could manage well enough with one. |