log; rey & ren WHO: Rey and Ren WHEN: January 29, following Han's departure. WHERE: Her Falcon & the Physical Kid's Cottage. SUMMARY: ForceTime with Rey & Ren. WARNINGS: Disappearances, and talk of TROS things.
Han was a particular presence in the Force, and one that Ren definitely felt even when they weren't near each other. Despite the fact that he still hadn't talked to his Dad about everything that had happened at home, and despite the fact that Han didn't really remember him, he'd still been a comforting presence and when Ren felt it flicker out he sat up, an audible 'no' escaping as he whirled to glance towards the door.
It had happened before and at times he hadn't even cared that it had (or he'd told himself that anyway) but right now he did.
For everything else, Han had accepted the news without really holding it against his son, and he'd been supportive even if he hadn't understood, and tears threatened the corner of his eyes as he realized he was losing him again. He swore, in a language that would make no sense to a Tumbleweed native, and he sighed.
Rey'd taken a few days away from the Charter business for herself in the wake of her memory update. Though she'd confided in Finn and Margo to a degree, most of her reflection was internal, with her meditating in the sanctuary of the Captain's Quarters. She was in the midst of doing this very thing when she'd heard the chime of the device that was thrown haphazardly on her bed. Though she remained floating above the ground, her eyes opened and she looked towards it, the ever present question of whether it was someone close to her or not coming forth. At the very least, she knew it wasn't Finn, who she could feel without waiver still in this plane of existence.
She was just about to shift to set her feet down when she heard Ben's swear.
Turning her head, she looked over her shoulder and her face fell. It could have been anyone close to him but she had a suspicion it wasn't Eliot nor Fen. Reaching out, she tried to feel Han's presence...
...and her frown deepened. "Oh," she said as understanding and a way to let Ben know she was present. With one leg tucked underneath her, and the other angled down toward the floor, she hesitated in her move to set herself down.
There was a keen rush of grief that bubbled up, and Ren didn't want to lose his father again. Sure, Han here didn't know him like he did at home, and he perhaps had no right to miss him at all under the circumstances, and yet.
Rey's voice startled him out of his thoughts, and he turned around in time to see her pulling herself down to the ground.
"You felt it." It wasn't a question, he could tell that she had. It shouldn't matter, but it did. Maybe it mattered more than it would have had anything else happened at home.
There was a nod in response. She'd not felt it immediately, puncturing through her the way Poe and Finn's departures once had, but when she sought out Han? She found him absent and it was an explanation in and of itself.
She stepped down and took a step forward, towards him. It felt silly to ask if he was alright. Instead, she reached her hand out in offering.
For an instant he didn't take it, but even as he resisted it, he knew that was ridiculous. She was offering, she'd offered consistently, and it was foolish not to take it now. He dipped his head, and stepped forward to take hers.
She would understand maybe. She and Han were close, maybe if he were feeling jealous and petty as close as he and Han had been or closer, because of obvious decisions that he'd made, but he wasn't feeling that as much anymore. Maybe he hadn't for a while. If nothing else, he knew she knew how frustrating it was to lose people.
"I guess that's…" he couldn't finish the statement. He sighed. "I hadn't even talked to him," he admitted. Did you?"
She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. She was losing count of how many times this had happened over the years and while it didn't get easier, each time had been met with a different response from her. She didn't feel isolated and abandoned the way she had all the years before, in a different world with a different portal, but the sadness was beginning to surface again.
She hated having to rebuild every time this happened and the last time he'd gone, before this, she'd told herself she wasn't going to try anymore. That had proven to be a lie and she knew, looking back, that she'd been aware it was even then.
"I didn't tell him," she said in response. "I've barely told anyone." Fragments to Finn and Margo. "Why hadn't you?" She asked, gently.
Of course it was a lie, because how could you really do anything else? If it was someone you cared about at home how could you not connect to them here? And it wasn't as if connecting to others would make so much difference because anyone could leave. Connections were likely to be severed in a place like this and there was an inevitability to it - although maybe no more than at home.
"I just didn't know how…" he sighed. "I talked to Eliot and Fen, and that was a lot. And I haven't talked to anyone else."
"Did you tell them everything?" She asked, with uncertainty in her voice. She'd not told everything to either of her people. There was a part of her that wanted to but putting the truth of herself, of her choices, and of those events was difficult.
And she didn't know if she was ready for it.
"He'd have supported you," she said after a moment. Of this she was certain. Han was always supportive of Ben. But having held back herself, for those she was close to -- including Han Solo --, she supposed she understood the hesitation.
"Yeah, he would have," Ren agreed. There wasn't much doubt of this in his mind. At this point, maybe, there was even less than there ever had been. The younger Han that had just left them had taken it all in stride and still come to see him, still had family things with them, and still - been around him even knowing. And on the other side of whatever that had been, he was certain that it was how his Dad would have been. His throat tightened and he grasped for her question.
"I told them everything, yeah." He looked over at her, at the question, wondering a bit, and his stance shifted. "The first cruise, where El and I met, we ended up sitting together when we thought we were going into a black hole and going to die, and I told him everything that happened with Dad. I've always told him everything." It was perhaps why they were together, why he and Fen were together by extension. It had all hinged on being able to share that with Eliot, and getting only compassion in return.
Rey pondered this for a moment. During the black hole event, she'd gone to Poe's side. And while revelations had been given to her friend, they'd not been anything of substance. It was more about regrets she'd felt. The same regrets and emotions that constantly were weighing down on her heart and had come rushing forward once again.
"I'm still figuring out what to say to Margo and Finn," she said gently before sighing. It wasn't important in this moment. Looking over her shoulder, towards her quarters door, "You know what I think Han would do if he were here?"
She glanced back to Ben. "He'd head out for the stars."
Ren's gaze snapped up to Rey's, and after a moment he nodded. "Yeah. He would." Then, "I'll come over," as a grin that resembled his father's settled over his face.