Re: GABY/NAPOLEON.
Both. He's lived a tremendously difficult life and to admit this to him would complicate things for him once more. I dont ever want to be a source of hurt and pain for him. As for myself?
Loving one person was difficult enough when it was just Illya. And you...it was always there, I think, from the moment Vinciguerra took you. But it was never to be acted upon because I knew how Illya felt about you and you about him.
But Quentin? This, between him and I, it wasn't born out of spy games and threats of death. It was something I pursued that turned into more and I want it. Desperately. And that scares me. So I deny it to spare myself the heartache when he realizes he really wants Eliot back.
You, though, I know I can fight for without feeling guilt. That Illya if ever shows back up, we will work it out because I think our feelings between us are strong enough to survive a lot. Not everything, but I know we'd fight for it. So as confusing as this all is and despite whatever guilt about Illya that I feel, I want us.