WHO: Lance & Keith WHEN: Friday evening, 9/14 before 8pm WHERE: Bedroom of their place WHAT: Keith overhears Lance talking to Coran the Cat and the boys talk about a few things they've been avoiding and admit a few things too. WARNINGS: Spoilers for Voltron multiple seasons, talk of near death experiences, boys and feels
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The weird thing about the bedroom that had been transplanted here from the Castle of Lions was that even though it had a window fitted into it, it still tended to be darkest at this time of day.
It was even a little cold and sterile despite best efforts put forth to liven it up by its inhabitants: the line of holiday lights along the far wall cast a warm glow that reflected slightly off the matte finish of postcards and pictures that Lance and Keith had placed above and around the bed itself. If Lance hadn’t left the door open to let the outside light stream in from the bathroom across the hall, you wouldn’t even know that the evening had turned golden, signalling that dusk was about to begin. The days were getting shorter, after all.
Lance kicked his shoes off and hopped onto the bed. Mere steps behind him was an orange cat, who jumped up as well. Lance’s hand automatically went to the scruff at the back of the cat’s neck.
“How’s it even work for you cats? You just come and go, huh?” Lance asked his feline companion.
The cat stared off, too blissed out to bother with a response.
“One day you decide to hop a ride in a car, and that’s that? But then you’re like, hey, this is nice. I get fed, so I’ll hang out? I saw you hovering in the doorway, you know. Keith left it wide open, and you just sat there.” Lance sighed. He eyed one of the pictures that Keith had affixed to the bed nook’s ceiling. Keith was off at the ranch for a bit. Something came up and he’d headed back out. Or that was what Lance had gotten out of it, at least.
When the call had come in from work about some cattle breaking through a fence, Keith had volunteered to come back in, even if the idea of relaxing at home sounded better. But it had been evening with the possibility of dark coming soon and he knew he had a better chance of finding any of the cattle if the search and repairs actually went into the night. Luckily the search didn’t come to that and he got back a lot earlier than planned with the intent of grabbing something cool and sprawling on the couch for a bit.
His brow furrowed as he quietly entered the house and found the sofa empty. He figured Lance would probably just be lounging and watching a movie or something. He was about to call out when he heard the murmur of Lance’s voice… talking to someone? Maybe on the phone? Maybe there was someone over? Or he was with the Pokemon? His head tilting curiously, he made he abandoned the drink and couch plan to head upstairs.
“...I mean, or maybe you were lost as I was,” Lance continued. “Look, I know Shiro’s a big deal in his life. Not gonna even argue that. I just…”
The cat leaned further into Lance’s fingers, feeling out for that perfect spot. Lance sighed and obliged with a wider spread of his fingers.
“I see a door flung open, you know? No note, no shout. And there I’m thinking maybe he got pulled home. Of course he wouldn’t be able to tell me he was leaving -- you know what happens to people? They up and poof! Right in front of their friends… their family…”
Keith’s pace slowed as he ascended the stairs and Lance’s voice became louder and clearer. Oh…. leaning against the wall beside the bedroom door, he frowned as he stared down at the floor. He hadn’t thought of it that way. He’d just been in that moment. Shiro was in danger. He hadn’t thought how it would look on the other end…
He probably shouldn’t be listening to this. He should go back downstairs. But at the same time…. For how vocal Lance was, sometimes he didn’t actually say much. Not like this. Yeah he’d squawk and yell, but this sort of softer talk…
Lance shifted to sit himself up, back against the inner wall of the bed alcove. His fingers smoothed over Coran’s head in gentle strokes. Coran was purring loudly now, which was soothing in its own way.
“Sure people vanish and come back, but then it’s just this mess of… you know. What if he comes back and he doesn’t remember anything?” There was a pause, then. Lance dropping his gaze to where his hand rested atop of the cat’s head. His chest felt tight. There had been a time back home when Keith up and left the team, and he’d felt a far lesser breathlessness. Not knowing how to ask Keith to stay without it sounding selfish... That emotion had sat unattended until they had been stranded in space in just their amor suits, trying to survive against slim odds. Lack of sleep, water, food -- it opened up some of the more raw emotions. Lance’s mouth crumpled into a distraught line.
“What if it’s not even that, but one day he just leaves again, Coran? I thought maybe…” There was a shaky breath taken in, but Lance didn’t finish.
Keith’s weight sunk heavier into the wall, the overheard words feeling like a punch to the gut. Seemed like they were worried about the same thing, huh? Just different angles to the worry, which… were oddly fitting, weren’t they? Lance worrying about him leaving one way or another, maybe coming back different. Him worrying about Lance’s memories changing enough that the disconnect and distance became too much and… well… it wasn’t like there weren’t other options out there for the boy… Which just revved up that old self preservation instinct. Two years of working and feeling like he’d gotten a hold of that habit and it was amazing how quickly it could crumble under the right circumstances.
Which didn’t help lessen the guilt twisting his stomach at the whole bolting concern. But then that’d been there from the start, hadn’t it? Between the road trip and that early knowledge from Pidge about him leaving for the Blade…
Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself off the wall, pivoting to come into doorway. He rapped his knuckles lightly against the doorframe. “Hey…”
It felt like ice water had been upended over his head, the sudden rush of it cascading down Lance’s neck. The voice pulled his attention up from Coran and his body went stiff. He looked up to spot Keith standing at the doorway.
There hadn’t been a sound. No hint that someone was outside the room. Then again, that was Keith. Keith had only gotten quieter on his footing since the last memory upgrade, counterintuitive to the fact that the other boy had grown upward and outward slightly. Unshocking, Lance guessed. The Blades were all taller, broader Galra that moved eerily without noise.
Lance tried to force himself to ease up. “Hey,” he returned. His brow furrowed. “...did you just get home?”
And there was an out. An easy escape route just waiting to be used. Just right there. Keith hated that he considered it for a second. To just bypass what he overheard and the feelings that went along with it and bulldoze on to… to what? Awkward dinner? Watching a movie? Ok, maybe going to take a shower wouldn’t be so bad, but this would still be here afterwards, right? Possibly worse after that much time alone with his thoughts. Plus, that wouldn’t really work with trying to be better at all of this, would it? Or do much with making Lance feel better…
“A few minutes ago,” he finally answered. He paused afterwards, lips pressed together and arms crossing over his chest as he focused somewhere in the middle group between him and Lance. Trying to figure out how to even unload everything from what he overheard. “I… we’re not good, are we?” Which sounded bad. He hadn’t meant it to sound that bad. He scowled. “I mean, like, not 100%. Not that we’re not…” His head ducked and his shoulders slouched as he puffed out a sigh. Oh yeah, this was getting off to a good start. Good job.
That icy feeling just kept hold on Lance, who realized with each passing second that Keith had heard enough. He fought an urge to curl inward at he felt something drop in the pit of his stomach. He’d never been in a relationship. How was this supposed to go? He didn’t want to give Keith more to worry about…
“Oh,” Lance replied. There was a pause as he pulled his focus up to Keith again and caught sight of his boyfriend similarly folding up on the spot.
“You… wanna grab a seat?” It felt easier than addressing the actual question. Lance patted the open space beside him. As if he needed to invite Keith to sit on their bed. This was stupid. Lance pulled a frown. He waited, hoping maybe Keith would just take the spot beside him for the sake of keeping things moving. Wherever they were moving to.
Keith looked up at the offer, eying the spot where Lance patted a moment. Funny that even though it’d been his room too since they got back from the cruise, the gesture helped to ground him. Lance welcoming him in again. Showing he still had a place, even if it was probably just some stupid, simple automatic thing. The tension easing from his shoulders, he nodded before striding across the room and taking a seat. Coran bumped his head against his elbow and he uncrossed his arms to scritch the cat’s head.
He should say something. Something reassuring. But words were hard in situations like this. That’d been one of those ridiculous parts of when Black had first picked him to lead. As if he could connect to and inspire an entire team of people the way Shiro had. Yeah, things had gotten better in the whole leading sector, but actually doing the talking and connecting thing. It was hard enough with Hunk, but now…
“I’m sorry…” he said softly. That seemed like a good start.
Lance’s eyes focused downward now that they were sitting beside each other. He was cycling through everything in his head, trying to figure out where to even dig in. Then, Keith spoke up.
“I don’t -- I don’t blame you, Keith,” Lance replied. He looked to his side, brows tilted upward. “You weren’t wrong. Shiro needed help. It’s not like there’s a right way to handle things when someone says they need you now. It’s just this place. You never know what’s actually going on.” Which was the truth of it. It wasn’t that Lance was angry at Keith. Had it been his own family -- any of his siblings or his niece or nephew -- he would’ve done the same, probably.
“It’s these new memories. Trying to figure out which way’s up…” Lance shrugged. “There are things that just don’t match here. I don’t… does this make any sense?”
“I know,” Keith said softly, despite Lance’s attempt to brush it off. “I just… I hadn’t thought what it’d look like… I wasn’t thinking, just…” A hand wooshed out in front of him, like he was flying off to do his own thing. “Then when plans started coming together, I realized you weren’t there…” His brow furrowed slightly, his eyes focusing on where his fingers met Coran’s fur. “I just got so used to you always being there, I just assumed… It doesn’t even make sense considering…” He waved his hand. “No note, no shout, but I still thought I’d look over and you’d be there…”
Which was the easier part to deal with. Partly if because even though the memories might shape his reactions, at least that was something he’d done here. Not just something he’d done shoved into his head after the fact. Not the disconnect… His expression shut down slightly as he nodded. “It makes sense.”
Lance stifled a small laugh. “Hey, at least you noticed that I wasn’t around. But, yeah, kinda don’t have any magical quintessence-tracking magic whatever.” But the humor was short-lived. It felt misplaced right now. Lance didn’t much feel like trying any harder to deliver.
“After you left for the Blades,” Lance started again, “I realized it was real easy to feel lonely. Even on a team.” His voice was quiet now. This was what they needed, right? Airing out some memories, trying to figure out where it left them? “Everyone seemed to partner up.”
A soft snort of amusement escaped despite the mood, if just because Keith could picture Lance delivering that line with full on finger wiggles and everything in any other situation. But that was the only reaction the comment got, considering the elephant in the room that got pointed out. Not surprising considering what he’d overheard, but that didn’t make it any easier to listen to. Leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, he shook his head.
“If I’d known that would-” he started before hanging his head and breathing out a sigh. He would’ve done the same probably. Even if that feeling was far too familiar and he didn’t want Lance feeling it. His eyes closed. “It was the right choice. Hunk’s your friend and there were video games with Pidge. You’d look after Shiro with Red.” His mouth opened before slamming shut and pausing a moment. “I thought the team would be fine. Be stronger…”
There was an instinct to move forward with Keith, but Lance made himself linger back. He listened as Keith explained the choice. There was a plan, and then there was the actuality of the situation. It just hadn’t worked in the way Keith and Lance himself had hoped.
“Yeah, except no one expected that Lotor would freak out, Shiro’s clone would turn on us, and…” Lance made a loose gesture in front of him. They both knew it had gone awry. Things usually did. “It was the right choice. Look, I know I gave you a hard time over stuff, but you came back and you took control of the team and the Black Lion. You got Shiro back. You found your mom. Me and my empty sandbox don’t matter if I really step back and see what we got out of it. This isn’t about me. I just wanted…
“I just wanted to explain. Because this is my problem, and I know no one meant -- I know it was just that everyone had their place and roles. I have mine. Had mine…”
“Or that Shiro I found was a clone,” Keith pointed out. He still wondered how that would’ve gone differently if he’d stayed. If he would’ve noticed or if his stubbornness to protect the older man and need to not disappoint him would have forever clouded his judgement there.
His brow furrowed though and his head turned so he could fix his gaze on Lance. Because on one hand, it sounded like the other Paladin was agreeing with him. Supporting him? But… but that didn’t feel right… They were sitting here, trying to sort through things, because Lance had been talking to a cat about his feelings. And now he was backpedaling. Yeah, that’s what this was. Backpedaling. Sitting up straighter so he could turn more towards Lance, he shook his head.
“It matters,” he said softly but firmly. “Maybe not in the grand scheme of the mission, but it matters. If you were feeling lonely and left out, then maybe people weren’t in the places they needed to be.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he grimaced as he looked away. Because that’s the point that Lance had been trying to make before, wasn’t it?
Lance raised his gaze to meet Keith’s. His mouth was an uncertain line. Because, really, there was an iceberg and he’d only given Keith the very tip of it. The small attempt to push it away was met with resistance from something so much larger beneath the surface.
“Kinda silly talking about stuff that we can’t really change, huh?” It wasn’t meant to be a challenge, or a dismissal. Lance closed his eyes, knowing it must have sounding like one or the other. “I mean… it happened. A lot of stuff happened. And everytime it does, you realize that you can’t go back to someone you used to be. The guy who pilots Red isn’t the guy who piloted Blue.” And maybe the paladin of the Red Lion wouldn’t even be that next time around, Lance thought to himself. Red hadn’t responded when he needed the Lion and was calling out. He wasn’t misremembering that. Something got in the way.
“No one gives you a map to figure it out. I don’t know, Keith. Maybe Allura’s magic did something up here.” Lance tapped his temple, then dropped his hand. “You’re here. What am I even getting all bent out of shape over?”
“You can’t change what’s happened, but you can still steer what happens after. Change the future and not just go along with what’s been. Otherwise why would anyone be fighting?” Keith said softly, even as if felt like a block of ice had settled in his gut at Lance’s words poking at the fear again. It was one thing to live through time and the growth that happened. Another to wake up with all of it overnight and trying to balance out the two different ‘nows’ and the worries of what those personal differences might bring.
Which is probably why he zeroed in on the mention of the Altean. His eyes narrowed as he tilted in head. “Allura’s magic?” he asked, trying to figure out what time she used her magic that Lance could be talking about.
Lance had opened his mouth to reply, then stopped. This was the problem with too many memories. They got jumbled. Then the details got hazy. Lance immediately knew his misstep, which seemed to be a theme of the night.
A radiation wave had been incoming, and Allura and Blue were in the way of a direct hit. It wasn’t even a second thought given, but the first instinct to throw himself in the way. It was searing pain, then nothing, then black. His vision only cleared to Allura in the cockpit of the Red Lion, and he knew in that moment that she’d saved his life. Whatever had happened, it must have been bad.
But Keith wasn’t there. He wouldn’t know. Honestly, Lance didn’t think anyone else actually knew. He’d just held onto that memory, not sure where it was meant to go. Not sure how to unbox the fact that it was only the second of three times that he’d just about signed off for good.
Lance looked at Keith, still quiet. “Just needed a quick heal. Things got messy.”
Skepticism and concern kept Keith’s gaze sharp and focused. Because ‘things got messy’ sounded like an oversimplification of whatever happened. Something that happened with Voltron when he was gone maybe. He’d remember if Allura had done something like that, wouldn’t he? And if it was a new system they’d figured out… she would tell him about that when he took over Black, right? An asset like that in a fight would be essential if she could just do a ‘quick heal’ on any aggravating wounds. But no, no, this sounded like something bigger. It had to be something bigger than a quick heal from something messy for Allura to use her magic to do that.
Unless…
His expression faltered a moment as his eyes swept down to Lance’s body, wondering if whatever got healed was one of those new marks the other boy had woken up with or if it had been healed completely. “Things got messy?”
“I don’t know --” It was a little late to try and take it back now. Lance shifted slightly in his seat, feeling Keith’s searching gaze. The scars were there, but they were faint and blended in if you didn’t know what to look for. Lance had spent some time in the shower alone trying to catalogue all the new marks on his body after the last memory update, but had ultimately decided it wasn’t worth it. Every single one of the paladins had their share of similar badges.
Lance swallowed. No, this wasn’t helpful. The problem was in not talking about things. He slowed his breathing and sat more upright.
“I don’t know what happened after I blacked out. Took a radiation blast in Red, and I heard some screaming in the comms. I woke up to Allura standing over me…” He reached a hand up to the back of his neck, smoothing down his hair. Just something to occupy himself for a second. “If she wasn’t there, I don’t think…” The words failed him. Lance waved a hand around, framing the room with loose motions, trying to explain.
“I mean, I’m still here. There’s that.”
His eyes went wide as Keith stared at Lance. The details really weren’t necessary, he had enough with the bit Lance said. The blast was bad enough that it knocked Lance out inside his lion. Bad enough that someone felt the need to go into Red to check on Lance. Bad enough that magic was used to heal and if it hadn’t been used…
Twisting to get a knee onto the bed, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms tightly around the other boy. “You’re here,” he echoed, resting his forehead against Lance’s shoulder. “And you’re ok.”
Maybe it was just the days on end of trying to pretend like everything was fine, or the weeks back home where none of them ever had two seconds to deal with anything, but as Keith’s arms looped around him, Lance found his breathing getting shaky again. Because it was this. And the panic that Keith had vanished. And worrying about Shiro. The mental image of his sister thrown from the transport while Earth was on the brink of getting wiped out entirely --
Everything had globbed together, and in the midst of all of it, Lance had realized that he was just stuffing it back down and internalizing things. It was this pressure that had built, and now…
Lance’s arms reached around Keith in turn. His fingers sank their holds tightly as he clung to the other paladin. “I’m sorry,” he told Keith. He didn’t know why. It just felt like the right two words. Sorry for not saying anything. Sorry for the burden. Sorry for the mess of an evening this was turning into. Sorry for not lending more trust in Keith.
Keith didn’t let up his grip, even as his right hand started to rub circles against Lance’s back. Attempting to soothe. Attempting to reassure. He couldn’t be sure which of the topics was finally hitting, but the last one would’ve been enough for most people, even if it was hardly Lance’s first brush with death. No, the other boy had gotten that out of the way real quick. But close calls, they had a way of sticking around in the back of your mind. One of those ‘that could’ve been it’ reminders.
“You don’t need to be,” he murmured softly. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Because he knew it could be tough. Really, most of everything that Lance had said resonated in a way he hadn’t anticipated. “I get it, Lance. I’m no good at this, but I do get it.” He hesitated a moment, thinking over his words. Maybe it was promising too much when he knew he was still working on things, but right now, the reassurance felt right. Needed. “I’m not going anywhere, ok? I’m going to be right here.”
Lance fought an urge to disagree. In all of this, Keith was probably the one who needed some sort of reassurance. It felt wrong to be the one taking it, but he couldn’t help latching on to the words Keith offered and the safety of his arms. This was miles away from memories from home with Keith being a little more distant and giving orders. Lance hadn’t placed it at the time, but he could see now that part of his fears had been getting shut out by the other boy. Again, no time to deal with things. No place to deal with them. In the midst of war, you centered your focus and kept on going.
“You’re better at it than you think,” Lance returned. He breathed in deep, letting his chin drop onto Keith’s shoulder. “S’just kinda scary, you know? That moment when you close your eyes because you can see it coming, but something decides it’s not your time and... you’re fine. But you’re not fine.”
There was a short snort of amusement, but Keith didn’t argue with that assessment. Considering the situation right now, it’d be a bit hard to make any sort of valid argument about how bad he really was at this. Especially when Lance kept talking and… Yeah… Him saying he got it was a blanket statement, but what Lance was describing right now, oh boy, he got that far too well. He wasn’t sure if Lance was still talking about when he was blasted in Red or another moment, but it didn’t really matter…
He took a deep breath, his head nodding against Lance’s shoulder. “I know…” he said softly. “I know. I…” He propped his own chin on Lance’s shoulder, enjoying the embrace for a moment as his eyes lulled closed. “I was worried, before Shiro got his new memories, that this was it… That I might never…” He swallowed hard to try and get rid of the lump that wanted to form in his throat. “That whatever teleconference between the Blades and Voltron would be the last time I’d see you.”
The response made Lance pause, staring off at the wall beside them. He loosened his arms and peeled gently back from the embrace until he was able to grip Keith by the shoulders and look at the other boy head-on. It sounded like there was something he was trying to say, but the hazy phrasing was giving Lance a hard time pinning what.
“Keith…” Concern was clear across Lance’s face. “Did something happen?”
There was a noise of disapproval and a pout at the hug stopping and getting pushed back. The hug had been nice, plus it had felt a bit easier to talk when Lance was there but not, well, looking him straight in the face like they were now.
“When isn’t something happening?” he pointed out before pressing his lips together. He took a deep breath through his nose, pushing away that knee jerk irritation at the position being changed and getting the spotlight turned on him. “I know that moment,” he said softly. “If Lotor hadn’t shown up at Naxzela…” He shrugged despite Lance’s hands on his shoulders. “Something needed to get through the shield so that the ship could be stopped and none of our weapons were strong enough.”
It took Lance a moment, but he found the memory. It didn’t seem that dire at the time, but maybe that was just the assumption that Keith had a plan. This… this confession made it sound like that was not the case. And the realization dawned on Lance in an icy wave of shock. Keith hadn’t even been with the team at that point. He turned up, and -- as Lance now understood -- had made a choice to take the shield out by getting in at close range. If not for Lotor, that move than likely would have been a sacrifice play, right?
Lance stared at Keith. But what could he say? Half of the instinct responses would be totally hypocritical.
Finally, Lance dropped his hands to the bed. He leaned forward until his forehead bumped against Keith’s. “Guess I can thank Lotor for one thing, huh?”
Keith wrinkled his nose. “I paid him back for that, so no thanks needed,” he muttered.
He relaxed into the contact though, forehead pressing against Lance’s. His right hand sought out Lance’s on the bed, lacing their fingers together. Add another point of contact. Another anchor as he tried to sort out what to say next. Because he knew Lance understood. It was war. A lot happened. They had far too many close calls. Apparently more than he even knew about during his time away… But he’d learned that the type of near misses and sacrifices you experienced with Voltron weren’t the same as the ones with the Blade.
“It’s funny… If Lotor hadn’t shown up, if I had taken out the shield instead, I’m sure Kolivan would’ve been complaining that I let my emotions get out of hand again. Because even if it was making sure the mission succeeded and making sure Voltron and the universe was safe, he’d know I was doing it without a second thought because it’d mean all of you wouldn’t get hurt. The Blade…” He shook his head slowly so he could keep their foreheads together. “It’s expected that your next mission might be your last. The mission is bigger than any one member. Ulaz, Thace, Antok, Regris, and plenty more even before the Druids got to them… They all accepted that one day they’d be giving that sacrifice for the sake of the greater good.”
Lance obliged the clasping of their hands. The warmth between their fingers was consoling.
And it wasn’t that he wasn’t aware that in true Galra fashion ‘or death’ tended to follow the mission, but hearing Keith confirm it and then knowing that Keith was expected to do the same was a tough pill to swallow. Yeah, they all took risks no matter what team they were on, but the Blades were a level of selfless that went one above most of the Voltron paladins. The mission wasn’t as important as the team holding together and surviving to the next fight.
“Did…” Lance breathed out, unsure if this was an answer he wanted. “Did you accept that? I mean, do you? Like, don’t get me wrong -- clearly I don’t have a lot to argue here. There’s a moment, and you act. You don’t… you don’t sit there thinking it through. Somedays I don’t know what I wouldn’t do for the people I care about, or where the line is.”
Lance’s free hand reached up, finding the curve where Keith’s neck was. He closed his eyes. “But I think Kolivan’s got it wrong. I don’t think we have to lose anyone.”
“For me or them?” Keith asked, smiling softly as he reached up to trace is fingers along Lance’s cheek. “You’ve seen how I fight. If there’s something I can do to make sure everyone else is safe…” He shrugged. “Like you said, you don’t think it through. We all knew the odds when we flew that new robeast thing into space, but there really wasn’t a question of whether we’d do it or not, right?”
He squeezed Lance’s hand as he shook his head. “But if there’s another option? If there’s a choice where everyone can get out, no matter how slim? I think you’re right there.”
Lance nodded slightly, feeling Keith’s longer bangs tickling at his nose until he changed the angle slightly to nudge them out of the way. But sitting there on their bed, talking about all these things, and what could have been an argument without any movement on either side turning out to be something raw and honest…
It became pretty apparent to Lance that there was a reason he’d panicked at thinking Keith might leave. It wasn’t just routine anymore. It wasn’t missing a familiar face. Keith had become a cornerstone of his every day, even the days when things fell apart.
Lance could feel his heart pounding a little faster. He blinked, not realized he’d gone quiet.
At first Keith thought the moving of hair out of the way and quiet might mean a shift in direction of the conversation. Except that Lance hadn’t made any other movement after that, but also hadn’t said anything. Frowning slightly, he eased back a little bit. Just enough to get a better focus on the other Paladin to try and figure out what might be going on in Lance’s head.
“Lance?” he ventured, wondering if maybe he’d said something wrong.
Lance snapped out of it as he felt Keith draw away. He lifted his focus to meet Keith’s, his mouth opened partly in surprise as if, somehow, he was seeing this moment differently. Perhaps even seeing Keith differently. It was silly because nothing had really changed outside of perspective. And even then it wasn’t a wild swing in another direction. It was a natural progression that had started months -- maybe even closer to years back -- but something just felt like it clicked into place. Finally.
“I love you,” Lance softly replied. He kept his expression steady as he looked at Keith. Something had told him that he needed to say it. He needed Keith to know.
Keith’s eyes went wide in surprise, his cheeks slowly going pink. “Oh.”
He couldn’t say he knew what direction the conversation was going to go in after getting Lance out of his thoughts, but that definitely wouldn’t have been one of his guesses. Not because the idea was all that shocking. Well, now. A month ago with less years of memory in his head, the words would’ve shocked him more and… despite his own feelings, he wouldn’t have reacted well. At all. Because it’d have to be some ridiculous joke. But now… They’d been together awhile and, well, he’d had those moments. A situation just hitting him upside the head that maybe there was more than just liking involved. But before it’d been great but nerve wracking and now there were those out of sync memory worries. Where they were here not being the same of whatever awkward balance they were wading through at home. So he hadn’t been expecting something like this. But hadn’t Lance said something about unexpected presents being the best kind?
This definitely felt like a great unexpected present, making his insides feel warm and everything more centered than it had been in awhile. Sure, there were still worries about back home, but that didn’t seem nearly as threatening now. A goofy grin tilted his mouth as the words slowly started to fully sink in. “You love me.”
The longer Keith went without saying anything, Lance could feel a building fear that he’d totally blown it. His mind whirred through ways to get out of the room, even debating abruptly getting up and claiming he heard the doorbell. Because it was a bold, stupid move, and maybe Keith wasn’t ready for --
Was that a smile?
Lance looked to the side, then back to Keith. It looked like a smile.
“...yes?” he ventured. “........is that okay?”
Blinking out of his slight stupor, Keith’s eyebrows raised in confusion at the question. Why would Lance be asking- Oh, oh right. He hadn’t really said anything back. Not really. He thought the answer would be obvious, but, yeah, them and that communicating thing.
Nodding, he mumbled a few ‘yesses’ and ‘of courses’ as his hand went up to thread through Lance’s hair and pull the other boy into a kiss that’d hopefully clear things up a little.
The tension that had tightened Lance’s shoulders dissipated when Keith closed in. Funny, but it felt like even more than just the sudden stress of the moment had been lifted. There wasn’t any more guesswork about feelings or worrying that something had changed between them. It was all assurance that this was real and mutual.
The kiss was returned, even as Lance continued holding Keith’s hand where fingers interlocked atop the bed. When they broke apart, Lance shifted the conjoined hands to his knee. He gave Keith a small smile.
“So, what now?”
Keith’s fingers loosened and closed around Lance’s, brushing lightly against the other boy’s leg. The mood had shifted with those simple words and he had a good idea of what now. A continuation of that happy warmth that came with the confession. Some more physical reassurance to go with the verbal. But more like this. Lance taking the first step, being the one in control of the situation and him following after.
“How ‘bout you show me,” he murmured as his fingers played with Lance’s hair. “Lead the way, Loverboy.”