InsaneJournal

Leia didn't usually remember her dreams, or to be more clear, she didn't usually wake up because of what she remembered of them. At least not recently, not since arriving in this universe. When it did happen, it was heart-pounding and all-encompassing.

That night, Leia woke up suddenly, opening her eyes into the darkness of her bedroom, realized that she had moved onto her back in her sleep, arms straight at her sides. She felt hot, shoved the covers off of her, and sat up. The last images of the dream, which involved her three children, Han, Chewie, but mostly Anakin, began to fade away at the edges of her mind. She shook her head and quickly climbed out of bed. She couldn't exactly remember anything specific about the dream, but she knew she needed to get up, get some fresh air.

She made her way out into the living room, then into the kitchen, where she got herself a glass of cold water. She stood there, one hand on the counter to steady herself, and sipped it slowly. She looked up when she felt her son's presence as he woke up too and made his way down to where she was. Leia smiled over at him. "I hope I didn't wake you," she said.

"I don't think so," Anakin shrugged. Or if she had, he didn't mind, because it felt as if maybe he should have been awoken by it, whatever it was that had caused him to awaken. He stepped into the kitchen, aware of his mother's presence in the Force, sort of testing her mood, maybe, and seeing if he should stay or go. The end result of this was a decision to stay, and he stepped over to start the hot water so that he could make tea.

He stretched his arms above his head, and the tension through his muscles and then the release of that tension felt good - almost like a brief meditation in the Force - and he brought them back down, and stood, quiet for a second. "Was it a dream?" It felt like that, maybe, although he wasn't certain if she'd want to talk about it.

Leia continued to be amazed, even this far along, at the connection she had, not only to the Force, but also with her son. She imagined it would be even stronger in his own time, in their shared time that is. "It was," she said after another moment, "yes. It's fine. It wasn't anything - I don't exactly remember it being a bad dream. It just shook me awake, that's all."

Anakin nodded. "Sometimes they do that," he said quietly. He couldn't have really said either, only a sense that it had been, and perhaps that it had involved the family in some ways. There were things he'd never really said to his mom, and he didn't really want to bring them up now, especially since they weren't things that were relevant here, but that didn't mean they didn't hang there at times. "I'm glad it wasn't a bad one." He reached for a mug. "Do you want tea?"

She stood up, straightened a bit, and glanced from Anakin to the tea kettle and back again. "Tea sounds great," she said. For a moment, she was quiet, unsure what to say not or maybe more just unsure how to say it. "Anakin," she said quietly, "I know that - as far as our timeline goes, it's just you and me here. Does that - bother isn't the right word, but - do you feel different because of it?"

Anakin reached for another mug, and set it down beside his own, pausing with his mother's question. Bother wasn't really the right word, and nor was different, exactly. Well, maybe different depending on the context they were talking about. He turned around, the water still working towards bubbling, and he looked at Leia.

"I don't know. I think it depends on what you mean by different. Disconnected maybe sometimes? Not really from everyone? After all, like, there are a lot of people here who only have themselves or one or two other people from their home, so I'm not special there, but -" Anakin stopped, the conversation he'd had with Amadeus creeping into his mind. At home he'd been a Jedi Knight. Or was? Semantics. But here there were force users, but no Jedi, or at least, it felt so different from what he'd known, that it felt like trying to breach a huge gulf. "I guess it depends on what you mean by different."

She smiled a little. Semantics, she knew, the definitions of 'bothered' and 'different.' "I - sometimes I feel a disconnect," Leia said, referring to his previous word choice. "Not all the time, of course. And perhaps only more so now that Luke is here, and when the other Han was here. As though perhaps I was watching someone else's life happen, when in reality it was a version of my own." If pressed, she would probably admit that she was glad Han wasn't here any longer. It physically hurt sometimes when she'd happened across him when he was here. It was different with Luke, and while she knew he was her twin, he didn't feel the same as the Luke she knew and was, well, used to.

"It both is and isn't your life?" Anakin suggested. He wasn't certain that was what she was getting at, nor could he entirely understand. In this other world there was no Anakin Solo, only Ben Solo, and no Jaina, no Jacen - and Anakin couldn't help but think that the other world was worse for their lack. Maybe Ben ought to have had siblings - they'd been Anakin's saving grace at least a couple of times.

"I think sometimes I feel like I'm the only Jedi here, which isn't true, exactly, but I don't really know how to be one and there's not anyone to really help with it? There are all these people with Force sensitivity, but they're all sort of varyingly disconnected with the Order, and the Order as I know it and how they know it seems to be so completely different, whether that be by time, or experience, is isolating sometimes."

Leia nodded and rubbed her eyes a little, then her temple. "For me, it's a little hard to imagine things going as wrong as they seemed to in the other timeline," she admitted quietly, "and because of that, I have trouble connecting with those who came from it, who didn't have a peaceful galaxy like I was working on."

"Ours isn't always peaceful," Anakin stated quietly. The pieces that he hadn't always talked about. "When I came here, we were on the brink of a war at home."

"No, I know that. I - nothing is ever certain to be peaceful. But it's not - I'm not making any sense," she said. "I'm sorry."

"No it's not -" Anakin rushed to keep her from feeling badly. He paused, breathed out a bit of a sigh and tried again. "You're not wrong in some ways. I feel like our family maybe is more peaceful at home, mostly." At least until he'd left Chewie on Sernpidal. "And it's not perfect, but we're closer. I think. I understand what you're saying. It worked well until the Yuuzhan Vong, or… better."

Leia looked at Anakin for a long moment and then rubbed his arm as she reached past him for the tin of tea bags so she could page through them to find one she wanted that night. "I guess the dream I had left me more unsettled than I realized," she admitted.

"Sometimes they do that," Anakin offered. "I get nightmares sometimes." There was a beat and then he added. "For a long time really, they come and go in their severity, but even sometimes the non-nightmare ones can be unsettling. Do you think it was a Force dream? Or just a normal one?" Although sometimes Anakin wondered if they weren't all Force dreams - to an extent. Something tugging at them, wanting to be solved.

She looked at him surprised, frustrated that she hadn't been aware that her son had nightmares with some regularity. "I - think it was a Force dream, yes," Leia told him, "though I don't usually remember anything. This is no different. If I could remember it, maybe I wouldn't feel so - off. Do you remember your dreams?"

"Some of them?" Anakin shrugged. "I mean, sometimes it's less the details and more just the feeling of the thing." It wasn't always pleasant, because he'd dreamed of his Grandfather a lot. Not so much recently. Maybe being away from the Jedi, and the name, and having met Anakin Skywalker in person, had shifted that. "But usually I remember something."

She pursed her lips. "I think I used to remember something, or at least more than nothing. But not particularly since I've come into this reality." Leia had thoughts and questions about what that meant, but the middle of the night wasn't really the best time to go into all of that. "If you have any more nightmares, I hope you'll let me know if I can do anything to help."

Anakin frowned slightly, wrapping his hands around his mug, and then he reached for the water and started pouring both of them cups of tea.

"I could probably help you - if you wanted to remember," he offered. "There are meditations that can help. And sometimes it really does help? If you remember things you can kind of sort through them better."

She noticed that he didn't accept or decline her offer of help with his nightmares, but she said nothing. "Some meditation help would be nice," Leia said. "Maybe we can work on that soon."

Anakin handed over the cup of now poured tea and nodded with a small smile. "Yeah, I think we could. Maybe, you know, during daylight," his smile broadened into something resembling one of his father's teases.